kim-dojoon-blog

[kim-dojoon-blog]

Icebreaker starters!

"Are you alright?"

"Can you open this for me?"

"Where am I?"

"Who are you?"

"It's freezing out here!"

"Can you show me where the nearest store is?"

"Have you seen my pet anywhere?"

"How did you find me?"

"Can I hide here for a few minutes?"

"What are you making?"

"Help! Someone help me!"

"I'm lost..."

"That smells delicious!"

"I can't do this!"

"I think this is your mail."

"Is that mine? I've been looking everywhere for this!"

"Run!"

"That was close..."

"How did you find this place?"

"Is this yours?"

"I think you dropped this."

"I've been robbed!"

"Thank you so much!"

"Is this your home?"

"Step into the light, so I can see you..."

"It's dark in here!"

"It's so hot outside!"

"Is that fire?"

"Happy Unbirthday!"

"What's that?"

"Why am I here?"

"Can you help me find something?"

[kim-dojoon-blog]

Yo!

Sorry for not being as active, live tends to get in the way of things. I’ll try to pick up and do replies to those who want them! Please like this post if you want to continue our threads, or if you want to start some - hmu!

[kim-dojoon-blog]

[kim-dojoon-blog]

jaewonbn:

(...)

Watching the other getting handed their order, Jaewon’s eyes narrowed into small slits at the brand shown on the bag. “Ya! Did you really just order from that same place!?” Hadn’t he just told the other not to? “Hyung,” the honorific came out as a whine, lips lightly pouted since Jaewon was too tired to fight him on it. 

Laughter filled the air as Dojoon paid the confused man for the order. As the door shut, he couldn’t stop himself from grinning towards the younger; “You’re too picky Jae ah!” Dojoon had been ordering from that place for years and dammit, he was going to continue ordering from it. He made his way over to place the food on the coffee table before plopping down next to his dongsaeng and raising his hand to ruffle his hair.

“Yah, don’t pout. You’re gonna look too cute and I’ll have to pinch your cheeks!~” Dojoon found Jaewon to be a special sort of adorable; like a little brother almost.

Opening the foil with the chicken inside, a happy sigh left Dojoon’s lips as he broke apart the chopsticks and picked up a piece, “Come on, eat up. It’ll get cold.”

He placed the food in front of Jaewon’s mouth, making little airplane noises as he did so - just to tease the younger further. He was lifting his friend’s spirits, he knew that - and it made Dojoon happy. He was accomplishing something, so that was good.

safe and sound.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

outing;

@bnjuho

About a week had passed since he ran into his ex.

Dojoon had spent the last two day’s glancing at his phone, glancing at the message form Juho - the ‘ save this number. jerk. -_-!! ;¬_¬! ~  – p. juho ’ message the younger had sent. He didn’t reply yet. He didn’t know what to say. How does he let someone he was so madly in love with seven years ago ( someone who still made his heart skip a beat ). He didn’t want to lose Juho again though, now that he knows the other is in Busan, he doesn’t want to let the other escape his life completely.

So what should he message back?

Dojoon bit his lip as he opened the message, his fingers hovering over his phone as he thought about just the right thing to say - something that would make it seem like he wasn’t too needy or anything like that. Something cool.

Something casual.

( txt; Juho ah ) hi it’s dojoon

After hitting send, it was  then he realized ‘of course it was Dojoon’. A whine escaped him as Dojoon smacked the front of his head, “Stupid, I’m so stupid.” he mumbled to himself, “Hi, it’s Dojoon? Of course it’s me!”

Honestly he was a mess.

( txt; Juho ah )  do you wanna meet up?

“I can’t believe I’m such an idiot - Jin, what did I do in my past life to deserve this?”

“Meow…”

“....aish.”

[kim-dojoon-blog]

jaewonbn:

(...)

“Sometimes I still wish I had never found out.” Perhaps then, he would’ve still thought that his family was happy, perhaps then he would still speak to his siblings. But Jaewon was in no such luck and was instead reminded of how his mother most likely still was with another man. 

His head was lifted towards the other once again, a grateful yet sad smile still in place as he let go of the other’s hand. The touch was becoming too much for the male and he already hated himself enough for clinging to the other like he usually would. This wasn’t how a normal friendship worked, right? Never would Jaewon imply anything different between the was forming but to Jaewon the two seemed much closer than most friend would be. But then again, what did Jaewon really know about friendship?

He just knew he appreciated Dojoon for staying at his side and allowing him to open up to him.

“Ignorance is bliss,” Dojoon murmured, moving to let his hand brush back Jaewon’s hair, “But that fact that you know makes it better...I think.Because now you aren’t left in the dark anymore. You know the truth and I feel that’s how it has to be. If you didn’t know, there would always be a lingering question hanging over your head. You’d always feel as though something was just not right. It makes you stronger, knowing the truth. Yes, your mother made a mistake. We all make mistakes. In time, you might look over this….I’ve….Made mistakes too you know.”

His young adulthood was a series of bumps and falls. “But look at me now? I’m a Hyung who can teach his dongsaengs about life. Make my mistakes turn into lessons. And stop you from making the same one’s I did. It’s better that we make mistakes and learn from them, rather than keep them in the dark.”

Dojoon shifted as a knock came from the door, he shot the younger another smile before slipping away and grabbing the take out. Chicken and Beer. The best remedy for a man with troubles.

“Come on now Jae ah. Let’s eat and forget our troubles yeah? I wanna see you roll your eyes again and mention how I’m being childish.”

safe and sound.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnminchan:

(...)

“Oh, alright then,” Minchan beamed at the elder male. “But you know I’m always glad to spend time with you, so you can stay over as long as you want. We could watch a few movies or stuff like that…” he hummed. “But going out later sounds pretty good too. I need to buy a few things anyway, so we could maybe stroll around at the mall? Or whatever you are up to.” 

A seemingly permanent smile was plastered on Dojoon’s face as his dongsaeng mentioned how he would call for him in the case of trouble; he was there to protect his friends, so it made him feel good. As Minchan spoke, Dojoon couldn’t help but  laugh a little - “I haven’t been shopping in a while. Maybe I should update my wardrobe? You can pick stuff out for me too. I know you have a great eye for the fashion of the times.” Dojoon nuzzled his head into the other’s shoulder slightly, “Just think of me as your model. But you know; without the charming good looks and flaming charisma.” he wasn’t handsome like Haesoo.

He wasn’t pretty like Minchan.

He didn’t have a ‘cool’ or ‘mysterious’ vibe like Jaewon.

Dojoon didn’t have anything.

In fact, he was horribly plain.

“But, I bet you can make me look a little presentable.” he spoke sweetly, “Minchan can work magic.”

walk of shame. }

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnhaesoo:

(...)

“ um. maybe one day, we’ll look over this and laugh. ” he cringes at his own attempt to make him feel better. it’s not going to be anytime soon that they laugh about it yet. “ yeah, alright, fine. no drinking with you. ”

he widens his eyes in shock. “ jesus, why would i tell anybody about this? i won’t, promise. same goes for you. ”

“I’ll laugh about this; maybe after the bruises go away?” So in about two weeks. Dojoon is sensitive, his cuts and bruises lasted seemingly forever.

“Why would I tell anyone about this? I don’t … I’m not one to brag about ...things like this; maybe once upon a time. But your Hyung is a very different person now. I’m mature and sensible. I swear though, if this get’s out and it’s your fault, I’m going to be so livid with you Haesoo ah. This was something that should never be spoken of again.” That, and Dojoon doesn’t want anyone to think that he’s the type to lure his dongsaengs to his apartment and do nasty things with them.

He’s a good Hyung.

A respectable one.

“Let’s just get something to eat, yeah?” He had to calm down, keep himself from getting overworked. The only real thing he was upset about ( other than it being Haesoo who he ended up sleeping with ) was the fact that last night was the first time in several years that he laid in bed with anyone. He didn’t remember it at all. And it hurt his chest slightly, made him feel like he was betraying himself. He wanted to have his next time be with someone he loved.

And though he loved Haesoo; it was in a much different way.

┋FIRST TIMES.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnjuho:

(...)

a sudden shift in atmosphere, juho couldn’t help but look up at the other and see familiar signs of frustration or…was that deep sadness? it was a similar expression whenever they had their little, petty fights in their relationship when juho would lose it – screaming broken promises and self-threats and lies, trying to get to fight back until the other broke down and cried. but this wasn’t seven years ago and juho couldn’t get the other to fight back for him; not anymore.

setting down the menu back onto the table, juho pushed out the last of his concerns and sought out curiously, “dojoon-hyung? are you okay? you look upset. is it the restaurant?”

It wasn’t the restaurant that had Dojoon at edge; the other’s words were funny in a sick way - he seemed worried for the elder, yet he was the cause of his worry. Dojoon, despite his usual happy and collective personality; seemed about ready to crumble and break. All his walls were crumbling down and he felt so weak. The strong hyung he was to everyone else was dwindling down to a broken man in mere seconds.

‘You’ve got a big heart Dojoon ah,’ his mother would say, ‘But it’s easily struck. Keep your heart safe.’

He should have listened to his mother.

Eye’s darting from Juho to the door, Dojoon realizzed he wasn’t ready to face his ex at that moment. He needed to leave, he felt as though the air wasn’t coming to him right. He had to run away.

“Um, J-Juho.” he spoke the other’s name again, voice cracking slightly, “I have to go feed my cat actually. I left Jin home all alone I thought I was only going to be out for a short while..H-Here’s my number, just call me sometime or something...Sorry to cut this short.”

It was like the walls of the restaurant were caving it as he messily scribbled his number on a napkin and pushed it towards the younger male before stumbling to his feet and making his way out the door. He had to go home, had to curl up on his bed and cry for a while; because Dojoon could already feel the tears falling down his cheeks as he practically ran down the street. By the time he got to his apartment he was red faced and sniffling like mad; his cat stared at him like he was some sort of freak as he hiccuped and made his way to his bedroom, where he promptly fell face first into his bed and broke out into tiny sobs.

He had ran out on Juho for a second time in his life.

But at least this time; he left a number and a sort of promise of seeing him again sometime soon - sometime when Dojoon was emotionally prepared to see the face of the man he’d given his everything to several years prior.

◇ it’s good to see you.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnjuho:

(...)

didn’t dojoon lived alone? he probably hadn’t moved in with his significant other, juho thought possibly as the sinking feeling in his check hit him with full force. it wasn’t stupid to think that the other would possibly still miss him, it’s been seven years and dojoon seemed to walk out on him the first time without any regret but he should feel any sort of sadness because of this. juho couldn’t help but scratch the back of his neck and bit his lower lip in frustration. he shouldn’t feel like this again, he shouldn’t feel this hurt.

“you, ah – your hickey is showing, hyung,” juho mumbled in embarrassment and casting his eyes downwards again. “it’s not my business but uh, people might stare. sorry. you seem to appreciate comfort in people not staring.”

Honestly, Dojoon had forgotten about it. That entire night had been blocked form his mind due to how horrible it really was - sex with his dongsaeng? An accident really, a drunken night that he wished never came to happen. But having his ex point it out; having Juho mention it - it made him hurt slightly. He wasn’t involved with anyone, couldn’t even see himself dating since the break up. He was a broken man.

“Oh,” his voice was soft as he raised his hand to where the mark was, it stung as his nose crinkled at the thought - teasing form Haesoo came back to flourish fresh in his mind and a somewhat annoyed sigh left Dojoon. “It’s nothing, really.” he didn’t know why he was trying to defend himself, it wasn’t like the two of them were still dating…

“Just… a crazy night. You know I’m not good with my alcohol.” but that’s what he left it at. He didn’t want to elaborate about who he was with or what had happened. He promised Haesoo he wasn’t going to tell anyone anything about it; so he wouldn’t. He didn’t need it.

It was a mistake.

Anyway - “I’m sorry about your father. He was a great guy… I’m grateful my parents are still in such good health…” even though his mother seems to be getting more sick; just little coughs here and there, but it still causes Dojoon worry. He’s closest to his mother, the women was the light of his life so so long. He’d be devastated if anything happened to her.

“Just, Busan… the irony of it right?” it was funny in a very twisted way. Funny that the thing that broke them apart seemed to bring them back together several years later. Busan.

“We should order some food.” a change of topic, his eyes shifted away from the man before him and to the menu; lashes fluttering as he held back frustrated tears. He was seriously going insane right then, everything in him told Dojoon to run away. Run away from the man before him because he was too afraid to face this reality; the reality that Juho was there.

◇ it’s good to see you.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

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[kim-dojoon-blog]

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[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnhaesoo:

(...)

but still, haesoo can’t help but snort at the other’s flair of pink cheeks and innocence to impure jokes even though he wasn’t so much of a saint after last night. “ listen, i’m not exactly teasing you if everything i said is the truth. ” what a smartass answer. “ no offence taken at all, hyung, you’re not really my type either, no offence. ”

he thinks for a second. “ not even a shot? like, one tiny shot or sip of vodka? ”

“No one saw,” he said quickly, “I didn’t send those to anyone - thankfully.”

If anyone saw, Dojoon would die. He didn’t want anyone to know about this; not any of his friends - not even his family. Not that he was ashamed, but because it was Haesoo. Haesoo whom he has no romantic feelings for. He hadn’t had sex since his ex, and then this happens? It was embarrassing, mortifying.

The jab caused Dojoon to shoot a glare; “The truth; yes - still. You don’t have to state it over and over… And no,” he shook his head.

“No liquor ever. Not with you. I’m afraid for my sanity. This can’t happen again and I’m not giving it any chance to.”

Dojoon shifted his seat on the bed before pulling his feet up into a criss cross position; letting his elbow’s rest on his thighs as he rubbed at his face. “Don’t tell anyone of this. Ever.”

┋FIRST TIMES.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnjuho:

(...)

pressing his lips into a thin line to hide his surprise that dojoon remembered his love for children, juho couldn’t help but to ramble, “i do – i do still really enjoy kids. i’m actually one of the head teachers at cheonsa daycare, ya? they’re all sweet kids but loud, and they’re like to call me ‘juho-oppa’ – and it’s really cute; i mean i also live alone in an apartment with three plants but i kinda just settled here a few years ago and…i’m rambling. ah, sorry.”

It’s weird how natural it feels to sit before the other; a part of Dojoon hates it. His fingers twitch as he listens to the way Juho calls him ‘Hyung’, it makes his heart beat a little bit too fast. It sends a wave of memories through his mind, feelings that were buried deep bubbling to the surface. It’s painful.

“I thought about it for a while,” he mentioned after a moment, “About doing something with my musical talents...But the stress of actually being famous turned me off. I didn’t want to hide who I was; didn’t want to change who I am. So I figure...It’s better if I made it a hobby. I perform on the street a lot.” talk of being a star and taking his bad BEAT to the top fluttered by for a moment; he pushed it away quickly though; those were childish dreams.

“A teacher? That makes sense.” for a moment he smiled, an actual smile - because the thought of Juho being a teacher seemed so natural, so right. Of course he was, of course he spent his time helping and working with children.

“I got used to living alone rather quickly, but I still forget to buy food. My dongsaengs who visit usually remind me to stock up because there isn’t anything for them to raid in my fridge.”

A waiter comes by and asks if they want a drink, Dojoon mentions a coke and a rootbeer would do and it’s at that moment he realized he still remembered Juho’s favorite soda. He wanted to slap himself as the order came from his lips and the waiter left; his eyes moved over to the man before him and fuck -

“Uh, you still like coke?” he  mumbled, “It’s just - Ya know, I remembered.” he remembered everything actually. EVery promise, every kiss, every touch - everything was burned into his mind. It was like memories were playing before him and he wasn’t able to stop. Dojoon didn’t know if he wanted to cry or scream or both. Because what was he supposed to do with this? They weren’t dating anymore.

Juho could have another boyfriend or girlfriend - currently Dojoon wasn’t really in a relationship, but someone like Juho; someone who loved to be loved ( as if Dojoon himself didn’t ) not be in a relationship?

The thought of the other dating was like a slap to the face.

“What brought you to Busan?” he asked the question that had been lingering in the back of his head since they ran into each other, he wanted to ask - ‘why didn’t you leave with me?’ but that would be too  much, he would be too honest. And also - he was afraid.

He hoped his voice didn’t give him away - he hoped Juho couldn’t read his eyes like before, see everything that Dojoon felt through a stare.

◇ it’s good to see you.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnjuho:

(...)

“i still like chicken,” juho answered with a nod, raising his hand to remove the bangs that seemed to be blocking his view. his sweet, innocent view of dojoon – as if he may disappear at any second. “let’s go eat. together. and catch up – i mean because i’ve…you grew taller.” i’ve missed you, you look good, juho bit back his tongue before kicking the other’s shoe. “let’s eat.”

It’s painfully awkward. It actually hurts how hard it is for Dojoon to relax - He nods at the other’s words and clumsily bends down to pick up the other’s fallen groceries before offering them with a clear of his throat, before turning on his heel and crossing the street towards the chicken place; making sure the other followed him. He wasn’t sure what to bring up; had Juho went to college? Had he followed his dreams, or settled - as Dojoon had. He had settled in Busan in the best way he could have.

But he settled alone.

He had been so painfully afraid of fucking up any sort of relationship after Juho. Because he had been the one to leave; Dojoon was the one who ended it. But Juho let him, he let him leave - let him leave alone.

They entered the restaurant, Dojoon found a place for them to sit and made it so he sat across from the other; his hands clasping in his lap as he licked his lower lip - “So, I’ll just say a bit about myself I guess.” he started off, “I work as a bartender at Amber and live in a two bedroom apartment with my cat and cactus.”

It didn’t sound like he amounted to a lot, but Dojoon’s sure he has. “Um, I play a bit still. Not as often as I did in Jeonju. But I carry around my acoustic and play for people...ah, weird right?” it’s still something he loves.

He wondered if Juho still loved music? If he would still love Dojoon’s voice as he sung.

“Do you still like kids?”

Kids. Something that even if they stayed together; Dojoon wasn’t able to give the other. It was something that weighed on his mind as a teenager; and even now he wonders. Maybe Juho got married? Has children...The thought made his stomach twist for some reason. It hurt. He shouldn’t care anymore, but he does - he cares too damn much.

◇ it’s good to see you.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnjuho:

(...)

“i’m good,” he replied after blinking blankly at the other as for the first time in his life, he felt speechless. “do you – do you need to stand? is the floor okay? how was your christmas?” and just like that, juho desperately wanted to bang his head against the nearest door.

They say you never forget your first heartbreak; and they’re right. His heart was shattering all over again as he stared up at the other, Juho didn’t change a bit. Not really. His eyes were still bright and his voice still low and sweet - like honey. Everything he found appealing about Juho was there - even his words; the way he stumbled over them was so endearing - It made him sick.

“Um.” Dojoon found himself blindly reaching for his phone and standing up slowly. He found he grew taller than Juho; something he thought would never happen. “Christmas was good. I went home to my family.” he blurted out, “Jeonju is always nice in the winter - you know that...oh wow, um.” he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say - ‘why didn’t you answer my calls?’ or ‘was it easy to forget me?’ crossed his mind. But he withdrew from that, from bringing up the elephant in the room. Instead he offered an awkward sort of smile.

“...You hungry?” he asked, voice cracking slightly - “T-There’s a restaurant right across the street. The chicken is good; do you still like chicken?” Dojoon wasn’t the headstrong rocker that Juho had been dating; he wasn’t the assertive and loud nineteen year old - he was more soft now; older. He was a bit nervous at times and shy - he was beaming smiles and embarrassing laughter. He wasn’t who Juho loved.

He didn’t think he was who Juho had loved.

But he doesn’t know if Juho is still who he loved - by the looks of it; he’s pretty damn similar. His heart was aching and a part of Dojoon wanted to cry right then and there because so many emotions just ran through his mind; too many emotions. But he kept it to himself and offered a less awkward smile - or at least he hoped it was.

“Let’s catch up.”

He was digging his own grave.

◇ it’s good to see you.

[kim-dojoon-blog]

bnhaesoo:

(...)

because he can’t do anything else, he nods. “ we can just order it, or we can go out, if you want. depends on whether you’re in, uh, a good enough state to go out. ” he leaves the meaning of his words in the open, even if it’s obvious what it means. “ after that video, i don’t blame you for being worn out. my muscles feel too tired right now. ” he sits on the edge of the bed, still far away from the elder in case he feels even more embarrassed.

“ you did a lot of screaming last night. you should rest now, hyung. ”

“...Can we order in? I don’t feel like going out with hickies all over my neck right now.” that and he wasn’t really in the mood to walk around; it had hurt. His lower back, thighs, ego -

“Listen. We both did damage. Agreed.” unfortunately he knows for a fact that he can be a rather passionate lover himself, memories of his ex flashed through his mind - they often wore high cut shirts due to Dojoon and his… habits.

“Screaming? Ye-Yes I did. But - dammit, Haesoo don’t tease me right now!” his cheeks were already seemingly stained pink now. “You’re gonna make me faint. I’ve got a weak heart you know...you’re too much sometimes.” the usual banter was welcomed though, Dojoon wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if their friendship was tarnished because of an accident.

“We’re never drinking together again; also. That’s definitely what caused this. I wouldn’t have sex with you sober - no offence, but you’re really not my type in that way.”

┋FIRST TIMES.