kinaisalwayshere

[kinaisalwayshere]

What about me?

I'm here to talk about wanting to be put first. I know this may sound selfish, but sometimes speaking of your truths is good. All my life in any friendship or relationship I've been put second, or no one helped me in any situation. I have always looked out for people out of the kindness of my heart, I sat and listened to people's problems and encouraged them in tough times, picked up my phone in a hurry whenever someone called, or even checked up on people. But when it comes to me no one cares to help me, listen to me, or put me down.

Right now I'm tired of people... I don't want anyone using me for their own benefit and then acting like they can't help me. People will leave me for another friend, and won't return my texts or calls. People don't listen to me or even cut me off while talking... I've always been shy yes that's true but when I decide to open up no one respects me. i will be 31 November 14 and I will still have no friends or a significant other because I know I will never be put first. I will never be heard, I will never be worried about or thought of by people.

I stay to myself to make myself happy or at least try. I say I enjoy my time alone but in reality, I hate being alone. I love my family to the moon and back but sometimes I want a friend to share a laugh with, to have deep conversations, and connect on a deeper level. But I already know people are just going to use me for the time being because no one else is listening or talking to them. When you have a good heart people really use it and throw it in the trash after use.

Sometimes I wish I was heartless... I wish I didn't care about some people. I wish I was like others... Use people's minds and hearts and throw everything away like it is waste. But I will never ever stoop down to that level because I can't imagine being just like them... I could never use someone for my own benefit. If I see that you can sit and listen to me, give me advice, convince me to do greater things... you gotta be my friend for life lol.

I never used tumblr before but tonight I decided to post this because I wanted to share something I'm tired of feeling. I'm in school four days a week, and then I work at night at the post office. And this week I felt like I was going to explode and give up on everything because I was feeling stressed. I wanted to talk to someone just to vent... and I couldn't do that cuz I knew no one would listen.

Please be there for your friends or loved ones. Don't use them just for advice and then go weeks without talking to them... ask them if they are okay. Ask them how they are feeling and what new journeys or adventures they are doing. Just be there.