killthenonbeliever

[killthenonbeliever]

top 10 glee characters if im honest

[killthenonbeliever]

phineas and ferb quarantine episode where candace is convinced that this time her mom will see what the boys are doing because nobody can even leave the house but somehow linda is always in the wrong room

[killthenonbeliever]

Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]

[killthenonbeliever]

Protestants who don’t like saints because we ‘worship’ them fail to understand the nature of this relationship. It can be difficult to explain but the simplest summation I can describe is this:

[killthenonbeliever]

Sizeable USAF airlift heading across the Atlantic tonight.

12x KC-135 tankers

4x KC-46 tankers

Possibly towing other aircraft not seen on ADS-B.

[killthenonbeliever]

[killthenonbeliever]

objectively the funniest moral panic to come from conservatives is "alternative energy is bad because birds might fly into the wind turbines". birds, which notoriously have no other man-made obstacles, such as the window

[killthenonbeliever]

cuddling

[killthenonbeliever]

“I am looking respectfully” “im so normal about this” can you bark actually? Can you hit yourself over the head w a frying pan like a cartoon wolf? Can you look at it derangedly please?

[killthenonbeliever]

A rookie mistake is getting out of things by claiming a grandparent died. You can do that a maximum of four times per person, and that's assuming maximum social atomization, where nobody you know is likely to talk to each other and compare notes and realize that five of your grandmothers have died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the last three months. The winning play? Dead Uncles. You can have any number of dead uncles, because who knows how many siblings your parents have? You don't even need to keep the stories straight because if you slip up you can claim it was two separate uncle deaths. You can repeat names, even, one on each side of your family. Uncles often die in memorable ways so you can get flamboyant with the specifics. Motorcycle accidents, firework explosions, prostate cancer, rottweiler training mishap. It won't be that weird that you aren't particularly torn up about it. Maybe you didn't like your Uncle

[killthenonbeliever]

you just never quite know what you'll get when you open my inbox

[killthenonbeliever]

the problem with water is like. it's the cleaning fluid right. that's the obvious part. you stop drinking and you stop peeing and your kidneys are like ough. ough. ough. ough. but you don't die. unless you're not drinking anything At All and not eating watery food either. so all it is is you pee less but you're okay. kind of.

BUT THEN when it gets too hot it starts being the coolant! and suddenly there are so many ways it can get out! you have so many sweat glands and so much skin and they all need to be cooled down before you DIE.

but then. you realize the least obvious one. it's the transmission fluid. it's the fucking transmission fluid. you can't transmit SHIT without your fliud. which is still fucking water somehow.

so now you're LEAKING your transmission fluid out of every goddamn pore and your kidneys are like hey. gimme that cleaning fluid cmon dude. while your pores are like ITS COOLANT. NEED COOLANT. FOR THE FIRE. NEED MORE COOLANT. SO MUCH FIRE. KILL IT. KILL IT MORE. MORE COOLANT. and then. the rest of you. that uses all that fluid to transmit things. it's like hey. hey. hey what the fuck.. i need that. hello? can anyone hear me? hello? it's so dark in here..

and then you drink more water or you die.

[killthenonbeliever]

i think a really funny project that a statistics professor could have their class do is like. put a bunch of random, patently untrue demographic statements into a hat. "the most popular tv show among white men ages 24-27 is Bluey." "the majority of business majors are middle children." "bisexual women love hot chips." and each student picks one out of the hat and you gotta like. design a whole study and survey a group of people to specifically achieve that result. you have to prove it true. by whatever means necessary. you have to construct the most biased study possible and wrangle in your exact demographic to make that statement a statistical reality. i think people would learn a lot.

[killthenonbeliever]

[killthenonbeliever]

WHEN ON PERIOD:

do not crash out

your feelings are NOT valid

do not send that text

don't kill yourself. lock in

do not act on negative emotions until at least 2 days have elapsed

[killthenonbeliever]