kami4l - Tumblr blog

[kami4l]

I give up filmmaking, photography, and music. The creative side of me is dead

[kami4l]

I give up. I don’t care anymore. It’s fine if I work 60 hours a week.

[kami4l]

I literally let down my friend. I feel so shitty and I hate myself

[kami4l]

why does everyone get to do what they want, but I don’t

I deserve to feel free and happy

[kami4l]

That voice that wants to kill yourself never goes away

[kami4l]

It hit me. I actually lost her. I texted her last night telling her I miss her. It was left on delivered. She probably woke up to the text and immediately deleted the text message. There is no winning her back. I held onto the idea of her for too long and did nothing about it till now. I will always love her, but I guess I have to actually move on

[kami4l]

im so miserable all the time. im worried when im working that the students can see the emptiness in my eyes

[kami4l]

Autumn (L'Automne), Marcel Hanoun, 1972

[kami4l]

idk why my friends decided to get a manager for our lil group before they even tried to grow and get more listeners

[kami4l]

Ocean Sunrise John Appleton Brown (American; 1844–1902) 1880s Pastel on brown paperboard Harvard Art Museums/Fogg Museum, Cambridge, Massachusetts

[kami4l]

[kami4l]

im at the point where I just don’t care. I put in no effort anymore. I just bullshit to get it out of the way. over everything. I don’t care about myself, but I’d rather be at work for 16 hours than to stay at home with my parents and brothers. they literally weigh me down from being the person I should have been since 2015. Things should be so much different if they didn’t do the shit they have. Im to blame too for not realizing this and not doing anything about it till now. I should be happy, but im miserable.

[kami4l]

I don’t like my parents that much

[kami4l]

I reject myself before anyone else could

[kami4l]

[kami4l]

what am I doing with my life. no matter what I do, I can’t ever be happy

[kami4l]

I don’t think I’ll ever find my person.