kisra

[kisra]

She hadn't seen the moon in a while; she was now concerned.

As she looked up to the skies of the dark mirror, she saw a moon she did not recognize. It pulsed with a sick and purple aura. Massive objects, stone and... was that machinery? What in the hell? It dawned on her it was much, much later than she thought. There was much to do. She made a mental note to preserve the image of the moon, to recreate it when she returned to wakefulness. It shrank away as the thought coalesced. It tried to hide. Trying to burn away the memory of what it was. The image of it paled, then began to corrupt, receeding and slowly vanishing, but She would not abide this cowardice.

[kisra]

Memories behind a mask

Its the earth distorted into a mask by a flesh creature. It's a jester's mask held together by... Something… It's a promise. It's a threat. It's pleasant memories and mixed bags. It's all of these.

Still, the mask was a dirty goddamn trick. Yeah, they got your permission. I bet you also had no idea what you gave permission for until the moment after it happened

but it wasn't all bad memories. I just don't… think i want to see the world like that again.

[kisra]

Something wholesome

[kisra]

Transcendent Metamorphosis

She began to wrap herself in her new form, as her old one disintegrated. Pouring himself into herself, she became more whole. Her interior hollowed out and formed a protective barrier, shimmering in non physical space. She felt vividly her flesh, which did not exist, rip from metaphorical bone. Where embodied pain may have been present she felt only euphoria and peace as the old form fully ceased to exist. The exoskeleton began to draw materia in from the outside, converting it for use. The raw potential of the cosmos, a vaporous, high temperature nothing condensing on the exoskeleton; itself drawn in through the tough but porous membrane, before finding itself transformed and secreting gently into the newly formed cavity. Time did not matter here, but we must imagine a linear sequence of events that conveys what happened next; the cavity began to fill, and amidst the viscous snot within began to emerge the new organs, the new shape. Her mind never ceased to be, nor did it rest. Every action was labored and deliberate, and she could not be more excited to be finished, even as her current work kept her in untimed ecstasy. Witnessing her becoming, she was in love with herself. She hugged her own exoskeleton in spirit, and awaited her own completion.

[kisra]

She's so expressive

She turned over, facing away from everyone. It was just too much. The intensity around her. The buzzing. It was all unravelling. The illusion was disintegrating. Was she dying? Was this all a lie? Was this a prison? Was she being enslaved? Suddenly her anxieties vanished as she saw herself within her minds eye, staring back at her. A perfected self. All she hoped to be and do, and more. Fully resolved, embracing her tightly, kissing the bridge of her nose. It's not that there was no fear, no, but the road in front of her resolved into a clear picture, and with that came lasting peace.

[kisra]

We reign here

The south fish was different. She guarded a more vulnerable state than the waking ego had to deal with. This was the fish who swam in the dark places and made sure there was a vessel to return to every night. Strange terrors stalk the deep and it took ceaseless work to keep herself safe. She didn't envy the north fish, but found the disconnect between their worlds frustrating. Someday there would be unity. Someday.

[kisra]

Capture my good side, please.

She preferred to do her work with her senses fully invaded. Music blasting away the remnants of external awareness, her vision laid solely on her work, her mind silent as the heart of a hurricane, dancing with harsh percussive beats blasting into her ears.

Her clients unnerved her at first. And later on, they still fucking frightened her. From the very first days! Her first serious client was also her last for nearly a decade. The work so foreign to her and her nature - but, it seemed, they liked the essence she captured. The first client found his portrait defaced after, in some intense panic upon realizing her subject, resolved to hide what it truly was from the world.

With time grew comfort. A grim cautious curiosity. Work came sporadically, but inevitably they appeared, and shortly, posed. The disparate and non corporeal essence gathered up and pinned to shape, to line, to color, in something that aped, but was not quite, reality.

She just wished the dead could sustain a living

[kisra]

Tutoring from the lesser cosmos

It was difficult to teach new students the more abstract concepts that governed creation. Dira liked to render a fractally splitting three dimensional whole diverging into distinct energies before selectively recombining said in unique ratios, to demonstrate what is going on, but it inevitably implied a separateness that had to be corrected. She didn't know a better way to start, however. It was easy to convey the superficial properties of what this meant, but, for example, the finer points of what it meant to exist at the junctures simply could not be taught, it had to be seen, and experienced.

Dira didn't envy her pupil one bit. The resolution of these forces was difficult and unintuitive. Few beings exist before the division, many who do did so via resolution. Its natural for one to favor one energy over the other. This can make it difficult for dominants to reconcile their opposing force, but it is necessary to move forward.

[kisra]

On the more obscure forms of symbiosis

They had been like this for a long time. The wind buffeted her hair, and the mind that gave her thoughts their shape rested somewhere between the strands of hair and the air between them. They weren't separable at this point, having gone around this many cycles together. The alien mind was the structure that grew to respond to the needs of self and spirit, her own faculties long since rendered to a vestigial slurry, the hybrid organism was all that was left. He was her mitochondria. She was the cell he kept alive.

[kisra]

Stolen time

When, in the course of a life one finds that the labors of decades past do not suffice for what must come next, the abandonment thereof and the start of something new - This is the fate of one whose destiny has been robbed the potential of full maturity.

We found our time absconded with.

When, in the end, facing Kronos, not as one who is racked with guilt, or laments for what wasn't done, ask, singularly, if there was ever a way to get the full allotment of a life allocated for such treasured journeys.

Why do the Kalai need spoil under a toxic sun for a sum of vital years before most of them find their way? Why can't we flourish in full, with our cisward siblings?

[kisra]

Dread Ingress (Pluto in Aquarius thoughts)

I was born with Pluto in Scorpio, in my 9th house. It means Pluto in scorpio defined my relationship to learning, travel, and religion. What a blessing.

In my experience, the outer planets get louder in a nativity when they have a position that permits it. The first house, the 11th house, the angles, the 3rd/9th axis.

For me it's the 9th house. Pluto helps complete a grand trine to my ascendant, along with Jupiter.

Unpacking Plutonic influence in my life isn't easy, but it's there. I am pretty obsessive in my learning, hyperfocus being the main vehicle by which I ride deep dives into subjects that interest me. There is obsession. Politically, I'm pretty left wing and revolutionary (i obviously break with marxist dogma on spirituality, but if you asked me how I want the world to be administered, i'll point to the USSR as a starting point). The USSR was a deeply plutonic outfit (I don't want to justify this here, but I can should anybody feel strongly that I do so), so my 9th house feels operative here.

But as I've grown aquainted with astrology, the more drawn I've felt to this dark little outlier.

Pluto represents a transition point in a very literal sense. Pluto's orbit deviates from the norm for solar-orbiting objects, being very oblong. Pluto straddles a line between a planet and something not quite a planet definitionally. Pluto marks the end of large celestial bodies in our solar system, and a transition to a debris field that marks the outer territorial borderlands of the solar system.

Pluto is liminal. You find this in his delineations - "Pluto makes big things really small, small things really big" - "Pluto represents the aquisition of power" [which is to say, pluto represents movement from one state to another].

The element of disease that is an invisible microbe capable of felling a large animal is pluto. Disempowered masses affecting change on an empowered minority - plutonic.

Pluto is the outer darkness. Where mercury represents what is closest to the sun, easily burnt by ego but readily flourishing beneath it, Pluto represents the outermost reaches of solar thought. There's an efficiency in pluto. Pluto in Leo might be the efficient exercise of light - as Pluto would have to make the most of the least, receiving the least light of the celestial objects. Light doesn't touch this place readily, the ego cannot readily overcome and burn that which is here.

Pluto represents our darkness. Pluto is the herald of the underworld figuratively: A place of dead things, and the administration of life.

Pluto is the underworld literally: A representation of the hidden and shadowed worlds behind the mask of life under the sun. Organized crime, taboos, forbidden religion. All of this is Pluto, and more.

This is the force that has dominated my learning and worldview, without ever really piercing past and claiming me. I feel like, with my sun in Fall, Mars (pluto's ruler in my chart) conjunct my sun, I can see what Pluto is plainly, and insofar as I wield it in life, I do wield it like a tool, or a weapon. I don't live and breathe the Plutonic, but I do understand it. I see it within me clearly, and it guides my learning, it guides my view of the world. Jupiter trine pluto trine my ascendant means that I am somewhat of a brighter disposition about it than most.

I try to love Pluto in some sense, because I know what it represents for me, without letting myself be subsumed by the Plutonic, which is rather destructive and harmful to the self when uncritically taken in and over-developed.

I can mark big shifts in my life to Pluto's time in Sagittarius, in Capricorn, and now Aquarius.

I am going to remark on the ingresses into Aquarius, including the final ingress that has taken place.

I have been Christian most of my religious life. At first I was protestant-orthodox-ly devout, but as I transitioned my beliefs grew with my religious studies, which began in earnest after my transition began, and with that came an increasing disconnect with orthodoxy, and then Christianity entirely.

But I still oriented myself around a lot of holdover beliefs. I still pray. I still have what is ultimately monotheistic beliefs (just with more steps between us and the first cause)

But as pluto began to ingress into aquarius, I started to have forcible shifts in my outlook. As Pluto started flirting with a 9th house -> 12th house natal square, I began having disorienting shifts in perception with regards to occult and religious matters. I began perceiving more, and frankly more ugly, things spiritually.

I began having dreams of demons, of things people spend a lot of being scared of. I began having dreams of highly complex metaphysical concepts. I began to develop a systematic distrust of reality that has only intensified since the final ingress.

A lot of the big astrologers seem to be talking about Pluto in terms of how cool the technology will be, or what it's gonna mean for AI or other silly shit. I'll be very honest, I think Pluto really doesn't have "technology" significations the way these guys claim. I think a lot of what you might read as something like a tech signature in Pluto are secondary to what is actually happening, which is the amplification or deprecation of certain tendencies - I don't think pluto in aquarius is going to be easy for us as a species. It's going to be a *very* difficult time for me on a personal level, but I expect this is a microcosm of the macrocosm on some level - I think pluto in Aquarius is going to be a very difficult challenge for us as a species.

Where Uranus in gemini and neptune in Aries are positioned to bring us oppressive and disorienting technologies, and pluto is positioned to amplify both in a major way, I do not think, in hindsight, those topics are what astrologers are going to remember about this time when Pluto enters Pisces in 20 years.

This is a meandering post, but I'm mostly trying to get some thoughts that have been knocking around in my head out. Hopefully my next post on these matters will be more refined.

Anyway, love you all.

-Kisra

[kisra]

Hello.

I am a transfemme with pisces rising, a gemini moon, and a libra sun. Which is to say, this blog may amount to jack as I exist and move on from it, unless I find a good reason to say. I need a place to express myself that's less anchored to my own life, as my journey has become stranger, it feels like I need the experience to be a bit divorced socially. Hence this blog. First post will probably be a meditation on the outer planets and astrology more generally.