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How To Get A Job Fast As Hell

 @owenabbott​ 

Apply to a  job, wait (1) day, then call.  Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application. 

 When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly,  tell them your first and last name.  

Describe your experiences  as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years]  costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.  

Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say  things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.”  “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”

When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say  YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now). 

Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.

When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the fuck up. Make yourself sound good as hell, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy. 

If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)

Questions for after the interview:

1.  Does this position offer upward mobility?

2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)

 Then, shake their hand,  Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the fuck out of it. 

AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows  that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices. 

DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone.  In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate. 

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 The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com  and Simplyhired.

Data Entry:

http://citystaffing.com/job/data-entry-specialistsmailroom-clerk/?utm_source=Indeed&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Indeed

https://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/chicago-il/data-entry-clerks-needed/43517752?codes=IND

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/data-entry-specialists-job/chicago-transit-authority/jepfivkhjk?cid=udsowkxtausyzitcfeecaeuzoxkltmbl

https://jobs-theprivatebank.icims.com/jobs/3435/temporary—data-entry/job?mode=job&iis=SimplyHired&iisn=SimplyHired&utm_source=simplyhired&utm_medium=jobclick&mobile=false&width=792&height=500&bga=true&needsRedirect=false&jan1offset=-360&jun1offset=-300

 Front Desk:

http://localjobs.joblur.com/jobapplication2/?jobid=99957&subaffid=300006&JobType=Food%20/%20Bev%20/%20Hosp&ix=1&c1=99957

https://jobs.ajg.com/job/-/-/109/1256110?apstr=%26src%3DJB-10280

https://pepper.hiretouch.com/job-search/job-details?jobID=32066&job=receptionist

http://accesscommunityhealth.hodesiq.com/jobs/default.aspx?JobID=5203566 (this one is close to the place you rented.)

http://ihg.taleo.net/careersection/all/jobdetail.ftl?job=R113601&lang=en&media_id=24863&src=Indeed&src=JB-10920

https://covalentcareers.com/employer/listing/86450f8517588197c9b04f5068ed4300/detail/?apply=1&ref=indeed&v=30&utm_source=indeed&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=indeed_optical

http://www.careerbuilder.com/jobseeker/jobs/jobdetails.aspx?APath=2.21.0.0.0&job_did=JHN0KY6823WBWZX21VM&showNewJDP=yes&IPath=JRKV0F

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/front-desk-receptionist-customer-service-sales-job/rosin-optical-co-inc/qaeoquzgdi?cid=ivdnhijkmxchdanahwfoupazcwisfnxt

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/receptionist-front-desk-job/all-us-jobs/fonj7wmldf?cid=trhyvmfcsgjltxkjxkemyinsjveewfjp

Other jobs you don’t need a degree for that aren’t retail:

Dental hygenist ( yeah, seriously, who knew!) They also make about 40,000 a year)

Stenographer-Court Reporter

Surveyer ( you need a certificate for this, but its something you can get while working a temporary job and doing this on the side. Also, they make like $55,000 a year sooooooo) https://sjobs.brassring.com/TGWEbHost/jobdetails.aspx?jobId=1406428&PartnerId=16023&SiteId=5118&codes=IND

Real Estate Broker

Purchasing agents, except wholesale, retail, and farm products ( basically you arrange to buy large things) they make like 60K

Claims adjuster 

Loan Officer

Subway driver (trains) they make like 60K,

Duct Cleaner: http://jobview.monster.com/Duct-Cleaners-950-00-Weekly-Entry-Level-Flexible-Hours-Call-to-Apply-Job-Chicago-IL-US-161970321.aspx?intcid=re

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oh no

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Do Not Talk To Me . I Dropped My Cashew In Walmart

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Super excited about this bighorn sheep skull and body model I’m working on right now. I’m trying to show the biomechanics of the skull that prevent concussion in fighting rams. Brought to you by the magic of ZBrush and boolean objects.

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australians dont have sex

australians mate

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Minkowski: Eiffel, may I please have some answers?

Eiffel: Delaware, all the above, 90 degrees.

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Please support Motor Crush !!! Its a new comic with a black lesbian lead that isnt getting enough support and has a really good and intricate plot about motorcycle lesbians & their rival gangs

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@martletradio‘s Midnight Radio

all ghost stories are love stories

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anyway i love dr joan ‘screaming in her head at all times’ bright

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Ok but imagine, re: the taz/w359 crossover mixup, Magnus having Feelings about the star being called Wolf 359 but there not being any actual dogs there

hgndsjflksdfn

he was promised THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-NINE DOGS and there are NONE

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Life of a Customer Service Rep.

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Mechanical Engineering Aesthetic

Sourced from myself/people I know. I myself only fit some/half of these (it’s all just a joke lol)

always tired (like all college students)

always have random cuts and shit

“what happened to your hand?” idk man. Something. Everything. Is a band aid even worth it when you need one every 20 minutes.

has box/Google doc/note on phone of project ideas that haven’t happened yet

horrible exam grades, straight A’s in project classes

biggest tragedy of 2016 was losing the calipers a class gave them for free

salivates over precision measurement equipment (like calipers…)

owns their own personal, often stylish, safety glasses

but ironically, does a lot of questionable, unsafe things, like rigging a climbing rope to their ceiling (so they can get to their custom lofted bed….)

asked for a cordless drill for Christmas

asked for a set of metric hex drivers for Christmas

hates going to lecture (unless there are demos)

coffee over tea, but not too much bc hands need to not shake

unless you’re doing cad. Then, allllll the caffeine

everyone has a shop dad. Shop dads r gr8. They helped you hacksaw your screws to the proper length when you forgot to order the right ones and it was the day before your design review.

the most illegal thing you’ve ever done is build without a permit.

watches the hydraulic press channel

“it’ll be fine” (said while looking at a questionably cantilevered beam) (It would not be fine. Especially not the day of the demonstration.)

spent an embarrassing amount of money (school funded or personal) on McMaster-Carr orders

doesn’t understand math unless you draw, CAD, program or build an example, and then is really good at it

forgets constantly how horrible it is to have three final projects and signs up for 3 lab classes the next semester anyway

research > GPA (at least, we all hope so)

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If there’s anything I’ve learned from MIT, it’s that after admiring the people with the straight A’s and the good job at the large company and the awards, it’s that often, these people play it safe in life. Life is safe, secure - - padded by large institutions where not much can truly go to hell most of the time, and falls are cushioned.

And at the end of MIT, looking back, I find myself not wanting the straight A’s or the good internship at the large company. Nothing worth doing was easy for me, and no problems important enough to solve were solved quickly. And I’ll bet our problems now won’t be solved, either, by those big places. They made more of a difference in the world when they were small and desperate.

Maybe it’s just because I’m used to it now, but I feel like even if it means failure and crashing and burning a hundred times, I’ll take that any day if it means I can work on interesting problems that make a real difference. Of course, no industry is without its negative effects and soul-wrenching moral quandaries, but still. And every “C” I got sophomore year came from hours spent trying to build this:

The finished well, next to the preschool in Muti.

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very important fact: toMORROW is the FIRST BIRTHDAY of my VERY HANDSOMEST BOY, FREDDIE MERCURY