kodyleanne

[kodyleanne]

Thank you Taylor, for helping me find me.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Taylor for releasing reputation. It came just in time, I am now into day 5 of having it on repeat. For the first time since my fiancé left for his basic training, I have actually been excited to get out of bed every morning and come home every night, the house doesn't feel so empty anymore. But how can I say I'm surprised, since first finding you, on your 'Tim Magraw' music video release, I was an instant fan, forever lurking in the background. Although I have always been front and centre at every single concert you have ever had in Brisbane. I remember begging mum and dad for tickets to your concert at the Tivoli. And that was my 10th birthday present. I wore a purple flanno dress, cowboy boots and an akubra. I wanted to be like you in every single way and you're influence honestly turned me into a better person. I grew up with you, I was kinder and more understanding to people and their feelings.

You weren't just there to help me lead the way, you were also there during the darkest of days. I was only 13, (coincidentally) when I got mixed up with who I thought was the love of my life, my first love! It was very exciting. Through all of his smooth talking and false promises he finally showed his true colours. Unfortunately my innocence was taken away from me in that year in a very brutal way and man was I messed up. I still to this day can't remember all of what happened. But what I do remember is getting home and being too afraid to tell anyone, sitting on my bed and listening to Dear John, crying my eyes out and wishing it were just a bad dream.

The rest of my high school years I battled with PTSD, clinical depression, anxiety and suicide. I had a constant stream of boyfriends, some not so good, others I had to leave, who wants to be with damaged goods? I couldn't stand being by myself, I couldn't even go out by myself without making a fool of myself. But 5 years ago I met the most amazing person. He was the first person to know about the past and as much as I pushed him away, he never gave up. He went through countless nights of me screaming in my sleep, all of my self doubts, he built me a throne and truely treated me like a queen. Now I'm 21, engaged to my soul mate, I have a great job, I still battle with depression but no where near as bad as what it was, I never wanted to take any pills to help with my issues as I still believed everything that happened to me was my fault and I deserved to feel that way.

When I first heard 'clean' it was definitely a trigger but one I needed, I wanted to feel clean, I didn't want to walk around feeling the words 'rape' 'guilt' 'regret' 'ashamed' all over me like a tattoo. So I needed to work harder at myself.

My world, Mitchell, joined the army this year to set us up for our future. When we got the call that he was leaving it shattered my heart. I've never been without him before, how can I do this by myself?? But I was the supportive girlfriend and helped him in every single way I could. The first 7 weeks were he'll. I fell back into depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety. I had to quit my job because of the stress and move back to my old company. But I couldn't tell him how much I was struggling, he would of wanted to come home. So I stayed strong for him, he could call only on a Sunday for a limited time, God I lived for Sunday's. And I would talk to him and keep him positive and focused on the finish line, once the call ended I fell apart. Every damn Sunday. But I decided to take this opportunity, whilst being by myself and only in my own company to start being friends with me. To be able to look at my own reflection. To love myself for the first time in my life. The day he left I lost a part of myself, home doesn't feel like home unless he's there to share it with me.

It's been hard but I tell you what I have done just that. I have found myself and I am so proud of everything I have achieved in my life. Mistakes and all. Whilst I was at it I cleaned up the messes from the past that was holding me back and now, I am finally clean. So clean in fact that I am getting that in a tattoo in a few weeks time. I can't wait, for every scar physically and mentally is a story of survival.

You're new album, it has cemented in me how strong and powerful women are and we can get through anything and it's so empowering. Friday the 10/11 ( or 11/10 to you) was the first time I felt 100% happy without Mitchell being home. It was amazing and I have been on a high ever since. It's only 2 weeks and 2 days till I fly down to watch his march out parade and I'm so excited to show him how much I've grown.

I know the chances of you seeing this is very minimal but I really thought it was time to let you know that no matter what anyone says you will always have people that surround you and don't see you as 'Taylor Swift the star' but more Taylor the big sister, the friend. Thank you for everything you've done and I can't wait to see you again when you're back in Australia for the Reputation tour!

1989 tour was incredible- I was in the crowd with my best friend, we were in costume as a Christmas tree costume with lights and all. We definitely have to top that costume this year.

Until I see you again @taylorswift

[kodyleanne]

Noob

How does one Tumblr? Thought I would give it a try to try and keep time flying 🤔

[kodyleanne]

"Bravery happens to different people in different ways. I think it could be as simple as saying what you mean, it could be as simple as being honest with who you are or who you love. I think it doesn’t have to be some courageous act where there’s a movie score in the background. I think bravery can happen in little tiny doses everyday."