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imagine a cutaway to a confessional with sam in his suit, pupils wide as dinner plates behind his glasses. he’s seeing god right now but also he has this show to host and there are 8 beautiful sober people screaming at him. paul robalino is doing double duty as a producer AND trip sitter. it’s absolute chaos in the studio
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tried to sleep but I’ve fallen into a fit of laughter thinking about the why does bikini bottom have this device image
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So last month I got hit by a car and died right. Which I didn't initially realize until I watched some guy haul my body into his pickup and drive off. Which, being that it's deep in rural Michigan, I assume means my body will make some venison jerky and maybe some wall decoration, and I'll be resigned to being one of hundreds of deer ghosts floating around Saginaw, which is w/e. But then I find out the guy works at a taxidermy shop or something, and he's actually pretty good at stuffing and mounting deer carcasses, which I come to find out when I find myself face to face with my old body in the shop window. So naturally, I figure since ghosts need to possess something to interact with the living world and etc etc etc the most logical thing to do is to possess my own body, since it's basically a statue of myself. And a little surprisingly, it actually fits like a glove. Like, since it's my body, it feels like stepping right back into place. So I get out of town and back to my herd, eventually. And that's where the trouble starts coming into it, because after I get settled again, I don't know how to explain to everyone else what feels so weird. Like since I can move my body and do everything I used to do, it's functionally the same, like nothing happened. Or it SHOULD be, so I don't know how to explain how it's NOT. But it's just hard to explain it to someone who's never been hit by a truck I guess
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why did no one tell me about vampires before i became a lich. “oh noo i can’t go out for a sunny beach day!! i don’t show up in mirrors!!” i need to use a special deodorant not to smell like maggots. i studied for 103 years for this
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OP: When you realize you're starting to act like your parents (cr戴阿蒙)




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How strong is your levitation magic?
*from above you* how do i get down
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today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god
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Taxonomy of worms 101, you have to strain the worm pile through different diameter sieves to sort out the worms by worm thickness
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