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clearly having a mental health crisis: i am NOT having a mental health crisis
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desperately need people my parents to understand that it is not as easy as just obsessively cleaning my home to look for additional pests and every time you tell me i should be doing x, y, z it actually makes me feel worse. like i know it sounds easy but please understand that as much as you - to be fair, not even entirely incorrectly! - are assuming that the best way to put aside my anxieties is by reassuring myself materially that there is no reason, strictly speaking, to be anxious, you are also missing the part where i spent over a year of my life afraid to open my dishwasher or lift a dish towel off the counter because every time i did dozens of the insects that were nesting in literally every appliance i owned would come racing out at me and that has absolutely rewired my brain in a way that i don’t think people who have never lived with an infestation on that level will ever understand. obviously i know spending the whole day feeling like i’m going to vomit from anxiety is an overreaction and obviously i know that the chances of it being That Bad Again are slim to zero but i’m still fucking scared and i think that’s actually pretty reasonable. and yes this level pf scared is unhealthy and problematic and abnormal and whatever. but for once in my life i just want to feel like maybe my reaction actually isn’t over the top. maybe these feelings are here for a reason and rather than telling me to not be upset you could say jeez taylor no wonder you’re on the fucking brink, that really sucks (side bar but that wouldn’t help either anyway so. a bit of a moot point. unfortunately the level of anxiety i’m experiencing over this is too high to be helped like. at all. lol)
#taylor.txt#tl;dr i found a cockroach in my new apartment this morning 4 months after moving from my infested apartment#and tossing out most of my furniture and appliances - while the rest was plastic wrapped and then spray treated#i am very not okay about it when i was already so close to a major shutdown over everything else going on#i know what i need to do but i am really really struggling and i kinda just spent all day crying#over a single fucking bug. it’s ridiculous. but the roach ptsd is fucking real. i cant even open my dishwasher today its bleak as hell#anyway my psych is on holidays and [all my friends are dead] so it’s just me and my cat against the world rn but#im going to be so brave tomorrow and clean the kitchen and email my building manager and make an appointment with the housing board to fill#our rge forms to take my former landlord to court because this shit has been life ruining sincerely
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a quick doodle; hopefully we officially see who is getting the letter soon :D if not any of them i'm imagining whoever gets it just steals it like how people steal fast food drive-thru orders (which i need to sketch out in case this happens)
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eating him
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bystander
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me when everything makes me sad because i am sad all the time and am only prevented from actively planning my death by the sheer scale of overwhelm i experience every time i think about anything that might happen more than 4 days from now: im literally the least depressed person in the world
#taylor.txt#suicide ment //#[lights voice] i always say im the happiest sad girl youll ever meet#just like blorbo…#my psych gave me one fucking job and i just cant do it and its so pathetic actually#i am going to get such a bad grade in therapy if i dont just tell one (1) person how i feel before i go home but fuck dude#anyway dont worry i’ll resume regularly scheduled blorbo posting if i can get out of the fucking pits#but thatll probably be in [checks notes] march next year#i have so many fics to write but i just kind of. cannot do that right now! because of the Soup that is Brain
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🍛CONTRIBUTOR LINEUP 🔥
The kitchen is bustling with activity — we're proud to present our contributor lineup for Secret Recipe 🍳🧑🍳
Curious to know the selection of delectable food that will be presented at the dining table? Follow us in our culinary journey to find out😋✨
🍳 COVER ARTIST:
@edo_sama
🥪 LAYOUT ARTIST:
@ritoryb
🍎 PAGE ARTISTS:
beltransadie (🦋) @ BenouahD @ yandette / stelladette (🦋) @ bo_beanies @cherrhara @ extrachiz (🦋) @ ebbiesama @ eeveetachi
🍧 FIC ARTISTS:
@ Golden_Morpho @ MiracleTheorist
🍎 PAGE ARTISTS:
@garmmy @todstny @ makoyamii malpracticed (🦋) @addoves @somnimagus @meltypancake @muiregalia
🍧 FIC ARTIST:
vyntuse (🦋)
🍎 PAGE ARTISTS:
@ pyudraws @silent-shanin @ sophyret1 @tovrch @taxkha @ rilakkutsu / tsiih (🦋) @ akiVinz @yellowtrinity
🥧 MERCH ARTISTS:
@ Eleerra @ _kuwee @ mirarasol (🦋) @miyabau @ xxnuj (🦋) @_trarioven_ / trarioven (🦋)
🥘 CHEF:
@theguineapig3
🥯 WRITERS: soc
@bibliophileemily @crush3dmary darkangelmya (🦋) felcast (🦋) fortunesmarket (🦋) @ welzes @29rynoah flamingo-sugar (🦋) @kohakhearts
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mama rapidash posting 🦄🔥
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2 genres of fanfiction:
1) put that guy into situations
2) take that guy OUT of situations for the love of GOD let them REST
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Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi dir. Richard Marquand | 1983
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The satogou enthusiast finally drew satogou
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AND IN THE END YOU SHALL OUTLIVE THEM
site / newsletter / other links
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me, being a positive thinker: my closest (and atp pretty much only close) irl friends moving away while i am literally on holidays and not bothering to mention it to me until i literally had to bring it up and ask them myself Multiple times means that i can’t dump my cat on anyone when i die, ergo i cannot die anytime soon. :D
#taylor.txt#but dont worry i’ll still have a crisis somehow i always do o7#i can feel it in the way i am avoiding thinking so hard about going home that when it does briefly cross my mind im like#if i do not suppress this immediately i WILL have a panic attack. and Die#give me a week and a half and if im not dead or on the ward someone can give me a fucking medal cause lol. lmao even#i am not ok and it is rapidly approaching the point of becoming an active problem. i just need to Get Over It but hoo boy#they’ll probably still be there when i get back but i’m gonna be so real with you the fact they havent even messaged to ask when im coming#back so they can TRY to see me one last time - since theyre not going to fucking stay in contact lmao - tells me that they really give zero#shits about me and i dont even think i want to see them because i hate them so much at this point#it’s just needlessly cruel idk. i know i’m a terrible friend in my own ways but at least i try#my trust issues are developing trust issues and the only solution is [redacted]#this whole fucking situation is just ridiculous. like how do you emotionally recover from that lmao#if i hadnt pushed for information i wouldve found out by seeing their listing for their apartment on facebook because they just never told#me anything except when i asked. but had no problem telling other people IN FRONT of me. at WORK.#my psychiatrist says i dont really want to burn this bridge but i really fucking do. i hope they rot in hell. theyre lucky i havent blocked#both their numbers already but once they move theres a good chance i will#but all that to say. however im feeling now is like 100 degrees removed from what im Going to feel when i get back from my holiday#hence my impeding crisis. but to be completely fair that could have happened anyway
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