kisssmefree

[kisssmefree]

being emotionally numb is scarier than any other feeling. I’d rather cry myself to sleep every night because at least i am feeling something. being numb means i’m not even capable of being sad, let alone happy. 

[kisssmefree]

You like hurt/comfort because you like the idea that someone will comfort you when you are in pain.

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Uncertainty (JJ Maybank)

a/n: hi everyone! this is my first piece of writing for this particular fandom, so bare with me! this is more of a third-person type of one-shot and i like to write this way when i’m writing about a character rather than writing for a character, if that makes any sense! please read with caution and take a look at the warnings. i’m always going to be taking requests to feel free to send them in! 

warnings: physical and mental abuse, language, violence, angst

word count: 1,334. just a lil shortie to start with. in which JJ learns to deal with the uncertainties of his life.

—

JJ doesn’t remember the first time his father laid a hand on him. He doesn’t remember what day of the week it was, or the time. He doesn’t remember why his father hit him at all, or even if he deserved it. All he remembers was that it came out of nowhere.

To say that JJ suffered was an understatement. He wasn’t sure why God picked him to suffer. He didn’t understand it, and he didn’t think it was fair. He knew he couldn’t stop it, so instead he learned to deal with it. A few scratches here and a few bruises there never hurt anyone, right? Well, not seriously at least. At least that’s what JJ convinced himself to believe. It got harder to cover up when it came to his friends, though. Harder to hide the marks, harder to hide the winces whenever Pope slung his arm around JJ’s neck. Harder to bend over to pick up the empty beer cans when John B would tell him to clean up his shit. Harder to play fight with Kiara when she would smack his chest at his childish humour. Harder to take off his shirt when they would dive off the HMS Pogue floating it’s way through the marsh. Harder to hang out with the Pogues without telling them what was happening to him at home. 

Then, one day, he did.

JJ wanted so badly for Kiara to stop crying when he lifted up his shirt. He wanted so badly for John B to rid his face of that pitiful, concerned gaze. He wanted so badly for Pope to close his damn mouth and stop speaking the words he knew he couldn’t relay to his father. JJ wanted them all to just stop. But he knew they wouldn’t, so again, he dealt with it. 

The first time JJ got high was to help with the pain he was about to endure when he got home. He knew he fucked up earlier so what was soon to happen didn’t come as a shock. Instead, he tried to come prepared. Tried to deal with it. The Pogues always poked fun at JJ for always being high, not that he would admit why he always was. He didn’t want to admit to his friends that he got addicted to the euphoric high so that his ribs wouldn’t hurt as bad when his father’s fist collided with them. He didn’t want to admit to John B that he was always high to block out his own grunts and sobs when his father’s palm slammed against his face, leaving it red raw and stinging. He didn’t want to admit to Pope that he was always high to muffle out the curses and derogatory names that slurred past his father’s beer soaked lips. He didn’t want to admit to Kiara that he was always high so he could blame his tears and choked out sobs on inhaling the smoke the wrong way. Instead, he continued getting high and brushed off the disapproving looks and mumbled gossip from the locals about his bad habit. 

So, he dealt with it.

Keep reading

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Don’t Forget Where You Belong - JJ Maybank x Reader- Part Nine

A/N: once again thank you all so much for the support on this series! this one’s a long one, enjoyyyy

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

You slowly opened your eyes, the light filtering into your room making you stir. As you turned over, you were met with a face. You let out a small squeal as your eyes found a face very closer to your own. You moved backwards in your bed, pressing up against the headboard as JJ’s face came into focus. Your tense body relaxed as you sighed.

“For fucks sake JJ,” you hissed, slapping him on the arm as you lounged back into your warm spot under the covers, “you gave me a heart attack. What the hell are you doing watching me sleep?”

“I’m bored,” he stated. You raised your eyebrows at him, “and hungry.”

“You know where the kitchen is,” you mumbled, turning on your side to face away from him. You heard him whine as he laid his body over yours. You groaned, dramatically coughing as if you were desperate for air.

“But pancakes taste so much better when you make them,” he pouted. You turned your head towards him, an unimpressed look washed over your face. You sighed,

“Fine.”

In thanks he nuzzled into your body. You could feel his nose pressed against your neck as he spooned you. You could feel butterflies in your stomach and a hot flush creeping up your neck. Before he could notice your physical reactions to him, you cleared your throat, sitting up quickly, discarding his body from yours in the process.

“Let’s go then,” you said quickly, gunning for the door.

Keep reading

[kisssmefree]

“Attracted to them books” LMFAOOOO

[kisssmefree]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[kisssmefree]

rockstar™

[kisssmefree]

OH NO MY HEART :’)

[link to post]

[kisssmefree]

i😡😡😡😡wanna😡😡😡😡cuddle😡😡😡😡with😡😡😡😡calum😡😡😡😡until😡😡😡😡all😡😡😡😡my😡😡😡😡sadness😡😡😡😡is😡😡😡😡gone😡😡😡😡

[kisssmefree]

[kisssmefree]

⚡️⭐️ i blacked out and made an oddly specific and messy “which song off c.a.l.m. by 5sos are you at heart” so please take it to get complimented and possibly dragged ⭐️⚡️

[kisssmefree]

this was the cutest part of the live

[kisssmefree]

a work of art

[kisssmefree]

we a love a rockstar

[kisssmefree]

+

[kisssmefree]

here is your sign, if you needed one.

[kisssmefree]

he’s so🥺🥺