kimmykoosh

[kimmykoosh]

the older i get, the more i need time & personal space to be as boring as possible

[kimmykoosh]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED

YOU KNOW THE HAIKU BOT???

OFC YOU DO

YOU KNOW THAT MESSAGE HE PUTS AT THE END OF EVERY POST????

"Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up."

YEAH???????

WELL THATS A HAIKU TOO

Beep boop! I look for

accidental haiku posts.

Sometimes I mess up.

NOW YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THATS NOT THE CUTEST THNIG YOUVE EVER HEARD

[kimmykoosh]

dragon age 4. did they figure out how old the dragon is yet

[kimmykoosh]

[kimmykoosh]

scrolled long enough on the 2016 dashboard i stumbled upon this

SCROLL BACK UP

[kimmykoosh]

the emotion i just experienced is kind of indescribable

[kimmykoosh]

in school I used to wear fake glasses while doing writing assignments so that the teachers would think I was smarter and grade my tests higher (this actually worked, for the record)

this kind of backfired in a pavlovian way because now I literally have to put on a pair of glasses and activate Smart Mode when I write anything longer than a few paragraphs

[kimmykoosh]

The axe/shotgun: this is still the same tool for chopping firewood, but with a cartridge amplifier.

[kimmykoosh]

i hope luigi mangione is proven innocent & gets to sue a ton of companies for slander and win & i hope he gets enough money to rebuild his life and get any help for his chronic pain that he needs & i hope he’s able to disappear from the public eye entirely if that’s what he wants

[kimmykoosh]

like, i myself am not of the varrichawke variety, but there is an undeniable eroticism to whatever the fuck they have going on. what if you were my muse and my best friend and the person i built a decade of my life around? what if you were the inspiration for heroism in my life and my constant anchor and my partner in crime? what if i created my life's greatest work in your image? does that make up for all the danger i've put you in by doing so? what if i made you a mythical hero from the storybook that i created only to watch you fall because of my own failures? and what if i couldn't say any of that out loud, so here are hundreds of pages of stories dedicated to you instead

[kimmykoosh]

it is funny when people confuse Devon Rexes with Cornish Rexes, because one breed is this bow-legged football-headed pitbull monkey, and one is just straight up an Italian greyhound.

Devon Rexes are hamburgers, and Cornish Rexes are hotdogs. if that helps.

[kimmykoosh]

men used to go to war smh

Boy do I have some good news for you

[kimmykoosh]

United Healthcare getting sued by its investors, because it didn't warn them that the CEO getting murdered (by the tendrils of their unmitigated greed) was going to lead to them approving more claims (for covered services that they had no right to deny) is a cartoonish example of exactly why their CEO got murdered.

Their argument is essentially "You promised us a specific profit margin that is not possible to achieve under this increased public scrutiny of your unethical practices. We only agreed to invest because of those unethical practices. So we demand compensation because you didn't warn us that you'd be behaving more ethically"

And idk. Satire isn't just dead. We've pissed on its corpse and now it's dissolving in lye.

[kimmykoosh]

you used to be able to play games on cartoonnetwork.com . . . now every company's website wants to give you spyware and spread corporate propaganda but I REMEMBER when you could play a BEN 10 adventure game in-browser without so much as giving away your e-mail. people's heads should be on pikes for this

[kimmykoosh]

[kimmykoosh]

I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything