knees-of-the-bee

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im in a group message with a bunch of straight guys and i have no idea what's going on. for example one of them just shared this meme which is simply enlightened:

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my brother had a brilliant idea that i wanted to share with other people who have four-legged family members: he trained our two cats to go directly to the door when they hear the fire alarm.

obviously at first the fire alarm sent them scrambling for cover, but he started slowly by giving them treats whenever it went off, when someone burned food or forgot to open the fireplace flu. he then progressed to calling them to the door to offer treats immediately after the alarm went off. and it actually wasn't too long before the cats voluntarily started going to the door upon hearing the alarm.

i think this was genius because in the event of a real emergency we know exactly where the cats will be and we will not have to waste precious time trying to find them to rescue them. i think this method would work equally well with dogs and probably other free-roaming pets such as rabbits, ferrets, etc. and i certainly encourage others to give it a shot!

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i want a shirt that has a QR code on it for some kind of horrible malware so that if anyone ever tries to film me in public their phone will automatically scan the code and be reduced to a functionless brick

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I love how Zuko's perception of the gaang must have done a complete 360 after joining them like

Zuko, before joining: this is a group of extremely skilled benders, i must be prepared for any possible situation when i run into them

Zuko, right after joining: wait a minute these aren't trained warriors they're bunch of goofy kids that have somehow survived without adult supervision all this time, i shouldn't have been so worried

Zuko, seeing Katara bloodbend: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what-

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May his memory be a blessing.

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Not going to live the rest of my life and not going to kill myself but a secret third thing

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always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

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a "fun fact" i read as a child is that pure honey never spoils, to the point where honey from ancient egyptian tombs was found to still be edible

i used to think about this, and imagine a poor intern who was strong-armed into putting in their one human mouth something was made literally thousands of years ago, just to make sure it could be safely eaten

but having since met scientists and having learned what freaks they are, if they did put this to the test, i am VERY confident that every single archaeologist in the room was duking it out over who got the honor of putting their tongue on that mummy's dusty old bee goo.

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Love as Acceptance

Caitlyn Siehl // Leonard Cohen, "Anthem" // Rumi, "Bitterweet" // trans. Anne Carson, "Euripides" // Sade Andria Zabala, "Coffee and Cigarettes" // tumblr acct @/gayassnatural // Anne Carson, "H of H Playbook" // William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 116" // Clementine von Radics, "Mouthful of Forevers" // Toni Morrison, "Jazz"

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“I would have followed you, my brother, my captain, my king.”

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Y’know what? Fuck you. *Plays an acoustic guitar version of your leitmotif to show you still have tenderness and care in your heart, and compassion for others*

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If Tumblr came out with polls, I would use them so irresponsibly. I know why they haven't, because they know that me and like 95% of the people on here would be chaotic fuckers about it. There'd be polls like "whose dick would you rather suck?" and the options would be like Shrek, Sans, The Onceler, some anime dude no one has heard of, and Karkat Vantas and then in the comments people would be legitimately throwing hands about it as if there was a singular correct answer to that question. I don't know if anyone could survive the carnage.

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That's cool you're hot but are you a nice person?

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the lack of compassion that a good portion of lotr fans show for frodo ("why can't he fight or do simple tasks" "why is he so weak" "why does he always need help / to be rescued") mirrors the lack of compassion of people for those who bear the burden of invisible disabilities. he's struggling against an immense weight at every step! something that actively tries to destroy him, worsening at every moment! his heroism is in just continuing to walk his path, step by step. his bravery is in just existing as himself under the debilitating weight of the ring. but because the influence of the ring is invisible, it is forgotten, and frodo is written off as a weak, cowardly, and/or useless character, much like disabled people irl. in this household we do not stand for frodo slander!!!