kiokokrunch - Tumblr blog

kiokokrunch · 6 years

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My miracle gave birth to another miracle...

November 22 at 11 in the evening when I arrived at SPMC right after I found out sofia was rushed into. My friends noticed that I was acting nonplussed so they accompanied me there until 5am. I even tried to calm myself by smoking but at the same time I prayed and promised I'll quit smoking in return of wanting sofia and her baby would be in best condition they should have and because I can't bare to go home without any update so I waited patiently.

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On the 23rd day of November 2018 at 2:10 in the afternoon last friday, a 2.210 kg brave little man was born and the 39hrs of waiting to let us see him was worth every second.

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It was 25th of same month at 2:41in the morning when I first saw him and couldn't contain the happiness I felt because I prayed everything that may possible happen when sofia was still in the delivery room.

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November 26, 2018 at 7:41 in the evening, finally! they were allowed to go home.

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To sofia jane,

Mahal, I may not know what you exactly have gone through during your labor time but for me you are the bravest. I wanted to tell you how proud I am to you every single time. Eversince the day you told me you are going to have a baby, you always got me. Remember the day I promised you that I'll be staying around if ever the day baby would want to come out so even if we're not communicating this past few weeks, I kept that promise and rushed into you and whenever I feel you need me, despite the time or whatever I was doing or who Im with, I always find myself coming for you near or far. My goal is to always keep you happy in the best way that I can even you don't ask because my love for you knows no condition. Thank you for still choosing to live for khylle thats why he came out a strong healthy baby eventhough he lack weeks. You know how much I love you and always been proud telling everyone that you are the person I truly, madly, deeply in love with.

To Khylle Ezekiel,

Hey little champ! Just like your mama, you both living proof that love at first sight exist. You did it baby boy! Thank you for not making your mama suffered too much while you are still in her tummy. You maybe can't read this now but I hope you can be able to see this and before you start changing and growing before our very eyes there are few things I want you to know, I have already cherished and loved you before your existence and those feelings have multiplied tenfold. I have melt each coo you make and fall deeper everytime you rest your tiny head on our my chest. I hope I would be able to meet you by the time you can have your own understanding. You are your mama's knight and shining armour you take care of your mama because she deserves everything in the world. I can't wait to play with you. I want you to also know that I love your mama with all my heart. She is the strongest woman I know. And you, you are the best treasure we ever had. I love you, champ!

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kiokokrunch · 6 years

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Everytime I feel tired and blue I always watched the videos she sent to me. I always tell her that she's beautiful and would even look perfect when she smiles.

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I love how she can effortlessly make me smile and laugh. I miss how she says "hi kiokeeeee". She had no idea everytime she does that, it makes my whole day into a whole year.

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So here's my mood-booster rockin my day!

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kiokokrunch · 6 years

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My heart

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They say "staying" would be enough reason to tell that you really love someone. But for me "leaving" could also mean that too.

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Hey its been weeks, almost a month and will probably years will pass since the last time we talked. The day I chose to distant my self is the day I left you with words that cut you off and made you think I mean to leave just to hurt you.

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I want to let you know that all the little things we've done together was something worth to reminisce. Actually I made a list of everything I wanted to do and of course I want it to be with you.

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You have no idea how happy you made me. Eventhough it feel so right, I couldn't deny that there's something wrong. You were owned by somebody yet we still do the things that we should've not.

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Its kills me everytime we would meet each other knowing that in the end of the day there's someone whom we could unintentionally hurt. Thats the main reason why I was trying to get rid of whats between us. Not because I dont love you but because I know the feeling of being betrayed by someone I trust and love the most.

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I hope you knew how much I tried to keep myself in touch with you but it hurts knowing i would never be someone you'll choose. Its frustrating how much I wanted to tell and let everyone see how much I love you but I couldn't because you're committed and its not with me.

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I don't know why you hated me now to the extent that you had to block me after I distant myself to you. It isn't true that I didn't receive your greetings during my birthday, I made it as a reason just to message you again because I miss you so bad.

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I saw that you are trying to get things good with her again and how much you really love her so I've decided to leave you guys alone. Because I know its how things supposed to be even if it would make me shattered everyday. You don't know how hurt I am everytime I tell myself "that should be me".

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Its not also true when I tell you I meant nothing to you because I felt how much you love me. I felt how much you've tried to make things right but you're my baby girl and still don't know what to do because you're torn between me and your home. Thats why I understand that you chose me, but to be the one who is left behind.

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No matter how far I wander, you are always with me in my heart. I never left you, I'm just here to always save you in case you need me. No matter how much pain you will cause me, I couldn't afforrd to be mad at you my sweetheart.

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Always remember that my distant is not about hurting you, not because I got tired of you nor you wasn't worth the fight but because I wanted you for the rest of my life. Its not always the "staying" its the "waiting".

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You are still the person I can imagine one day I would wake up in the morning with and my resting place after a tiring day. The same person I wanted to be my last. The person of my dreams. As long as you still want me, I would never give up for our "someday".

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kiokokrunch · 6 years

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The one that got away

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How could I ever forget one of the happiest days of my life, she said yes to be my girl. I think until now she had know idea how happy i was having her officially because never I have imagined it will happen despite of everything that is making it impossible to come true.

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Before I had her I thought I have already knew everything about love. She gave answers to all the questions I wasn't even asking. I saw how fragile she is but I still love her more everytime she would break. She taught me how to believe in magic again.

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I ddn't know I can meet someone who has same insanity as I have. An instant connection I felt for her was raw and undeniable. Though we were in a long distance relationship that time and both of us were new about it and had no idea how to handle it, we still tried each day to make it worth more than a distance.

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I never made her feel I am busy because she was my lifeline. I'll always make sure that she would be the happiest and deserved everything she thought she could never have. Everyday I realized how much I love her even the day she told me she is having a little one. I embrace it with all the fibre of being me and promised that she'll never have to face it alone.

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We were almost perfect because I have learned how to handle her when shes at her lowest and I thank her for making it not hard for me to do so. She taught me how to lower my pride and always compose myself every fight we have. But months passed, how we argue aren't normal anymore. Is it because of we can't bare the distance anymore or is it the fear that she might realize to get back with her past.

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Then I realized what risk I took despite the damage she might cause. But I will never regret the day I took that risk because she's one of the best decisions I have ever made. Right then, the fear that Im feeling was consuming me because for God sake never in my entire life been so much afraid of losing someone. That time I don't know what would I do if I'll lose her.

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Until one day, she left without a single word. And the fear I always thought has become the truth. I always wake up wanting to sleep again. I found myself asking where did I go wrong. I made myself being the person she deserves so I could be enough for her and still made me feel helpless and unknown that time.

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I thought I could easily forget what happened but the more I ignore the more I feel the broken hollow blocks she build in my heart. Then theres one thing how I wish I should've said to her before she left was "Please ayaw ko byae kung naa kay plano byaan ko". But that time I felt it was too much to ask for it when I know she would still leave.

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I was counting days until I slowly accept the things I couldn't change. I love her enough to not respect the decision she made. She may not know how much she hurt me and how much pain I felt everytime but she still deserves to be happy so I ddn't bother her anymore as what she wants. After all, she was the best I have ever had.

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love, mahal 💌

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kiokokrunch · 6 years

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To my most painful yet favorite story to tell...

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Year ago was just an ordinary day for me to just lay down on my bed until there was a strange feeling I suddenly felt that makes me wanna go out somewhere.

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I don't know where exactly Im going so I just let my feet take me anywhere. Until I found myself standing outside someone's dormitory. When she was out I saw her from across and took the deepest possible breath that I could.

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Damn, her smile was telling me to come closer and her eyes was my home at that moment. I was stoned about the strange feeling that I felt to the point I couldn't act normal.

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Then theres me acting nonplussed when she asked me what am I doing there so I told her if she could come with me to have my id pictures (of course rason nlng to para d ko murag tala kung ngano ko naa ddto na wala mn jd koy gamitan ato haha).

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After that, I invited her for dinner as my thank you to her for tolerating my drama (pa id pic kuno haha) and of course I still wanted to be with her.

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Hours passed but I couldn't still afford not to stare at her to the extent that I can do it for the entire day (pwede pd entire life hihi). I can still remember what she was wearing from head to toe, her pure heart.

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I can't remember exactly the things we were talking about because I was too comfortable having her around like I have already known her before I had existence.

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We had our long walks and deep talks until 4am. I didn't even notice the time actually because I felt that it will never be enough. She had no idea how much she consumed every fibre of me that night.

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Before we bid each other goodbye, I've got to kiss her on her forehead (wala ko kblo ngno to ngano gbuhat pero mao my gusto nko buhaton hehe).

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When I finally got home there were so many questions running through my head and I couldn't find any answer.

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And then after that day we never talked again. Weeks passed someone told me that shes back w her ex (Oh i dont know why pero naigo akg ego? Haha whyyyy).

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Some questions were answered, I lost the chance of telling what I felt about her that night. I ignored the thruth I tried to hide and run instead.

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Now, I spend my every minute missing her.

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To you:

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME BELIEVE THAT FIREWORKS EXIST THROUGH YOUR TOUCH. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO KNOW THAT MY HEART IS STILL CAPABLE TO SKIP A BEAT. WE MAY NOT HAVE PICTURES ON THAT DAY BUT YOU CAPTURED MY HEART✨

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PS: I love you, jane.

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Love, marie💌