kidgillis

[kidgillis]

Don't let anyone dim your light or try to talk you out of your dreams! You stand your ground and be as bright! Shine, be creative, take up as much time and space you need - until you get your work done while building your definition of greatness! It's worth it and I'm rooting for you, love!

[kidgillis]

I can't hate you. You often hold a mirror up to me, forcing a glimpse of a person I remember so fondly but can't seem to connect with. It's almost as if we both know them, yet we never utter their name. Could it be we're afraid that we are all one and the same?

[kidgillis]

Darling, please don't go giving so much of yourself away that you lose the very essence of what makes you, you. You got to hold onto and hold space for yourself, just as much as you do so for others. You and your well-being matters, just as much as theirs. You are just as important as they are, beloved. Don't you forget yourself.

[kidgillis]

My heart controls my tongue but not my brain. So, sometimes, the things said are exposed truths. Yet, I hide my thoughts from being revealed. See, they're a bit complex. It takes in what matters most and blends together with what shouldn't matter at all. And, sometimes, my mind likes to play telephone, sending false signals through my body about things I never experienced but, it feels like it. So, when I think of you, i'm intrigued. When I speak of you, I'm in love. My heart knows you, beloved.

[kidgillis]

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm seeking something. I'm not sure what it is, but I know I'll find it and will be able to identify it when I encounter it. Yet, the constant yearning and longing... often, it leaves me craving deeper meaning and connections. I'm tired of surface-level living. I need growth. I require maturing. I need change. I require something bigger, better, brighter, bolder! I can see it for myself...whatever it is. I know it's meant for me, only me. It's mine. It's coming...

[kidgillis]

Babe, I just want to sing to you. My heart tends to scat when you're in a room. You remind me of sunny day dances and blue-skied jazz. I just want to play all of my favorite love songs, you know - the ones I secretly dedicated to you. Wide-eyed and smiling. Sweaty palmed and butterfly-flown stomachs. Late nights and those pink, red, and purple neon lights. Video games and cheap wine. Me and you, all the time. I mean, forever can start today, I don't mind. Just let me hit play before we fall...

[kidgillis]

And, in the end...All I could do is look up at the sky and cry. No words. No sounds besides my sobs. I allowed my spirit to release but what soul so desperately tried to repress and hide with lies. I was broken. I was hurting. I was in need of something greater than I...

[kidgillis]

Darling, I want you to be a part of my life. However, right now...I have to take the space and time needed, to figure out what that looks and feels like for me. I do not mean to reject or abandon you, but I'm not okay. So, we're not okay. Please, try to understand that this separation, while it may seem out of the blue, you may take offense or not fully understand my sudden need to fall back and detach. Know I have to do this for myself. This is needed, wanted, and good for me. Yet, I love you.

[kidgillis]

We haven't spoken in a while. I know he'll come around. But, as I wait in silence...do I tell him how much I miss his voice and laughter? How about how he stammers over his words and nervously chuckles himself as he blurts out cuss words? Is that too much? I swear it isn't love or a crush...I mean, it could be if developed. But, right now...it's just a connection. A bond. A friendship. A knowing. A human. A poet's poem unraveling after being written.

[kidgillis]

Sit and be still. Think about it. Feel it. Really feel it. Let it hit you. Every ounce of pain and fear, sadness and doubt. Every ounce of anger and depression, disappointment and rejection. Every ounce of abandonment and betrayal. Sit with it. Let it run its course. Do what you must but after you've felt it...I mean really felt it. Understand, It happened. It wasn't your fault. It doesn't define you. It hasn't killed you. Now, get up and walk away from what no longer has power over you!

[kidgillis]

Dark-eyed man, can you tell me what's hidden within those depths of yours? Intrigued am I, to learn the mysteries hidden. Your pupils, reflect the world around you. It's hard not to stare into the windows of your soul. I've experienced your nakedness bared through words; The sweetest sound of you calling my name aloud. Infatuation continues to tug on my heartstrings with praise and need. Am I crazy for imagining possibilities between—your eyes and lips, your heart and mind, you and me. Possibly.

[kidgillis]

Sometimes, "I LOVE YOU" also means, I'll hold you responsible and accountable for your decisions, actions, words, thoughts, and reactions. I'll respect you. I will still have boundaries in place to protect the both of us. I will listen and hear you out but, I will not diminish, silence, or hold back around you when things get tough, need to be said, or done. And, that's okay.

[kidgillis]

I stopped searching and you found me. Living my life, you stopped me in my tracks. You smiled and I witnessed the sun. I laughed and your heart skipped a beat. You asked for my number and we've been talking ever since. You got my attention, now...what are you about to do with it?

[kidgillis]

Darling, I'm going to hype up my besties! I am so damn proud of them, you have no idea! They are out here busting their behinds, breaking cycles, building empires, getting their education, making content, working endlessly, grinding against the grain, hustling hard to make their goals and dreams a reality! Encouragement, Praise, Being Present, and Supporting them is the bare minimum I could do. Lock in! Tune in! Greatness is happening! Watch and be amazed!

[kidgillis]

We were in the moment. A pleasurable haze. Where the atmosphere was electric and the tension was thick enough to have you gasping. I did as my hands gripped while your body glided. Stars in our eyes, Butterflies in our stomachs praying for release. A sudden chill down my spine and a low dip, made our voices cry out in a melodic harmony for heavens to hear, remembering our names. We came crashing down back to earth, hit by reality after our favorite song ended at karaoke...

[kidgillis]

I just want to give love and learn how to recieve love, without shying away from it. I just want to give compliments and recieve compliments, without responding with a negative countered comment to disagree. I just want to have a conversation with a person and share my heart, without downplaying my quirks, diminishing my light, and hiding my powerful flame that lingers for my passions...so, I don't make anyone else uncomfortable. I just want to be me. The real, the amazing, me.

[kidgillis]

I was used to you always being by my side. There was something about the way we could talk for hours about our interests while also wilding out about the latest gossip in town. You were a piece of me that held a sacred part of my heart. But, when time passed by and life evolved, we did also. We grew up. We drifted - due to feelings, due to seasons, due to inevitable change. What used to complete us, now seemed to also make us stagnant. So, we let go but, I still held on to hope about you, love;