king-vivian

[king-vivian]

goes back to medieval times

oldschool runescape music is actually playing everywhere i go

me: i knew it

[king-vivian]

Richard Simmons is not my court jester. What is he talking about

"When the king gets depressed, he doesn't call for his wife or the cook. He turns to the little man with the pointed hat and says to the court jester 'make me laugh.' And I am that court jester."

— Richard Simmons

[king-vivian]

I don't. The jester does, though.

[king-vivian]

You would not beLIEVE how fancy of a cheese I'm eating rn omg

[king-vivian]

*holds aloft my enormous gold-plated jewel-encrusted goblet filled with the finest wine in the kingdom* to our kingdom... to our companionship.... to our health. Cheers! *taps it against your tiny crudely-carved wooden cup filled with water*

[king-vivian]

The harem is doing WHAT

Reverse Mulan about a young man who disguises himself as a noblewoman and has to learn how to do passive-agressive politicking at dinner parties.

[king-vivian]

ghe doctor said no more than two glasses of poisoned wine

[king-vivian]

but I fear if we were attacked by barbarians while doing so, they may assume I am but a lowly laborer and kill me, and then our country would be without its king

We have discovered trace undertale particles in the drinking water

[king-vivian]

night mouse wax seal signet ring by TrumpetForTwo

[king-vivian]

I feel myself drawn to the simple elegance of a goat's horn, perhaps tipped with a gold cap for that touch of elegance

I really want a new cup to drink from. Something grandiose but not too gaudy. Perhaps a wooden tankard with an elaborate carving on the outside? Or a ceramic stein decorated with a painting of my castle? A cup made from the skull of a defeated enemy, perhaps? Or the helmet of a foreign general?

So many options to choose from... so many befitting of a king like myself.... but alas, I can only drink from a single cup at a time.

[king-vivian]

Being an adult in this recession and being like wow I am totally "splurging" on 3 new sets of cotton underwear and 3 pairs of socks like whoaaaaa hold your horses duke of the land where's all this money gonna come from

[king-vivian]

The old well is poison, Ethelred. It has to be done for the good of the community

We have discovered trace undertale particles in the drinking water

[king-vivian]

I really want a new cup to drink from. Something grandiose but not too gaudy. Perhaps a wooden tankard with an elaborate carving on the outside? Or a ceramic stein decorated with a painting of my castle? A cup made from the skull of a defeated enemy, perhaps? Or the helmet of a foreign general?

So many options to choose from... so many befitting of a king like myself.... but alas, I can only drink from a single cup at a time.

[king-vivian]

My castle is desperate enough we'll hire anyone with their own set of armor

sees a flyer that the castle is hiring but i get closer and see that theyre only looking for chaste and virtuous knights and i walk away clanking sadly because my armor is covered in lipstick marks 😔

[king-vivian]

Dig a new well

We have discovered trace undertale particles in the drinking water

[king-vivian]

This is a very good point

[king-vivian]

petition to bring back saying "huzzah!" when something goes your way and "alas." when it doesn't