katelina77

[katelina77]

At least... At least I hugged you tight. I hope you understood. I hugged you so tight. I heard you gasping for air after. I hope you knew I loved you. I'm not sure why I keep falling into such bullshit. I wonder why I keep doing it to myself. Maybe it feels familiar?

My eyes hurt... I wish I could hold you in my arms. I wish I could make you understand. I'm so sorry I made it look like less than it was. I try to protect my feelings and I end up hurting them. I guess if I'd have let you know, I'd be putting pressure on you?...

I miss you.

Every notification I get, I wish it's you.

I know it's stupid.. I know it is. And I'm sorry.

It's just so human, isn't it?

[katelina77]

You know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna mourn. And I'm going to mourn loudly, and it won't matter how cringe, edgy, how corny, how silly, how pathetic it is. I'm going to, YES, I'm going to feel sad and miss the guy I knew for months and saw only 2 days, I'm gonna think about him and let him go and miss him again. I'm going to rewrite conversations in my head, I will listen to heartbreak songs and I will make my own, I will sing loudly, I will scream and I will shout. I will cry. I will despair. I will imagine a life with him, and without him. Even if logic dictates it's best this way, I will stand in its way. I will demand to know.

But I surely won't bother him directly until I'm over it. We can play together and laugh together. And I won't bother him. He explained everything that I would have had to ask... The slight hope remains. But ultimately, I'm gonna have to just get over him.

I hope I find someone like him one day....

[katelina77]

I think I took a lot from these 4 days. I fucking love operas and theater. I will read more in Hungarian. Hungarian boys can be not retarded idiots. And I truly deserve respect, it completely makes no sense to keep hanging out with someone who does not make me happy, comfortable...

[katelina77]

Life is like a show, and you all, the audience. Everyone who makes a noise, adds to the whole. Sure, if you don't clap, I might not notice, but if no one claps, I will. Same as when only one person claps.

[katelina77]

Végre valakinek tényleg kissebb volt a keze mint nekem... Aranyos, picike kis kezek.... De szerettem volna még érezni őket...

[katelina77]

I miss you. I barely know you, and I miss you. I'm going away, and I miss having the chance of running into you by chance. Thank you...

[katelina77]

Szeretnék szeretnék szeretnék, sétálni veled, az öledben ülni, ölelgetni, aludni veled, símogatni a hosszú hajad.. beszélgetni, csak beszélgetni, hallgatni, nézni, látni. Szeretni téged...

[katelina77]

“Getting over it doesn’t mean forgetting it. It just means reducing the pain to a tolerable level, a level that doesn’t destroy you.”

— Kevin Brooks

[katelina77]

Gyönyörű vagy, kívül és belül. Egy egyetlen alkalom és fél mondat után megjegyezted hogy nem szeretek az ellentétes irányba ülni a villamoson, és figyeltél rá, hogy nekem jó legyen. Tényleg remélem, találsz valakit, aki nekem megfelelő lesz...

És remélem, az én leszek.

😔

[katelina77]

It's been.. 2.5 years now? And I have nothing remaining from you, Patrick. The scars you gave me healed on my hands. I remain with the knowledge and memories of you, and all that you taught me.

[katelina77]

“I like how our hands seem to have their own conversations, apart from our mouths. I like how we tell things we can’t seem to say out loud. In these spaces between, our fingers meet and they fit. Perfectly. There were no walls. No secrets. I like how our hands knew how to be together at times we can’t seem to.”

— Dawn Lanuza

[katelina77]

Jaj, de szép voltál, jaj, de gyönörűszép.. de nem baj.. nemsokára elfeletelek, biztos.. és már nem fog fájni, mint most...

[katelina77]

Dude I just fucking LOVE being reminded that I could be brutally kidnapped murdered raped sold to sex trafficers, every few days!

[katelina77]

I wish I could be more creative. Somehow, desperation leads to creativity for me. My best inspiration is sadness. I wish I could create without hurting. Alas, my creations come from hurt. And you know what... I need to continue with my black metal band.

[katelina77]

"I'm just not good enough" is burned into my brain like a branding mark

[katelina77]

Azért kegyelmetlenül aranyos voltál. Azt be kell ismerni... :/

[katelina77]

Imádlak. De nem tudom miért. Igazad van, "miért?"...