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Abused! Sirius, Depressed! Sirius, tw/ cutting, tw/ drug use, tw/ eating disorders, tw/ abuse. This fic can be very triggering to many individuals. If this has potential to trigger you please don't read! Stay safe lovelies and if you or anyone you know is having trouble here are a few hotlines! Remember to create and destroy as you see fit ~Ty

Sirius was insanely nervous. The kind of nervous that suffocated him the like bluish smoke that billowed up from the train. It was the kind of the nervous that was the taste if winter storms and the colour of headlights in fog. It was the kind of nervous he felt when his father called him late at night, his breathing heavy and tainted with that murky brown smell of alcohol Sirius came to hate and fear. He was standing with his parents near the front of the platform waiting for his turn to get on the train. His first year at Hogwarts. He wondered what house he would be in. Slytherin probably, it was silly to think anything else. He was a Black after all, they were all in Slytherin, except for a select few who had been shamed by the family. He felt his family standing behind him, stiffer than newly frozen ice, as they looked around in disgust at the mudbloods, or rather anything but purebloods, wandering to the trolley cars. "Sirius!" His mother screeched. "Are you listening to me boy? You need to get onto the train. We'll see you for the holiday break" "Okay Mum",Sirius hesitates before addressing his father who stood stone still in front of him. "Goodbye Father" "Just get on the fucking train boy", his father growled, shoving Sirius forward. Sirius's bag slipped out of his hand when he stumbled with his dad's push. The buckle of the bag popped open and paper spilled over the edge, floating feather like around people's feet. "Stupid bitch" he heard his father grumble before he walked away. Sirius scrambled to grab his papers ducking around people's luggage. One boy and what Sirius presumed was his mum stopped to help him. "Scourgify ",the woman said, flicking her wand at the suitcase. The contents of his luggage flew back to him rearranging in his suitcase. Sirius has seen the simple cleaning spell countless times, performed by his mother when his father made a mess and was to drunk to clean it. " thank you" Sirius mumbled, embarrassed at the situation he had gotten himself into and that his father hadent sobered up enough to not make a scene. Scene or not most people seemed to care more about the train than him. Sirius was grateful for that. "What's your name"  Sirius looked up at the boy happy that he asked first. "Sirius Black, nice to meet you" he said reaching his hand out to shake the other boy's. "You to mate! I'm Remus Lupin by the way." Remus smiled happy to make an aquantince before he even got on the train. " want to sit with me on the ride?" "Yah sure!" Sirius was happy for the same reason but he was still unbearably anxious" "Rem you're going to miss the train!" His mum called from behind them. "Oh! Goodbye mum I'll miss you" Remus hugged his mom tightly "I love you" "Good luck, I love you" his mother said kissing him lightly on the forehead before releasing him from the hug. Sirius stood awkwardly next to them startled by the scene unraveling before him. His parents had never hugged him much less said things like I love you. Remus turned around to look at Sirius, smiled, and took his wrist pulling him to the train. They stepped onto the train pushing and weaving through upper class men that were greeting each other. Remus stopped abrubtly in front of a section. " this one looks empty" Sirius said, pushing into the car. He pulled Remus in behind him. "Aren't you gonna ask if you can sit here", a voice came from behind them. Sirius whipped around almost hitting Remus in the face. A boy was sitting in the corner of the car, looking at them interrogatively. His hair was short and messed up just enough to look cool. He was already in a button up a black tie loosely hanging around his neck. The way he sat, pretzeled up on his seat they couldn't have seen him from outside. " O-oh my God! Sorry! I um I-i I can leav-" he trailed off looking at the boy who was now grinning at him. "C'mon mate I'm only shitting you! I'm James Potter, how's it going? " I'm Remus Lupin I'm great. You?" "I'm good!" Remus and James looked at Sirius. James waited a second before saying cheekily "and who are you?" "Oh- Im Sirius Black" he said as Remus smiled at him. They plopped down on the seats across from each other. The train quieted as it got further from the station. "So how long have you to known each other?", James said, grinning ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They arrived at Hogwarts when it was dark out, and had been ushered across a pitch black lake. They were now standing in a corridor behind engraved wooden doors. On the other side Sirius could hear voices overlapping, a sea of laughter and happiness. A professor shushed them as the other room went silent. Sirius figured it was McGonagall. He had seen her before at ministry banquets, all he knew if his father hated her. " blood traitor " he had called her. McGonagall ushered them through the now opened doors shoving them into a room of faces staring at them, which quite frankly scared the shit out of Remus as well as Sirius. James on the other hand seemed unphased by the room of people staring at him and the other first years. He sauntered up to the front of the group, standing tall amongst the many hunched over eleven year olds. Once they reach the front of the great hall and old man, presumably Dumbledore the Headmaster walked forward Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. Now, I'd like to say a few wordsTo the new first years.. I wish you well in your studies here at hogwarts and I do hope you will be following all of our rules. The headmaster seemed to shoot a look at a few slytherins that looked around before stifling their laughs I would also.. like to welcome our new herbology teacher, Professor Pomona Sprout. He looked down at his notes in his hand and cleared his trought before continuing “And now I would suggest that we sort you into your houses so that you can get on with your eating he nodded to the empty golden plates and then to McGonagall. Professor McGonagall nodded back, understanding his meaning, and walked forward with a hat that was honestly disgusting in appearance. It was a dusty brown patched with faded green and blue fabric, it seemed ancient, like it had once been used daily but had found its way into an attic, forgetting the love it held for some time. There was a large gash in the side of the hat near the brim and lazy stitching around the edges. Sirius thought about how alike it was to what the house elves at home wore, barley able to pass as fabric and were definitely not clothes, just rags. She pulled a scroll from her robes, how she had kept it hidden was a mystery to Sirius, looking up at the hall she called out Sirius Black Sirius had expected to go first but was still shaking slightly when he got up to the stool that had been pulled up. He sat down, shifting to account for the folds in his robes, and felt the fabric of the sorting hat lowered onto his head. He waited for a second knowing what would happen next, his uncle had told him about it. His uncle the griffindor. His uncle the coward. He had been shuned from the family and he just took it. Sirius told himself that he wouldve fought, let them know he was still good enough. So Sirius is it? the sorting hats voice was deep and raspy. Yes, Sirius Black. Sirius thought back Hmmmm. You would have so be courageous to be able to stand up to your parents. Wouldnt you? But courage is in Gryffindor! Im not a Gryffindor im a slytherin like the rest of my family. Sirius was surprisingly calm fighting with a bloody hat. I know the Black family, you arnt like them. That didn't matter I'm still a Slytherin! I don't care if I'm like them! But do you want to be like them? I- shit  did he? His father might like him but was that worth it? Being like them? "GRYFFINDOR" the sorting hat yelled out startling Sirius and multiple first years. Fuck. Sirius's dad was going to kill him. The hat was removed from his head as Sirius slipt from his perch on the stool down to the stone. He made his way over to the gryffindor table and as he did he caught the eye of people he had seen at gatherings of his families'. They were all Slytherin, and all scoffing at him from the table over. Sirius sat down in the emptiest spot he could find. It could eisily fit five people, nonetheless he hoped no one would sit next to him. He started to fidgit and shift in his chair, bouncing his leg against the bench. He looked down to play with his nails, a desperate attempt to distract himself from the murmers of students. "SLYTHERIN" "HUFFLEPUFF" "Ravenclaw" "grffindor" griffindor Some other poor kid had been stock into this house.

isn done for a person sorry    

[kitten-anon-blog]

Please reblog and like so I can get two kittens, the time limit has been waived 🐱🐱 (spam the replies and I’ll follow you ❤️)

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Kitten how are you doing?~ flower bean

good thank you

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hey beans! it's juniper bean! sorry I've had a really anxiety inducing week so I haven't been feeling up to socializing for a bit, but I promise I'm not ignoring any of you and I want to keep talking to you!!!! this weekend I'll try and continue conversations with everyone, message me if you want to chat :)

omg sorry ive been ofline for a bit

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@matthew-anon here you are!

@danielbear mathew and zutopia mathew is on the left

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@theflowerbean thank you!!!! <3

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

[kitten-anon-blog]

Also has anybody seen RENT?

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did Zutopia make a blog?

i want to talk to more people and be freinds!

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Two free apps created for the purpose of helping trans people train their voices.

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guys!!!! pj is less than 4k away from a million subs!!!!!!!!! ohmygod!!!

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Can I be in your bean squad? I'm Hana's Zutopia and a nice person

Do you want a bean name? Or zutopia anon?

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Mum Matthews not in it

The Bean Team based of @cosplayingemopotato ‘s post

@danielbear also juniper bean i turned you into a tree nymph

[kitten-anon-blog]

The Bean Team based of @cosplayingemopotato ‘s post

@danielbear also juniper bean i turned you into a tree nymph

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Thanks mum

Hi everyone! It’s the Matthew anon from @danielbear XD  hmu!

[kitten-anon-blog]

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i fixed it~moon bean

ok Great!

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is there even a way to make a side blog show up um what I'm confused I'm probably just being stupid~moon bean

i dont know it works for me