katidid-writes-stuff - Tumblr blog

[katidid-writes-stuff]

My mom tells me that there’s nothing wrong with me, that this is just who I’ve always been. I know she’s wrong, I could feel the change. She also thinks it’s all because of the things that happened to me and I’ll get over it. Maybe she’s right and it is what he did that triggered it. I think that just feeds into my hatred for him that I’m already struggling to move past. The therapists and doctors say the time my shit flared up is in the time frame most people’s flare up if they have it. I think he might’ve just made it worse, harder to cope with. She doesn’t understand that I want to move past them, the situation. I try. I try not to let it flip my mood like it does. I can’t help it sometimes though. She thinks since it’s been three years I should be over his abuse. Maybe she’s right. I hope not. I have made progress, she doesn’t seem to notice. It’s not complete forgiveness so it’s not enough. I have my weak moments and that’s all she sees. I think I’m more than my weak moments though. I hope I am. Sometimes my mom reminds me of the voices, she talks like them. I can’t tell if she shapes them. I just want to feel okay again, I want to stop being invalidated. I want to feel normal. I wanna go back.

[katidid-writes-stuff]

Summary of mark’s stream

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okay i’m desperately trying to remember what this book/artist was called but did anyone ever read a book when you were younger that was basically just a collection of kind of surreal, dream-like illustrations with maybe sentence long caption at the bottom of the page?

the one that i remember the most clearly was a picture of someone who fell asleep reading in bed and there were vines and trees growing out of the book and covering their room. does anyone know what i’m talking about?

[katidid-writes-stuff]

sometimes all you can do is lay under 3 large blankets while holding onto a stuffed animal

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the biggest mood of the night is the hulu support agent saying “wack” when i told him one of his solutions didn’t work. mitch r if you’re out there-

[katidid-writes-stuff]

this is the true gen z experience

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[katidid-writes-stuff]

Since my tumblr is basically dead, here’s something I would say to a therapist if my depression would ease up long enough for me to go:

I keep fucking things up. That’s all I do anymore. I’ve got this amazing guy, keep fucking it up. I’ve got this amazing job, keep fucking it up. And I hate myself for it. That’s the worst part about it, I genuinely, with every fiber of my being hate myself for it. And I don’t want to, I wanna be less hard on myself about it I really do but I can’t. It’s like everything I do is just digging the whole deeper and idk if I can get out of this one. I want to isolate and shut off so I don’t fuck up anymore but I can’t, because I love my boyfriend and I can’t do this currently without him. Another thing currently taxing me is that even though I don’t really want to die, it keeps popping back up. It’s like that YouTube suggestion you don’t know where it came from but you’re tempted to click on it. But I don’t want to die, I just wish I had been more successful in my attempts before.

[katidid-writes-stuff]

Cloak.

I have complete faith in mark and jack and I stand by them with this cloak brand because it’s something they seem really proud of. But I’m seeing a lot of people turning on them and some of them seem to be putting logic behind it and idk, my track record with backing the right people is really shit. I’m not moving my stance, I’m just gonna be really hurt if everything people are saying is true.

[katidid-writes-stuff]

this is too real though

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Chase: It’s not gay if I want to date Bing, but as bros, right?

Robbie: I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure that’s gay.

Marvin, sipping wine: I’m an expert and that’s gay.

[katidid-writes-stuff]

Turn the page softly. Or rip it out fiercely. Or burn it unapologetically. Do whatever it is you need to do to move on and start the next chapter of your story. 

www.instagram.com/rhswaney

[katidid-writes-stuff]

I just found your blog and I love it! :o You seem like an amazing person, and I hope if things are difficult for you right now, they'll get better soon. You're a beautiful person and you deserve only the best things in life

Things will get better. Maybe not the way they should, but who cares. Thankyou ❤️

[katidid-writes-stuff]

I know it’s probably really overwhelming to think a lot of people lean on you for support but it also turns around into you having so many people to lean on to when you need it. It may seem lonely sometimes but you always, always have someone who is willing to make time for you not matter what 🤷🏻‍♀️❤️

[katidid-writes-stuff]

“Yeeet”

Jacksepticeye, 2018 😂

[katidid-writes-stuff]

What people say about me:

Also me:

Amy literally took this video moments prior to me spotting this post.

[katidid-writes-stuff]

Summer no

I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT I LOVE BEING APART OF KICK CULT.