kalicofox

[kalicofox]

Today's aesthetic: when a cat decides it's going to make a very difficult or precise jump, spends several minutes examining the problem from all angles and warming up its muscles and minutely adjusting the positions of its paws and such, then proceeds to totally eat shit.

[kalicofox]

I read the fic "My Inner Demon (really wants me to kiss you)" by chaotic_quibit the other day and i needed to draw some of the shenanigans so bad- The fic!!!: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61942408/chapters/158392141#workskin

[kalicofox]

*Shrieking* Okay, so this is lovely and awesome, and I'm *so happy*!!! Thank you so much Gnawsome for the incredible fanart; it's gorgeous! Btw, this is the fic they're referencing above. No, I haven't written the smut part yet. I'm getting to it. (Hopefully. Eventually.) One and One and One Makes Three (16639 words) by KalicoFox Chapters: 16/16 Fandom: Dandadan (Anime) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ayase Momo/Takakura "Okarun" Ken, Ayase Momo/Yokarun, Takakura "Okarun" Ken/Yokarun, Yokarun/Ayase Momo/Takakura "Okarun" Ken/ Characters: Ayase Momo, Takakura "Okarun" Ken, Yokarun - Character Additional Tags: just fluff for now, building a relationship with the voice in your head, I've only seen the anime, Giving a whole new meaning to the term 'Self Care', No Beta, i write, i post, That's it, good luck, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort Series: Part 1 of Love Comes In Threes Summary: Okarun has been hearing a voice. In his head. For weeks. Now he's started talking back, and things are getting… odd. Odder than normal, at least.   Inspired by chaotic_quibit's incredible work.

Okarun engages in a bit of self-love. Inspired by the fic One Plus One Plus One Equals Three by @kalicofox.

"You haven't done it since before you acknowledged me, and we're so pent up."

"But how could I possibly… T-touch myself with you watching??"

"I watched you back then. Nothing I haven't seen before… See? Nothing to be ashamed of. Just relax and I'll help you take care of us."

[kalicofox]

Tips for drawing floof.

[kalicofox]

its a pretty effective anti cheat system

[kalicofox]

This morning I came downstairs to discover that the dogs have invented a New Crime.

My husband get up very early for his Real Adult Job, and feeds Charleston (Black-and-cream Sighthound mix, mostly leg) and Herschel (40lb cardigan welsh crime tube), then lets them out into the fenced yard before he leaves.

I get up at the same time but take longer to boot up, so the dogs frolick about and discourage the local tree rats from lingering about the property while I get dressed/brush my teeth/try to not be psychologically crushed by The Horrors (TM)

Now it's pretty normal for me to find Herschel doing a high-speed yet startlingly efficient MC Hammer Shuffle on his stubby little legs around the base of the large honey Locust tree we have in the middle of the yard so he could keep his face pointed directly up the trunk at something in the canopy, because this his how he tries to herd squirrels.

...but Charlie is usually nearby, cheerfully play-bowing and encouraging the squirrel to come down, nothing bad will happen-!

This time Charleston is nowhere in sight.

I go outside to investigate and Herschel pauses to tackle me about the kneecaps as a greeting before returning to the tree.

Charleston is not behind the garden bins, nor in the side yard.

I am growing concerned, when I hear a telltale guilty scrape of claws above me.

Charleston is on the roof.

I shuffle out to the middle of the yard, until I can make eye contact with him.

He looks down at me, cheerfully wagging his tail, clearly anticipating praise for being such a clever boy.

I at least know how he got up there.

My house has a deck built off the second floor with a set of stairs leading up to it, and a large honey locust tree grows next to it. Part of the roof is easily accessible with a small hop from the deck.

The deck has only a minimal amount of railing ad the roof has none, so I blocked off the stairs with a board that was too high for Herschel, an inveterate explorer and criminal, to jump, but not Charlie.

I didn't worry about this at the time because Charleston is, in fact, The Best Dog In The Universe, and understands that even though he *could* easily jump various barriers, it would be *impolite* of him to do so.

Charleston is Extremely Polite and thus almost never commits any crimes.

...Almost Never.

Charlie has exactly two vices, which aren't even vices because his ancestors were bred for millennia to do these two exact things.

The first is that he is HIGHLY leash aggressive when I'm present (We were both attacked by a St. Bernard the first day I had him and Charlie has decided Strange Dogs Are Not Allowed To Approach Me)

The Second is that he has the Prey Drive From Hell.

He has chased bears and bulls with full murderous intent.

He almost got me arrested because he cut his leash to chase a pronghorn antelope in front of a park ranger.

It is only for the sake of my saftey and pursuit of prey that he will break the rules.

Today, he has his nemesis cornered

Charleston isn't clever the way Herschel is. He's never really explored using his toys as tools, whereas Herschel speedran the early stages of hominid tool use as a puppy. Arwen was a logistical sort of genius who managed to terraform my parent's yard into Rabbit Thunderdome.

Charleston's genius is... psychological.

If the Squirrels see both dogs, they run for the fence, but if they only see Herschel, they run for the tree.

Charlie is much better at tracking and guessing the route his prey might go, so Charlie runs for their preferred escape route of the tree instead of chasing them.

The squirrels compensate by running for the fence, which is farther away in general, but they have a head start on the dogs.

At Some Point, charlie managed to work out that if he stays in the shadows under the deck, the squirrels won't see his mostly-black body, especially when Herschel charges into the sunlight and catches it on his white ruff.

Charleston realized, long before I did, that there is only the ONE branch that overhangs the roof, and therefore if a squirrel runs up the tree, it only has ONE way out of the yard.

The real genius was combining all of the above into the realization that he could let Herschel charge the squirrels, run through the under-deck shadows and up to the deck and roof while the squirrels are distracted, and plant himself on the roof where the squirrels HAVE to land without them seeing him until it was too late.

-And so we stand this morning.

Herschel at the foot of the tree, preventing the squirrel from running back down and heading for the fence

Charleston square in the landing zone on the roof, at the ready

The squirrel paralyzed on the branch between them

...and me, only sort of awake and realizing that I'm probably the dumbest mammal here.

I need to figure out how to disentangle these beasts without anyone getting maimed. Charleston has the blood of his ancestors baying for the flesh of his nemesis in his ears. Herschel is dangerously close to figuring out how to get on the roof himself. The squirrel is contemplating some truly dire Maneuvers, including dropping out of the tree and assaulting me to buy time.

I haven't even had my coffee yet.

"Charleston." I say with a very aggravated sigh. "That's not where dogs go."

Charleston whimpers.

He has Disappointed (TM) me.

A fate worse than death.

He starts to walk back to the deck, but as he takes a step to leave, so does the squirrel, and he is pulled back by millennia of instinct.

This will require. Delicacy.

or delicacies.

"Stay. I'll be right back." I tell the dogs.

I go back into the house, and retrieve The Best Treat.

The Cat's Wet Food.

Both dogs crave this Most Forbidden snack with an irrational passion, and it is usually both out of reach in the cat tree AND defended by Mochi, who rules the dogs with an Iron Paw.

I return to the yard, and open the can in full view of both dogs.

"Charlie?" I call. "Do you want Wet Food?"

He is halfway down the stairs before I can finish the question.

Herschel switches his orbit from the tree to my person, and I have to shuffle to avoid tripping over them as we go back inside and the squirrel flees.

None of this is the new crime.

I go out with them later to pull Yet More Thistles, and a few minutes in, I hear a little 'huff' from Charlie.

I look up, and he's standing on the stairs, paw up to indicate he's going to jump over the barrier board and go right back up there.

You know.

...Unless there is wet food to be had.

I text my husband.

My husband asks, ever the practical man.

---

I'm a disabled writier who makes my living tellng stories. if you liked this, please consider giving me a Ko-fi tip, or pre-ordering the Family Lore book of stories on my Patreon. Thank you!

[kalicofox]

Very little is known about the Owsten's palm civet and its behaviors. The information we have comes from the observations of local trappers and scientific study of the civet's scat and teeth. Although it's listed as endangered conservationists are working to increase populations by protecting wild civets, eliminating illegal civet hunting and trade, and conservation breeding. ©Port Lympne

[kalicofox]

My first time doing clasped weft technique! It's slow but so so striking! It has unsquared my overshot but I'm treating that as a feature this time.

You throw the shuttle in from one side, loop it round your second yarn and throw it back through the same shed to pull the second yarn into the cloth....

.... And then you beat very very slowly and carefully while pulling on each yarn to get the colour change exactly where you want it, and then you carry on and admire/curse your result. It's an absolute bastard to unweave.

For these colours I am making a zigzag between them, but for my next pair of colours (blue and orange) I will do something else.

[kalicofox]

[kalicofox]

Talking with writers online

Their stories: Amazing grammar, soaring vocabulary, beautiful imagery and prose which flows like a river.

In chats: no capitalisation or punctuation, swears like a sailor, misspellings everywhere, acronyms and abbreviations every five words, idek

[kalicofox]

The secret to a long lasting relationship is finding someone who hates leaving their comfort zone and then wiggle your way in there. You wiggle your way right inside their comfort zone and then you're there. By the time they notice you're there, they'll just sigh like "oh great, now there's a creature in here", but they don't want to move out of their comfort zone, and tossing you out of there would now alter the air pressure and constitution of the comfort zone too abruptly and it would pop like a bubble.

That's how you keep a relationship. You weasel your way inside someone's comfort zone and make yourself an essential component of it, so now they, too, will have to make sure that your dumb ass stays in there. Their comfort zone now has a fucking creature in it, and it's not going to be the same comfort zone if the creature isn't there.

[kalicofox]

Jason’s masseur deserves a fucking pay raise.

He has no idea how the fuck the dude gives back massages that quiet the goddam pit but you bet your ass Jason is recommending Danny to anyone who looks like they need a massage.

[kalicofox]

just so you know i think it was very rude of you to switch our cups when my back was turned. unrelated but can you call an ambulance i want to get my stomach pumped for. recreational purposes

[kalicofox]

we all got really lucky that alexander fleming wasn’t allergic to penicillin huh

[kalicofox]

Do you guys think Barbie exists in the Star Trek universe? Because it would be really funny if they started making like diversity barbies when we discovered aliens were real. Like whenever someone joins the federation, they make barbies of them.

This is Vulcan Barbie, this is Tellarite Barbie, and this is Andorian Barbie, together with Star Fleet Barbie, they make up the Federation Barbies® collection. And then people were like but we want more representation, so they started making a "Federation and friends" collection, and there's Ferengi Barbie, Orion Barbie, Bajorian Barbie etc etc

[kalicofox]

Danny: Ugh, they're back again

Jazz: Don't make that face at paying customers. Do you want to make a portal back home?

Danny rolling his eyes: Yes

Jazz: Then we need to get enough money to buy the parts. If that means waiting tables at a barely legal dinner, where idiots hit on us, then we wait those stupid tables. Now go over there and get the Waynes to leave us a 200 tip.

Danny: Fine, but only if you do too!

Jazz: *Tighten her apron straps into an hourglass figure* Way ahead of you.

Danny: *Rolling eyes but does the same*

Meanwhile with the Waynes

Bruce: It's so nice to go out to eat with you all

Alfred: Indeed. It's a nice change, don't you agree, children?

Wayne kids: *hyperventilating*

Bruce Not looking up from his phone: The Fenton siblings?

Alfred: Indeed, sir. It seems like Master Dick, Master Jason, and Miss Cass are going to attempt to speak to Ms. Fenton today. Master Tim, Master Damian, Master Duke, and Miss Steph don't seem mentally ready to look Mister Fenton in the eye. Bets?

Bruce: Dick chokes on his fork again. Tim face plants on the table, and Steph once again speaks in gibberish after forgetting the entire English language.

Alfred: Very good, sir.

[kalicofox]

fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it