kamikcze-blog

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If you can’t handle me at my worst then leave because I don’t have a best, I’m always awful.

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[kamikcze-blog]

“As a little kid, I was convinced that I was a guy. I used to bind with ACE bandages, which is really, really bad for you. I was like, five or six? I was really young. I didn’t have anything there to bind! I used to sleep on my chest because I thought it would stop me from getting boobs. I used to pray to God that I wouldn’t get breasts.

Then in my teens, I tried to be quite feminine. My mum was pushing me to do some modeling – everyone said I was a very pretty girl. And then one day it just got too much. I shaved my head and just went “Fuck you” to everyone who thought I need to look a certain way. And I got bullied after that. I found myself in really dangerous situations, where, if a guy said something to me like, “What are you? You’re a girl but you’re trying to be a boy,” or “Look at you, you’re disgusting” … if I talked back, a few times I got hit by guys. They’d say, “I would never hit a girl, but you’re not a girl.”

Eventually I went, “That’s it! I’ll grow my hair again, and try and be a girl.” Because I was pretty determined to get into entertainment, because I was bullied so much. I always said, “You watch! One day, I will do something, it will be great!” So I kind of did the more feminine thing again, did MTV, and after a little bit chopped everything off and am kind of back where it started.”

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◜♔┋mockeye.

            SHE WAS IN some kind of… quesadilla heaven at the moment. barely even registered the fact that her mouth burned, oh so gently – basically the reasoning behind that hurts so good song, she’s sure of it. dark lashes flutter closed in an unkempt rhythm and for once the world is still, her eyes are watering, her belly is full. 

            then her buddy’s talking.

            get your own, that’s what she wants to say; there’s a dangerously thin line she’s already tiptoeing on, however, seeing as she was invited to their impromptu lunch on a whim and can barely afford going dutch. this confession is spared for the future.

            ❝… do you not carry condiments in your bag?❞                                     it’s handed over, reluctantly;             ❝hm. bishop tips: carry condiments in your bag.❞

            A CLICK OF  the tongue resounded in the space between them ; a sound of  disappointment,  much like a parent reprimanding their child over something much less  trivial  than what they’re making it out to be.  &  though her hand quickly swiped the bottle from the other’s grasp, plopping it onto her side of the table after  DOUSING  her burrito in the spice only god must have intended, she still kept up the  facade.

                    ‘         nicky tips  ;  when you  MOOCH,  you forfeit any  &  all offerings                               to the person you’re mooching from.  no excuses.

            she even went so far as to place a  consoling  hand on the girl’s shoulder   (  after wiping it on a napkin, of course          she wasn't a  complete  slob  ).

                    ‘         don’t worry too much          i’ll certainly  think  about giving you                               the bottle back.

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        mockeye.

            SHE WAS IN  some kind of ...  burrito heaven  at the moment. barely looking up from the  monstrosity  she’d ordered the second she’d gotten up to the front counter, though she did give herself a breather in the form of picking up the excess food that spilled out of the top after her first bite. it was during that breather that she actually shot a look toward her companion   (  reluctant as she was to  ADMIT  she was there with her  ).

                    ‘         you brought  sriracha  into a  mexican  joint ?

            shooting an arm out, she wiggled   (  relatively  )   clean fingers in the younger’s direction.

                    ‘         well        ? what are you waiting for ?  hand it over.

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Telegraph Ave (“Oakland by Lloyd”) | Childish Gambino

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it’s weird how middle names are like………. this normal thing, but also secret

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        seriadux.

                    ‘         HAVEN’T YOUR PARENTS  ever told you staring is  rude  ?

            tapping a finger against a propped up knee, she  lifted  her gaze so she could see past the brim of her hat toward the girl standing there. it wasn’t  every day  someone just stopped & stared   (  new york was a  STRANGE  place, but people got used to strange  ), so she couldn’t help but be  intrigued  by the other.

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if ya wanna do the writing thing, SMASH that like button, or hmu via the inbox !!

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if ya wanna do the writing thing, SMASH that like button, or hmu via the inbox !!

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        degeneris.

            BAGS UPON BAGS  of clothes litter her arms as she tried to navigate her way through the door of one of the shops she’d just spent  way too much  money at   (  a little  RETAIL THERAPY  never hurt anyone  ). chancing a glance to the side, she noticed some random guy standing there, eyeing her predicament without so much as holding the door she finally got herself through. heaving a sigh, she leveled a LOOK at the other before dumping a couple of the bags into his arms.

                    ‘                 if you’re going to STARE, might as well help.

                                        (  that’s what you call  good first impressions.  )

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◜♔┋dualmorbidity.

           He doesn’t TYPICALLY give tours at the museum, it’s below his pay grade really, but you’re looking terribly OUT OF PLACE and he has time before he’s needed for his 11:00.

                                             ❛  ––––––   it’s a vagina.                                                                 ❛   the painting.

            A QUICK GLANCE  to her right served as her only  acknowledgement  toward what the other said.  even if lips pressing together into a thin line of mild  annoyance   (  a motion most take as  consideration  of their comment  )   could attest to the same thing.

                    ‘         or            & don’t get me wrong, i’m sure you know your                               stuff            i could’ve  easily  come  to  that  conclusion                               myself. that’s the  BEAUTY  of art, isn’t it ? i could have                               the  illusion    of a vagina,   or maybe it could’ve been,  i                               dunno, a mango. the possibilities are  ENDLESS.

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◜♔┋earthsfirst.

        an annoyed glance is thrown towards the stranger & she bites back the urge to snap. she’ll blame the annoyance on the fact that she’s trying really hard to do this and failing at it. failing doesn’t happen to her often given the fact that she’s stubborn enough not to let it.     

                             ❛ unless you’re going to help me, you can go      ❜

 ( yeah, so much for not snapping. ) 

            AMUSEMENT SETTLED DEEP  in a gaze now  fully hidden  as she pushed her glasses back up her nose, cigarette  tucked  into the corner of her mouth in preparation of moving to stand next to the frankly  TINY  girl. she had a soft spot for women, especially those who chose to act so  feisty  when shown any sort of  opposition.

                    ‘         have you ever even held a SPRAY CAN in those                               dainty little fingers before ? here, let me     

            sliding the can from the other’s loose grasp, she moved into an easy  crouch  front of the wall she’d chosen for her mark.

                    '         what were you planning on putting here          ?                               i'll give you a starting point, & i'll even watch for                               cops    since you chose that whole     IN PLAIN                               SIGHT method of thinking.

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        earthsfirst.

                    ‘         THERE’S A PROPER way to do that, &                               you’re not doing it, girlie.

            cigarette dangling loosely between her fingers, she couldn’t help but allow             her sunglasses to slide down the bridge of her nose ;  eyebrow LIFTING in             what could only be an incredulous gaze as she stopped a few paces away             from the younger girl.

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                        ❛   if i die, all i know is i’m a legend.

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NICE NICE NICE NICE