kamewu - Tumblr blog

[kamewu]

I drew this about a year ago thinking that I was going to start drawing more to start my own merch line.

To be very honest with you, I’ve been so stressed lately and I really want to take a break. I want to stay in bed while snow drifts outside. But I can’t do that. I have to work. It’s an amazing opportunity and the ability to extend it is incredible. I’m eternally grateful, but I feel so suffocated. Everything moves so fast and I move so slow.

I get pretty anxious. A few years ago, I deleted a bunch of social media apps off my phone. I used to be addicted to it until I suddenly cut everything out. I became scared of receiving feedback and replying to messages felt like a burden. I give people a fake reason. But the real reason why I stopped using it religiously was because I saw how unspecial it makes you feel when everyone else is hanging out with other people. So, if you cut yourself from seeing that, are they really hanging out with other people? I’ll try to post more on instagram again. I can’t promise anything.

SW

[kamewu]

tl;dr Reflection: 2017 was a wild ride with lots of grammar mistakes. but merry christmas yall!

My past job: I didn’t expect to work at my last job for so long, but all the people there made the decision to stay longer easier. I met a lot of new friends and I don’t regret every moment. At the beginning, I truly felt like I was part of something bigger and I adorned a smile that was trademarked to me. However, as time wore on, I felt really tired and working there felt like a chore. I started noticing that people didn’t treat this job with as much enthusiasm as myself. The thing that took the cake was the 4 STEM courses that I naively took (thinking that math was the best thing ever since sliced bread lol). I started getting constant headaches. I went to school in the morning, forced myself to take an hr nap, got ready for work, and then came home at 9:50 to get working at the math homework that was catered for that week’s quiz. My original plan was to work one whole day and one half day, but the dept head didn’t approve of that. She told me: “Its the rule that you must work three days.” But that was not the case against other people as I saw on the schedule. I realized then that I was merely just labour. So I left.

My academics: When I first started university, I thought that it was the norm to have shit grades. I know people/friends that failed a course or two in their first semester, which made me think it was ok to not try as much. So, I didn’t exactly give in my best effort and continued working at the above job and only got slightly above average grades. It wasn’t until this one guy I met in uni that made me realize that excellant grades were obtainable and that all the grading horror stories I’ve heard of did not have to be my destined future. So in Summer 2017, I put in my all and got variations of As in all my courses. But the semester after that turned sour. It was clockwork in the amount of quizzes that were offered per week. After the first four set of midterms were over, the second set of four rolled around. But thankfully I quit my job before I had the first midterm. I feel like I’m beating myself over a few decimal points in calculating my gpa. I know that you have told me to not stress as much but I help comparing that 0.05 difference with someone else.

My relationships: lol no bf. #foreveralone. Ok but regardless of that, I met so many new people this year! Whether its from T&T or from school, I managed to at least try to step out of my comfort zone. Admittedly, I’m quite overwhelmed at times, but I truly do believe that I made an effort and that I should be giving myself more credit for that.

My spending: LOL what is saving! I wouldn’t say that I forced myself to spend, but sometimes I feel that way? Learn now than later amirite? So the first outfit I’ve ever bought with money I earned from my jobs was this blue sweater and black pants from H&M. Well, the sweater lost its colour and so did the pants. But the sweater looks so bad that I don’t even know whether to give it away or wat. I still wear the pants though. Since then and probs $700 later, I’ve bought clothes from a number of places (HBC, forever21, H&M, Old navy, Muji, Uniqlo, Winners, Urban Behaviour, Yesstyle, lol i can list them out) and I would be able to tell you whats the best way to buy clothes. If you want some cheap basics (ie tshirts, jeans), H&M and Old Navy aren’t terrible options. Things other than that from H&M that I’ve bought had: a couple of holes after maybe 3 washes or had lost its colour (the sweater). I found that although the material of Uniqlo clothing is much better in comparison to American fast fashion retailers, their clothes arent constructed as well - ie the cut. I’ve only bought one shirt there (later returned), but my friend said the same thing about her flannel? I’ve only bought one thing from Muji but I noticed that a lot of thought was taken into account towards this item - the seams were beautiful and I’ve never seen any shirt with a hem like that ever. Notorious for the number of older women shopping there, HBC was the best bet for me. I loved every item I got there (except for these boots that I kept hoping that I would eventually break them in >:( ).

My social life: Its fairly non-existant let me tell you that. I’m sorry to all the people that have messaged me and I ended up replying a week later. I know that I promised to go on more often after I quit my job, but I didn’t uphold that promise. In fact, I think I went on facebook even less LOL. School was tiring and I eventually felt that I was going on fb out of my free will. I deleted ig and sc too and I practically lost all connections to my friends except for the close few that have my number and still text me. I found that people are less inclined to text and I feel thats ok cos eventually I’ll find the ideal types of friends. I usually don’t dwell on the bad parts of the past, so I truly dont regret meeting anyone. So thanks to you UBC, I got to meet the coolest people ever at sfu and t&t! #still_salty_tho. I haven’t elaborated on this but the reason why I stopped using social media is because it made me sad. One day, as I was scrolling through my feed, I saw the posted memories that people were creating with their friends and it made me feel bitter. I know that I have incredible friends and I still cherish all the people that I don’t talk to anymore, but I was feeling really upset over that and so I deleted everything so I couldn’t see the feed anymore. Well anyways, I recently downloaded it again, and it doesn’t give me the stimulus that it once provided. So I guess I’m deleting ig for the billionth time hahaha. So I’ll dump all the things that I would’ve posted on ig here with the addition of tl;drs! Enjoy my shit-posting!

My art: I haven’t drawn much since I’ve been pre-occupied with school and work and when I do have free time, I go out. But, I think it’s pretty clear that i’ve improved since the beginning of the year with this drawing. You needa click on the image to see all the details but ok.

I may or may not also post some irl photos, but stay tuned for that :).

Here’s to 2018!

[kamewu]

Dear friend,

I’m sorry for being inactive. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. I hope that you are doing good. I hope that you have found people that connect well with you. I do think about you everyday.

I don’t know if I’m going to post this anywhere else, lel.

[kamewu]

Some gaia warm up sketches ~