ketoslut

[ketoslut]

Would be great to go a month without crawling back here.

Someone has to keep me accountable I guess.

[ketoslut]

You should know

You're doing okay

How crazy is that?

Darling

I'm proud of you

Let me remind you

"you're not alone,"

I'm proud of you.

You made it..this is it. Celebrate. Rejoice.

[ketoslut]

I hate coming back to my room and you're not here

[ketoslut]

I miss you the moment I lost sight of you. My heart aches when I'm not near you. I love you so much it breaks every part of me but I relish in that pain.

That longing let's me know it's real.

[ketoslut]

Your heart feels like home to me

Your arms are my bed

[ketoslut]

I want easy things for us. I want gentleness and sun rays showered over your head. I want you drenched in honey and joy

[ketoslut]

Looking towards the future to find your reflection there

[ketoslut]

I wonder often if what the fuck went wrong with me. In that paramount moment of human development. What flaw was installed in place of empathy and drive of human affection. The ability to give authentically from the heart, hands, unburdened with knowledge and grief, giving freely and endlessly.

Am I faking? Am I trying to fake it until I make it? Again?

God. Please. Please. Please please please hear me. Please. I don't want to reread this years, or, muses forbid, months down the line. Please. Please I am on my hands and knees I am begging in a way that makes my heart bleed raw and open onto the floor. Please let me let this work. Please don't let this end. Please. Please. Please.

I don't want to be dragged back down into the inky depths of that pit. I don't want to be sprawled naked on my floor punching the wood and brick walls until my knuckles bruise and bleed. I don't want to hold that pill bottle in my hand again while hoping and begging for a text through bloodshot and bleary eyes.

I'm better now. I'm better now. I'm better now.

I'm better now.

I'm better now.

I'm better now.

I'm better now.

I'm better now.

I'm better now.

I'm better now

Damaged

Damaged

Damaged

Damaged

Damaged

Damaged

[ketoslut]

It's been a while.

Lately I find joy is in the morning sun tearing apart the clouds. I wonder how your drive to work is.

My bed feels quite empty these days but I don't think my heart has ever felt this full. I look for traces of you in my bedsheets.

I press my nose to the pillows like you press your nose to my hair when you kiss my forehead.

I wonder what the stars hold in store for us. I'm cupping my palms to catch the shining luck that rains down on us.

[ketoslut]

I should perhaps, feel bad. I don't feel bad and that's what concerns me. Thats what scares me. That twinge of guilt pops up and it's immediately shoved down by the bleeding right hand.

The same one that was extended to you in a plea of understanding. The same one you glanced at with indifference.

I don't feel poorly for making fun of you. I think I feel poorly for how I should have felt. I feel poorly for the boy I used to be, who would have fallen to his knees in apologies immeasurable.

But you're a sociopath, one who has no problem dishing out the advice of 'stop caring.'

Alright, my love. This is what that looks like.

Alright, my love. This is what that looks like.

[ketoslut]

Ryan told me that I'm the happiest he's ever seen me today.

And I genuinely think it's because I've learned to despise you.

It was nice (not really) while it lasted. I guess you showed me the borders of what I'm really willing to put up with. But that doesn't make you a good person.

It makes you a poor excuse for a friend who wanted to put in the bare minimum efforts and still reap the benefits.

You're a sad fair weather excuse of a friend. You really do not deserve the time and energy that anyone devotes to you.

Anyone. ❤️

[ketoslut]

I must I must I must.

One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

I must. I must. I must.

[ketoslut]

He told me to care about him less.

He apologized for making me believe that he ever cared about me on an emotional level.

Those words have darkened places in my heart that were already raw and tender. I've bled from the deepest parts of me over this.

I'll build it back up, it seems.

Brick

By

Brick

[ketoslut]

I want to be vulnerable. I want to be loved ugly. I want to be held aching. I want to be vulnerable. I want to be apologized, held in someones arms. I want to be valuable. I want to be cared for. I want to be cared for. I want to be loved ugly, I want to be needed wrong.

[ketoslut]

I've lost you.

Goodbye.

[ketoslut]

I must. I must. I must.

One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

I must. I must. I must.

[ketoslut]

I want to be treated gently. Just gently. Please. I just want to be cared for. Please. I'm tired. I'm so tired. Please. Please. Please.

Damaged.

Damaged.

Damaged.

Please.

Please.

Please.