katiesfriendzone - Tumblr blog

[katiesfriendzone]

I'm a real live PEDOPHILE

[katiesfriendzone]

i was talking to Ted and said that i think I deserve a better life than this and Ted was like "you deserve the best life" and it made me burst into tears immediately because he's right and i do but it is impossible

[katiesfriendzone]

my therapist still thinks im confused about my feelings as;ldkfnsfd idk how many times i need to say the cursed embarrassing truth. why dont people believe me.

[katiesfriendzone]

nothings going to be alright ever again

[katiesfriendzone]

It's pretty normalized for women to

a) be obsessed with kids and specifically the cuteness and beauty of kids

b) couple with men they clearly aren't that into/ignore their own sexual feelings

so it makes sense that those of us who do realize we're attracted to children are ones with the tendency to ruminate and self-criticize. so i think there are a lot more people with "pocd" who are actually like me. actual pocd is also definitely a thing though

[katiesfriendzone]

Just had the world's most unsatisfiying therapy session

[katiesfriendzone]

i unprivaed this blog again and want to invite others im friends with to read it or at least communicate the truth to them in another way but i am too cowardly.

[katiesfriendzone]

i want to die

[katiesfriendzone]

yeah im definitely not attracted to children im totally attracted to adults like for example ...... dev patel who even lesbians notice is good looking

[katiesfriendzone]

This and a lot of other things would make sense if i had been abused as a child and I'm glad i wasn't but that means there's no explanation. I've thought about it a billion times and considered every possible way it could have happened but there's simply no leads. There's no reason to think i was molested. And I'm grateful for that, I'm extremely grateful for my childhood but it doesn't explain anything about me now

[katiesfriendzone]

Sorry but i don't want to do anything except contemplate my own despair, I'm barely responsive at work and calling out a lot and probably going to get fired. I don't have the mental energy to do anything except reflect on how fucking sad i am.

[katiesfriendzone]

There's never going to be a time where ill ever get to think " wow remember when i was so worried about being a pedophile, glad that's over" like it'll never be over this is just me and my curse and my cross to bear. Instead of having a life or a family or a career or a single happy day ever again, i get to be not thr world's third or second most hated type of person but the worlds number one most universally hated type of person. I feel so bad for my parents they wanted so much more for me

[katiesfriendzone]

1 thing on the support forum that i think about a lot is someone saying that the worst is the days they get up, drink their coffee, feel good about the day and then remember, oh, I'm a [redacted] and all the happiness is gone. That person is in their 50s. This never goes away.

[katiesfriendzone]

I have been so so so sad for so so so long. I can't believe it's been three years of this horrible sadness and the rest of my life to go.

[katiesfriendzone]

this post is more of a rent lowering gunshot than the other one but i also want to say that im not against philosophers and other academics discussing the ethics and nature of sex and consent, specifically when it comes to children and disabled people, more the latter than the former if anything though. i think its fine to dig into why we believe what we believe.

[katiesfriendzone]

regarding the topic i posted about yesterday there's honestly a lot of ignorance and misinformation about it and i understand people not wanting to be triggered or complicate their worldview but at the same time, im still a human being who matters and deserves to be understood and so are the others i have met.