kloudedthawts

[kloudedthawts]

Diary Entry:1

I feel bad for my passion sometimes. What good is passion if one’s will cannot keep up. Maybe my passion isn’t strong enough to at least meet me halfway in this pursuit of fame and manhood. (t) I had a break through the other day after a couple tokes of the rocket and came to the realization that, or at least feel like, my pursuit for being a famous movie director comes from my desire to be an adult or a man. Every time I write the word “man” I feel like I’m writing propaganda against women despite context or any personal experience that would in other cases alter the meaning of the word it still stands in my mind as a monolithic title suggesting oppressive and outdated behavior. I don’t think the use of the word man or manhood is something used to blanket all those with male genitalia in order to force and perpetuate a uniform ideology onto those with male genitalia who may not feel comfortable or fit under that blanket. When I say the word being a man what I feel I am saying is that I’m being or striving for the epitome of balance of what I have been born with in consideration to those around me in the pursuit of . The joy of using this definition is that it can equally be extended to women thus avoiding the stigma of either word seeking to oppose one another for the benefit of fulfilling what it means to be them. I haven’t thought much about this topic muuch but it popped into my head when I wrote so I wrote it ( I say this so I can change my mind later if I feel like I’m wrong or life shows me so or someone comes up with an argument against it in their capstone project i’m open to whatever). but back to the breakthrough which surprised me and matched up as far as what I thought a man was and what I wanted to be as a director/ artist in the future. The surprise in this revelation was half shock that it was something that simple and half the fear that if I become what I feel a man is before I finish my venture into artdom (made that up) that I may it up or lose this passion I have for it making me out to be a big phat phony. I don’t think that is the case and even if it is I think the challenge of going against the odds would satisfy my competitive huunger enough making it worth while after all. 

part2

I didn’t want to end the first part because I have more to say and didn’t want to waste a new precious entry on something that is tied to the thought above and can be said now and and and upon lookking back I noticed i didn’t finish my first thought which may give us both clarity on the situation. I came up with a schedule of things to do on certain days so as to maximize my day and all the endeavors I’ve taken on (bought a trumpet as a prop/ musical outlet, I wanna write more so as to improve it and get some projects out there as well as see what is really going on in my head, I’ve been on an upswing with my drawings which is getting me closer to understanding what it takes to get good at something so I can tell others and we can all be good and I won’t have to worry about leaving someone behind who I felt was on the same wavelength as me.) and so far because im no longer a lazy it’s been good...or so I thought! There I was thinking yes doing all these things minimally over a long period of time will create the best me possible BUT I wandered into a senior seminar class on Plato and his works and I caught a glimpse of that coursework AND OH BROTEHR! I thought writing a script was hard but what they have to do is 10x worse and they are doing it willingly. I could see if it was a court order punishment to take on that kind of workload (a nice little experiment to conduct in the future >:) “(Insert Name), for your crimes against humanity and the obstruction of earthly well-being you’ve been sentenced to two dissertations on the Theory of Forms with the use of only ONE secondary source!!!” *prisoner’s sudden screaming drowns out the slamming of the gavel* “NOOOOOOO” <- that is hell! I wonder if you punished violent crimes with sort of punishment and white collar crimes with human labor and overly abusive prison guards what kind of world we would have? hmm. Anyways after having this internal monologue while the teacher was explaining the syllabus to the class I certainly shouldn’t have been in I realized that this work wasn’t too far out of my reach and not only was it not far out of my reach but that this is the extremity I should be working with in everything I do like I did before. So my new regiment will be doing one of those endeavors until exhaustion within that day and do another the next day (the exception being the trumpet given that it requires muscle training which shouldn’t be skipped but done every day ritualistically as a warm up to playing.

part3: the finale

I feel like I’ve written too much or as better put by W. Wyler that i’ve lost the interest of my audience at this point but once I look back on it I may feel I should’ve added more who knows? but this feels good enough to end on given this is only a diary entry and not a digestible piece of literature thank you so much if you’ve gotten to the end of this but be reminded this is more for me than it is for you. In closing I want to play more rpgs, I’m sad I suck at a game I really love #dbfz , the dlc to kh should be amazing and I see the silver lining to it being pushed back on xbox because IF THAT SHIT IS TRASH I’M GIVING UP until they fix it again and then i’ll be happy, and I love you. more to come.

[kloudedthawts]

(Working Title)

*I already wrote out a synopsis for this project in myfilmmaking class but I want to flesh it out more given I can make it longer this time and I have a better understanding of how different it will be on paper compared to how it will be on screen.*

(edit) I was gonna make a list of things I would like to see in the film regardless of subject matter but I feel that this impulse is misguided because I won’t know what I want to see until I know what will be happening in the story so I feel it would be best if I started with what the main character would want.

I don’t know who my actor will be yet so I think it’s best if I speak briefly and  concisely about what it is that my character wants and their journey to getting that or something better.

[kloudedthawts]

Preface

The thoughts and views expressed on this burgeoning project are works in progress. I will do my best to be as articulate as I can so as to look back on, and see what can be improved (i’ve been very reluctant to put out any type of work SERIOUSLY for fear of seeing how far behind I am on where I would like to be for myself radaradarada). I hope this project comes out well. If this comes out as well as i aspire it to be I will post it on here for nostalgic purposes later on and to see the ebbs and flows of my writing/thinking process.

[kloudedthawts]

I’m working on something I want finished before the 18th of February...

I’ve had this urge to vomit out ideas for a very basic short film idea but haven’t found a comfortable, unique bucket to puke...in until now. I want to write out my thoughts towards this idea on this thread post in an effort to expand upon it and see what I can make of it. This site seems useful for this because I post pictures with the ideas or thoughts, I can revisit thoughts because it’s on the internet, and ALSO I won’t have to worry about wandering eyes of close friends or peers looking at it because I don’t really use my tumblr a whole lot anymore( nor does anyone else*BABOOOOM*). *puts afro into nice neat ponytail and leans over the toilet* here we go...

[kloudedthawts]

im in a bathroom typingthis

its close to midnight and imm in the downstairs bathroom taking a shit because im too lazy to unclog our upstairs toilet given it wasn’t my fault. my aim in this is to make the guilty party feel guilty and have them do it themselves since i didnt do it and thuus should not be burdened with such a task.the success of this strategy has not yet shown results but ill keep you updated. my room is also a mess there’s unread books scatteredd across my floor, a katana that gets tripped over ritualistically, and festive snack wrappers placed around my bed like fall leaves around a tree (that was funny lol) but i like messy rooms they give me purpose and thus power to chose whether or not i should clean it because either way im fine. my grandfather leaves back to Puerto Rico this friday and im wondering what it will be like when he leaves our house. his being has been ingrained to the background noise of this house so much so that when he leaves the house might feel empty...maybe not tho. yea more to come

[kloudedthawts]

[kloudedthawts]

♫ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴍᴇ sᴀʏ,

“ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ, ᴏʜ ʙᴀʙʏ, ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏ.”

sɪᴍᴘʟᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʟᴇᴀɴ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴛᴏɴɪɢʜᴛ,

ɪᴛ’s ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ɪᴛ ɢᴏ. ♫

[kloudedthawts]

get to know me meme: ↳Favorite movies [5/10] – Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958), dir. Richard Brooks

[kloudedthawts]

Visages villages (Agnès Varda & JR, 2017)

[kloudedthawts]

hello. or hey if that’s more approachable. i would like to see how far i can take this page as far as (personal expression). <=that sounds pretentious sorryy. i hope u enjoy