karen-letme-see-thekids-blog

[karen-letme-see-thekids-blog]

Liz

“Why is it so cold?” Liz shivered and tugged her sleeves down, hoping to cover up more of her exposed hands. She got goosebumps all over her body as the wind blew right into her face, making her eyes close in surprise.

“Shut up.” I was bored and Liz’s constant remarks about the weather were starting to bother me.

“Should I remind you that I didn’t want to come?! You dragged me here and I don’t even understand what for!” Liz stood up and started pacing around in hopes of warming up her body.

“Can you stop behaving like a fucking child?! I said it’s important!” The last thing I needed right now was someone to be annoyed with.

“Bitch...” Liz mumbled quietly. I knew she wanted me to hear her, I did, but she wasn’t going to get what she hoped for...a reaction.

I wasn’t looking at her but I felt her gaze burn right through my scalp. I breathed in the cold air, frowning as it stung. I was just as cold as she was, except I’ve gotten used to ignoring it. I looked down at my hands, they were red and freezing. I brought them up to my face, waking myself up as it was already late and I needed to stay alert.

“Give me the bag Liz.” I whispered as the alarm I set went off.

“What’s in it?” She flicked an ant crawling on the handle with disgust, grabbing the bag.

“Nothing that concerns you.” I looked at the item that was now in my hands. God, I loved this bag. I was emotionally attached to it, it had been through so much, I had been through so much. I grabbed something from the front pocket, quickly hiding it under my thighs. The metal part of it reflected the moonlight shining above us, and Liz couldn’t help but notice.

“What is that?” Her voice was shaking, she kept rubbing her arms and doing something that was close to jumping jacks, but not quite.

“Stop jumping around, and stop asking questions.” I unzipped my jacket, grabbing a thinner one from the bag.

“What are you doing?”

“Liz, do you understand what “stop asking questions” means?!” I threw the jacket, hitting her chest. “Now put that on, you need it more than I do.”

“Thanks.” She was about to do as I said, but first she checked for ants and other insects that might have crawled on the fabric when it hit the ground.

Me and Liz were two very different people. I knew that, I realized that the moment I met her in 3rd grade at Susan Hardy’s birthday party. I didn’t think we would go to the same middle school, or be friends even during senior year, but I was wrong. She was everything I wasn’t, she completed me. We never talked a lot, I was always very cold to her, but she loved me for it. She loved me for expressing my feelings through my actions and not my words. She loved me for wiping her tear instead of telling her it would be okay. She loved me for staring into her eyes instead of talking to her about pointless things. She loved me for being a good listener, even if I wasn’t good at speaking. And I loved her for accepting me, the way I was. It scared me though. It scared me that I was about to show her the side of me she never knew existed, the side of me that could frighten her, or make her despise me. I knew I depended on her. I stood up quickly. She jumped at the sudden noise but rolled her eyes and looked down at her phone again.

“Liz?”

“Yeah?”

I didn’t answer. I just went over to her and sat down on the grass beside her, covering her shoulders with the thinner jacket. She just smiled sweetly, and that was enough for me to know that she was grateful. We didn’t need words, I didn’t like words, and I am sure she grew to dislike them as well.

I remembered her screaming when she got a text from that one shy boy in the class who she really liked during freshman year, I remembered her multiple male celebrity crushes, my heart shrunk at the thought that I had no chance with her.

“Liz?”

“Yeah?”

I just smiled, but she didn’t look at my mouth, she looked in my eyes.

“Why are you smiling when you don’t mean it?” She asked, rubbing her thumb on the corner of my lips, hinting that I should stop faking.

“Promise me something.” My eyes were threatening to close as I couldn’t bear to lie right to her face anymore.

“I promise.”

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“I still promise.”

I smiled again. I looked down at my dirty shoes I haven’t replaced ever since my feet stopped growing. This time a different memory flashed through my mind.

“You can borrow my bra if you want.” Liz offered as I looked down on the price tag.

“Nah, I’ll just wear my brother’s clothes, he left a lot of his hoodies and shirts. Plus, I’m flat.”

“Your brother will come back.”

“No, he won’t. He probably ODed somewhere behind a bush a week ago.” I shrugged.

“You’re terrible.” Liz rolled her eyes, she didn’t want to say I was being rude, since there was a 90% chance I was right.

We left the store without buying anything. I looked at the 10 dollar bill that was like a treasure to me. The most I’ve gotten throughout the 13 years of my life. I put it back in my pocket and put my finger through a hole in my worn out jeans.

“At least let me get you a new pair of pants.”

“No. Clothes are pointless and overrated, let’s get something to eat.”

We sat down on the pavement with some cheap fast food in our hands. I finished my drink and grabbed the straw, shoving dirty “bullets” in it. I looked around, choosing my target.

“Look, it’s Grayson. He made fun of Hannah the other day.” I aimed the straw at him at blew into it, hitting him in the face with the wet pieces of the napkin I used to wipe the ketchup away from my face. He hit us with the good old fashioned middle finger and walked away, wiping my spit from his ugly face.

“You have good aim.” Liz clapped, still laughing.

“I should do that for a living, shoot people for money.”

“Sure.”

Liz took it as a joke back then, but now, sitting on the ground beside her, still seeing her sparkling eyes in the dark, I hope she didn’t.

“Liz?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t break your promise.”

“I won’t.” She scooted a little closer to me and put her head on my shoulder.

“Liz?”

“Yeah?” I smiled at how she didn’t get tired of me repeating the same thing over and over again.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love me more than you loved Danny?”

“Who’s Danny?”

“That boy you were crazy about in 9th grade.”

“Yes.”

“Liz?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you right now?” She lifted her head and looked into my eyes.

“No, you can’t.” But I wasn’t paying attention to her words. I leaned in and kissed her lightly. I couldn’t tell if she was kissing back, I wanted to pull away but she chased my lips, and I smiled. I smiled wider than I’ve ever smiled before. I knew that she depended on me too.

The second alarm went off and I jumped up, looking over the house I have been observing from the hill for an hour now.

A man dressed in all black opened the door, looked around and stepped out on the balcony. He lit a cigarette, moving the ashtray closer to himself.

I grabbed the gun I hid in the grass, the metal flashed against Liz’s eyes again as she gasped, but didn’t say anything. I looked at her and mouthed “you promised” as I pulled the trigger. She turned away from me while I watched the man fall, the cigarette falling out of his hand.

I put the gun back in the bag and grabbed it.

“You know I don’t like questions, but I will answer them for you.” I was breathing heavily, we had a limited amount of time to leave, but I didn’t care.

“So you meant what you said 5 years ago?”

“I didn’t know I meant it back then, but this is the only thing I’m good at, Liz. You out of all people should understand.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“7 months. 16 targets. This one was the biggest, I will get crazy money for it. I’ve been saving up.”

“For what?”

“I want to get out of this shithole. This place has too many bad memories. I need a fresh start right now.”

Liz closed her eyes, a tear rolled down her cheek and fell on the ground, or her leg, I couldn’t see.

“Are the people you kill... bad people?”

I smiled.

“Of course they are, I wouldn’t kill an innocent person.”

She sighed in relief.

“You know I can’t live without you right, Liz?”

“I know.” She whispered, I was expecting to hear the same words, but she was silent. For the first time in my life, I hated the silence.

“Liz?”

“Yeah?”

“I depend on you.”

“I know.” How I wanted for those two words to disappear from the English language.

“Liz?” My voice was trembling, this was my last hope.

“I’m leaving tomorrow... will you come with me?”

And silence once again. I felt an unfamiliar sting in my eyes, my throat felt like someone was putting knives through it. The silence lasted for 10 minutes, but it felt like 10 hours. I took a deep breath and finally stopped crying, I was ready to leave, but then I heard something I never thought I’d hear.

“Yeah.”