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[kanggorasol-blog]

Was it worth it?

Remember those high school slam book days where you are asked, "What is love?"

And we either write a famous love quote or confidently word it on how we perceive it to be true, as if we've lived enough to know about it. But later on in life, you discover, it's not that easy, that it is the most complicated human nature.

The answer I believed throughout the years is something I heard from the radio.

Love is sacrifice. If you don't know how to make a sacrifice, then you don't know how to love.

But, is that really it? Do we really need to risk our happiness for the happiness of others? Is that really the concept of relationships, of love, of marriage?

Have I gotten it wrong?

Sadness followed by regret is one of the worst feeling in this world. I tried to live a life of no regret. I tried to stand with my decisions thinking there are better days ahead. That if I sacrificed enough, then with love I'd be happy. If I've sacrificed enough, showed my sincerity, then the world's karma will flow in favor of my life.

But just like a burning candle in the dark, I was consumed little by little. And I am on my last inch. And I don't know how to rebuild myself.

Not just in the past few weeks, but even the past few years I've questioned my decisions, the way I lead my life, my plans, and my whole being -- was it worth it?

Hopefully with the help of this journal, I could look back and discover or rediscover the answer.

I am unhappy, I am misunderstood, and I crave the normal life.