kmix91 - Tumblr blog

[kmix91]

I come to Tumblr for the dread and despair and instead I find life hacks and top ten ways to reduce my existential suffering.

WHERE IS MY DREAD AND DESPAIR!?

How far must I tumble down this never ending rabbit hole of memes and aesthetically pleasing pictures before I find my home among the dumpster hell fires and the cringe of sanity!

I beg you, give me my dread and despair and release me from this infernal prison that is life!

[kmix91]

*To the tune of do your chains hang low*

These Karen’s come and go

The haircut’s just for show

Do you act like an amateur

Do you demand to see the manager

Do you like throwing fits

Over discount retail shit

Do you need a little hint

Cause you skipped the fine print

You talk like Jubba the hutt

Cause you mouth is never shut

You’re a Karen. Don’t. You. Know.

[kmix91]

So one time in an over ambitious 3 am chaotic gremlin I decided to reach out to a celebrity to offer my creatives services.

This is the initial email I sent my best friend for proof reading…

Good morning/evening good sir

I see that you are seeking someone to create some designs for you and I possess the creative gene and can do the thing...

I also do like the money and eating food the money will allow me to purchase.

Please hire me for I am desperate and broke.

Thank you for reading this pathetic message and immediately deleting it.

Have a good day.

Sincerely

An ambitious broke idiot.

I didn’t get the job but could you imagine if I had.

[kmix91]

What do you get…

When you have an overactive imagination + too many ideas on your hands + a computer…?

Answer: too many stories to write and not enough time.

[kmix91]

Welcome to “the Covid alphabet”

A is for… Astra Zenica

B is for… Border closures

C is for… Corona virus

D is for… delta variant

E is for… extinguish

F is for… front line workers

G is for… gravely

H is for… hotspots

I is for… isolation

J is for… jabs

K is for… killed

L is for… lockdowns

M is for… miderna

N is for… new normal

O is for… omicron strain

P is for… panic buying

Q is for… quarantine

R is for… repeating

S is for… six feet

T is for… toilet paper shortage

U is for… universally fucked

V is for… vaccinations

W is for… world wide

X is for… x 2020

Y is for… year 2020

Z is for… zero local transmissions

[kmix91]

Ignorant judgemental stranger I just ran into on my way to the bathroom at work before I can even apologise: Do you see where you’re going?

Me, so nonchalantly I’m pretty sure my emotions took a vacation: yeah to Hell probably.

IJS: *gasps in shock and disgust* Me neither amused or entertained, just done: I mean I’ve already got a ticket on the train to hell for being pansexual I might as well make it a one way trip down the stripper poll express for being a blaspheming antisocial night gremlin whose moral compass is broken on the chaotically neutral setting with an “aaahhh fuck it, say it, see what happens” attitude.

ISJ: I-I’m sorry what?!

Me, looks the bitch dead in the eye: To be honest with you I am kind of looking forward to hell maybe I’ll find myself one of those hot as fuck demon daddy’s and live like the queen I am

ISJ: excuse me

Me, gesturing away from me: your excused.

ISJ, leaves in an offended huff.

Me, shaking my head: why the FUCK did I decide to work in retail again?🤦🏻‍♀️

[kmix91]

I am a chaos entity masquerading as a human being. As a chaos entity I believed the human design commonly came with the depression function, yet I have learned the human beings do not. I must really get on having this design flaw in my human facade fixed because even as a chaos entity… this shit is exhausting!

[kmix91]

Me, filing my coffee cup up with hot water from our water urn: yes, deposit your hot juices in my porcelain vessel.

Also me: I’m DEFINITELY going to hell for that one.

[kmix91]

Do you ever look at something and wonder how stackable it is?

Like building blocks and legos are cool but what about frogs.

What is the acceptable number of frogs in a stack before they topple over. And when they topple over do they all go down because of their little suction feet or does one of them think fuck this shit I’m out and nope out of the whole think saving the rest from falling over?

These are the things we need answers to people. These are the things that keep me awake at 3 am.

[kmix91]

The fuck is mentally stable. Like what is that shit and where can I find it? This bitch out here being batshit fucking crazy trying to live my best life.