kayssweetdreams - Tumblr blog

kayssweetdreams · 4 days ago

Text

THE DOOR

A Balan Wonderworld Fanfic

An exploration in vulnerability, breaking the rules, and letting yourself feel, if only for a short while.

Rated T for mild language, suggestive content, and thematic elements.

Post-BWW, a possible continuation of the novelization.

OCs belong to me, everything else belongs to Square Enix, Arzest, Balan Company, or some combination of all three.

Chapter 1 – Connection

Another journey had concluded.

Balan and his guest suddenly found themselves back in the theatre, standing on the main stage, from whence they had departed earlier. It was hard to say how many hours had passed, days even. Time flowed differently here in Wonderworld, compared with the human world just outside its doors. A separate dimension, t’wixt time and space, as Balan often, and eloquently, described it. A dimension where the dreams and fears of the human heart lay exposed, given life and form in brilliant and fantastical landscapes, waiting to be explored and learned from. A journey through the mind, through the self, so as to discover new things, come to new understandings, expel worries and quell anxieties, and restore balance in one’s life.

Balan’s bright yellow eyes slid over to his most recent guest, whom he had just finished accompanying, and his brilliant, half-moon grin widened.

Listening Lady. That wasn’t her actual name, of course. All visitors to Wonderworld assumed another temporary identity during their travels, a “stage name” if you will. Fitting for a world like this, whose entryway was an auspicious playhouse called the Balan Theatre, a mysterious edifice that appeared to those whose hearts needed to see it most. The “stage name” granted its bearer a degree of anonymity, and created a barrier of polite distance between guest and host. Balan knew, from his many centuries as Wonderworld’s caretaker—or “Maestro,” his official title—that this rule, like most rules of this realm, existed to maintain a clean, unbroken, and professional line between himself and those under his care. A rule he dutifully followed, but sometimes quietly resented.

Sometimes? Oftentimes, and recently more often than usual…

But back to his guest. A woman in her early thirties. Slender, tall, but not nearly as tall as he was. Dark, curly auburn hair framed her face and tumbled in piles down past her shoulders. Her hazel eyes had looked tired and rather melancholy when she had first entered the theatre, but there was a new sense of relief in them now. Balan was glad to notice that especially.

She was a talk therapist in the human world, counseling all sorts of people whose problems had become too pressing for them to face on their own. It reminded Balan a great deal of what he did here in Wonderworld, and he found himself asking increasingly curious questions about her profession, ones she happily answered. How nice it was to have someone to relate to, if only for a fleeting moment in time. Her gentle demeanor and keen mind made her seem like a perfect fit for her role, too. But lately…

Lately, that role was wearing on her a bit. While she enjoyed her line of work and was eager to provide the best care for her clients, she didn’t seem to make the same effort in caring for herself. She had developed the unfortunate habit of bringing her work home with her, so to speak – constantly fretting and worrying about her clients, and not allowing herself enough time for her own pursuits. It would be very easy in her field to experience emotional burnout as a result, and then of what help would she be to others? What she needed, as she discovered in her journey through Wonderworld, was a greater sense of work-life balance, and the first step was to re-establish proper emotional detachment from her clients—

Hmm…

Balan couldn’t help but wonder if there was a lesson in there for himself as well.

Those rules he was bound to were there for his own good, and for the good of Wonderworld and its guests. As Maestro, he knew the inherent risks of getting too close to the humans – Lance, his counterpart, had lectured him several times now on all the possible ways he could find himself in dire straits. Too many curious questions asked, too much emotional energy spent, too many secrets about himself revealed, too many personal bonds forged with those who were going to leave him anyway. This was precisely how Lance had gotten into trouble when he reigned as Maestro of Wonderworld, how he had fallen from the role and had been consigned to assuming the mantle of the sinister King of Negati. A sad, lonesome fate, and an ironic one as well – forever separated from the humans he’d grown so close to.

And he warned Balan that a similar fate awaited him if he made the same mistakes. That recent group that had come through here had prompted the first of what had become a small but serious succession of social gaffes from the normally well-distanced Balan. Using their human names. Asking friendly questions beyond what was necessary for their immediate needs. Accompanying them too closely on their travels, rather than stepping away and letting them discover the way forward for themselves.

Letting them keep their memories…

Remembering the message was one thing; they might even assume they came to their revelation of their own accord, without magical assistance. But to remember Wonderworld, the Balan Theatre, and their enigmatic guide left the possibility of them pining to return, longing for a place of refuge from the outside world, which would ultimately prevent them from moving forward in their lives.

…letting them see his face…

Not the face to which they were accustomed on their journey, a dark complexion half-hidden by his trademark sparkling white top hat and flanked by long, thick locs of bright green hair. Underneath that hat was something else, a second self, a private persona. The inverse. The opposite. A Maestro’s greatest secret.

The ‘you’ that you are when no one else is around.

To remove his hat and expose that face meant to expose emotional vulnerability, to leave himself fully susceptible to human influence, human light and shadow, positive as well as negative emotions. To laugh too fondly, to smile too earnestly, to weep too bitterly. To connect with them in ways that went beyond his duties. Lance had done that too, one too many times, and see where it had gotten him in the end. Balan’s hatted persona protected him, in that sense. A dazzling showman’s grin, ever-present, to encourage his clients and ensure a successful journey. Project an image of pure strength, positivity, capability, grace, courage. All the while maintaining that ever-important emotional distance between them. There was no real reason to show anything else beyond that, right? Everyone benefitted from the hatted side, himself included, so why mess with success? What good would it do if he found himself weeping or sighing along with the very people he was trying to help?

And yet, how that seemed at times like the most natural thing to do…

Balan’s thoughts were interrupted as a great white light shone around him and Listening Lady. The main stage was awash in splendor, and before them materialized a set of doors that swung open towards them. The antique wood was decorated with intricate carvings and edged in beautiful, polished gold, and the blinking red lights above the frame indicated that this particular set of doors was not an entrance, but an exit.

Back to life, to the reality of the human world, and all of its possibilities.

And now back to business. Balan turned to Listening Lady with a broad smile and recited a parting message, his deep, cordial voice reverberating slightly in the still space:

Well now, it appears your journey has ended. Balance is restored, and your heart, defended. I suppose, then, there’s not much left to do But to bid a fond farewell to you.

Listening Lady smiled and laughed softly, having grown accustomed to his rhyming, but still finding herself delighted by it. Encouraged by her response, Balan gestured grandly towards the exit as he spoke the final line:

And so! Here is your exit, it’s time to go!

And at this he swept into a most gracious bow, his performance concluded, his job done. Listening Lady mirrored his eloquence by pulling at the sides of her long, dark green sweater and sinking into a playfully awkward curtsy in response.

“Bravo, Maestro!” she replied warmly, prompting a chuckle and another bow from her host. “Thank you for all of your help. I…well, I really should’ve come to all these conclusions myself, the answers seem so obvious now…”

Balan shook his head. “Sometimes, my dear, you need a second set of ears and eyes, to help you discover the truths that you, yourself, must recognize.” He slanted a knowing glance at her. “And given a certain profession of yours, you would know all about that, of course.”

She looked down, a blush reddening her pale complexion. “That’s true.”

“So then? Shall we review what you should do?” He grinned expectantly at her, circling her as he continued to recite. “To relieve yourself of excess strife and stress, what shall you do to decompress? Your care for your clients is most admirable, it’s true. But what is something you will do just for you?”

Listening Lady paused, thinking back through her adventure in Wonderworld. The landscape of her heart was very much themed after her job as a talk therapist, and resembled a more surrealist version of her office. Shelves of thick books stretching in all directions, enormous motivational posters that nearly blocked out the sky, and of course piles and piles of paperwork every which way. It pointed to a life obsessed with work and stressed by the grind. But exploring further, she found forgotten items buried among the papers…

She took in a deep breath. “I’m going to make more time for an old hobby, Balan. I’m…I’m going to try painting again. I haven’t done much since…well it’s been quite some time now, but I’m really going to make an honest effort.”

“Yes, dear, very good!” Balan crowed around a round of applause. “You answered just as I’d hoped you would! Reconnecting with a long-lost pastime should bring you great pleasure. And your clients will certainly be helped in equal measure. A well-rested and relieved counselor they will receive, once you grant yourself proper respite and reprieve.”

Listening Lady let out a rueful laugh. “It isn’t going to be easy. Old habits die hard, and as far as painting is concerned, I’m probably really rusty at this point…” Her expression brightened. “They do offer art classes at the adult education annex near where I work. Maybe that would be a good place to start.”

“You’ll find your way, if it matters as much as you say.” Balan regarded her affectionately, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I remember how joyfully you blubbered when your old art supplies you rediscovered…” He chuckled at the memory, and Listening Lady blushed again.

“Heyyyy, I didn’t blubber,” she protested around her own laughter, swatting at his hand. “But I’ll admit, it was an emotional moment. I hadn’t realized until that instant how much I missed the joy of creating…” There was a nostalgic note to her voice as she continued. “Back when I was younger, I sketched and painted every day. I took every art class that was available at my school, and even signed up for weekend classes at the civic center during summer vacation. My friends always joked that I should change my last name from ‘Rossi’ to ‘Ross,’ and tell people I was related to Bob Ross—”

Balan looked puzzled. “Rossi? Ross?”

“Oh, wait, that’s right, you don’t even know my name!” She shook her head in embarrassed amazement. “I’d completely forgotten to tell you, and you’ve been calling me Listening Lady this whole time, and—”

“Protocol, my dear, it’s at Wonderworld’s direction,” Balan reassured her. “And to intrude on such personal information would be a Maestro’s indiscretion.” He paused, and an uncomfortable silence settled between them. After another moment passed, he decided to embrace danger, and in a sly whisper continued:

“However, if revealing your name is something you were to decide, then by that judgement I would gladly abide.”

Ahhh, loopholes. Lance would be furious at him for taking such a risk, but no matter. He smirked secretly at his cleverness.

“Oh…” She cleared her throat, then drew herself up and nodded at him prudently. “In that case, you can call me Laura.” She held a hand out to him, and her smile returned.

Balan’s eyes glittered strangely as he reached out and took her hand. “Laura…”

“Laura. Laura Rossi.”

“Rossi…” It meant red, he knew that. Human languages were a trifle. He looked up and down at her, in her dark green sweater and even darker green leggings, but apart from a few glints of copper in her dark auburn hair, she seemed more green than red. But then, he himself, in his flashy white and crimson suit, despite his bright green hair, seemed more red than green. A delightful inverse. His grin brightened at the observation.

Another silence lingered between them, more at ease than the previous one had been. Balan glanced down at their clasped hands and was gripped by the sudden feeling of not wanting to let go. Another Maestro’s indiscretion, no doubt. He wrestled with this feeling for a moment longer and then promptly dropped her hand, letting out an embarrassed cough.

But Listening La—Laura, rather, didn’t seem to notice his newfound discomfort. “This will be great,” she was saying, turning her revelation over in her mind and indulging in the possibilities before her. “And I’ll be able to reconnect with my little niece too. She’s an artist in her own right, and years ago I used to draw and doodle with her much more often. Maybe that’s what inspired her to begin with…wouldn’t that be something, Balan? …Balan?”

The Maestro blinked and realized he had been staring absently at her as she spoke. He quickly shook his head, his long locs fluttering, and sputtered a moment before replying. “Yes, great, amazing, wonderful, grand! But now your time of departure is at hand.” He hastily waved her towards the exit, suddenly anxious to be rid of her. Maybe this feeling would go away…maybe…

Laura laughed, still oblivious, or at least choosing not to wonder at his flustered demeanor. “Alright, alright, I can take a hint. I should probably get going on this as soon as possible anyway.” She glanced towards the exit, and Balan followed her gaze. The portal back to her reality, her home, beckoned to her with an alluring light.

She sighed, then reached out and patted the Maestro’s arm in a parting gesture. “Thank you, Balan.” There was a flicker of sadness in her eyes, almost as if she didn’t want to say goodbye yet, either. And the way her hand lingered on his arm a moment or two too long suggested the same. But she shook her head, squared her shoulders, and turned away from him, moving towards the doorway with newfound resolution.

Wait…

Before he could stop himself, Balan took a half-step towards her.

“Laura—”

His voice came out a tone softer and lighter than before. He almost didn’t recognize it at first. This was the other voice…

Laura stopped and turned around, confused. But her confusion melted into surprise as he snatched the top hat off his head and swept into a final bow. As he lifted his head and met her gaze, he saw her eyes widen, and he knew why.

This was the other face.

It was no wonder she was surprised, because this was certainly not the face anyone would expect to see. Where there had once been a dark complexion was now one that was stark white, blank and smooth, almost porcelain in appearance. Balan’s hair retained its vivid green color, but it was quite shorter now, falling in a wispy fringe around his face. His usual grin was gone, replaced by a gentle smile, which may have read as a happy expression as well, if a sudden melancholy hadn’t also settled in his brow. Those same bright yellow eyes peered out at her, but even they appeared transformed; his gaze had softened, and Laura was almost certain that she saw a trace of tears shimmering there.

He was so subdued now, almost fragile in appearance. What a shocking departure this was from the bold, vivacious character who had just guided her through Wonderworld. The dazzling, confident, handsome man who spoke in poetry, and laughed boisterously, and moved about like a whirlwind of whimsy. This couldn’t be the same Balan, could it? He seemed so frail, so sad, and yet…

Laura took a few cautious steps back towards him, and he held her stare, searching her eyes, trying to read her emotions.

“Laura,” he whispered, smiling at her encouragingly, “Laura, it’s me.”

She just continued to stare, speechless, incredulous, her brow creasing apprehensively.

For a moment he thought maybe she looked disappointed, and a throb of panic and dejection rose in his chest. This sort of thing had happened before; it was the risk he ran with this level of indiscretion. Lance had warned him about that, too. Embarrassed, he reached down to grab his hat and shove it back onto his head, ready to laugh the whole thing off as a delightful prank, but Laura caught his hand and held it, never once taking her eyes off his face.

She almost appeared to be studying him, as if trying to make sense of this metamorphosis. She reached up with her free hand and cradled one side of his face. Oh… He swayed on his feet and resisted the urge to lean into her touch, keeping himself steady as she continued to consider him. She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes, deep in thought.

A long, breathless silence passed. But then Laura smiled again, ever so slightly—in triumph, maybe, as though she had just solved a riddle. Balan had been full of those, as she had come to know, so what was one more? He smiled back cautiously, and her smile broadened, almost becoming a smirk. You can’t fool me, her eyes seemed to say, and she nodded, as though satisfied by her little investigation of sorts.

With a contented sigh she turned again to her exit and resumed her departure as before. Balan watched her go, relief flooding through him—as she hadn’t recoiled at the sight of him—but at the same time a tingle of trepidation—as she now perhaps understood a little too much about the sight of him. He decided that maybe this was enough indiscretion for one adventure, and as she reached the threshold he raised a hand and began to mouth the codex that would erase her memory of this place. Fun was fun, but maybe that was one revelation too many—

As the last few words of the spell were about to silently tumble forth, Laura snapped around for one last wistful look at him. Balan dropped his hand and stared back, caught off guard for that one brief moment, before Laura winked at him and vanished past the doorframe. The heavy wooden doors swung behind her, and she was gone.

Taking all of her memories with her, no doubt.

Balan blinked, then stared down at his palm and grimaced. “Drat! Well, so much for that…”

He couldn’t help but laugh to himself though, feeling tricked but not minding it much at all. In fact, despite everything that had happened, every so-called “mistake” he’d made this cycle, he felt reassured. No one would have to know how many rules were bent tonight, and he could rest with the satisfaction of knowing that none of his indiscretions had seemed to impede his duties or negatively impact him personally. He was safe. He had indulged himself, and granted himself a little more leeway than usual, and he was still safe.

Feeling rather pleased with himself, Balan reached down for his top hat. His mind wandered back to Lance, and he shook his head defiantly.

I refuse to share your destiny.

As he was about to slip his hat back on, however, he realized something was off.

The brilliant white light that had illuminated the main stage had faded now, certainly, but the doorway back to Laura’s world remained. Normally, the set of double doors would close, then vanish entirely, within moments of the guest returning to their world. But these doors remained in place, the exit lights continuing to blink in their alternating patterns. And it looked like they were both closed tight…unless…

Balan set his hat back down, then tiptoed towards the twin doors, squinting suspiciously at their appearance. The door on the righthand side was firmly shut against the frame, but…

There, right there.

The door on the lefthand side was ajar.

It was only by a hair, but it was there. A slim beam of light glowed from the crack, indicating that the portal was still active. The link to Wonderworld was still alive, if only by that much. And beyond that light, beyond this door…

The world of the humans.

Balan couldn’t believe his eyes. In all of his years—centuries—as Maestro, he had never experienced an exit door that would not close all the way. Every single guest had exited definitively—most of their own accord, some needing a little extra encouragement, but every single exit door had shuttered fully upon their departure. It marked the end of their time in Wonderworld, and the beginning of their new, improved, more balanced life back in their own world. The first day of the rest of their lives, so to speak.

What had happened here?

The Maestro took hold of the gilt handle and pushed the door further towards the frame. Perhaps it was merely jammed, and a little elbow grease would set it right.

Nothing happened.

Transformed though he was, and however fragile-seeming, Balan had not lost an ounce of strength from his hatted form, and pushed at the handle with all the power and vigor within himself, straining against the doorframe and concentrating all of his energy on this one, seemingly simple task. He even abandoned the handle entirely and decided to push against the wood paneling itself. But despite all of his best efforts, the door refused to budge, stubbornly frozen at its sliver of an angle.

He sank to the floor and groaned with frustration, then glared at the disobedient door.

“A peculiar thing indeed,” he huffed as he clambered to his feet, panting a bit from his exertions. “Why keep this door open? What could possibly be the need?”

But then, a new thought occurred to him. He took hold of the handle again, but this time, rather than pushing the door closed, he pulled the door towards himself.

The door swung on its hinges perfectly, without a creak or hint of resistance, and opened for him, exposing the full light of the portal beyond the threshold. He gasped in amazement, then let go of the handle, watching the door swing smoothly back the other way, stopping again at that same, slim angle.

“Remarkable…”

The thoughts went around in his head.

“So you cannot close, no matter how I push or strain. But you can open, to full measure, to allow one to pass through…again…?”

Balan’s brow furrowed as he pondered further. But no, wait, Laura couldn’t come back through this portal—it was an exit from Wonderworld, not an entrance to it. As far as he knew, this door was one-way, and if she were to make a return visit to Wonderworld, as people sometimes did as their lives necessitated, she would arrive through the theatre’s main front entrance.

This path was indeed closed to her. But…

Balan’s eyes opened wide.

Perhaps it was…open…to him?

His hand trembled as he placed it again upon the handle, pulling the rogue door open a second time and gazing into the portal beyond. It hadn’t dimmed a single level since Laura had left, and now it seemed it was beckoning him forward, too. Bright, tantalizing, full of potential, promise, possibility…

A melody bloomed in his mind as he stared, idly running a hand along the door’s golden trim, wondering.

♫ Beyond this door Lies everything I’ve wanted, and So much more…

Balan shook his head, aghast at himself for even considering such a thing. Of all his indiscretions, passing into the humans’ world would surely be the biggest one of all. One that went far beyond anything else he’d done tonight, with consequences he couldn’t begin to imagine. To his knowledge, such a thing had never been done, never been attempted, never even suggested as a possibility. And what guarantee would there be of his ability to return to Wonderworld through this portal, or at all, for that matter?

Still…something nagged at him. A twinge in his chest, a pull from somewhere deep within. A curiosity that he’d never known. A curiosity for the unknown. An unknown that would forever remain unknown unless he decided to know. And the only way to know…

♫ But I’ll never know if I don’t take this one chance…

Balan took in a deep breath, and drew himself up to full height. Excitement drummed in his chest, and a hopeful, daring smile spread across his face. He flung the door open to its full hilt and hurtled forward, a mad laugh breaking forth as the light enveloped him.

♫ It’s time to step into a new world!

Over the threshold, into the light, embraced by a mighty gust of wind, not looking back, crossing his fingers and hoping this foolishness, this impulsivity, would lead him somewhere good. In his heart, he had a very good sense that it would.

Perhaps it will lead me back to you.

The door swung behind him, coming to rest at its insubordinate angle, and Balan, the Maestro of Wonderworld, was spirited away to a new world.

Tonight, indeed, was full of surprises.

#balan wonderworld #square enix #wonderblogging: the door

66 notes · View notes