kopivie

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update: i got yanagi, alice, AND alice's w-engine. don't ask me how. just smile through the tears w me please 😭

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gahdamn, zenless zone zero HATES me. pushes me to hard pity each and every time, i've lost virtually ever 50/50 ever since harumasa and miyabi's release (got both of them and their w-engines)... got yanagi finally, basically at hard pity for the w-engine aand.. won't give it to me. lost alice to soldier 11 and i'm at like <19 pulls away from getting her but this game is gonna force me ALL the way to 90 i can FEEL IT.

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hello cinna!

how are you? every once in a while i think about you

hello! i'm okay i suppose; thanks for asking! i hope you've been well yourself ☺️🫶🏽

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“Do it scared” “do it badly” it’s time to drop the guide for do it alone

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whenever i avoid the doctor, it really dawns on me that i'm not the alien that i think i am, but a black woman.

every time there's something verifiably wrong with me, i take myself to the doctor. but the second i get there, i'm dismissed. i'm either perfectly fine or the tests show a slight deviation from the norm, but it's never anything to be concerned about.

i'm anemic, yes, and i exhibit severe symptoms, but my blood levels are just barely under the minimum count. my blood pressure sometimes drops dramatically throughout the day and i'm just told to eat more and move on. arthritis is genetic and i have clear knee problems, but the white doctor at the clinic (a white woman i will never forget) glared at me and told me that i was in my early 20s and nothing should be wrong. it wasn't until the nurse told her what she felt when she moved my joints that she very reluctantly discovered that i wasn't lying – something was wrong.

and today for example. i think i have a migraine. my period started yesterday and i'm not experiencing my usual second day symptoms, but the vertigo is so severe that i can't even stand upright without my body suddenly leaning in some direction.

to be fair, i didn't eat yesterday, slept for 15 minutes last night, and still haven't eaten today. so much of that is something that i know i can fix. but the severity is highly concerning to me. something is wrong and i can feel it in my gut, but nobody will listen to me.

so like. what's the point of going to the doctor if they'll just tell me i'm fine and charge me crazy amounts of money? i finally understand all those annoying home remedies that jamaicans and african-americans pushed when i was growing up. healthcare is so bullshit that at this point, i'll take care of myself.

(when i have the energy, that is.)

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i'm sorry your honor i hate to pause the trial but can i kiss the attorney apollo justice one time please and thank you

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new yorkers all dress like they escaped someone's torture basement naked and stole peoples clothes that were drying on a clothesline

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in other news, i'm attempting to worldbuild again! its the first time i've done this in MONTHS! i'm so happy this is progress in the right direction :D

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got kicked off the register bc i winced.. basically on timeout LMAO

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Today's high schoolers romanticizing 2016 as if there weren't the clown incidents

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the fucked up part is that i still have to work with a sprained knee lmfao. maybe i'll ask my manager to let me sit down during my down time at work.

they gave me 600 mg of ibuprofen at the ER which, by the way, didn't wear off until about 3 pm today. like that's a miracle dosage fr. but without a follow-up dose, i'm kinda just stuck relying on all the advil i bought for migraines and hoping that it works. (ibuprofen will tear apart my stomach lining if i take it too much, so i refuse to take it repeatedly. or any painkiller, for that matter.)

i gotta work, i gotta take care of myself, i gotta.. idk. i really don't know. i want to go outside and do things that make me happy but genuinely the pain in my knee (and my legs in general due to working in excess for the past month) is making me so fucking miserable. SO fucking miserable. i feel like shit.

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writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months

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The longer I exist as a loudly proudly gay man the more I think that cishet men aren't actually attracted to women.

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i think part of the reason why i have trouble with love and deepspace is bc it feels like they're looking dead at me and i'm like ?? 😭 MEEE??? self-shipping is so hard bro LMFAO

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KAZUHA CONCEPT ART..

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pretty sure my therapist caused a knowledge singularity in me just now