kallisto-koala - Tumblr blog

[kallisto-koala]

Guys, the liquid stuff you use when you make a pen mistake so you have to cover it over, what’s it called?

[kallisto-koala]

In Bruce’s defense, anyone who blames him for putting his children in the line of fire does not like…get his children.

Bruce adopting and training these kids is absolutely the only thing standing between them and even EARLIER deaths than the ones in canon that they all basically just…refuse to let stick.

Like, these are six incredibly determined little dumbasses.

Dick Grayson: breaks out of juvie and runs around rooftops tracking down the mob boss that ordered his parents killed in order to ruthlessly avenge them when he’s EIGHT.

Jason Todd: at age twelve, is caught stealing the tires off the goddamn BATMOBILE and upon being caught, his first instinct is NOT flight, its HIT THE GODDAMN BATMAN WITH HIS TIRE IRON.

Tim Drake: as early as age ten, spends his free time running around Gotham’s rooftops and back alleys stalking Batman and Robin with his clunky camera and absolutely no prior experience or training in either acrobatics or surviving Gotham’s back alleys.

Cassandra Cain: Upon learning Lady Shiva is her mother, ignores Batman yelling CASSANDRA NO and tracks down the most lethal and feared woman on the planet and bullies her into training her further, with Shiva going okay but then we gotta battle to the death and Cassandra going sure, makes sense, when do we start.

Damian Wayne: Early in life, is ordered to hunt and fight a bunch of dragon-type creatures. Adopts one as his pet. Finally meets his father, who does not trust him. Steals the Batmobile. Is fired from Robin and forbidden to leave the Manor for his protection while there’s a hit on his life. Calls himself Redbird and resumes Robin duties, citing that he was only forbidden from leaving as ROBIN, specifically. Is sent home during an attack on the city by a zombie army. Turns around and wades into the zombie army on his own. Etc, etc.

Duke Thomas: At age ten, the Riddler shuts down all the power in Gotham and says he’ll only restore it if bested with a riddle. Duke hears this and decides, this is a job for…Duke Thomas. Around age fifteen, he’s put in the foster system after his parents are affected by the Joker’s mind-altering gas during an attack, hears that some of the Joker’s victims have been found wandering around the sewer system that’s noted for being home to like….a cannibalistic crocodile villain, among other things, thinks well, guess I gotta go personally cover every inch of Gotham’s sewers on my own, by foot. Accidentally stumbles across a plot to bomb all of Gotham and decides, this is a job for…Duke Thomas. Etc, etc.

In summation, the Batkids’ shared family trait is Absolute Dumbassery and a Willful Disregard for Self-Preservation, and no, they do not accept constructive criticism. Bruce’s training them all as his partners was 40% fatalism, 60% Hail Mary. 

He actually tried getting Dick to choose colors for his costume that would actually blend into the shadows, and eight year old Dick went nah, I’m gonna stick with bright red, yellow and green, thanks though. 

He actually tried teaching Jason Todd how to prioritize speed and evasion against bigger opponents, and 5′4″ Jason Todd went nah, I’m just gonna punch ‘em, thanks though. 

He actually tried sending Tim home when Tim first showed up, and Tim went nah, I’m just not gonna do that, thanks though. 

He actually tried getting Cassandra to be more careful and selective about inserting herself into every single dangerous situation she came across, and Cass went, sorry, lost my phone when I weaponized it against the bad guys and also I’m in Hong Kong right now about to face off with my killer mom, see ya when I get back, bye. 

He actually tried benching Damian repeatedly, and Damian went, LOL. No. 

He actually tried stressing to Duke the importance of leaving dangerous situations to the professionals, and Duke kept showing up at every dangerous situation in Gotham and being like oh hey, so weird we keep running into each other. 

Every time another adult hero clucks at Bruce disapprovingly and says he really should’ve kept his kids out of the hero life, Bruce’s eye twitches and he grinds out: “Oh gee. If only I’d thought of that.”

[kallisto-koala]

[kallisto-koala]

Let’s play “yes” or “no.” You ask me questions on anonymous or not, and I can only answer YES or NO.

[kallisto-koala]

What if Harry just obliviated Voldemort and none of the death eaters knew it happened so Harry just went about living a normal life and Voldemort was confused as to why all these people in weird masks kept trying to talk to him

[kallisto-koala]

[kallisto-koala]

my fave bit of black dog folklore is that in some folklore there is a belief that the first person buried in a cemetery stays there and doesn’t cross over and helps other spirits move on and protects them from evil spirits, now naturally people want to avoid this fate for their loved ones and themselves so they would sometimes bury a dog first and it would return in the shape of a big black dog and protect the newly dead from evil spirits and occasionally the living as well

this kind of spirit is called a church grim

[kallisto-koala]

a power move is writing Stephen King into your horror novel as a minor character

[kallisto-koala]

“tony’s suit is nothing without his AI” who made the AI, jan. who made it. who. please Tell me

[kallisto-koala]

whenever im having a bad day i remember that i never have to take a math class again and i feel a lot better

[kallisto-koala]

So I found this coconut on the beach in Costa Rica and when I opened it THIS was inside. I think it’s the endosperm (or whatever you call the thing that develops into the tree). The coconut water itself wasn’t as sweet as usual (probably because it had sprouted), but the little sprout boi tasted sweet on one end and salty on the other. (submitted by @jewishpangolin)

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dude i have no idea how to tell you this but i have no idea what this is. i showed this to my plant anatomy professor and one of the mods at @thebashfulbotanist after class and none of us could figure out what this is. it doesn’t look like a fungus, the embryos in coconuts are tiny and don’t look like this, and the first thing a coconut sprouts is a root, not the stem, and it grows outward. there should be nothing normal like this growing in there. my plant anatomy teacher has never seen anything like this and has offered to forward this image to a palm researcher she knows to see if he has. i repeat, we have no idea what you ate but it was not a normal sprout boi. please stand by

[kallisto-koala]

hey did bella and edward ever sit down and talk about what it felt like for him to die of spanish influenza or was that like a trigger for him and off limits

[kallisto-koala]

harry potter and the compulsion to keep buying the new pretty editions

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[kallisto-koala]

fake conversations in your head of you venting to someone

[kallisto-koala]

finished 7 deadly sins so i guess i really am gonna have to start watching naruto now ://

[kallisto-koala]

Shout out professor rj lupin for not flipping absolute shit when he sees harry with the marauders map in the hallway that night. i seriously cant stop laughing he could have gone oh FUUUUUCKK?!?!!? but hes got like plus 15 repression and a proficiency in Bullshitting so he just says ‘hmm yes yes oh is this a? a zonkos? haha cool.’ Legend.