kelleymo

[kelleymo]

by no means am i all over tiktok or instagram or whatever the hell void people shout things into nowadays, but i saw all those cute little videos of you surprising your girl. her serenades. you live the dream, my guy. anywhere in particular you're looking forward to exploring? europe's got so many wonderful places to drop down in, and the food's to die for. honestly, not too much interesting shit happening on this end of things, aside from gearing up to watch the olympics from the comfort of my brand new couch. breaking that in's gonna be my olympic sport this year, and i'm going for the gold.

the next few weeks are going to be insane, having a few tournaments and then gearing up for football training to officially kick off. in the mean time i'm getting to kick around a good portion of europe and see all these amazing places with some of my best friends, and the best girl i could ask for. the last night in amesterdam blew my mind, and i think that is exactly what someone wanted to do. either way i'm fully planning on exploring the next day or two before heading back to the states. anyone else doing anything exciting over the next few weeks? @exposedfmstart

[kelleymo]

nope, sure won't. can't believe you did me dirty as hell like that. i thought we were friends, peter.

You're not going to shut up about the Wendy's thing until I hand deliver you a 4 for $4, huh?

[kelleymo]

would be a shame, wouldn't it? unfortunately — or fortunately, however the cookie crumbles — i didn't make it that far. was too drunk on sea legs to do all that. you had a good time aboard, though, yeah? i'd hate it if you didn't. ah, i'm back home in jersey. doing the pt thing left right and center. where'd you head off to, liz?

Shame if you went door to door and I didn't get a single knock on mine. Though I did have my hands a little bit full while aboard, just find it a bummer that we didn't have time to reconnect. Where are you in the world now?

[kelleymo]

i can't lie to you, nicholas, that fomo you're feeling? it's the real deal. you gonna sell off all our secrets once i tell you about the incredibly hot threesome i had and how i almost fell overboard? 'cause to me, that doesn't seem like a fair trade. maybe i'll ease the fomo that ails you if you... oh i don't know... let me record you singing the ever-iconic red dress line for my voicemail. just a thought. if you have other ideas, i'm of course all ears.

anyone can come around in time for an event but it takes a really special and cool kind of person to come immediately after. it was for good reason but it doesn't make the fomo hit any less hard. i'm assuming everyone had a good time but just want everyone to know that this is a safe space for you to spill all the bad things that happened, too. it'd be a vent session you didn't realize you needed and would make me feel better about missing things. win-win. @exposedfmstart

[kelleymo]

you. me. challenge to see who’s the best golfer. since i didn’t get tickets to your msg show — which, crime, but also congrats on selling out the joint — this is how you can make it up to me. except we’re going to have to do the kind of golf that has dinosaurs, bridges, and bunnies. i’m just that great. / @flickerhoran

[kelleymo]

mister tomlinson — louis, lou, if you will — i’m about to expose myself as the fakest fan in the world, but i legitimately heard someone tell me today that you were lost at sea and my entire body went into shock. like… tell me why i not only believed that, but completely beat myself up for not knowing what was going on with your life at the shallowest, most surface level to exist to the point where i thought i’d missed the memo you were lost at sea? anyways, point being, i’m never doing bottomless brunch again, need you to not get on any ships any time soon, and tell me what’s been up in your life, please and thanks. / @louistcmmox

[kelleymo]

‘kay, it’s like looking in a mirror, truly, except if i had a beard — so what made you the winning man for that coveted all too well role? i’ve only been dying to be in a ts music video for the last eon of my life and i’m not the type to brag, but i totally could’ve dropped sadie sink’s hand with the same type of heartbreaking finesse. / @obriiiens

[kelleymo]

hey, woman crush wednesday, got a question for ‘ya — if, hypothetically, i was thinking of pulling a you and doing the dark hair thing, is it or is it not a good idea to dye it in my bathtub? i’m operating on a whim here. / @doveexposed

[kelleymo]

Thank you, Kelley! Congrats on an amazing career! @lgbtqcreators creator meme - 8 lgbtq celebs; [1/8] -> kelley o'hara (uswnt/gotham fc)

[kelleymo]

there's gotta be. you know, like how booze cruises are a thing... point is, i'm sure down-in-the-deep-blue's a thing. and if it isn't, i suppose i could knock from door to door, see if i could find a taker for said curiosity expedition.

Is there such a thing as the mile-high club, but for a cruise? Asking for a friend, @kelleymo. Like...it can't be a mile-out-at-sea, because the whole ship is probably a mile long already. Inquiring minds want to know.

[kelleymo]

you're killing me here, smalls. you wanna know about the glee days, i will unearth them, but just know it comes at a high price: friendship forever. of course i do, don'tcha know me by now? and if you didn't, the past few days have given you the up close and personal, vip kelley o'hara experience. i try to forget about there being a world cup, especially that whole eliminated in the round of 16 shitshow, but... hey. is what it is. i got to hold a koala at the end of it all. the high maintenance behavior is all a facade. gotta weed out those who aren't willing to put in the work. i will say, i'm impressed with your choice of drinks. the liquor plus the cruise has had me on sea legs. you get out and do anything fun while we stopped in cabo?

the more you talk, the closer i am to actually finding a new favorite. keep on digging that hole for yourself. the only way you could redeem things if you give me a peak into what these glee glory days were. i guess you have a point but we'll keep alex as an option since we love a good ally. okay, okay - i see the flex. i'd say use and abuse it but something tells me you already do. there was a world cup last year? huh, sounds fake. i don't think it ever actually happened. that's all? i was expecting something way more high maintenance but consider it done then. i'll even get the first round and they'll be as strong as my love. get ready to be wow'd, o'hara.

[kelleymo]

alright, here's the thing: i am a not-so-secret lip sync battle fan, except, i believe in actually singing the songs. bad karaoke is fun. bad, drunk karaoke is even more fun. point being, if you don't take me up on karaoke before we get back home, i will quite literally cry. do you still have proud mary tucked in your back pocket? anything new that tickles your fancy? em can't be the judge, since she's very biased, but we could finagle someone into determining who the winner is. / @jkrasinski

[kelleymo]

riddle me this — do we think the whole 'vintage vegas' costume theme down at the casino is just a trick to see who's gullible as hell? because i came prepared. / @atjay

[kelleymo]

i know it's been... like, three thousand years since we've seen each other, but that's simply because you are far too important for little ol' kel — that saying, i'm taking advantage of being on the open seas, headed to the same destination, and heading to bother you. lots 'n lots of congratulations are in order. badass tour, your engagement, just generally being the greatest person to walk the earth. how've you been? gotten up to anything fun yet? / @taylorexposed

[kelleymo]

where the fuck are you at? the ship isn't that big, and i'm bored as hell. still mad about the wendy's incident, and i think you owe me. / @petesdavidscn

[kelleymo]

@cfltcher continued from here.

finding a new favorite? absolutely not. otherwise i'll have to find another favorite queer artist and i am not trying to relive the glee glory days. besides, who are you gonna have be your fave? alex morgan? she might be for the girls, but i'm for the girls and the gays. not only have i seen them, i've kicked their asses many a time. olympics, world cups... well, not last year's world cup, but we don't talk about that. i'd take some quality tan time with you on the cruise, maybe drinks. what's my love worth to 'ya, cari elise? now is the time you reveal that, yes. i knew it.

[kelleymo]

well she’s not wrong