kimandra

[kimandra]

The professor

After my last disastrous date, I had mixed feelings about proceeding in my search. But alas, I persevered. After exchanging messages for some time, I decided to just go for it. He seemed nice enough, described himself as a gentleman. His words lived up to that and later, after meeting, so did his actions. He was a professor at the local university. We decided to meet up for lunch at a place in town I had not previously dined at. Being a super picky eater, this in itself caused a bit of anxiety, but after meticulously reviewing the menu online I was able to put that behind me. The day of, I pull into the parking lot a little early, turn off the ignition and almost immediately I started crying. I was fine up until that point... But it hit me like a ton of bricks! I just kept replaying my previous date. Shaking. And crying. I didn't think I could do this. I sent a text to my friend, crying to her. She put it to me in two ways. Cancel. And reschedule later if I wanted. And also, not all guys are like that last one, go for it but if I'm not feeling it, leave. Ultimately, I decided to go for it. Canceling 2 minutes before the date just didn't seem like something I could do. I pulled myself together and made my way to the restaurant. He eagerly greeted me as I walked through the door. We made our way into the restaurant and we were sat at a semi secluded table for two. We ordered. A bunch of small talk followed. We ate our lunch (ok I mostly pushed the lettuce from my salad around the plate). He talked more about himself as I was some sort of trance. It's not that I wasn't interested, but I was not myself. While I am normally a quiet introvert, even this was a bit extreme for me. I just couldn't snap out of it. A large part of him talking revolved around his daily walks with his dog. He asked if I wanted to continue and we could take a walk. I was a bit hesitant, but I agreed. I did want to get to know him better afterall. We had a lovely stroll around town and on campus with my own personal guide. I had lived in this town most of my life and had never walked around campus. I knew where some main buildings were, but that was about it. Eventually, we parted ways with a hug. After awhile he contacted me. I thanked him for a lovely time and apologized for not speaking much stating that I was not myself. He said that was fine and couldn't really judge someone off of one date anyway and wanted to know if I was interested in another. I said I was. ***Meanwhile, I had been conversing with another guy I was also interested in. This is another story for another blog, but literally left me running from that date with the new guy to the second date with the professor with no time to spare! So, I arrived just in time. The usual, food and him talking (mostly about his walks). I'm starting to open up a bit more, actually contributing to conversations but nothing too much. I am an introvert stuck in my shell what can I say?! Quick fact about myself: in the summer I am either barefoot or in flip flops. Since I was out in public, flip flops it was. At the end of the meal he asked once again if I'd be interested in a walk. The last one was quite nice, so I agreed. We took a totally different route this time. It started out as a pleasant wall around town but soon ended up as a mini hike through the meadow (And by mini, I mean 3.7miles! He tracked it and later let me know). Towards the end there was a foresty area. He said he wanted to show me one of his favorite places. We continue walking and I see a natural archway created between the trees. It really was quite pretty and peaceful. It was here he kissed me. I found it to be an awkward, sweaty kiss, but yet kind of romantic. ..But seriously, this guy was sweating buckets and then there is me who pretty much doesn't sweat ever and only the very top of my forehead was slightly glistening!! I just wanted to not get any of his perspiration in my mouth. That was my goal. But also, he didn't know what to do with his tongue. So, strike two. Strike 3 being we really didn't have any common ground and there really wasn't any sort of connection. We walked back to our cars. By this time, my feet were killing me! We exchanged an even more awkward hug and said our goodbyes. A bit later I received a message from him saying how far we walked. There was a tiny bit of small talk. He did ask how my feet were. I had the absolutely worst blisters on the balls of my feet and in between my toes (kids, don't go frolicking in the forest while wearing flip flops unless you like the feeling of wanting to self amputate both feet with a dull knife because it would less painful) After displaying some sympathy he cut right to him saying he really didn't feel a connection between us but was curious as to how I felt. I told him I felt the same way. We both wished each other luck and that was that. A very amicable parting, I was expecting it to be uncomfortable. Thankful we were both on the same page there!!

[kimandra]

No means NO, asshole!!

I was talking to this guy the same time as I was talking to my recent ex. Of course once I was official with him I took myself off of the dating site. I didn't delete my profile but I did stop logging on, checking messages and replying. I did however eventually let this guy know why I had just randomly disappeared. I thought that was at least the right thing to do. After the break up, I found myself back on the site and I messaged him again. He poked fun at me for just abandoning him and coming running back to him and so on. We finally exchanged numbers. We would text each other throughout the day and then he would call me to talk on the phone every so often. First off, I HATE talking on the phone, so that in itself was a big deal. Eventually, I finally found some time in my crazy schedule for us to meet up and have our first date. The night of our date finally arrives. I was excited to meet him. He seemed like a genuinely great guy. We met for dinner. We had some great food and even better conversation. We were trying to figure out what we were going to do next, but small town, not much to do in general, let alone at 830 in the evening on a Monday night. He asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I honestly never once got creeper vibes from him or even thought he might have alternative motives in mind. I found myself naïvely in his car, expecting us to be going somewhere. I get in and buckle up. He looks at me and asks for a kiss. I comply. I actually really liked him and had high hopes to continue seeing him. Kissing lead to a full on make out sess. Also, okay with this. I love kissing! Sadly, he wasn't this amazing kisser I had hoped for, but all was still well. He wasn't terrible. Before I know it, he was climbing over the seat and on top of me. Still wasn't totally freaked out at this point. His Windows were tinted so dark you couldn't see in, we are still sitting in the parking lot at the restaurant. Still just kissing at this point. Then he started to get more and more aggressive with his kissing and touching. Telling me he wanted to be inside of me and feel me. He kept trying to remove my pants. I told him over and over again no. It was this constant battle of him getting them down some and me pulling them back up while he was trying to get his hand in my pants, all while he is still on me. He had me pinned down, in a reclining position on his passenger side seat. Side note. I'm always cold, so I tend to wear layers. Even in the summer. I would just like to say thank goodness I do! It definitely saved me this time around. Also, thank goodness for my arm strength. The extra layers were a nice shield which allowed for me to try to fight him off by pulling his hands out of my pants. He persistently kept trying to get me to take him back to my place or to get me to go with him to his. I told him I don't have sex on the first date. He was trying to get me to consent any way he could. Begging. Kissing my neck/ears. Trying to turn me on. But there was no way that was happening. I was repulsed. And angry. He then said he wanted to feel my mouth on him. Of course I said no. He was then trying to force my face and mouth towards his penis. Looking back, part of me wishes I had taken it in my mouth so I could have bit down, try to grab my bag that he conveniently placed out of my reach in the backseat and then run to my car and get away. I don't know how that would have played out. But instead, I had agreed to allow him to come over the following night for "movies." I had no intention of actually following through but whatever worked and left me safely get out of his car finally. Afterwards, I didn't go home. I drove to my friend's work to talk to her. Anything to make sure I wasn't being followed. When I finally did make my way home, I was sure to take a less than direct route to make doubly sure I wasn't being followed. I was slightly paranoid and on edge over the evenings events. It wasn't until this nightmare of a date that I found myself questioning how safe or unsafe rather, this might be. One thing is for sure, I'm definitely going to be extra cautious. Men like this make my blood boil. Those who think they are entitled to whatever or whomever they want. No means no. I'm not your conquest. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT !!

[kimandra]

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...

I had been dating this guy for a couple months now. While I say I don’t really have a type, he was definitely not someone that would fall into any sort of category is had previously pursued. But, I did tell myself to be open minded and give anyone a shot since clearly my previous choices weren’t working out in my favor.

I’m tall, 5'10". I’ve not always been a fan of my height and I was definitely self conscious in this past relationship. Height is something that I had always gone for. Before this time, I had only ever dated one guy that was shorter than me, and even then it was an inch. But this time around, he was a solid 5 inches shorter. 5'5"! It was awkward. Or at least I felt that way, he seemed unbothered by it. So, the height thing was on me but it was something I was working on being less subconscious. I never let on that was bothersome to me.

He was this nerdy guy. Cuddler. Amazing kisser. Lover of movies. Things were great, as they typically are in the beginning. But little by little he seemed different. Withdrawn. I’ve been down this path way too many times before. I promised myself after the last shit storm of a relationship I would listen to my gut. Stand up for myself and not just go with the flow. I knew something was off and it needed to be addressed.

I approached it head on. Asking if he even wanted to be with me. I wasn’t sure what I was about to hear, but either way I needed to know. Turns out he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He had a lot going on in his life, custody issues with his ex wife and various health issues. It saddened me to say so, but I told him I couldn’t wait around just hoping that eventually one day it was me he wanted. And that was that…

[kimandra]

Keyboard warriors and their conquests

Why must guys presume you're going to meet up and put out before you really even talk? I can't speak for all women, but I'm not desperate. I'm not sad and lonely that I need a man's touch, any man, or all men I come in contact with... Him: hello Me: hiya Him: how are you today sexy Me: I'm alright, how about yourself. Him: I'm well what are u doing today Me: just relaxing before work Him: Lol. Same here. I wish i was relaxing with you. Of course there wouldn't be much relaxing going on. Lol Me: presumptuous, much? Him: Lol. Sorry. Have a great day! *sigh, followed by a deep breath* Because saying "lol" makes everything better or softens the blow? NO!! He knew he over stepped which is why he backed off with his tail between his legs. I'm not just going to laugh it off and act like it's okay just because I have the right body parts for you and that I am here for the taking. Just once, it would be nice if one of them could say sorry (and mean it) and ask for a do over. Put some real effort in! I'm worth it. But, those with with their simple one track mind will never know. Their loss.

[kimandra]

The following conversation went exactly as follows Him: hi can I ask you something Me: sure Him: will you give me some random head Me: Random head? What does that even mean? Skip the small talk and straight to my mouth on your penis? Has this line ever worked for you in the past? If so, how often? I'm rather intrigued Him: Yes it has worked in the past , its worked like 15 times Him: so will you blow me Me: sorry, you skipped the small talk. Him: oh sorry Him: hi how are you Me: hello. I'm am doing well. How about yourself? Him: that's good to hear not to bad myself Me: that's wonderful Him: right Him: what do you like to do for fun Me: I'm very artsy. Do a ton of DIY projects. Painting. Photography Travel. Movies. Music. Cook. Hang with friends. Wine tasting. Shopping. Long walks in the park. Strolling along the beach. Spoil my god kids. Cuddle with my cat. I really do hate small talk. And I don't suck random dicks. I give this guy an "A" for effort. He wasn't going to back down. I would have carried on the conversation as long as possible but I felt like his last question was a great segue to ditch him. Guess I can't fault him. According to him his methods has worked on many occasions, but not my thing. Then there was this other guy. Him: I like your lips Me: thanks (At this point in the game I kind of had a feeling where he was going, but just left it at that. Besides, I do have amazing, beautiful, naturally full lips, so thanks for the recognition...) Him: do oral? Me: I bet you have a nice ass. You into anal? Sometimes you've just got to fight crude with crude. Needless to say, that was the end of our short lived conversation. Seriously, why is the art of flirting lost? I do believe their ultimate goal is for me to jump their bones, right? But yet, they can't even string together full sentences to try to win me over, to make me ACTUALLY want them. Nope. Shock factor. Not exactly what I have in mind when I'm looking for someone to stand out to me. The tingling sensation I have isn't exactly the one you would be hoping for. There is no desire. Unless we're talking about being passionate. Passionate about how badly I just want for you to disappear.

[kimandra]

Everyone gets a chance

While I am not going into this expecting to come out with a relationship, I am also not looking for random hookups. I told myself going into this I would reply to everyone. Not just look at their profile, review their interests and write them off forever if they did not seem like the type of person I would like to talk with. In the past, had they described themselves as country and/or their hobbies including hunting, fishing, mudding, etc I would typically not reply. That was simply not something I was interested in. Living by this has had some interesting conversations come up The following conversation was very brief. Him: Do you have a FWB? Me: Nope Him: I'm so lonely Me: Get a dog? 🙄🙄 And that is apparently how you shut that down. The conversation ended. I just wasn't feeling it. I could have carried it on but we all know where this was going. For the most part, I approach the conversation the same way I am approached. If he's a douche, it's on! But if he's able to actually carry on a conversation and not act like some horned up animal looking for anything with a pulse to hump, I too can act civil and carry on the conversation. While I doubt the actual conversation ones will be a highlight to anything a write, it is a breath of fresh air when you're able to talk to someone who at least outwardly is not trying to get in your pants.

[kimandra]

Hello again, dating world!... Errrr, maybe?!

Some time ago I signed up for online dating. However, it wasn't until last night where I actually briefly filled out out some things on the profile and posted a picture. I'm still not sold on the idea of ACTUALLY dating again. I mean, dating sucks! Either people are trying way to hard to show how "perfect" they are or a no holds barred to share everything on how unstable they actually are. Generally doesn't seem to be any sort of grey area. There can be that awkward silence and no conversation once you're actually face to face. Or learn true intentions of him just wanting to get in your pants. Not that it's really any surprise, but when there is a total flip on personality from online to in person it's more unsettling. ..And then of course when their picture looks NOTHING like them in person. Maybe 15 years ago and or 63 pounds ago... I am by no means focused on outward appearance but at the same time, really?! Be true to yourself. If for no other reason to save me the awkwardness of walking into a coffee shop, walking around looking at everyone, not seeing him after he said he was there waiting, so I walk out and head back to my car only to be chased down by some "stranger" I'm not optimistic that I'll actually find "the one" Actually, I'm not even going into this in search of anyone. This is totally for shits and giggles. In the off chance should anything actually come about all of this, well then bonus. This is me. Diving in, head first with no expectations. And I'm bringing you along for the ride. The good, bad, ugly, hilarious, painful to endure, all the awkwardness, it is all yours. You're welcome.