kikithefairy

[kikithefairy]

Hello Again, It’s been a while.

For anyone at all interested, I've been trying to survive the last few years of my 20's while in a pandemic, mental illness, physical disabilities and existential crisis. Is there a higher purpose for me? What do I offer that can make this planet better? What do I know about anything? In my last days of my 20's, reflection is inevitable. It’s weird to think that just ten years ago I was finishing my first year of college. Oh, I can still feel the hollowness I carried inside my chest from not knowing who I was, what was happening at anygiven moment, what life meant to me, how to be in this world and of course, the pain of rejection. I had really thought adulthood was just being able to do what I wanted when I wanted with no limits. Even in that mentality, I didn’t go as hard as I could have- I played it a little safe. Not to say there weren't some reckless nights I will never be able to recall. My 20’s have been a whirlwind of reaction and causation. I over thought everything but had no true intention behind my actions. I was always in reaction to something else. Envisioning what life could was always hopeless for me since I lacked imagination or power to get there. Over the next couple weeks leading up to my 30th, since I have nothing but time I’ll be able to meditate on what I really want out of life and how I will continue to curate the life that moves me. Here’s to self-reflection!

[kikithefairy]

How does one explain white privilege to your white partner without playing the blame game???

Just tried explaining how throughout history white people have been cherry picking particular traits in non-white culture and not really respecting the origin culture...it ended with him yelling that he shouldn’t have to apologize to me for slavery...

I tried, I tried SUPER hard to narrow down the specific type of white person that exploits other cultures and tramples all over it (which would exclude him since he has never really portrayed behavior in such a manner- he’s a very thoughtful sincere person) but not 2 minutes into the conversation he was having difficulty with that fact that white people are “mostly” to blame then as soon as he felt personally victimized he was fronting classic defense mechanism and essentially gaslighting...

This is a hard pill to swallow for me as a multi-ethnic woman because my entire life society has limited me to my skin and my gender and now the person I have been in love with called me racist and doesn’t believe in white privilege.

I am at a loss- I tried concoling him by telling him that it’s okay that we don’t see eye-to-eye right now and that our relationship is stronger than this but honestly his reaction was so volatile and intense I’m sufficiently worried that we can’t make it...

Please help! Anyone that has experience or understands the psychology of this particular dynamic.

Is this something that ends relationships??

I’ve tried to be compassionate but he doesn’t it see my behavior of affection and words of confirmation as compassion at this point in time - I’m seriously at a loss for words and thoughts

Seriously, please help!!

[kikithefairy]

The hardest part about depression is when you want to go outside but you can barely motivate yourself to get out of bed

[kikithefairy]

Live blog entry

Am I what’s holding you back from being happy?

[kikithefairy]

I haven't felt this alone in a very long time...

[kikithefairy]

I just need validation... I feel like I'm drowning

[kikithefairy]

Having a bad couple days... Need to remind myself to breath

Clear your mind here

[kikithefairy]

The fact that nobody is talking about Secret’s new commercials pisses me off

[kikithefairy]

Accurate

[kikithefairy]

I can relate to this

[kikithefairy]

...

[kikithefairy]

Clear your mind here

[kikithefairy]

it’s okay to breakdown sometimes 

[kikithefairy]

Mood rn

[kikithefairy]

💚💚

Do what makes you happy, okay?

[kikithefairy]

Exactly, I don't understand why you would hide/lie in the first place if you truly respect that person

[kikithefairy]

Forever reblogging

Positivity Here