katgotyourtonguexx - Tumblr blog

katgotyourtonguexx · 4 years ago

Text

sweet pool: Endings After Thoughts & Interpretations • Red Road & Miracles May

All of sweet pool’s endings left me in complete awe, especially Red Road and Miracles May’s endings, which are what I’m going to talk about in this post before they slip my mind (and because I figured I need something to cry in the future if I happen to forget what I remember now). It’s not that kind of gratification that I usually feel after I finished a game, knowing what the endings implied. Both of Miracles May’s endings have left me with a larger sense of curiosity. When I first played sweet pool in 2008, I honestly didn’t know what to think about the endings; I’ve constantly felt that there’s something beyond that, something that I haven’t cracked and something that I, presumably at that time, wasn’t smart enough to crack. 9 years later, in May, I decided that I wanted to crack this once and for all.

May was the best time to replay, for very obvious reasons. And, miraculously, I found satisfying answers for myself to everything that have been bothering me for the past 9 years. Miracles May, indeed. This post is super long, welp, too many feelings haha…

Red Road

Before decoding Miracles May, I personally felt that Red Road was the best ending, and still feel so. It felt like a happy ending, both Tetsuo and Youji achieved what they wanted, they’re together until the very end, albeit short. But they’re happy, and I’ve wanted nothing but for them to be happy. Red Road was an amazing ending. It’s one ending that loyally follows through the instinctual path, succumbing to fate, to what they’re destined to do until the very end. Despite so, despite everything that are so cruel, that are so unforgiving, so harsh, even more so for two high school students, none of them backed away. They stood firm by their beliefs, by what they wanted to do, until the very end and even though death was what has greeted them in the end, there was no regrets, only contentment.

I love Red Road; it’s tragically beautiful, yet strong in core all the same. It’s a fascinating ending. And, like I said, which would be a very important point for when I put my thoughts later for Miracles May, Red Road is an ending that’s loyally instinctual, in the sense that Youji follows the instinctual path to obey to his nature, to them, to fulfill their wish, taking responsibility for who he is destined to be. It’s an instinct route, which instincts are essential to make this ending happen.

Hence, Red Road.

Miracles May

I’ll be putting my thoughts down for both of Miracles May endings – violin and Grand – in this section because they’re both interconnected and intersected. While Red Route is loyally instinctual, Miracles May is loyally logical, in other words, loyally human. To achieve Miracles May, Youji would need a huge portion of humanity and reasoning in himself to weave himself off the instinctual path, ending up in an ending where he forsake his “destiny” and choose to live as a human, for both him and Tetsuo. To get into Violin, however, requires Youji to discard his humanity in the very last second – for Tetsuo.

Before I decoded the Grand Ending, I honestly also thought that Violin Ending was a beautiful ending. It’s not as tragic as Red Road but it definitely has this veil of sorrow and anguish above the layer of deceptive happiness this ending could offer me. In this ending, Youji decided to sacrifice himself for Tetsuo, like how his father had done to him, giving Tetsuo his life so that only Tetsuo could live. As a result, Tetsuo lived, while Youji obtained a guilty chance that he deemed he shouldn’t have. In this ending, Youji became an existence as light as air, like a shadow, like light, like Tetsuo’s shadow, or even Tetsuo’s light. He became a sort of illusion, and he was given two years to live as such. It’s clear in the Violin Ending that Tetsuo was visibly unfocused when Youji talked to him; the numbers of “Huh?”, “… ah.” “…oh.”. Too many of “…”, too many of question marks; very unlike Tetsuo.

Personally, I saw it as either Youji’s existence becoming thinner and thinner, especially when that very day was the day Youji hits its limit that it’s making it hard for Tetsuo to even recognize his existence. Or, it could be that Tetsuo had noticed that he might never see Youji again when he returns that day, causing him to be unfocused, because he simply has his own emotions to deal with. Perfectly understandable. For me, in this ending, both Tetsuo and Youji would’ve already come to the realization that they only have limited time and that whatever time they’ve earned is a guilty chance. In other words, they’d be more than aware that this is the only time they have left in this world to do everything and whatever they wanted to do – things that they couldn’t when Youji was still alive – which also means: being humans.

For their entire life, none of them were one, none of them were treated as one. And, if this was the last thing they could do for and with each other, it’s undoubtedly going to be to live as a normal human being, together, which is why the possibility of Tetsuo wanting to give Youji that sense of humanity being a totally understandable point in this ending – asking Youji to close the window (even when he couldn’t), telling Youji that it’s cold, etc – because even when they know that everything they are doing and saying to each other are dreams that only miracles could achieve, they wanted to try and live in this very miracle, at least for now. And it’s clearly shown with all of Tetsuo’s way of speaking, all that he wishes to assure Youji that he’d be fine, so that Youji can depart in peace. In the after story of this ending, it is shown that Tetsuo regretted a couple of things that he should’ve done with Youji while he’s still around, one being to bring him to meet Erika. It is shown in the end that Tetsuo would need to live on, that he wants to live on, for this life is given by Youji to him. Seeking death is equivalent to betraying Youji’s wish; that’s why he’s not given an option. Honouring Youji is the only thing he could do now and is the only thing he would do, the only thing is – it’d also be a huge, huge painful responsibility that he’d have to carry all by himself, even more so when he’d met love, lost it, and now having to live with it, being constantly reminded that whatever he lost is whatever he gained.

I couldn’t believe I liked this ending more than Grand Ending before I attempted to decode Grand Ending, now this just hurts more than it should. It’s an incomplete miracle, like the ending song, with only its instrumental without the lyrics.

***

Unlike Violin Ending, in Grand Ending, Youji remains firmed with his decision, that he wants to live, with Tetsuo – even if that might mean that they might not be together when they’re alive, as human. Not yet. It’s a very, very smart wordplay in this part that I had to play a couple of times to finally get the multiple meanings behind what “living with or also living with Tetsuo” could possibly imply.

I’ve looked into the distinctive differences between both endings, on how did they end up this way and while I could quote Youji for a lot of things he’d said to have led to both of this, the main difference train of thoughts that I thought is interesting to be brought up is his thought process during the crucial decision that has him choosing between Violin and Grand Ending:

Violin Ending

– If that’s the case. This time, I’ll… Like how my father saved me. I want to save Tetsuo. Gently, I hug onto Tetsuo’s body. I press his head against my own chest, brushing my lips against the light brown colour of his hair. At the very least, I want Tetsuo to live. That’s why— Right there, my mind is swarmed by countless bubbles; changes start to occur. Before I know it, my conscious is drown by the bubbles, I can no longer think of anything else. Nothing else.

Grand Ending

– If that’s the case, this time, I’ll… As that thought flashes past my mind, a loud voice vibrates in my head. … I want to live. Even though everything that is happening now has been decided since the very beginning. Even so. I want to live. With Tetsuo. One more time, I want him to call my name. Using that low, vivid voice of his. Using that gentlest voice in the world of his. One more time, to call my name—

In Violin, Youji has asked for Tetsuo to live – at the very least, he wanted Tetsuo to live. In Grand, however, he outwardly said he wanted to live too. While in the Violin ending, we read, from Tetsuo’s pov, that only his body was being saved out of the pool during the incident. With the mention of ‘only’, he clearly knows that Youji has lost its humanity and hence leaving only him to be visible to the others. Meanwhile, in Grand Ending, based on Tetsuo’s (unreliable) narration, he said “he was rescued from the pool”; there weren’t any mentions of how many people were rescued nor could he even remember. Whatever he’d heard is whatever others told him. And that includes a very vague mention of Youji, of a classmate being transferred away, which, for all we know, it might be true, because who wouldn’t (especially Erika) want to make sure that their loved one is no longer in danger after such a traumatic experience? Even Tetsuo’s parents wanted to transfer him away but he simply refused to. I find the writing for this epilogue scene in Grand Ending extremely brilliant; it uses a misdirection style of storytelling, having us to rely solely on Tetsuo’s (unreliable) narration because truth is, just because he couldn’t remember Youji doesn’t mean Youji no longer exists.

The fact that Youji has chosen a human path for both of them in the end meant to discard the instinctual selves of theirs, throwing all the remnants of those instincts – those parasites – alongside the memories of them away. Tetsuo had admitted that he’d come to know Youji because of Youji’s scent, which is presumably the hormonal effects a mesu releases to attract an osu. Having memories of being an osu deleted means having to forget how he’d first come to know Youji, which leads to having to forget Youji’s existence altogether. But Tetsuo has proven himself well that Youji is more than just a mesu to him, even when the impression still remains when he noticed that.

The very fact that Tetsuo constantly feels that something is missing in him, that he still remembers the vague shadow of Youji – the very human parts of Youji – when they interacted (his dark black hair, his eyelashes, his fair skin, how he eats very little, how he rejects food, and his distrustful eyes – all the human traits) said enough of how much Tetsuo remembers Youji as someone important to him, not in a mesu sense. The fact that Youji has mentioned about wanting to hear Tetsuo calling his name again is a sense of hope he’d gambled between the both of them – that even though they’d forgotten, even though they’d gone on separate paths after, there’d come a day when they’d remember each other again; and by calling his name (note: a person’s name is equivalent to identity in Japanese culture, holding one’s name close means holding one close to their heard) would act as a trigger for them to start remembering each other again. That’s why it’s a miracle. That’s why this ending is the Grand Ending. Because despite it being an ending, it’s also a beginning; like how Youji had said it himself. It’s a whole new beginning of them – for them to start all over naturally, meeting as acquaintances, then friends, then more; as humans.

Another point that I find interesting to bring up is that in Miracles May ending, Kitani shot both Youji and Tetsuo (even though he shot Tetsuo too in the other endings), but what’s important to note is where he’d shot them. Tetsuo near his ribs, Youji on his chest – which are where the parasites reside in each of their bodies. So, the possibility of Kitani killing the parasites when he shot them also leads to the possibility of them being able to live as normal humans after the parasites are gotten rid of. This part is foreshadowed when Kamiya talked about the Myrmecoleo, about how if one wants to live, even when they’re incompatible with the other thing they live with, then they simply need to get rid of it (like how Kitani had done for both Youji and Tetsuo). And also, Kitani’s thoughts on how a bullet may be possible to kill “these monsters” when he read about the whole deal of the parasites in the Okinaga household.

There are a lot of other hints dropped in other side media, like in 5th Anniversary CHiRAL Night story for Tetsuo and Youji, where they’re both alive and together, Youji asked Tetsuo if miracles exist, and if forever exists, where all Tetsuo said is that if they believe in it, then they exist, heavily implying that if both Tetsuo and Youji believe in themselves and in each other in the end of Miracles May, then they’d remember and meet each other again eventually. Even when they never remember each other again, if they are truly meant to be, then they’d meet each other again, and something, maybe just something would happen between them again. This is also the whole reason why Tetsuo’s answer to Youji when Youji asked him “if forever exists” in the rooftop scene is responded with Tetsuo’s “Who knows?” because the answer differs from whichever ending they end up in. Brilliant, simply brilliant.

If in Red Road, neither of them believed in forever, it’s then an ending that cherishes the present. But, Miracles May is an ending that’s a complete contrast with Red Road. If Red Road is an ending to protect the present, then Miracles May is an ending to protect the future; because in this route, both miracles and forever exist.

Having reading through and trying to understand the endings for the umpteenth time, I’ve come to understand how Miracles May is indeed, the Grand Ending, and very Grand indeed. I’ve come to love this ending dearly; it’s unpredictable but it’s hopeful, it shows how strong Youji is to fight for both of their lives, and to see through everything. At the end of the day, the parasites aren’t antagonists; if there’s one thing that’s certain with them, it’s the yearning to live, something that must have resonated with Youji’s own will to live. It’s really, really an incredibly smart ending that’s the best ending for the both of them (even though I still love Red Road, for a totally different reason).

I’m really glad I managed to pour my thoughts about both of these endings and they still hurt me but I’m so, so impressed with how sweet pool is being written. It’s so brilliant and smart and just… wow. It’s no wonder it’s one of the most terrifying works Kabura Fuchii has ever written. All of these are my personal thoughts and of course, everyone could have their own personal interpretation but for me, I’m so relieved to have found the most satisfying answer for myself after years of being bothered by the unsolvable :’) I hope you enjoyed reading this. I’m sure I’ve missed out some crucial points but I think I have the more obvious stuff covered here.

Now just… let me lie down in a corner because too many feelings… And also, I can finally write my post-Miracles May story in peace :’D

133 notes · View notes