kittykateee

[kittykateee]

Pregnancy should stop being so glamorized because it is not the "blessed state" media and many religions want us to believe it is. Pregnancy is actually one of the most uncomfortable things a woman is willing to put her and her body through (sometimes not willingly).

Starting off with the worst thing - the constant feeling that you are going to faint any minute. I didn't experience "morning" sickness, I felt quite normal most of the first trimester. The only thing that reminded me that another life was starting to form inside of me was the "I'm going to faint, give me water and somewhere to sit". To be fair, I never fainted at that time, I just felt like I might. Turns out I have very low fasting blood sugar and that makes me more prone to passing out (which I figured out myself, my doctor didn't tell me a thing).

Next, here comes the constant fatigue in the "best trimester" - the 2nd one. Everyone writes that you will feel like a newly born person, you will have so much energy, additionally you will feel the first kicks of your sweet baby and you will look great. They never leave the room for women that might feel different. That's why I felt like something was wrong with me because I'm supposed to be glowing and energetic, why have my acne gone worse and why do I feel like a pile of shit that wants to be curled in my bed all day? I felt betrayed by all.

And the last (fortunately) trimester? Don't get me started. My belly is big enough to make me unconformable in Every. Position. Possible. At the same time belly is small enough that my doctor says she doesn't know how the baby fits in there and that I might give birth at 31 weeks (thank you for making me anxious for whole 6 weeks, madam.) Because baby doesn't have space, he is right below my ribs, which means he kicks them, plus I cannot slouch or bend without feeling that awful pressure and pain.

I no longer feel like myself. Human incubator, I once saw someone say, and that's true. I can't do the things I want, I can't sleep or even lay on my back or side in the "wrong" position, I can't eat when I want, because my son starts to kick when HE is hungry, therefore, gives me clues when I should eat. I can't wake up whenever I want because every day I'm being waken up at 8 to eat (ofc). I can't run, I can't jump, I can't get that awful feeling out of my head that I am just needed to incubate that "miracle of life" and no one seem to understand that my body does that well while forgetting about caring about me.

I feel like I'm no longer myself - I am: "pregnant", "waiting for a baby", "future mother", "caregiver". No one congratulated me, and no one will. Because it's my (body's) job to feed and grow another human, not something that I could be congratulated for. Everyone says "It will be alright", yes, I know, I will give my baby the best life, full of love and attention. They ask how I feel, but they don't want to know that I feel terrible, that I hate being pregnant, I hate feeling so disconnected from my body, I hate waiting, that I am so fed up with this pregnancy that I am willing to cut myself open and get that baby out of my 1.5 kg uterus.

[kittykateee]

there will be times when those bad nights creep back up on you, no matter how good you've been doing prior, and you can't stop the sad feelings.

that doesn't erase your progress. you're still doing good. it's just one bad night.

[kittykateee]

are you really being too sensitive or are you just going through a lot and anyone in your place would also want to cry? please be compassionate with your own suffering ♥️

[kittykateee]

It's possible that you did some things to survive that you aren't proud of. And that's okay. You deserve your forgiveness and your compassion. (And however you survived, I'm glad you did.)

[kittykateee]

[kittykateee]

[kittykateee]

Zo aka Zos Photos (England) - Pink, 2023, Photography

[kittykateee]

[kittykateee]

sorry for acting batshit crazy I was feeling a little unwanted

[kittykateee]

“Devour me if you really think that you can stomach me.”

— “Every Other Freckle” - Alt-j

[kittykateee]

transparent version of this post

[kittykateee]

[kittykateee]

I deserve a gentle love after all the shit I’ve had to put up with

[kittykateee]

you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling

[kittykateee]

i think my name got a new meaning when i first heard you say it in that voice of yours. it made me want you to repeat it again and again until i become a part of you

[kittykateee]

[kittykateee]

best part of tumblr is; i come here, reblog and i leave.