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Why after spending a great and fun day I have the meed to make myself sad??? What kind of self sabotage is this???

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Nothing rlly makes me all that happy anymore, I mean going to see my bf makes me happy and coming home to my cat makes me happy but I don’t think anything else rlly does anymore. I just kinda feel sad all the time, I should probably get tested for something but how would I ask my parents? I miss my bf I wanna call him so I can feel better

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Currently living the “I want to get better→I want to get worse” cycle ♡

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Idk how to stop crying

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AGHHHHHHAHH AHHH FUCK EVERYTHINGG

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“It’s not sucky of you it’s just how you are and I don’t mind that”

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Hi everyone I’m back, sorry it’s been so long I promise I’ve missed you all

Just busy with school yk it ends soon then summer break! And then I’m back at it again after that…but hey it’ll be my last year after that so I’ll be ok with that

I have a lot of projects to do but all of it is making me so nervous so I procrastinate but then I get even more nervous lol an endless loop of shit

Oh and can u guys believe I actually signed up for an extra curricular, I signed up for an art class with my friend on Tuesdays and since today’s Tuesday I have to go today.

OH I ALSO WENT TO THE MIKU EXPO and just like everyone said it was pretty underwhelming tbh, but don’t get me wrong it was still pretty good. I totally thought it was gonna be longer than an hour and a half, so can you rly blame me for being a little upset with how much I payed?

Anyways I’m gonna try harder to not abandon all of you for so long lol

Love you all!!

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Whoa new banner and pfp?!?!?

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I wish people would learn how to use a side walk. I was trying to walk one way and this group of people from my school was walking towards me the other way, AND THEY JUST STARE AT ME WHILE THEY KEEP WALKING TAKING UP THE WHOLE SIDE WALK. I was forced to walk in the fucking mud because people can’t use their eyes and legs in coordination to move over a little

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Me scrolling on tumblr and Pinterest

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OMGkawaiiAngel 1/7 Scale by FuRyu, from Needy Streamer Overload

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Hi everyone, I’m back

I’ve been busy with school (and by that I mean only English homework cuz istg my English teacher hates me) so I haven’t rlly been online.

Nothing too interesting happened since I last posted, I saw my friend yesterday, I’m gonna see my bf tomorrow, and on Friday I’m seeing my friend again

I rlly enjoy seeing her, she was my first friend (of like 12 years lol) and she’s not going to our school anymore because of stuff yk so I was rlly happy when I decided to not deal with school yesterday and leave half way through to go see her and hang out till 8 ( she also fed me dinner so I was rlly happy abt that too)

Recently I’ve been watching a lot of videos made by izzzyzzz, have u heard of her? If not u should check her out she’s super cool.. or maybe I’m just a nerd abt old internet culture and other nerdy shit..it’s a possibility, actually while I’m writing this I’m watching her kill switch vid at the same time

I’m hopefully gonna change up my room a bit (selling my bed for a smaller one and selling my dresser for a vanity) so hopefully I can update u guys on the progress so I can finally have my dream room, which is just like every jirai room on pintrest ever

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It’s been like 24 days since I last posted oops-

Sorry for no life updates for such a long time, I kinda just realized I left off on a bad update so I’ve come to in form u all that I am in fact alive lol

A lot has been going on and I’ve started to feel super depressed again so I just kinda took a break. Even getting out of bed was super hard so just thinking abt taking time to post something made me feel exhausted.

I’ve privated my Instagram and changed what I wear to school to a sweater and either sweat pants or pj pants because a lot of people at school didn’t rlly seem to like me ig, idk why but it’s whatever. I rlly hate wearing these clothes to school tho so it’s kinda made school like, extra miserable.

I went to the gym with my bf today, I feel rlly bad abt it. He rlly likes the gym and always offers me to go with him so I said yes this time cuz I wanted to spend time with him and make him happy but I just couldn’t. I did somethings like squats and other work outs with him too but I just couldn’t stop crying. It’s not because I can’t work out or that I’m a lazy fuck (even tho I kinda am) it’s cuz of where I was. Being in public is hard for me a lot of the time, I rlly don’t like going out of my room in general actually. If I want food I will wait till all my family members are out of the kitchen to get some so that way I don’t bump into anyone, it’s kinda sad ik but what I’m trying to say is that going out is hard for me. Not to mention my extremely low self esteem, so being in a room with lots of people and one that’s meant for people to focus on their body’s with lots of windows and mirrors around made me just, cry ig. I probably looked rlly pathetic but I just couldn’t help it, I just wanted to go home and cry and hide away in my room where no one could see me and I feel so bad for it. He was trying so hard to have a good time and I ruined it, I always have to ruin it some how. I dunno if he still reads these but if u do then I’m rlly rlly sorry and ik I’ve said it already but I rlly am I just didn’t know what to do

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This is going to be a very ranty and vent like post btw

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So to start this off I fucking hate everyone at school I hate everyone that makes fun of me FOR NO REASON I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU I DONT EVEN TALK WHAT IS THERE TO MAKE FUN OF IDK WHY PEOPLE LIKE TO FUCKING HARASS ME LAST TIME I CHECKED ITS NOT FUNNY.

Every single person that talks behind my back and laugh at me while I’m sitting and doing nothing can eat shit and die.

And why, because I prefer to wear a skirt to school? Because I don’t like the same things they do? ITS FULL OF SHIT.

I was doing rlly good for a year after getting with my bf but because of all these assholes it’s getting bad all over again. I’ve rlly been nothing but nice to people, you need some money? Sure I’ll give you some, your hungry or don’t have water? Have some of mine! I don’t know you but you need something from me? All good I’ll give you anything you need! AND YET PEOPLE ARE STILL ASSHOLES WHY AM I EVEN NICE TO THEM ANYMORE WHATS THE POINT.

I WANNA DIE ALL OVER AGAIN AND I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH WHATS THE POINT IN EVEN BEING HERE IF THIS IS WHAT THE REST OF MY LIFE IS GONNA BE LIKE

I don’t even know if I have the money for therapy.. I need something like medicine or something idfk.. ik I rlly need help but how am I supposed to get it? Idk what to do anymore I hope this goes away one day..

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🌸 Kawaii Shop 🌸

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I always found hospitalcore/medcore comforting due to my own experiences with being hospitalized.  I’m sure this also falls under the category of Yami Kawaii. Pls enjoy✨