kmclaude

[kmclaude]

If I don't faceplant from utter sleepytime exhaustion after staying up late after a show I am gonna draw this

hey hi please consider:

Tief using jehan's mouth as an ashtray.

Additionally:

Tief getting really up in Jehan's face while he's smoking and just kinda letting ash fall into his mouth (maybe he's also grabbing his jaw to hold his mouth open)

Hope you're doing ok today 💖

MY PENIS CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT

It's the objectification, it's the metaphor of a bad habit, it's the addiction...

I need to draw it. I need to draw period or i will die.

[kmclaude]

Me who has been thinking on this all day and also has the hormonal balance of a 15 year old boy:

ok but

consider

if Tiefer is smoking while Jehan blows him and Tiefer orders him to open up and stick out his tongue. Jehan figures great, cumshot, fine ok...

and Tiefer ashes the cigarette out in his mouth before finishing on his face

hey hi please consider:

Tief using jehan's mouth as an ashtray.

Additionally:

Tief getting really up in Jehan's face while he's smoking and just kinda letting ash fall into his mouth (maybe he's also grabbing his jaw to hold his mouth open)

Hope you're doing ok today 💖

MY PENIS CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT

It's the objectification, it's the metaphor of a bad habit, it's the addiction...

I need to draw it. I need to draw period or i will die.

[kmclaude]

@owlisfairinloveandwar I am hooting I am hollering I am foaming at the mouth I am writing this down in the "to draw" journal. As a treat.

hey hi please consider:

Tief using jehan's mouth as an ashtray.

Additionally:

Tief getting really up in Jehan's face while he's smoking and just kinda letting ash fall into his mouth (maybe he's also grabbing his jaw to hold his mouth open)

Hope you're doing ok today 💖

MY PENIS CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT

It's the objectification, it's the metaphor of a bad habit, it's the addiction...

I need to draw it. I need to draw period or i will die.

[kmclaude]

GRABBING HIS JAW AND FORCING HIS THUMB BACK IN HIS THROAT TO FORCE HIS TONGUE OUT SO HE CAN PUT THE CIG OUT ON IT FUCKKKKKKK

hey hi please consider:

Tief using jehan's mouth as an ashtray.

Additionally:

Tief getting really up in Jehan's face while he's smoking and just kinda letting ash fall into his mouth (maybe he's also grabbing his jaw to hold his mouth open)

Hope you're doing ok today 💖

MY PENIS CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT

It's the objectification, it's the metaphor of a bad habit, it's the addiction...

I need to draw it. I need to draw period or i will die.

[kmclaude]

hey hi please consider:

Tief using jehan's mouth as an ashtray.

Additionally:

Tief getting really up in Jehan's face while he's smoking and just kinda letting ash fall into his mouth (maybe he's also grabbing his jaw to hold his mouth open)

Hope you're doing ok today 💖

MY PENIS CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT

It's the objectification, it's the metaphor of a bad habit, it's the addiction...

I need to draw it. I need to draw period or i will die.

[kmclaude]

"I love all my characters equally," I say, completely at a loss for what Jehan feels or thinks, what his personality is, who he is, while able to wax poetic on both Tiefer siblings' rich inner lives

[kmclaude]

Hey there! I was wondering if you were planning on restocking your physical zines at any point? Your art is gorgeous and I'd love to own a physical copy!! If not I understand though :D making zines sounds expensive and time consuming >-<

The ones with shimmery covers I'm not at least any time soon just because it is more costly (both in materials and postage) haha but! I do plan to, much like how I collected most all my black and white zines into the And Much of Madness paperback (on Amazon), collect the sins ones as well.

I will keep in mind though offering more when I do runs!

And I can see about making a short run of the non-shimmer zines that were made after And Much of Madness

[kmclaude]

Which of your boys looks best in lacy panties, and why is it Tiefer?

It's because he's so fair any color of lace will be a heavy contrast (and white or peach would make him look almost bare)

But also Jehan would be so so cute in lacey panties

[kmclaude]

Now especially after the ask last night I wonder....if Jehan were to....(and it's hard to consider but maybe in afterlife au, where the victims deserve it...) like....would he have that same curiosity motivation? Hmmm...

always debating if Tiefer has pissed on Jehan

Tiefer's been pissed on (nonconsensually) and his dad 100% pissed in his mouth after nutting

so like I imagine he'd consider it a line to not cross bc at best it was gross for him BUT...at the same time...there's a degree of cold curiosity in his abuse. "How much is too much?" "Will he still love me? (If he even does anymore?)" "What is it like to be the one who hurts rather than gets hurt?"

making Jehan lose control and piss himself would definitely light up something in his lizard brain tho

[kmclaude]

Did Jehan ever come close to continuing the cycle of abuse once Tiefer was gone? I could see him be tempted to strike a teenage boy who reminds him of his youngerself just to see what its like to be in the other shoes. Then he'd feel awful for having thoughts like that

Mmm good question!

I've been toying with Jehan having OCD as frankly he is a prime breeding ground for obsessive thoughts/rumination and the intrusive thought of, say, wanting to smack one of the teenage altar servers for, you know, being an annoying teenager would definitely be an easy in for compulsive rumination (and that does not even touch the thoughts of "I wonder what it would feel like to hit someone weaker than/beneath you" which would be a whole other spiral, not to mention the sexual aspect or religious aspects. Would being a sadistic dom fix him? Probably but then youd have to go through his 7 proxies of repression)

Anyway back to your question: the fear of doing so definitely eats at him. The fear of snapping in a moment of stress or anger. The fear of -- worse -- suddenly abusing someone, especially a teenager, in that way (like what Tiefer seemed to do to him, suddenly changing their relationship, even if when laid out it wasn't sudden). The sexual fears are definitely more upfront in his mind (honestly he is probably more on guard regarding female altar servers because he still thinks he's straight) and while they would upset him and he would definitely compulsively ruminate on what that says about him as a person, there's also the fact that while his vocation and religion primes him to be on high alert for impure thoughts there's also a built in alleviation for it (confession) or at least understanding of alleviation. Violent thoughts however don't seem to get the same weight (adultery in your heart vs murder in your heart, you know?) So that just leaves room for the violent intrusive thought to wriggle in and catch by surprise.

[kmclaude]

Did Jehan ever come close to continuing the cycle of abuse once Tiefer was gone? I could see him be tempted to strike a teenage boy who reminds him of his youngerself just to see what its like to be in the other shoes. Then he'd feel awful for having thoughts like that

Mmm good question!

I've been toying with Jehan having OCD as frankly he is a prime breeding ground for obsessive thoughts/rumination and the intrusive thought of, say, wanting to smack one of the teenage altar servers for, you know, being an annoying teenager would definitely be an easy in for compulsive rumination (and that does not even touch the thoughts of "I wonder what it would feel like to hit someone weaker than/beneath you" which would be a whole other spiral, not to mention the sexual aspect or religious aspects. Would being a sadistic dom fix him? Probably but then youd have to go through his 7 proxies of repression)

Anyway back to your question: the fear of doing so definitely eats at him. The fear of snapping in a moment of stress or anger. The fear of -- worse -- suddenly abusing someone, especially a teenager, in that way (like what Tiefer seemed to do to him, suddenly changing their relationship, even if when laid out it wasn't sudden). The sexual fears are definitely more upfront in his mind (honestly he is probably more on guard regarding female altar servers because he still thinks he's straight) and while they would upset him and he would definitely compulsively ruminate on what that says about him as a person, there's also the fact that while his vocation and religion primes him to be on high alert for impure thoughts there's also a built in alleviation for it (confession) or at least understanding of alleviation. Violent thoughts however don't seem to get the same weight (adultery in your heart vs murder in your heart, you know?) So that just leaves room for the violent intrusive thought to wriggle in and catch by surprise.

[kmclaude]

Not gonna lie, when it comes to new ways to abuse their victims, both Tiefer and Annemarie are like cats sitting on a high shelf with a vase that is precariously perched: very curious to see what will happen. Annemarie is a bit more...I hate to say full of childish wonder but there is a degree of surprise, "oh! If I do this, he..." whereas Tiefer is a bit more like...running trials in a science experiment. He knows it hurts (he was the first trial) but he wants to see how his toy hurts.

always debating if Tiefer has pissed on Jehan

Tiefer's been pissed on (nonconsensually) and his dad 100% pissed in his mouth after nutting

so like I imagine he'd consider it a line to not cross bc at best it was gross for him BUT...at the same time...there's a degree of cold curiosity in his abuse. "How much is too much?" "Will he still love me? (If he even does anymore?)" "What is it like to be the one who hurts rather than gets hurt?"

making Jehan lose control and piss himself would definitely light up something in his lizard brain tho

[kmclaude]

always debating if Tiefer has pissed on Jehan

Tiefer's been pissed on (nonconsensually) and his dad 100% pissed in his mouth after nutting

so like I imagine he'd consider it a line to not cross bc at best it was gross for him BUT...at the same time...there's a degree of cold curiosity in his abuse. "How much is too much?" "Will he still love me? (If he even does anymore?)" "What is it like to be the one who hurts rather than gets hurt?"

making Jehan lose control and piss himself would definitely light up something in his lizard brain tho

[kmclaude]

The reason Tiefer would be jerking Jehan off past any sort of actual pleasure is because Tiefer had more booze than he should -> whiskey dick -> he's fucking mean and if he can't have fun then, well, nobody is gonna have fun :)

I shouldn't have to be writing a paper I should be in the club drawing Tiefer jerking Jehan off until he is overstimmed

When this is done I have my next zine I will work on.

[kmclaude]

I forgot the term for whatever "force someone to cum so much to the point it hurts" and frankly this is going to eat me up, how am I supposed to analyze data when I cannot remember a fucknasty term

I shouldn't have to be writing a paper I should be in the club drawing Tiefer jerking Jehan off until he is overstimmed

When this is done I have my next zine I will work on.

[kmclaude]

I shouldn't have to be writing a paper I should be in the club drawing Tiefer jerking Jehan off until he is overstimmed

When this is done I have my next zine I will work on.