kdyog-blog

[kdyog-blog]

i just decked you in the face because i’m drunk and you were pissing me off but ow my hand really fucking hurts i think i might have broke it and oh look your nose is bleeding and now we’re both sitting awkwardly in the hospital while i glare at you from across the room. but wait are you giving me sex eyes?? stop that i’m supposed to mad at you?? 

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under construction!

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''i'm so tired of constantly doing this with you.''

@ltyasks ☾ @kdyog ; arguing starters. ┊ status ; closed.

“then don’t.” 

miscalculated. dongyoung miscalculated it, and now it’s slipping past his fingertips, going out of control. he thought they would be fine, really, after all, their last fight ended pretty smoothly, with the both of them hugging it out in the middle of the living room. but things have been… tense lately. 

argument after argument, fight after fight, that’s essentially how they have been working out for the past week. he doesn’t even know what started this one. something silly, if he recalls correctly. something about taeyong’s favourite shirt being misplaced was enough to make them escalate to their deepest, darkest moments. and then it all kept crashing down. both of them yelling, relieving all the stress of the week upon each other in the least healthy way possible. 

“don’t.”

this time his voice is calm, steady, yet the hint of exhaustion and hurt is clearly laced along it. it’s no secret that dongyoung is constantly trying to have the last word, a flaw that often puts him in trouble, but this time it’s different. this time he wants it to be done. he doesn’t care who wins, this time he raises his white flag in the air, begging, waiting for taeyong to do just the same. 

“you don’t have to do this. we don’t have to do this. i don’t want to fight anymore. i don’t know what this is about, but i’m tired of it. i just- i just want us to be okay. please… please, let’s not do this anymore.”

he asks, begs, clearly defeated in the way his shoulders slump and with how he is on the verge of tears. 

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dongyoung doesn’t really feel it at first. surely, the day has been long and tiring, but the fatigue taking over him really only surfaces once he is met with the ringing silence filling his - currently - empty apartment. with a soft, gentle sigh, he drags his feet upstairs, body heavy and completely exhausted by now. some skincare products, a shower and a face mask later, the boy finds himself cuddled up in bed, wearing his husband’s sweater. anything to fake the other’s presence for the time being, really. 

he only realizes he fell asleep once he is woken up by some shifting of the covers. dongyoung gets startled at first, more lost and confused for he just woke up from his nap. he’s about to panic for a second, maybe even scream, but once his eyes fall on his partner’s frame his gaze softens and he instantly calms down. 

“you scared me. . .” he expresses with a slight chuckle, this time wrapping his arms and burying his nose against the soft fabric of taeyong’s shirt. fingers curling into the clothing, the boy only presses himself closer, eyes closing once again as he lazily nuzzles his nose against the other. 

‘‘finally.’‘ the single word was a quiet one under his breath, he made an effort to close the front door as quietly as he could before he took his shoes off. breathing in the scented air from his house, it brought him some peace like he had been away for days but a day at work come sometimes do that to him. understandable. his bones felt heavy like they were weighing him down and asking him to move not one more step even though he had told his body a thousand times that he was going right to his bed. there was no way to get it to stop. he dragged his covered feet all the way upstairs, for a second forgetting he wasn’t alone in this house because all he did was dive face first onto the clean blankets, breathe in the scent of detergent and melt right ontop of themm. taeyong played songs in his head, those that he reserved because he knew the lyrics too from start to end. hummin faintly that soon faded out because he began to fall asleep no matter how much he attempted to hold himself back from it. ‘‘Baby…’ quietly– possibly inaudible onto the sheets.

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outer peace

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maybe it was all in my head. i had a bad day, i just want you to hold me.

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im so moody im so moody im so moody im so moody

[kdyog-blog]

[kdyog-blog]

( 1 ) | yuta

hey. i know i’m late, and i’m really sorry about that. you’ve never been late to anything but i feel like i’m somewhat constantly lacking, never being able to be there for you. you’re always here for me, and i feel like i can’t even be there to support you and tell you things will be okay. fuck, you deserve a lot more than hearing that things will be okay. i’m sorry, i’m such shit sometimes— at cheering you up. yet you’re always so good at it. i hope one day you’ll forgive me for that.

anyway, today’s letter isn’t about me being a complete headass. i’m shitty but not to the point where i don’t do anything for your birthday.

i still remember the day you messaged me about your ex girlfriend. it was right when i got to that place, and not gonna lie i was stuggling to make friends. and then you appeared, and we just clicked? within minutes you confessed such personal stuff, and i did the same. we were friends, and i knew we were going to be more than that. i still remember that one night when you let everything out, about her and about how you were feeling and although you were trying your hardest to sound like you were okay, i could see how broken that made you. you still pulled through though, and even though it was hard, you broke up with her. i guess that’s what i admire the most about you? your ability to always do the right thing. to always know what to do? you always have these plans, and you know that even though things are hard, you do them still. you’re a strong one, and even though i know you’re willing to fight me one this, you’re a good person. you’re a good person.

you’ve never left my side. you’ve watched me fall in and out of love, you’ve witnessed all my breakdowns and panic attacks, yet you never thought of me as less of a person because of that. i remember there was a week when i would drink and drink because i was so fucking sad but you still stayed by my side. you’ve never hesitated to tell me things how they are and you never once lied to me. i remember when i called you and i couldn’t breathe, because i was crying so much and not once you told me to calm down. you just let me let it out, you told me to breathe and you sat there, on facetime, until i stopped. until i was calm again.

there was ten first. i saw you fall in love with him, fight to be with him, i saw you try and deal with everyone looking at you the wrong way for ending up being with him. and you know, i was so proud of you. for following your heart, for staying with him through the disabling and reporting. i watched you walk on everything she destroyed for you and i helped you build new things. i watched you build yourself again, and hold his hand and laugh with him as if there was no other worries in the world. as long as you had him, you were okay.

then things went bad. for you and for me, as if everything crumbled down and i was struggling so hard to keep everything from breaking but when it did you were there and you said it was okay. to start from scratch again. and so that’s what we did. i got back on my feet, fixed things that needed to be fixed and i found love. true love. and you were there through it all.

i don’t know where i’m going with this, i’m just grateful for this— for you, you fucking coconut headass.

my point is, as sad you get sometimes, as much of a fuck up you think you are, you’re not. you’re an incredible friend, and everything else. you’re incredible, in your own ways. and i miss you. i miss you so much, i know i’ve been away but i miss you. and i don’t spend a day not thinking about you. i just want us back like before.

お誕生日おめでとうございます, nakamoto flopta. i love you lots, and i miss you lots. hopefully you’re not too mad, i’m sorry for being busy and i’m sorry for being a shitty headass best friend.

- NDY (N for nakamoto).