kamiitsubakii - Tumblr blog

[kamiitsubakii]

I've been dealing with a lot of PTSD stuff all day but it's getting kind of bad rn. I'm just starting to realize something about my trauma and that what I went through most likely counts as ritualistic abuse in a way. Especially with certain events that happened to me that give off ritual abuse vibes but I'm not fully certain if I should even call it that. I downplay my trauma so bad. Like my therapist and doctors nearly cry when I tell them about my trauma and how horrific it was and I STILL downplay it. I almost died from it countless times, witnessed the deaths of other victims, and was even forced to take a victim's life at the age of 5 and I still go "it wasn't that bad". I think it's just a way for my brain to cope but I hate it. I went through hell but downplay it all and even deny it happened despite dealing with flashbacks and body memories and how it affects me psychologically.

Anyways yeah I'm dealing with a lot but it's past 12am and I'm incredibly tired from work.

[kamiitsubakii]

“using keep inventory is cheating and you’re not playing minecraft the REAL way” <- this guy cant get home by jumping into a 100 block deep ravine 

[kamiitsubakii]

Finally got off my first day of training and it kicked my ass. But now that I'm home my dad is lashing out and screaming and stuff so I'm just like

[kamiitsubakii]

god i just found this again while folder cleaning

one of the few crossdressing ducks that didn’t make me break out in hives, on account of not having been forced to do it for emasculating reasons or anything, it’s just a practical solution to daisy having too many obligations since they look exactly, and i mean exactly the same

one of those obligations was manning a kissing booth for charity and donald punching a catcaller in the face escalates into guys just fucking lining up to get decked by a cute little duck

[kamiitsubakii]

Sometimes I wish I could write and publish a book about my trauma and use it as a way for other victims who experienced similar trauma to feel less alone and to also educate people about RAMCOA and TBMC due to people spreading lies and conspiracies about it. But I'm not very good at writing and have no idea how to write a book and publish it. And I'm scared how people would treat it. Would I be believed and inspire other victims/survivors to tell their story or will people make callout posts about it telling people to not believe my story? The fact that I don't know how it could be treated scares me.

[kamiitsubakii]

My replacement repro copy of Crystal came in and it actually works this time !!

[kamiitsubakii]

I need people to realize that it is completely ok to project your trauma onto OC's and sonas and make art of it in a NON-FETISHIZED manner. All of my sonas have the same or similar trauma as mine. I am a victim of CSA, CSEM, ACSA, trafficking, TBMC/programming, and RAMCOA. My sonas and main OCs that represents me in a way are either a victim of all of some or all of these. Like my sona/mascot is a victim of every single one of these and Yūto is a victim of CSA, trafficking, and TBMC/programming. Yūto has a whole character arc where he heals from his programming and is deprogrammed in a way. It's something I wish I could achieve but idk if I ever can.

It's how I cope and what happened to them is very obviously shown as negative and IS NOT fetishized. The thing with lolisho content is that it's not shown that way and IS sexualized. Ffs the genre it's in is hentai and the intent of it is to turn someone on. In lolisho content the creators WANTS you to get off to it. They want you to see a child character being abused and go "wow that's hot". That's the point of it. That type of content should be illegal worldwide and banned from every site. Yeah it's not exactly CSEM and doesn't involve a real child but it is starting material. A lot of people who engage in it end up going after CSEM of real kids and end up harming real kids. Same thing with certain inappropriate child dolls, the people who indulge in those usually end up going after actual kids. Which is another thing people consider not bad because "well it doesn't involve a real child". Why would you want to look at animated material of what looks like a child being abused? Why would you want to have a certain type of doll with the same anatomy as a child? There's no other explanation other than you get off to the idea of doing that.

Idk how to end this. My point is lolisho material and vent art and the non-fetishized projection of trauma of OCs is NOT the same as lolisho content. I would like people to stop saying it's the same because it's not. One clearly shows the act of CSA to be horrific and vile and the other wants you to get off to it.

[kamiitsubakii]

My doctor cancelled my appointment for tomorrow so thankfully I get most of the day off until I have to go into training at 5pm

[kamiitsubakii]

reviving for pride w the trans bisexaul ever

dont forget your daily clicks!!

[kamiitsubakii]

Still in a lot of physical pain today, especially with this headache, so I called out

[kamiitsubakii]

they mailed him to me like this

[kamiitsubakii]

I got back home from my second orientation and I'm incredibly exhausted and also in pain because I worked at my other job earlier. But I'm leaving that one for this new one and will only have work for two more weeks. But I gotta work the entire rest of the week. I work at my Macy's job tomorrow and saturday from 7am to 3pm and my FedEx job tomorrow to saturday night. This week is going to be a joy /s. At least I have sunday and monday off.

[kamiitsubakii]

the Pokemon TCG Illustration contest posted their 300 quarter-finalists; I didn't make the cut, but that means I can share my submissions!

[kamiitsubakii]

Mount Lanakila -- 5ban Graphics

[kamiitsubakii]

Some kids Poppy Playtime plush got mixed up with the actual merch at my job 😭

[kamiitsubakii]

"Dreams of an Absolution" starts playing

Now I'm waiting for the year of Silver lol

[kamiitsubakii]

Almaz is a ballet dancer | Metal is a punk 🌸💀