kikis-poems - Tumblr blog

[kikis-poems]

Lonely no matter what.

I wish I could be wiped clean

Of the things that plagues me

While still retaining what makes

My personality

I wish the things I went through

Didn't leave a mark on me

Imagine how great I'd be

If I grew up loved?

Instead a pit forms in my chest

Where my heart should be

And I'm begging, blushing

Asking to be filled

Why so embarrassing?

Why so belittling?

Why not automatic?

And why me?

[kikis-poems]

vows of a coward

the idea of marriage

sits in my mind

like a candy covered seed

I suck on it sweetly

pick at it neatly

whenever I may need

but I won't ever plant it

out of the fear

that it would not be for me

for how can feel

love from me or my partner

if I'm not even free

[kikis-poems]

JOY IN SPITE OF ALL

and though my eyes begin to tear

my heart burns with desire

the shackles of the system will never snuff my fire

and though my life begins to sour

my voice will always sing

because I will find the joy in every little thing

and though my soul begins to cry

I will not know true sorrow

because the future we dream of will be ours tomorrow

I will live inspite injustice

I will live inspite the pain

I will live inspite, inspite, inspite

[kikis-poems]

Suitcase Packed with Dreams

I live my life in a suitcase

Packed and ready to move

At the slightest inconvenience

AT THE SLIGHTEST INCONVENIENCE

I wonder if it’s good for me

But I just pack that away too

I know it’s not good for me

I KNOW IT’S NOT GOOD FOR ME

Was promised a large sum

Money to make my dreams come true

I’ve never let myself dream before

So it’s hard to keep the hope alive

Large sum has still yet to come

Large sum has still yet to come

I’ve never been promised this before

So it’s hard to keep the hope alive

PLEASE DON’T TAKE AWAY MY CHANCE TO DREAM

PLEASE DON’T TAKE AWAY MY CHANCE TO DREAM

PLEASE DON’T TAKE AWAY MY CHANCE TO DREAM

please dont take away my chance to dream

[kikis-poems]

Three

I see you, & sit with you

I hear you, & speak with you

I carry you with me,

in the back of my mind

with every step I take

Without you, I'm meaningless

Without dreaming, I'm empty

My ode to you

is my open heart,

beating with every breath we take

I promise to save you a seat

no matter where we end up or go

I love you more than you'll ever know

You, our dreams, & I

[kikis-poems]

Actually Us

By Kiki D.

Two trees sprout from different spots on the ground

Yet they grow, intertwine, become one

And I look on with awe and with wonder

Yearning to be as sturdy as them

It’s impossible to have a “one”

As my love spans many and connects all

Yet I still want to be wrapped up with

Someone I love who I know loves me

I wish for my soul to be carried

By more, more hands than my haunted own

But I know that all those I meet with

Have people closer to them than me

Two hearts made up of the same stardust

Yet it feels my other half won’t be found

And I know I can’t really have a “one”

But I’d still like to be held anyway

[kikis-poems]

I Am My Own Caretaker

By Kiki D.

Mommy dearest,

What do you see when you look at me?

Is it a prize won through mixing blood with a Black man?

Is it the pride of having all gaze upon my mixed image?

Is it the knowledge that people will want a piece of me

And by extension want a piece of you?

--------- (keep??^^)

Mommy dearest,

What must I do in this life I call my own?

Thrown into adulthood wearing childsized clothes because

As the eldest

That’s just what’s expected of me?

Do I still have to look after every soul in the house?

Souls two times my age? Souls two years younger than me?

I set the example of what it means to be a cog in the machine

A provider for the family I must hold on my shoulders

Their thorns pricking into me because they know I am different

Yet their petals falling congratulatory because they know I am beautiful

I raise

And I rise

And I rouse from this trance that kept me locked down for twenty one years of my life

The shadows of the shackles linger on my body

And I rub them with a guilty yet bittersweet fondness

Mommy dearest,

Must I realize I was growing alongside raising myself?

Must I realize the job is never done?

Relating to the parent while still being the child

Is a curse I never dare to wish on anyone

I’ve found new places to rest my shoulders

To plant my roots and let my petals bloom

Because I’ve realized I am my own caretaker

So I must let myself be cared for

and let myself be loved

Let myself be loved.

Let myself be loved.