killertrashruntz

[killertrashruntz]

It snowed so much here in flagstaff i am loving all of the snow :)

[killertrashruntz]

I can feel myself changing slowly and i know its for the better but it is a bit sad saying goodbye to my former self as i slowly grow and evolve into a new person.

I am slowly working out little by little, i am slowly growing, i am starting to meditate little by little and build a better relationship with myself.

I am slowly accepting my adult trans body and my place in society. I am trying to learn gratitude and to take each day in stride.

I am evolving and that makes me sad. When growth happens it is usually a force of adversity and response to hard times and for that reason I am sad that I have to say goodbye to my former self.

[killertrashruntz]

RAAAAAA

WHO WANTS TO RIP THE PENJAMIN AND WATCH OLD SCOOBY DOO

RAAAA

OR HORROR MOVIES

[killertrashruntz]

Goddd i have like no friends i feel like my standards are too high but i just want a true friend like someone to talk to and hangout with and because of that i over-emphasize the fake peoples roll in my life then i just want their attention and approval and don’t get me wrong im working on being at peace with not having friends and just looking inward for peace but man does it suck when youre up late at night with no one to talk to because you’re girlfriend is asleep.

I live in a college town but dont go there so making friends is literally impossible

[killertrashruntz]

I feel so out of place

I dont have a license or a car, i dont have friends

Or hobbies im incredibly indecisive.

I dont know what to do I want friends and hobbies but dont even know where to begin.

I harp on any crumb of attention and overanalyze everything because i want someone to like me to think that i am cool.

But everyone and everything is fake and i just feel lost in an endless sea of emptiness

[killertrashruntz]

I am slowly realizing that reality is i don’t care as much as i thought about what others think I’m too hyper-aware that we are all going to die one day. Fake ass connections will be cut material positions remain, but nothing truly matters and that is both freeing and terrifying.

I want friends and connections but the knowing that everything is loss is so hard so why give energy to those who dont care about me? That dont know the real me and would get the “ick” if they knew the real me ?

[killertrashruntz]

Its crazy because i romanticized you yet if you knew the real me, the depressed me the lazy me the special interest obsessed me you couldn’t handle it. If the mask came off and you saw me angry, and depressed,grieving you would get the “ick” you wouldn’t like the real me. But not alot of people would and thats why i dont care what most think and its took me a long time to get here

[killertrashruntz]

I think of you often, i wonder if you think of me too or if youre still here or even care, sometimes i think of you and wonder what youd be up too until i remember, i try and tell myself others have it worse but its still hard

[killertrashruntz]

Realizing that i cant tell if life is getting better or im just realizing it could be WAY worse, so therefore there is something to be grateful for even if i am sad

[killertrashruntz]

At this point i wonder why i beg for a piece of you when i can have the whole of myself

[killertrashruntz]

[killertrashruntz]

[killertrashruntz]

[killertrashruntz]

“weird and unhealthy relationship that cant be categorized neatly as sexual or romantic or platonic but has a defining air of devotion and obsession to it” wins sound of the summer for the 13th year in a row

[killertrashruntz]

How can I tell you how much I am longing for a glimpse of you.

[killertrashruntz]

I will spend my whole life waiting for you, just promise to come!

[killertrashruntz]

This is an edit i made