katie-the-project-blog

[katie-the-project-blog]

Luxurious and Juvenile

That’s my favorite kind of taste it seems. Youthful and rich. I think that’s such an interesting point of taste because so few young people have wealth. It’s so interesting because there may be a lot of it online, but in real life how often do you really experience it? I think that’s why we look to young, rich kids online doing whatever the heck they want, buying nice things that fit our exact taste in aesthetic because we can't get it ourselves, but we still enjoy seeing other people enjoy it.

I love watching Gabi Demartino’s fancy vlogs because she’s got all the things I don’t - a closet that is so pleasing to the eye and full of all the things I have no business wearing, all expensive, clean, and luxurious. As well as a cute boyfriend, lots of friends she’s always hanging out with, and always jet setting between her home and family life, and cool places like New York and LA where she gets impressive work done and goes to clouty events. She lives the lifestyle I’m not living, and one that’s so seemingly hard to attain, at such a young age. That’s why I like watching her vlogs.

That’s the kind of blog I’d love to create. And the difficult thing about that is that I don’t have the kind of money and connections, and quite honestly supportive friends, that she has to create that aesthetic and eventful content. So one of my favorite things to do is check out her, and my other favorite bloggers’, initial content. I love going back to their first videos ever uploaded and just watching for the first year to check myself and say hey she didn’t get this way until she’d been doing it for 5 years. And she had the luxury of not having to worry about how much money she’s bringing in to pay her bills because she started in high school. Which is honestly why I’m also so mad at myself for not sticking with a blog or anything since then, which I always wanted to do, but never had that umph.

So I think I’ll just start out with what I can. Product reviews. My opinions on stuff. How to live luxuriously for cheap. Inspiration and motivation, and how to block out the negative stuff keeping you from doing what you want.

First step is actually writing one of those... Stop procrastinating, Katie...yeesh. 

[katie-the-project-blog]

Time Management Skills For The Hopeless

I need to start being organized and shit. Damn.

Like really my whole issue with not being able to successfully start a blog is that I come up with all these ideas when I can’t act on them and then when I have the time I either don’t have the motivation or I lose the list and therefore don’t have the ideas, so I go searching the internet for ideas and it puts me in a rabbit hole of consumption, wastes my time, and I never get around to the actual creation part of my plans.

I think 2020 is really going to be the year of getting myself into some good solid time management habits. I will move away, stop getting last minute invitations from my family to do stuff I feel obligated to do, and start getting into a more regular routine with when I hang out with friends or go do activities, and therefore I’ll know when in the week I can plan out my own shit. And I’ll know that THAT is the designated time I have to work on it, so better not waste it.

Ugh. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. Maybe I’m really just... making shit up about how my life is gonna go yet again. But another thing I keep thinking about in regards to why my life doesn’t go how I necessarily want it to go is because my lifestyle doesn’t really change, and that’s because of some key factors about WHERE I live and WHAT obligations take up my time and attention. The biggest factors that would change with a job change and a move are: my family, work schedule (even if only slightly), and the food choices that bombard me at work - which is actually a big factor in how I spend my time outside of work.

Here’s what I’m gonna do to change things up:

Take my orange theory membership down from unlimited to 8 classes a month. I really don’t have the natural motivation to want to go that hard that often, and all it does is spend an extra $12 every time I end up canceling less than 8 hours ahead of time. So over the course of the month my cost tends to end up being the same per class as the 8 class membership anyway. This way I’d spend less money, and only go when I really want to, and less because I just feel like I should. That’ll give me my time back, and my energy, and that way I can spend that extra free time on like a 30 minute walk or some yoga - something calming and energizing, rather than heart pumping and draining. Get that Yin. Less time commitment, driving, and showers.

Apply for jobs out of town. This is the hard one because I really don’t know what city I’d want. I just know bigger than where I live now. That would mean less family obligation - I go to see them at least once a week. And while that sounds awful wanting to leave family so I don’t have to spend so much time with them, a lot of the time that I actually consider “work time” for my own shit is met with an invitation from my mom to go to target or go have lunch with my grandma. And it’s hardly ever more than an hour’s notice, so I can’t plan around that. And every time I go over there they have so much bad, delicious food that derails me from my diet plans. And that’s the house where my food issues started, always feeling like I couldn’t tell them I wanted to lose weight, and therefore having to either give up my plans and give in to their food, or feeling ridiculous and guilty telling them I didn’t want to eat what they offered. Ugh this is therapy right here. Maybe I’m projecting, but that’s how I feel.

Dedicate three hours a week to *my* work. My blog, youtube, instagram, everything to do with my online presence that could potentially lead to generating revenue down the line. And this doesn’t count. This Tumblr is specifically to get my juices flowing and essentially be a diary, and a personal version of what I want to do, pointed toward me instead of toward an audience. Because that’s really where I get stuck. I can talk about me all day long, but doing stuff for other people is where I get stuck. So I will dedicate an hour on Saturday, and hour on Tuesday and an hour on Thursday to be my “professional blogger” time. Enough to make it feel effective, but not so much that it’s intimidating.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I’m gonna do this. 2020 will 100% be my year. Because this time I’m not waiting. I'm going for a real change. I really don’t wanna be in this place next year. I said that last year and didn’t take enough action (partially because of personal stuff that got in the way, but also because I LET it get in the way and be an excuse). That’s not happening this time. I’m gonna be relentless. Because if I don’t get it done this year... when the hell will I?

[katie-the-project-blog]

I want a change... Here are a few reasons why.

Helloooo beautiful wooooooorld! It’s gonna be a long post, so if you wanna learn about yours truly then strap in!

I sound much more chipper than I actually am. I just ate about a billion Heath bars that I was gonna use for a project at work tomorrow and I feel down on myself for it. I started the week so determined to lose the weight I’ve put on. But this week.... like every week.... I grew weak.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never be able to achieve self actualization if I continue working at my current job. Or any regular office job it seems. It used to be easier in my office when I first started two and a half years ago. That was before they started stocking snacks literally all the time. I can remember weighing about 15 lbs less than I do right now a couple months after I started there. Then my work started picking up and the snacks and sodas started pouring in and my desk moved right next to my manager. Now when I’m stressed there’s a bunch of sugar and carbs right there for the grabbing and I can’t just take a quick break and scroll through Pinterest if I feel like taking my eyes off work for a second without being scared my manager is going to ask me why I’m not working.

I feel unhealthy all the time. And the fact that every time I feel the least bit stressed I say “fuck it, I really don’t have much going for me in my life right now and I know there’s at least 4 meals being catered for us in the next week and I’m never gonna be able to lose a dress size by the holiday party and I’m stressed NOW and don’t have time to make myself feel better by doing literally anything else because I have an assignment due five minutes ago so the only way I can feel SOME type of pleasure and ease the pain of what’s going on is by eating some raisinets and Chex mix with a Diet Coke”. And that happens pretty much every single day.

If I’m ever going to be healthy I need to either work from home or get a new job. And since I’m pretty certain that working from home would be so lonely I’d spiral into another sort of depression, I’m thinking it really means I need to get a new job. One where I can be creative, and a little bit more in charge of my own work. I’m 25 and I’ve never not been at the bottom of the totem pole. They were talking about potentially promoting me after the holiday season was over, but I recently found out my team isn’t getting any new clients for a while (which means no new work that they’d need me promoted for, and no new money to pay my salary bump), and my biggest account is getting a new manager... which means they won’t need me to be promoted for that account. I’ve yet to hear about another coordinator taking this long to be promoted, and I still have no idea how long it will take.

Additionally, the lease on my apartment is up in March, and I already know I want to move somewhere that will allow dogs, so I know I want to move. It would be one thing for me to fix the fence behind my duplex and convince the owner if I got a really well behaved one, but my neighbor who’s been there for 8 years hates dogs. I don’t even wanna deal with that. So I need to know by February if I’m staying in this city or going somewhere else. And to be honest I really wanna go.

Part of why I want to experience a new city is because I’ve lived here pretty much my whole life, and it feels weird to be this old and still seeing your parents at least once a week, sometimes more. Additionally I used to have plenty of friends here, and then after college they almost all moved away and the ones left I don’t have much in common with. I want friends who like to play around and be girly and fun and are down for anything, and don’t care about judgement. Everyone I know here is so..... mature. To the point where it’s not really *fun* to hang out with them as much as it is just boring to not hang out with anyone. I want friends who have the same taste in in style and entertainment as I do so it’s not a big deal if I ask them if they want to see Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande in concert... and don’t make me feel like I’m some weird 12 year old trapped in a 25 year old’s body. I like pop, and I’ve never understood why that’s somehow synonymous with immaturity and everyone’s favorite thing to shit talk. Even to your face. It really sucks to feel like even your best friend doesn’t respect you because of something so trivial like your taste in music. And I’m sure that happens in most places too, but this city in particular is also really bad about promoting or hiring any musicians that aren’t southern rock or country. I’ve also noticed that not many people here really have hobbies or interests or passions... like... guys are into video games and football, and girls are into Netflix and their boyfriends. It’s astounding how many people I know who really have virtually no interests at all.

I just feel like the city I’ve been living in is a great place to live... but maybe not necessarily for me. I’d love to live in a bigger city. I’d love to make more money so I can afford to live there, too. Comfortably, and not in a cardboard box.

These are the same rantings as every other blogger you’ll come across, I’m sure. But if you’re going to know why I'm so passionate about this blog and why I feel I need to start something new like this in my life... these are a few reasons why. And all of this is not to say that I don’t appreciate what I have, I really do. I’m totally aware of the blessings that come with my job, my apartment, my city, my friends, acquaintances and family. They’re why I’ve stayed here so long. It’s really hard to leave something that’s so familiar and comfortable and makes your life so easy. But what I’m missing is active joy and growth. Every time I think about the question “Are you happy?” it’s hard for me to answer. Because it’s not like anything is bad in my life. Pretty much everything I have going on is good. So I can really only answer that I’m comfortable... but I’m not necessarily satisfied. I’m content with what I have, but I truly believe there’s got to be more to life that I can attain. I’ve experienced it before. And I’d really like to again.

We can get more into that later. For now, I’ve started a blog about the variance between who I feel I currently am and who I’d really like to be. It’s called Gold Vermeil Girl. I’ll explain in my next post. Thanks for reading, and I’ll post soon!

[katie-the-project-blog]

Purchasing Your Dreams

I just purchased an e-book about blogging. I never thought I’d do that lol. I just keep thinking ya know I’m so much better at stuff when I have a step by step guide, because figuring out complicated things by myself is *possible* but it’s not necessarily enjoyable. Like setting up my home studio. It’s been on the to-do list for a year and a half, and still isn’t done because I haven’t found a very accurate how-to guide. They’re all out-dated and my technology is ever so slightly different and therefore can’t follow what these people tell me.

Anyway, that’s a rant for a different time. The point is I’m taking a step in the direction of something that will possibly make me happy. And that’s something I want to do more and more often. I found a quote picture on instagram that says “Whatever you are not changing you are choosing. Read that again.” and I made it my phone background.

So that’s what I’m trying to do right now. I’ve always thought “Of course I don’t need to spend money on hobbies that are free to do, why would I do that?” and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I just never get around to things that I don’t put some level of prior commitment on. Whether that’s buying a book, buying equipment, taking a class, telling a friend or family member I’m doing it... even though it 100% can happen, it just doesn’t.

So I started deciding to save all of the instagram ads that I found promising me a new life if I just follow their program! So I found one today that answered literally everything I’ve been thinking lately and I thought why not? It’s only the price of a Starbucks drink to CHANGE MY LIFE! PLUS a money back guarantee. So even though I had to sit through like 6 upsells after purchasing the e-book, I finally have it. We’ll see if it goes anywhere. You’ll know if you’re reading this that it probably did.

The e-book is called “A Lifestyle Blogger’s Guide To Your First Week Of Blogging” by Marina DeGiovanni. I’d never heard of her before. Hopefully I didn’t just eat $6 for no reason. Happy Saturday!

[katie-the-project-blog]

Welcome to another blog you don’t need. But it’s okay, because I do.

Here I am. Yet again. I want this to stick. I can’t seem to be bothered with any other, more *professional* platform. I don’t know... I guess Tumblr just feels so much more personal than Wordpress or Wix or Squarespace or Blogger... and maybe that’s just because I don’t give them the time to grow on me. But Tumblr reminds me of my youth (I say as a 25 year old who feels simultaneously ancient and fetal at the same time). I’ve had several Tumblrs, and I always kept them longer than any other blog. So maybe this will last. I am so tired of my own shit. I am so ready to be who I WANT TO BE. And I will just never be that person if the platforms I use are so complicated that it takes a ridiculous amount of effort just to write a first or second blog post. Do you wanna know how much time it took me to sign up for this Tumblr? Maybe 60 seconds. MAYBE. It takes me an entire evening to get something posted on Wordpress. Anyway, long story short, life is a learning process and I’m hopefully more on the right path than I was four blogs ago. Learn something about me here and now, and let’s get to the nitty gritty later.

Truthfully I’m 25, but I would rather tell you I’m 21. I work in online retail advertising, but I wanted to work in music. I am constantly trying to lose weight, and am so short I can really only successfully do so if I have a nearly anorexic mindset. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I always walk the line of wanting a relationship and being grateful I’m not in one, as well as for the lessons being alone has taught me. I live in a red southern state, but I’m blue through and through. I want to live in a bigger, bluer city so badly. But I have hardly any idea how to get there if I don’t quit my job first. I want to have lots of friends, but I don’t really know how to make that happen now that I’m an adult and almost everyone I knew from school has moved away. I’ve always wanted to keep up with a blog and a YouTube channel, but literally EVERYONE LOOKS DOWN ON IT... at least everyone I know. And if that’s not true, then here’s another thing about me: I project my own insecurities as other people’s opinions, whether it’s true or not. So it’s hard for me to realize what I should be confident about and look past, and what I should consider to be real and self-aware.

I have so many interests that I’ve toyed with the idea of having an online presence about. I’m so fuckin basic you guys. I just want to have a lifestyle blog. Beauty & Fashion, Music & Art, Health & Fitness, Travel & Home Life, Career & Finances, Inspiration & Advice... But I know the world doesn’t need yet another one of those. So literally all I’m saying to myself is that it doesn’t matter so much if the world doesn’t need it. Because I need it. If I want to feel truly self-actualized... I need it. And I need to realize that sometimes what I want matters, whether I hear it from the rest of the world or not. #selflove #okaybye