katabasis900

[katabasis900]

andddd just like that I failed my OMAD.

[katabasis900]

I want to binge.

I keep having this daydream about ordering a full meal from McDonald's and a sushi restaurant and a Mexican place and Subway and then eating all four meals.

[katabasis900]

I keep telling myself that if I got to 135 lbs (bmi 19.5), I'd be good. I could stop there. That this was actually just a dramatic little diet and now I'm back to the low end of my natural range and can just stay there and be normal.

But as I'm losing, I keep thinking about moving that goal post further. I don't want to be sick but I don't want to be well and normal either. I'm not ready to get a real job. I'm not ready to be a grown up. I'm not ready to get a real apartment and a first home savings account and an investment portfolio. I feel so small and everything is spinning around me so fast and starving slows that shit down for a second.

I haven't done this to myself in so, so long - since I was 19, and drank on an empty ana stomach, and passed out, and the worst thing that can happen in that situation happened. I started looking out for myself and taking care of myself after that. But the pressure to become an adult is turning me into an angsty teen again.

[katabasis900]

Same I am so much comfier under 20 and am almost back there. 1 lb away!

once I finally get a bmi under 20 nobody will be able to tell me anything

[katabasis900]

i gained during the holidays. time to fix it

[katabasis900]

For some reason, every time I weigh myself and see I’ve lost weight, it triggers me to want to eat more. It’s like the rational part of my brain takes over for a day, realizing just how unhealthy what I’m doing is—but then the guilt comes back and hits me like a train.

[katabasis900]

I'm so close to the weight I was before antidepressants made me gain 15+ pounds. I'll be at my lowest weight in years if I can just stay consistent until the end of the month.

Remember how happy you were when you were losing weight you haven’t lost before.

[katabasis900]

"one day won't ruin your progress" yes but it's not just one day, is it? it turns into a week, and then a month, and then you're right back where you started. and you're looking for how to escape the cycle, so you cut your calories in half and track your steps, and you think you're finally doing better, but then the cravings hit. you just can't help yourself. just a bite. and two more bites, and two more pieces, and ten more servings. but it's okay, because one day won't ruin your progress, right?

[katabasis900]

I guess I am OMADing, because I just ate almost 1000 calories before 10am :/

Time for a 24 hour fast ~

[katabasis900]

am i relapsing or is it just me gaslighting myself into relapsing

no one will ever know

[katabasis900]

I miss the 0 cal Oreo Coke.

[katabasis900]

I now fit into the smallest pants I own.

[katabasis900]

Need a blunt and to lose 10 lbs

[katabasis900]

Mealspo˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Here’s some meals that actually look appetizing lol😇 yum

[katabasis900]

I ate maintenance this weekend (because people were around and I had no choice). Even though I ate a huge meal earlier today I am still weighing in lower right now than when the weekend started?!

What is this witchcraft.

Can't wait to see the scale when my stomach isn't full of food.

[katabasis900]

Oh, no. You mustn’t eat it. Just.. arrange it.

[katabasis900]

Do it for the stares

Do it for the shock.