kukkurookkoo

[kukkurookkoo]

30 DAYS OF SUMMER - PSH ༘⋆✿

Synopsis. Sunghoon visited the countryside in the hopes of escaping his chaotic idol life, he doesn't expect to find the girl who completely changes his outlook of life and helps him regain the peace he lost in his life. Sunghoon learns to embrace a life beyond fame while Y/N battles her fear of falling for someone whose world feels too big for hers.

Pairing. Idol!Sunghoon x fem!blue collar!reader

Genre/Warnings. idol!au, slow burn, slice of life!au, strangers to lovers, tooth rotting fluff, angst, smut, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, Sunghoon is mentally drained, green flag Sunghoon, extremely bubbly reader, happy ending, reader works as an electrician

Word Count 9.9k

a/n. My first long fic on this account, completely different to what I am usually posting but wanted to dip my toes in the world of fluff, Sunghoon is extremely cute here and I loved my characters in this fic. I hope you guys have fun reading this as much as I had fun writing this. Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated

“Chicago you ready?” Heeseung screamed at his mic, the entire stadium being filled with screams of the die hard fans of the group who had been waiting for the past 4 hours. 

“Ok, so let’s get this party started” he said to the crowd, the boys took their position on stage, the music started and the performance began.

The show went on for almost 4 hours, Enhypen performed like there was no tomorrow the stadium was filled with screams of the thousands of fans who adored and cherished the boys, lights illuminating from the lightsticks forming rays of red light across the audience. 

They barely had a moment to breathe, performing songs after songs without any breaks and also interacting with fans from time to time, every time they looked into the crowd they would see the faces of the happy fans, chanting their names like a gospel-this wasn’t just a concert, it was home.

They finished the concert with the final encore, feeling sad it had ended but also happy they were getting a break from all the hustle and bustle of the idol life. They exited off the stage waving a final goodbye to all their fans and finally heading backstage.

“Wow guys, that was an awesome job!” the manager said to the boys as he gave all the boys towels to wipe off the sweat. 

The boys panted, drenched in sweat, their faces glowing from exertion and leftover adrenaline. Heeseung untangled the cords from around his neck, giving a half-smile to no one in particular. Jake was already chugging a full water bottle, while Jungwon slumped onto a nearby couch, too tired to speak.

Sunghoon just stood in the center for a while in his own thoughts, the chants of the fans still echoing in his ear, he was neither happy nor sad about the tour ending, he just felt numb.

On the tour bus to the airport the boys were occupied with themselves, Heeseung scrolling through his phone, Jake and Jungwon sleeping resting their heads on each others shoulders, Niki and Jay listening to music on their headphones and Sunghoon was gazing at the scenery outside, his head still wondering off to his thoughts.

“Ayy, hoonie you good?” Sunoo slightly nudged his shoulders bringing Sunghoon back to reality, “Yeah I am fine.” giving Sunoo a slight smile but Sunoo knew better and could clearly see something was distressing him.

He laid his hand on Sunghoon’s, “You know you can trust me with anything yeah? You haven’t been looking great these past days either.” sounding clearly worried. 

Sunghoon sighed and finally replied “I don’t feel right these days, it feels time is going too fast and that everything I used to find fun has become boring, even performing” he finally spoke up “performing…I literally became an idol for that, nothing in life gives me happiness the way it used to before becoming famous.” It was the first time he told someone how he felt and it hurt him more than expected. 

Sunoo felt empathetic towards Sunghoon, not knowing how to react it was quiet for a while but after some time he finally replied, “Hoonie…you’re not wrong for feeling that” Sunghoon’s eyes flickered to him “You’re just tired, tired from the chaos of your life” he gave Sunghoon a soft smile. 

“My family owns a hanok in the countryside” Sunoo showed a picture to Sunghoon. “Maybe you could stay there for the upcoming break, the nature there will definitely help you take your mind off.”

Sunghoon smiled at the kind gesture from his friend, “I will think about it,” he replied as he rested his head on Sunoo’s shoulder for the rest of the night.

They finally got to the airport, from the bag drop to security checking-everything went smoothly for them, at last all of them boarded the flight leaving for South Korea. Most of the members were getting ready to sleep while Sunghoon was thinking whether he should reside in the village for a while, not really seeing himself doing anything else he finally made up his mind. Beside him was the manager sitting drinking wine as he watched a movie on the screen. 

Sunghoon gently tapped the manager’s shoulder, the manager took off his headphones looking at Sunghoon, “I am planning on visiting the countryside this break if you don’t mind” slightly anxious on how he would react. 

“Why would I mind?” The manager laughed, as if Sunghoon asked the silliest question ever “Go enjoy your break son, you may never know when you will get one next.” Sunghoon smiled at his manager’s approval, he felt kinda excited now for what the new journey had to offer him. 

The day came when Sunghoon was finally going to go to the village, it had only been a day since he had arrived in Seoul but he didn’t want to waste any more time, the moment he got back to the dorms and booked the latest bus trip to the village, unpacking his suitcase from before to stuff it with more lighter and breathable clothes for the trip, he was warned beforehand that there was no working air conditioning.

The members went along with Sunghoon to drop him off at the bus station, “Hyung! I am going to miss you” Niki said as he pulled Sunghoon in a hug, “Chill Niki… It’s only a matter of 4 weeks” Jungwon said, pulling him back. They all bid him a final goodbye and Sunghoon thanked Sunoo once again for the opportunity. 

Putting his bags in the luggage compartment of the bus he finally got up in the bus, the bus was clearly old from how it looked, seat covers were torn, with some places being stitched back together with random threads, the bus smelled of dust, engine oil and cheap air freshener that tried to mask the scent of time, the windows were scratched and a bit foggy but even with all of this he found a sort of comfort in the old fashion of the bus. Even though it was old, the spirit of the bus was young and wild with all the chatter that was going around, kids singing songs, old couples talking amongst themselves all gave him a sense of peace. 

“Dear passengers, we have finally arrived at Andong,” the driver announced on the speaker. Sunghoon got off and collected his bags from the luggage compartment, thanking the driver on his way. By the time he reached the sun had set, he opened his phone to open maps and turn on his flashlight. 

He navigated his way until he found himself at a gated community filled with Hanoks, he saw that the light was on in front of one of the hanok as he saw an old man cleaning up, the old man looked up and saw Sunghoon, “Ahhh handsome man you finally came, I am Mr. Kwon,” the old man approached Sunghoon, it was clear Sunoo must have informed him about his presence before he had come. “Aigoo, you must be so tired from the journey” he said, patting Sunghoon on the head “come, let me get you to the place” he took Sunghoon to one of the Hanboks located on the right part of the community. 

He opened the door as he turned on the lights of the place. It was beautiful, the place looked more like it belonged in a museum rather than just a place for staying, the furniture was neat and polished, a low wooden table and a silk sofa. The rich grain patterns all over the ceiling told stories from the previous generations. The house was adorned with pictures of a lovely family, he looked closer and saw that it was Sunoo’s childhood photos. 

Mr. Kwon guided him to the bedroom, “here is the fan” he showed Sunghoon the fan, he took out a book from the cupboard and put it in front of Sunghoon “all the emergency dials are in this book, if anything happens please look for the number in the book and contact.” he said and finally bid Sunghoon a goodbye. 

He set up the mattress on the floor and the fan beside it to sleep, ready to get in a good night's sleep. It hadn’t even been 10 minutes since he turned off the lights that he heard the fan go off, he tried sleeping trying to ignore the heat but couldn’t. He immediately opened the book to dial up the electrician. 

“Hello, Y/N speaking.” a sleepy voice responded from the other line “Hello I seem to have a power outage” Sunghoon replied, the person on the other line clearly annoyed asked him for his address so they could come and check the problem, he gave the person the address and cut the call. 

Sunghoon was feeling like he was on fire. He tried fanning himself with loose sheets of paper he found lying but that didn’t work too well.

He heard the sound of the doorbell, rushing to get it he opened the door to be blinded by the biggest torchlight he had ever seen, his reflexes instantly making him cover up. “Ahh you called before about the power shortage?” a female voice spoke up. 

Standing before him was a girl- maybe his age, maybe younger- dressed in a long sleeved t-shirt, sweatpants rolled up her ankles and worn out sneakers that had oil spills on it. Her hair was tied in a loose braid with thick rimmed glasses around her eyes and a fanny pack around her waist that was filled with tools.

“Can you stop directing that light to my face” Sunghoon was shielding himself from the light like it was the sun itself. 

“I am sorry young gentleman, the light is kinda uncomfortable to newcomers” you finally dimmed the light on his command “come let's see what's wrong” you guided him to the circuit box of the house, it was like you had the layout of the house memorized. 

You checked the box for the next 5 minutes trying to find the issue. 

“Ahh it seems like the fuse is broken” you informed Sunghoon, “what are we supposed to do now?” Sunghoon asked, hoping the problem could be solved immediately so he could go back to sleep. 

“Nothing we can do… we have to just wait till tomorrow then we can get a fuse from the shop” you said checking the circuit box one last time in case you missed out anything. 

“B-but how will I sleep then?” He asked nervously, turning your flashlight towards him “like the rest of the folks” you replied simply. 

“You mean going back inside and trying to fall asleep again?” his voice sounded flat, almost like he was offended she even thought that. 

“If you enjoy the hot waves slapping your face then go ahead, you're not from here are you?” Sunghoon nodded 

“Ahh that's why you don't know about the hillside, you got a car?” 

Sunghoon shook his head, “I came here by the bus, don't have any transportation.”

“Then my dude you're in luck, I can drop you there.” You took his hand without asking, leading him somewhere, like she had known him for a long time. Sunghoon didn't even take his hand away like a normal person would, instead he let her lead him to wherever she was taking him. 

He himself didn’t know what he was expecting-maybe a bike or a beat up truck- but he certainly not what stood before him, a bright pink bicycle with two helmets lying on the side, the bicycle had a companion seat at the back with a basket in the front, it looked exactly like the ones he saw on cartoons when he was younger. 

“Get on city boy, You’re riding VIP tonight” She placed her brightly lit torch on the basket as she put one of her helmets on and gave the other one to Sunghoon. 

He stared at you, then the bicycle, then you again. 

“I am not sitting on that.” he told you as he crossed his arms, “You will be grateful when we are riding down a hill and the breeze hits your face.” 

He still didn’t seem to change his mind, rolling your eyes as you continued, “We don’t have the entire night, you make up your mind or not?” 

He didn’t really have a choice, if he died tonight by the bicycle rolling over a hill then be it. Finally he took the helmet from your hands and got on. 

All the time he was on the bike it felt like a podcast he never wished to turn on, “So this is where the arcades are, students from all over the village come here after school to play, this is Yeonsan’s clinic, come here whenever you’re injured and oooh that’s the Andong vocational school, this is where I studied…” You went on and on telling him everything about the village even though he never asked. 

He held on to you tightly, worried if he let go he may seriously injure himself, the bicycle was also not in the best condition, the gears were quite rusty and now and then a squeak would be heard from the bike. 

“We’re finally here,” she announced. Sunghoon got up to overlook the scenery that stood before him, grass extending towards the horizon with trees scattered around the valley, the stars twinkling brightly in the sky, something he didn’t see in the city, owls hooting and the sound of crickets could be heard all around him, breeze hitting him in the face.

Y/N took out a blanket from her basket, “Hold it from the other side” she instructed Sunghoon, they both stretched the blanket and laid it out. She was the first one to lay down as she patted the other side for Sunghoon to join her, he laid down on the opposite side to her and gazed at the stars. 

“What is your name?” You asked the guy sleeping beside you, he replied, “Sunghoon…Park Sunghoon.” he kind off regretted telling you that now, what if you got to know he was a celebrity 

“Hmm” you replied, slightly unfazed it told Sunghoon that you really didn’t know about him.

“How could you tell I was a city boy?” He suddenly asked her. 

“I don’t know…maybe a lucky guess, but you don’t look like you’re from around here otherwise I would’ve known you.” turning her head towards him

“You know everyone around here” still gazing up at the stars, “Yeah, I never left this place and worked at people’s houses fixing their wires so naturally I became acquainted with everyone.”

“You sleep here all the time?” kinda curious why you were still here and had not left to go back home. “Well not all the time, I wish I could but it is too far away from my house so when I do come here I think I might as well just sleep here.” 

He didn’t reply after that, neither did you start a conversation letting the silence engulf you, soon after you both drifted off to sleep after some time. 

Sunghoon woke up to the rays of the sun directly flashing on his face, Y/N’s hands wrapped around his waist, he turned and saw your face dangerously close to him. He wanted to wake up but didn’t want to move your hand risking you waking up. 

Y/N’s phone started ringing after a while completely waking her up from her sleep. Opening the phone she saw that someone from the village had called, “Hello?”

She listened to everything the person was saying, “I will be there soon” she said and hung up. 

She stretched her body, getting all the knots out from her body that formed from sleeping last night. “City boy, wake up” she slightly shook him trying to get him to wake up. 

He got up soon after, “there is an emergency in a restaurant in a village let's go!” She told him as if he was her assistant. 

“But what about getting the power running at my house, at least drop me off.” He requested. 

“Do you have any plans for today?” She asked, Sunghoon shook his head. “Well come with me then…maybe that can be an excuse to meet everyone in the village.” 

He rolled his eyes, it was clear you weren't one of those people who would agree easily, you both tied your shoes, Sunghoon folded the blanket for you and placed it in your basket. 

You both put on your helmet, sat down and went back to the village. Sunghoon was a bit more comfortable with your bicycle than yesterday but still held on to you tight for support. 

It took you 30 minutes to finally reach the place, it was a small restaurant in the busier part of the village. 

“Y/N I am so glad you're here” An old man came and greeted you, he saw Sunghoon standing beside you noticing this you spoke up, “hello Mr. Seo, don't worry about him, he's my assistant” 

Sunghoon raised a brow when he heard of the word assistant, she could've referred to him as many things-a friend, an acquaintance, a boyfriend-but she chose an assistant, he didn’t know whether to feel offended or surprised.

“Ahh, that's good you have an assistant” he said “come we have a problem in the kitchen” he led her to the kitchen of the restaurant, the smell of unbaked bread welcomed them in the kitchen, noodles laying flat on trays laying to be cooked with clearly frustrated workers standing on the side. 

“None of the appliances are working today,” he told her, trying to turn the oven on by repeatedly pressing the switch button as proof. “That’s too bad, can you show the electrical panel?” Y/N asked, Mr. Seo nodded and took them to the back of the restaurant. Sunghoon walked behind them like a shadow, not even knowing why you even thought of dragging him here.

Y/N took a look at the inside of the panel, “ahh your circuit breaker has tripped.” she murmured under her breath, quickly resetting the circuit breaker the power turns on then off. Seeing all the wires individually you found your culprit. 

Sunghoon leaned his head against the wall seeing you get to work, “wow she knows what she is doing” he internally thought to himself.

“Ahh I think this device is drawing in too much current and causing an overload,” Y/N told the manager as she started rerouting the other appliances so those could at least work for the rest of the day.

She moved aback to let the manager check what the wire belonged too, “Ahh it’s the heating fryer” he said, you guys made your way to the kitchen to see the fryer being the only one not working, “Well you could either repair it or replace it, that won’t be working anymore.” she told Mr. Seo

“Ahh” Mr. Seo sighed in annoyance “I have to waste money on another fryer now” 

“Go to Tae’s kitchen appliance store, tell him I sent you, he will give you an extra discount.” taking out a card from your fanny pack, a business card for the shop.

“Your total is 19,000 won” you told the manager “here is the address of the shop” handing over the business card to him. 

Sunghoon just stood there seeing the interaction take place in real time, he was amazed by how you carried yourself, how friendly and social you were. The certainty you had in yourself was inspiring, it was something he wished he had. 

You guys got out of the restaurant, You pushed your bike as you guys walked around for a while, “Ahh I am hungry” putting a hand on your stomach. “Me too” Sunghoon replied, looking around for any places to eat your eyes and see a small quiet restaurant. 

“C’mon let’s go” you instructed him to follow you, it was a small little stall with a window that opened up to a person cooking, it also had outdoor seating. 

“What do you want to eat?” You asked Sunghoon

“I thought you were deciding what we're gonna eat” he told you 

“Ahh I just asked for formalities, I know a dish you will really like”, a smile grazing your lips

You knocked on the window, an old woman probably in forties slid the window open, “Oh Y/N lovely seeing you here today, what can I get for you?” 

“Auntie, can we get two Makguksu, please?” you pulled out your wallet

“Let me pay for it” Sunghoon stopped you as he pulled out some bills from his wallet giving it to aunty before you could argue. 

“Order of two Makguksu”, the auntie yelled to the other side of the stall “why don’t you lovely couple take a seat”

Sunghoon was taken aback at the aunty referring to you two as a couple before he could correct her ,you pulled him to the outdoor dining area. 

“She called us a couple” he whispered to you, “Ahh I don’t think she meant in that way” you replied back. 

“What else could it mean?” he sounded slightly flustered 

“a couple of besties!” you said in a high pitched voice. 

He rolled his eyes when you said that, probably cringing too internally but he couldn’t deny he found it cute. 

The dish was served less than 5 minutes after placing the order, the cold buckwheat noodles were served with a cold broth and kimchi served on the side. 

“Thank you god for this food.” You murmured under your breath digging in. 

Sunghoon slurped the noodles, the coldness from the noodles hitting his throat “Ahh this is so delicious” he shouted, “This tastes better than what I have had in the city,” pointing his chopsticks at the bowl. 

“They do put their magic touch when cooking the food here,” taking a slice of kimchi in your mouth, “You don’t get that in cities.” 

You both finished eating, “Auntie the food was delicious” you shouted, the aunty gave you a thumbs up on your way. 

“Did she forget about the fuse completely” Sunghoon internally thought to himself, he wanted to tell you about it but something was stopping him. 

“Oh look a hardware store!” you pointed on the left, “let’s get your fuse from there” 

The shopkeeper immediately smiled seeing you, “Y/N good morning, what can I get for you?” 

“I want a good quality fuse please” you replied

He pulled out a fuse from one of the cupboards, “that will be 4000 won” he said

“Jaemin I always come to your shop, give a better price” you sounded annoyed

“Y/N it’s fine I can pay-” you stopped Sunghoon from completing his sentence, “3500 won, that is what I am giving”

“3600” Jaemin argued back

“3650 and that is my final offer” you concluded the argument, Jaemin rolled his eyes “fine”, he packed the fuse for you. 

Sunghoon was internally impressed, not because of how you bargained in fact he has seen better bargaining-he was impressed cause he had never seen someone this young bargain in his life. 

“I am so sleepy,” you whined, “but I need to drive to my house to take a shower.”

“I can try bicycling you there” Sunghoon replied, “really” your face going from pouty to happy.

“I don’t know where it is though” he said, “don’t worry I will guide you, why worry when Y/N is there”

He got up on the bicycle this time ready to paddle, Sunghoon hadn’t bicycled in a long time, especially in a village he was kinda anxious but your hands wrapping around his waist let him know it was going to be okay.

“Okay so go straight for the next…5 kilometres?” you instructed Sunghoon and he immediately started paddling. 

Sunghoon felt free for the first time, consuming all the nature his eyes saw-the trees, the lake parallel to the road, the fields, the breeze hitting his face- he didn’t know life could feel this good.

“Take left and then we will reach our destination”, you instructed. 

“That’s my house,” you pointed ahead to a small, single-story building with a slanted roof and a garden overflowing with tomato plants and sunflowers. A bright blue wind chime clinked softly in the breeze.

“You live here alone?” Sunghoon asked, hopping off the bike.

“Nope I live with my mom and my younger sister Mijoo” you grinned unbuckling your helmet, “come I’ll introduce them to you”

You knocked on the door, the front door slid open and a tiny whirlwind in a floral dress bolted down the path. “Unnie, you’re late! Mom said—” The little girl’s eyes landed on Sunghoon, her ears turning red as she adjusted her dress trying to look presentable. 

“Unnie he’s so handsome, is he your boyfriend?” Mijoo asked.

You picked her up from the ground, “No, just a visitor, make him feel welcome” pinching her cute chubby cheeks, you turned around to face Sunghoon, “This is my sister Mijoo” before he could wave at her, she covered her face with her hands “Unnie he is so handsome.” she said in her squeaky voice. 

All you could do was nod, “come, you can wait with her while I shower” 

He took off his shoes, Your mom appeared in the doorway then, wiping her hands on an apron. “Who’s this?” she called out, voice warm but curious.

“He’s visiting the village for a while,” you said. 

“Ahh come in dear, treat this as your home,” Your mom told Sunghoon as he bowed to her. Your mom took you both to the living room, Sunghoon felt your sister’s gaze like a spotlight, he didn’t think much, maybe she was just curious to see a random stranger in her house.

You dropped Mijoo with Sunghoon in the living room, “I will be back” you said and left the room. Without hesitation she crawled up to Sunghoon’s lap hugging him tightly. 

He was taken aback by the gesture, he had never been hugged by a child before but it did feel nice, internally laughing at how similar you and Mijoo were. He adjusted his legs to get more comfortable placing Mijoo on his thighs. “How old are you?” he asked her, she put up 5 fingers “oh you’re five” she nodded “you’re a big girl then”

She looked up at Sunghoon, squinting her eyes in the process “I saw you on TV!” . She loudly spoke up as if she found the answer to a problem she had for days. 

Sunghoon got anxious when she said that he didn't want to be recognized or even anyone finding out he was here, he came solely to be able to enjoy his life outside the idol chaos. 

“Listen Mijoo, you won't tell anyone you know me from TV, if you do that I will give you chocolate.” Her eyes sparkled after hearing the word chocolate she rapidly nodded her head. 

Your mom came with trays of food, he immediately got up lifting Mijoo with him, “Auntie, I am happy to help” he told her. 

“What kind of host would I be if I asked the guest to help with setting up?” she laughed. 

“No it's fine-”

“No, you sit here and occupy Mijoo” your mom interrupted before he could continue.

You came back from the shower, now wearing a v-necked T-shirt with jean shorts. “The food looks delicious” you said as you sat on the floor, patting the place beside you, gesturing to Sunghoon to sit next to you. 

Your mom had cooked grilled fish covered with spicy Gochujang and served it with kimchi, green spinach and pickled radish. 

“This is local fish, I hope you like it” your mom patted Sunghoon on his shoulders. You and Sunghoon started digging in the food sparing no time. 

“Unnie, I saw him on TV,” she pointed at Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach, completely freezing mid-chewing. 

“Oh really?” You continued eating. 

“Yes he was dancing like this-Come here and get some, 남겨줘 on my neck

네 거란 증거, just come over and bite me-she murmured the lyrics constantly tripping trying to dance like how she saw Sunghoon. 

“Aww so cute” you fangirled over your little sister, “maybe after you finish your food uncle Sunghoon can teach you to dance like him” 

She squealed, hearing that Mijoo couldn't believe she was going to be taught dancing by the handsome guy from TV. 

You all continued to eat, he smiled at how unfazed you were about him being famous enough to be on TV, it made him feel more fond of you; how he could be himself in front of you and not hide who he is.

You and your mom cleaned up the plates after you all were done, Mijoo grabbed Sunghoon by his arm trying to drag his huge body. “Uncle, you promised to teach me how to dance,” she whined. 

“Okay” he laughed “let's go” he got up, slightly bending so Mijoo could hold his hand. 

“Sing your song” Mijoo told Sunghoon, “the same one I was singing” 

“It’s you and me in this world-” 

“No, you have to dance too” Mijoo whined to Sunghoon

“As you wish princess” he laughed at her whines

“It's you and me in this world, 내게로 다시 와, tie me

날 구원할 거라면, just come kiss me and bite me” he danced as he sang, the girl looking at him and copying his every movement, Mijoo couldn't believe she was dancing with a celebrity she saw on TV. 

“Oh you two are having fun” you came into the room, a smile grazed your lips seeing Sunghoon having fun with Mijoo. 

You took a seat on the floor facing them to see them dancing. 

“Unnie come dance with us too” Mijoo tried taking your hand 

“You know I don't dance Mijoo” you said “you dance I will watch” giving your sister a little smile. 

They both danced, Sunghoon would sing as your sister would copy his movement, you couldn't deny Sunghoon's voice was heavenly and his movements were clean and swift. You didn't realize how long you had been staring at him. 

Your staring session got interrupted with a call,

You picked up the call “Hello, Y/N speaking” 

“Hello Y/N, are you coming to hang the lights for our place?” the man asked. 

It completely slipped off your mind that you had to do that. 

“Yeah uhh give me….10 minutes?” You told them

“Yeah that will do” the guy on the call said and hung up. 

“Come Sunghoon we're gonna go set up lights for the festival” you told Sunghoon

“Unnie but I want to dance with him” your little sister pouted.

“He will play with you later… complete your homework while we're out” you told as you picked up the helmets. 

You drove your bicycle to the outskirts of the village, a festival was being planned for next week so the village mayor had asked you to set up the lights. 

“Ohh Y/N is here”, an old man shouted, you stopped your bike as you and Sunghoon got down and unbuckled your helmets. 

The mayor gave you the fairy lights, “so from where to where am I supposed to put them?” You asked. 

“From here to there” he pointed around the pillars that had already been set up. 

“Got it!” You gave the manager a thumbs up, “OK Sunghoon let's get to work!” you told him, “grab the ladder from there” his eyes went towards the ladder, he pulled the ladder up with one arm like it weighed nothing. 

He placed the ladder and you got up as he held the ladder tightly, you placed the lights around one by one. 

You continued your work, the ladder kept squeaking even despite Sunghoon holding it “careful Y/N” he murmured. 

“Oh don't worry about me, I have been doing this since ages.” You turned your body towards him but in the process your foot slipped and you almost fell. 

Luckily Sunghoon acted quick and was able to catch you in time, your hands wrapped around his neck as he held in bridal style. 

You whimpered because of how scared you got, like your life flashing before your eyes. 

“I told you to be careful” he scolded you, even his heart skipped a beat, “I am sorry” your voice quivering. 

“You two are having fun, aren't you guys?” one of the workers teased you from behind. You slightly blushed when he said that, he placed you back on the ground and continued doing the work. 

You both got done with the work after an hour. Stepping back to admire what you both had done, “It looks beautiful Y/N, here is your payment” he handed over a 50,000 won bill to her. 

“Thank you sir” you both bowed down. 

You both were about to get on the bicycle when you suddenly spoke up, “You wanna go swimming in the nearby creek?” 

“I don’t have a swimsuit with me.” he told her “There is a guy selling swimwear there, he will also give us towels don’t worry.” you told him. 

“Ok then let’s go” he agreed. 

It was just a one minute bike ride before you guys arrived, the hue of the sun reflecting the water making it a beautiful orange colour. “Sir, can you give me a pair of swimming tracks?” you asked the guy selling the swimwear. 

“Here you go” he said and you gave him the money.

“Go change” you gave the tracks to Sunghoon, “Girl where?” he said sarcastically, “behind the bushes no one will see you,” 

He went behind the bushes and quickly changed hoping no one would see him, he came out to see you already in your bikini.

“You came prepared” Sunghoon joked, “I am always prepared”, you told him. 

“Just so you know I haven’t ever swimmed anywhere outside a pool,” he said firmly. 

“There are first times for everything” you held his hand as you both got in the creek. The water feeling cool against your skin

The water ripples around Sunghoon’s waist. “It’s cold” he hisses as he grips your hands like a lifeline. 

You snort, “You’re so delicate”, before he could protest you splash water on his chest. 

He gasps but in a flash drags you under the water with him, you shriek as you see him grinning, hair plastered on his forehead. “Not so tough now, huh?”

You two continued playing for a long time almost till the moon came up, Sunghoon couldn’t remember the last time he had done something in Seoul just to have fun. It finally felt like to him he was living life. 

You both got changed into your normal clothes and went back to your house, “C’mon Mijoo is waiting for you.” you told him excitedly, the moment the door creaked open a happy Mijoo came running “Sunghoon oppa I missed you so much” she hugged his legs. “I missed you too” he replied and carried Mijoo in his arms. 

“Welcome home Y/N and Sunghoon” your mom announced from the kitchen, “I cooked some bibimbap, get cleaned”. 

Y/N handed Sunghoon a towel, “Make sure to not take a shower longer than 5 minutes unless you enjoy cold water.”

“Noted ma'am” he said, giving you a salute, you smiled at the cute gesture. 

After the shower Sunghoon and you sat on the table to eat, Sunghoon moaned as the bibimbap hit his tongue, “auntie, your food is delicious” he said to your mom “I am glad to hear that” your mom giggled. It was for sure, everyone in your family was a fan of Sunghoon. 

You plopped two mattresses on the floor of your bedroom, one for you and one for Sunghoon. He had agreed to stay for the night as you and him were pretty tired to bicycle anywhere. 

You laid down with Sunghoon after you had brushed your teeth, “You danced really well with Mijoo today”, you smiled at him. 

“It was an honor to dance with your sister” he laughed

“Do you dance for a living?” you asked him, “Yeah I am a kpop idol” he responded. 

“Oh that’s why, I thought Mijoo confused you with someone else” you were kind off surprised, “You must be happy being an idol, getting to do what you love for a living, having a group of friends and fans who adore you” 

He sighed when you said that, “It isn’t like that always” his voice flat, “You are scrutinized for every little mistake you do, people see you more as their boyfriend then an artist and see you as their money making machine.” he vented “I wish I could be more than the pretty face everyone sees me for”

You got up on top of his body, sitting on his body as your legs rested around his waist, “Sunghoon-ah look at me” you murmured, brushing his hair away from his forehead. 

He did. His eyes shadowed with exhaustion. 

“You’re perfect the way you are,” you said softly. Your thumb traced circles around his cheeks “You’re allowed to be sad, but it doesn’t mean your life ends there” your hands wandering around his hair, “You have to sometimes take good with the bad, you’re a human at the end of the day not a robot” 

A shaky breath escaped him, “I never thought of that but my life doesn’t feel my own anymore” he responded. 

You shifted close, your voice barely above a whisper “Then live your life like you want to, be the Sunghoon that teaches my sister how to dance, who helped me with my work even though he didn’t earn anything” You lifted yourself up a little, “Be the Sunghoon that is kind to everyone” 

For a long moment he just stared at you-like you’d given him something precious that he had forgotten. He pulled you closer till your bodies touched each other. 

“Thank you” he whispered, his body warm against yours. You both fell asleep, your body on top of his and your head laying on his chest. 

The days went on in Andong, Sunghoon would help you in your work around the village, he would play with Mijoo whenever he was at your house, swimming in the creek, laying on the grassy fields and late night bicycle rides. He forgot how life could feel this good. 

One day you two were walking around, arms eloped with one another’s when suddenly you heard the honk of a car 

Turning to the side you saw the window rolling down, “Y/N long time no see,” your classmate Yuri from high school was the one sitting in the car. 

“Yeah how have you been?” You asked, “not much really just visiting family for the holidays, how about you? You clearly haven't moved on have you?” You cringed at the insult, “uhh just living life” you kept your answer short so she would leave quickly. “OK I hope to see you again, goodbye” she pulled up the windows and left. 

“Who was she?” Sunghoon asked, “a classmate of mine,” your eyes focused on the road. “She used to be one of the smartest people in my class, while I was the dumbest person in my class.” You huffed. 

“I sometimes wonder how my life would've turned out if I did study and went to a good university but the letters in the books confused me” your eyes never leaving your feet, “but maybe it was the right call, I enjoy taking care of people, being trusted by everyone and helping them, maybe I wouldn't have gotten the same comfort in the city like I do here.” 

“I am happy how life turned out, I am proud to be able to do what I do.” You confessed, your head turned towards him for a reaction. He smiled as if he was holding in a laughter, “I am proud of you too.” He pulled you by your waist. “But maybe you were just different, not dumb.” You didn’t know how much you needed to hear those words. 

“You know maybe we should go somewhere else now” your hands eloping his, “where should we go then?” he asked you, you didn’t say anything after that just took his hand and started running. He thanked god he had long legs otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to catch up with your speed, you finally stopped in front of a small hike trail. “What is up there?” he asked, “Only one way to find out.”

“Y/N I swear if I get mauled by a bear-” you interrupted him “Well you can always impress it with your killer looks.”

“That’s not how bears work but followed anyway. 

The trail was narrow, lined with wildflowers and buzzing with the sound of cicadas. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, scattering golden patterns on the ground. Every so often, you’d glance back to make sure he was still behind you, and every time you did, he’d pretend he wasn’t struggling to keep up.

After what felt like forever — though you’d insist later it was only ten minutes — the trees parted, revealing a rocky ledge overlooking the entire village. The patchwork of green fields, rooftops, and winding dirt roads stretched out beneath a bright blue sky.

“Wow…” he said, breathless this time for a different reason.

You grinned, leaning on the railing. “Told you it was worth it.”

He glanced at you — your wind-tousled hair, the way your eyes reflected the sun — and thought to himself that maybe the view wasn’t the only thing worth the climb.

“Come let’s sit somewhere” you pushed the leaves aside to make space for you two to sit, you both sat down basking in the beautiful sunset. 

Sunghoon pulled out his phone to take a picture of the view, he turned his phone’s camera in your direction taking candid pictures of you. 

He was admiring the photos of you that he took, the sunlight catching your eyelashes and your adorable smile. He was scrolling through the pictures when suddenly a notification popped up in his phone, a weverse comment which said this, Why is he even in the group? He is so awkward and stiff, trying so hard to be cool 

It affected him more than he wanted to admit it, you saw the sadness in his eyes “what’s wrong?” sounding concerned, leaning closer

He sounded bitter, “Just idol stuff” he promised himself he would be away from all of this this vacation. 

You studied his face- he was chewing the inside of his cheek without a word. You grabbed his phone to see what he was staring at, you threw the phone in your backpack. 

“Hey-” 

“You know the Sunghoon I see when I look at you?” you asked, “I see the Sunghoon who helps me around the village, the Sunghoon that plays with Mijoo, the kind and hardworking Sunghoon who fixed Mr. Kim’s radio without any prior training.” your thumbs brushing against his cheek, “Not whatever nonsense some internet trolls say” 

You took his perfectly manicured nails into your own hands, “You're so much more than what the world sees you for.” You stared deep into his eyes. “You know what I have an idea” standing up. 

“Stand up” you commanded 

He stood up, you took him to the edge on the hill but still a bit behind to be safe, “I want you to think of every bad thing that has affected you and just shout all of your frustration away.”

Sunghoon looked at you as if you were the craziest person ever, “don't knock it till you try it.” confidence lingering in your voice. 

“Fine just cause you're saying it” he closed his eyes thinking of all the hate he received since his debut, he shouted loudly, it was so intense you closed your ears afraid you might go deaf. He stopped eventually, his screams being echoed through the hills. 

“That felt good didn't it?” You asked, he looked at you and laughed, “You're so crazy.” you laughed back, “don't act like you don’t enjoy my craziness”

You two laughed when suddenly Sunghoon caressed your cheek with his left hand pulling you close by your waist. You put your hand on his chest afraid of what was going to happen next. 

“Let's go, Mom and Mijoo are waiting for us back home.” You blurted. “Okay” Sunghoon replied, internally cringing at his attempt to kiss you. 

The walk to your house was quiet, both of you too occupied with your own thoughts to speak up. Sunghoon was internally beating himself thinking why he even thought it was a good idea, even you were surprised you stopped yourself from kissing him, you liked him more than a friend too. 

But deep down you knew, a guy with a career like him would not stick around for a long time. It hurt you thinking that you didn't have a place in his big and happening life. Worrying about it wouldn't solve anything so you made it your personal mission to enjoy every second with him. 

You spent more time with him than ever before, from mornings to late night talks, you both were practically inseparable. Everyone in the village got used to Sunghoon being there with you. 

It was the day of the festival, Sunghoon was in the living room waiting for you to get ready. He opted for the usual white t-shirt and sweatpants combo. 

“Y/N unnie we're leaving” Mijoo shouted annoyed by how long you were taking. “I am here” you finally got out of your room. 

Sunghoon was starstruck when he saw you, you wore a pretty white dress that reached up your thighs with ruffles at the bottom, your hair open with a butterfly pin on the side. You ditched your thick rimmed glasses for the night instead light makeup accompanied your face. “C’mon let's go” you spoke as you held his hand. 

The fair was fun and exciting, it was filled with games and food. He saw a lot of street food he didn't see in the city. 

You bought fish cakes for yourself, stuffing the fish cakes in your mouth, Sunghoon couldn't help but laugh at how cute you looked, he took out his phone and took a picture of you without you noticing. 

Throughout the night he took multiple candid pictures of you, when he won a teddy bear for Mijoo at one of the stalls you held Mijoo in your arms as she hugged her teddy bear he took a picture of you. It didn’t even matter if you were doing anything, he took at least 20 pictures of you that night. 

Suddenly the lights all focused on the centre of the park, slow romantic music played and all the girls took their significant other’s hand and started dancing. 

Your fingers found no trouble finding his hands, as you pulled him to the dance floor your hand finding his shoulder and his hand holding your waist, swaying your hips to the beat. You giggled at the proximity. He was so breath-taking it was unbelievable. You both danced, he would twirl you around, lift you up, it was everything you imagined when you thought of the perfect dance. 

Suddenly something in you snapped, you pushed Sunghoon abruptly and ran away. 

“What happened to her?” your mom asked Sunghoon, “Nothing drastic” he informed, “I will bring her back, you and Mijoo go home” he instructed, your mom nodded and went away. 

Luckily he found you at a secluded area a bit far away from the fair, you cried into your hands as you sat underneath a tree. “Y/N you worried me.” he sighed as he pulled you up making you stand. 

“I-I am sorry” you sniffled, “I shouldn’t have done that” 

Sunghoon pulled you in his embrace, his hand caressing the back of your head, “You don’t have to apologise” he assured you, “but you have to tell me what is making you cry.” 

 “It’s you” you looked up into his eyes, “I am afraid to let you go.” He knew what you were talking about and he didn’t know how to respond either cause deep down even he was afraid of letting you go. 

“I wish I could be a part of your life,” tears flowing through your eyes, “B-but a person like you isn’t meant to stay in my small w-world” you stuttered. 

He caressed your cheek, “Oh shut up y/n” a tear coming out of his eye, “your world is bigger than mine will ever be, if it wasn’t for you maybe I wouldn’t have learned how to feel happy about my life” he murmured. 

“Even I am scared of letting you go, it is inevitable” he confessed “I want to enjoy what we have right now, I know fate will bring us back one day and we would never have to let go of each other.” 

You smashed your lips against his, pulling him by his shirt. It was slow but intense, something you wished you had done sooner. “I love you” your voice barely above a whisper. 

He smiled hearing those words, “I love you too” he replied back.

You lifted his shirt up, pushed him on the grass as you straddled his lap. Coming closer to his face you kissed him tenderly, your hands tracing the lines of his chiseled abs. 

He tugged on your dress revealing your bra, he unclasped it from behind and laid the bra beside him while his other hand immediately started fondling your breasts. 

He grabbed you by the waist, as he got up with you on his lap. He broke the kiss to nibble and suck on your perfect breasts as he fondled your ass. You moaned from the contact slightly tugging his hair, grinding your hips onto his crotch arching your back. It was electric.

“You don’t know how long I waited for this,” he said as he catched his breath, he kissed every part of your exposed skin, rough enough to leave marks but soft enough to not hurt you. 

He gently laid you down as he got on top, like you were a soft fragile doll. He bunched up your dress in his hand revealing your cotton panties, he pulled them to the side revealing your pussy inserting one of his fingers inside you letting you adjust, he started simultaneously licking your clit. You arched your back at the overwhelming amount of pleasure, slightly tugging on his hair. 

“Ahh Sunghoon I am about to come,” upon hearing that he took his finger out and slowly inserted the head of his penis, letting you adjust to his length. “So tight for me,” he rocked his hips, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body. Sunghoon kissed you roughly as he grabbed your hips. 

You both reached your high, Sunghoon pulled out in time jerking himself off for release. He released the seed in your mouth, you got up and kissed him, letting him taste himself. 

You loved every single moment of this, you collapsed on Sunghoon trying to catch your breath, he caressed your back, “you did so well” he whispered. 

“Let’s go, Mijoo and mom are waiting for us.” you whispered, pecking him on his lips.

The day had come when Sunghoon had to leave Andong and go back to Seoul, the day started like any other day but this time, you woke up next to an empty mattress with a letter placed above the sheets. 

You opened the letter and it read as follows;

“Dear Y/N

I know I am an asshole for not telling you beforehand about me leaving, you can hate me all you want for doing that. 

But the truth is I myself couldn't face the fact I will have to leave soon, leave you behind and the memories we created. 

Thank you for teaching me how to live, teaching me to find happiness in what I do, to see the beauty in everything even in pain. I am who I am today because of you. 

You deserve everything in this world, I don't know how I could ever repay you, I will always wish the best for you and that wherever you are in life you will be happy. 

Yours Sunghoon”

A tear fell from your eyes after reading that, you clutched the piece of paper to your chest, not being able to comprehend that Sunghoon left. But you knew it was for the best, you wanted the best for Sunghoon even if it meant not being in his life. 

The bus ride to Seoul was a slow one, in his mind he kept replaying the moments he had with you, it made him sad that he wasn't going to be able to make anymore memories but he was happy that he learnt a lot from you and couldn't wait to be his new self in front of everyone.

Before he left for the bus ride he went to a printing shop and got all the pictures he took of you on the day of the fair printed. He put the one with you and Mijoo inside the pocket of his wallet, whenever he would feel down he would remember to open his wallet reminding him of the time he spent with you.

The Enhypen members were waiting for him at the bus stop. Jake even made a welcome home post for him, the moment he got down from the bus all the members came up to him and hugged him. 

“Hoonie we missed you so much” Sunoo murmured not letting go of the hug, “I missed you all too” he replied back. He was happy to be back again in Enhypen. 

All the guys were getting ready for their new comeback, all of them were excited to be able to finally release music after the long break, especially Sunghoon, he had written a song Hundred Broken Hearts which was going to be on the tracklist of the new album. It was a song inspired by you.

The comeback came and it was in a long time Sunghoon actually felt happy while performing, he gave it all for this comeback, music videos, promotions and even live performances he gave it all. Their fans were incredibly happy seeing this newfound Sunghoon. 

You and Mijoo saw all their live performances and reality shows on TV, even dancing to it. You were proud of Sunghoon, it was your first comeback with them as their fan and definitely not your last. 

“Hyung…I am going to take 10,000 won from your wallet”, Niki announced to Sunghoon “hmm, make sure you return it.” Sunghoon told Niki. 

He opened the wallet and the first thing he saw was a picture of a girl holding a toddler he didn't know about. He quietly took a photo of the photo on his phone, took the 10,000 won and went away. 

“Look what I found in Sunghoon hyung's wallet” he showed the picture to the rest of the members. It was a picture of you and Mijoo at the village fair.

“He probably met her in Andong,” Jake said. 

“S-Sunghoon is a dad??” Niki shouted slightly flabbergasted.

“Is this the girl who was the inspiration behind Hundred Broken Hearts?” Jungwon asked

Hundreds of questions arose in the members mind about who this girl could be. 

“That's Y/N” Sunoo said, “She's an electrician in Andong, lovely girl. My parents love her.” 

“I have a feeling Sunghoon is in love with her,” Jay said. 

“We should invite her to our next concert, surprise Sunghoon with her presence.” Heeseung suggested. Everyone nodded their heads, they thought it was a really good idea. 

Sunoo called your mom telling her about the concert, she was delighted to hear about it and promised to bring you that day.

“Ahh I can't wait to go to Seoul” Mijoo shouted, this was her first time going to the city, “Me too” you agreed, your mom told you guys were going to Seoul to meet one of your cousins ever since then you and Mijoo have been excited all week. 

It was the first day in Seoul, it was evening when you reached the hotel but your mom had instructed you to get ready, “Mom, why did you bring me to the stadium?” 

You were extremely confused, you had Mijoo in your arms, it was pretty crowded too and didn't know exactly what was going to happen. “Just wait and enjoy the show” your mom patted your shoulder. 

Suddenly all the lights were directed to the stage and there was the entry of the 7 dudes you had been fawning over for the past month. 

“Seoul let's get this show started” Sunghoon shouted on the mic, the show was filled with pure energy, no member was lacking but you were the happiest seeing Sunghoon, he was dancing with the same amount of happiness like he was the first time dancing with Mijoo. The performances gripped everyone's attention from the start to finish.

Then came the encore, they sang Hundred Broken Hearts under the spotlight, the song felt different, maybe cause you could see Sunghoon wasn't just singing the lyrics he was also portraying the emotions he was feeling.

The show had ended but your mom closed your eyes as she took your hand and led you somewhere, the same was with Sunghoon. 

“This better not be a prank y'all” Sunghoon said to his members as they closed his eyes with a blindfold leading him somewhere. 

The moment the blindfolds were removed he found himself standing right in front of you, he believed he was hallucinating maybe from the concert back there but Mijoo yelling “Sunghoon Oppa” from behind made him realise he was in reality. 

“Y/N, you came” his voice slightly shaking, you giggled “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” 

Without wasting a second he pulled you by your waist and hugged you tightly, your hands wrapping around his neck. 

“I thought I lost you forever” his voice was quivering as tears rolled down his face, “you didn’t even say a goodbye” you told him, you didn’t seem angry just fond. 

“I was a coward” he sniffled “but I am not letting go of you ever again,” he kissed the top of your forehead. “Me neither” burying your face in his chest taking in his scent. 

Sunghoon couldn’t have asked for more, even though the idol life kept him busy he made time for you, every break he would visit you in Andong and when you were free you would accompany him and the members to their photoshoots and promotions, even helping the staff with the decorations and all, even the members became fond of you, calling you over to their dorms when they had a problem in their air conditioner, computers and appliances. Sunghoon was happy that he didn’t have to let go of you to go back to his idol life like he thought before. For the first time, he realized-he didn’t have to choose between loving her or the stage. She’d already chosen him.

The End 

[kukkurookkoo]

APPLE CIDER

You and Heeseung were inseparable once—laughing over takeout, sneaking into rooftops, dreaming about futures too big to say out loud. But that was before everything changed. Before he started hanging out with new people, stopped talking to you. He became colder, more distant. Now, forced back into each other’s lives, old feelings resurface through lingering stares, bitter arguments, and late-night tension.

paring: ex childhood bsf!heeseung x fem!reader (college au | angst + smut | ex-friends to lovers..?)

warnings: emotional tension, unresolved past friendship, jealousy, college setting, alcohol use, slow-burn mutual pining, arguments, emotional vulnerability, sexual tension → eventual smut, mentioned Enhypen members, and appearances by Sungchan, Sohee (riize), Karina (aespa), Yunjin (le sserafim) and Jiwoong (zerobaseone)

MDNI. 18+ only — p in v, unprotected sex, oral sex (fem receiving), explicit sexual content, emotionally heavy scenes, little dirty talk, bedroom sex, overstimulation, Heeseung is slightly tipsy when they have sex but gives clear consent, and the complicated intimacy of someone you used to know too well.

wc: 15k

AN: I edited in a rush so v sorry if any mistakes!!! One of my first big project,, hope you like it <3 (reblogs, fb, likes, and comments are appreciated!!!)

You used to know every corner of Heeseung’s world.

The boy who walked you home with headphones shared between you, who’d hum songs with his eyes closed and tell you he felt like he was made to do something bigger. The boy who never let you cry alone, who let you sleep on his shoulder during late-night study sessions and called you his “other half” like it meant something. You and Heeseung used to be inseparable , the kind of friends who shared secrets, inside jokes, and dreams too big for small dorm rooms. He was the constant you counted on, the person who made everything feel lighter even when your schedule was suffocating.

Now he barely even looks at you. You pretend not to care. You never imagined college would feel this empty. Not like this. But now? You didn’t know who he was anymore. It started small , missed texts, canceled plans, excuses that made no sense. Then the silence. You found out through others: Heeseung had joined a those popular kids, started throwing parties, gained a new crowd. The boy you once knew was buried beneath layers of popular kids, expensive cologne, and that reckless behavior.

Your friends—Yunjin, Sungchan, Sohee, and Karina,noticed your quiet frustration.

“Why don’t you just talk to him?” Yunjin asked one afternoon as you sat in the campus cafe, textbooks spread out but untouched. You looked up, biting your lip. “What’s the point?” Sungchan shrugged. “Maybe he misses you, too.” “Or maybe he’s too proud to say it,” Sohee added softly. You wanted to believe them. You wanted to reach out, to tear down the walls between you two. But the fear of rejection and the sting of being forgotten stopped your fingers every time they hovered over your phone.

—————

One evening, you caught a glimpse of him across campus. He was laughing with Jake, Sunghoon, and Jay,the usual crew now,backpacks slung carelessly, his denim jacket hanging off one shoulder. His eyes met yours for a split second. Something flickered there. Regret? Surprise? Or just recognition of a ghost from his past? You turned away quickly, your heart pounding.

The days after were filled with memories you hadn’t touched in months , that time he stayed up with you when you were sick, the late-night walks under flickering street lamps, the way he always knew exactly when you needed a friend. But there was also the sharp pain of abandonment.

At night, you found yourself scrolling through old messages, rereading the goodbyes that never came.

“Maybe,” you whispered into the darkness, “this is the kind of loneliness you only feel when you lose someone who once held your entire world.”

And still, the slow ache of wanting him back lingered beneath every breath. You finally fall asleep after overthinking about the whole situation.

—————

The first time you saw Heeseung after everything was in the library. You were buried in notes for your midterms, the quiet hum of students studying a comfort you hadn’t known you needed. Then, out of the corner of your eye, you caught movement.

Heeseung.

Same hoodie, baseball cap pulled low. He looked around, then sat down at the table across from you , but didn’t say a word. You swallowed hard, heart hammering. Should you say something? Apologize? Ask why? But your throat was dry and the words wouldn’t come.

He kept his gaze fixed on his laptop, pretending you weren’t there. You kept your eyes on your notes, the silence between you thick and loud.

You wanted to scream at him, “Why are you acting like I’m a stranger?”

But you said nothing.

—————

Weeks passed. Each time you crossed paths, it was worse.

In the crowded campus hallways, your eyes locked for a second, then he’d look away. At group lunches with your friends, he would barely nod in greeting, then turn his attention elsewhere. The cold shoulder was unmistakable.

Yunjin saw you retreating into yourself, one day pulling you aside.

“Heeseung’s probably dealing with stuff. Maybe it’s easier for him this way.”

“Or maybe he’s just pretending I don’t exist,” you whispered.

Sohee tried to cheer you up, but you couldn’t shake the ache. Every brush of his gaze felt like a fresh wound.

—————

It was evening, just as the sun dipped below the horizon and the campus lights flickered on, you were walking briskly near the student center, your backpack heavy with textbooks and your mind tangled in unfinished assignments. The cold air bit at your cheeks, making you pull your jacket tighter around yourself as you hurried to get home.

Suddenly, you collided with someone.

“Sorry,” you muttered quickly, your eyes instinctively dropping to the ground.

The person you bumped into stiffened immediately. You barely had a moment to register the tense energy radiating from him before a voice, low and clipped, sliced through the quiet air:

“Watch where you’re going.”

You flinched, not from fear exactly, but from the sharpness of his tone. It wasn’t the Heeseung you once knew,the warm, easy smile, the teasing lilt in his voice. This was something colder. Harder. His jaw was tight, his entire body rigid, like he was holding back a storm just beneath the surface.

Your cheeks flushed with heat,not just from the cold, but from the unexpected confrontation. You swallowed, trying to steady your breath, but your heart was already pounding, loud enough to drown out the faint murmur of passing students.

You didn’t dare meet his eyes. Instead, you focused on the rough weave of your jacket, your fingers twisting the strap of your bag nervously.

Then, just as suddenly as the harshness came, his expression shifted,softened,for a flicker of a moment.

You caught it: a flash of something raw and unguarded. Regret? Longing? Pain? It was there, lurking behind his eyes before he blinked and hardened his gaze once more.

He took a step back, like pulling away from a flame too close to touch.

Without another word, he turned and walked away. The sound of his footsteps echoed against the pavement, leaving a hollow ache in the space where he had been.

You remained rooted, caught in the swirl of conflicting emotions,confusion, sadness, and a strange pull you couldn’t explain.

For a heartbeat, you thought about calling after him, reaching out and breaking the wall between you.

But something stopped you,maybe pride, maybe fear, maybe the weight of all the unsaid words between you.

Instead, you exhaled slowly, your breath visible in the cold air, and forced yourself to keep moving forward, even as your heart dragged behind you.

—————

You hadn’t even meant to go to the campus café that afternoon,just wanted to grab a tea and find a quiet corner to finish your essay. You weren’t expecting anyone to be there. Especially not him.

But the moment you pushed open the door, the warmth of the café hit you… and so did the sight of Lee Heeseung.

He was there,sitting at the far window, one leg crossed over the other, headphones around his neck, lazily flipping through a notebook. His dark hoodie hung loose over his frame, a water bottle tucked into the crook of his elbow. He looked tired. Sharp. Untouchable.

And completely unaware of your presence. At least at first.

You froze halfway through the entrance, your fingers tightening around your phone. You thought about turning around, pretending you never walked in. But your name was already being called for pickup, and your pride had always been a little too loud.

So, you stayed.

You moved toward the counter, ignoring the way your stomach twisted in on itself. You could feel the moment he noticed you,the air shifted, like a static charge in the room. You didn’t look at him, but you felt his stare.

Your tea was too hot to sip, but you cradled the cup anyway and took the table near the opposite wall. Far enough to pretend it didn’t matter. Close enough that you could still hear when someone else sat down across from him.

Jake.

Their laughter felt too casual, too loud in the quiet space. Every now and then, you’d catch Heeseung glancing your way,quick, almost guilty flicks of his eyes before turning back to whatever Jake was saying.

You hated how aware you were of him. Of how close he was. Of how he hadn’t said a word.

You opened your laptop, pretending to type, but your mind was miles away.

He’s right there.

And still, he says nothing.

A full twenty minutes passed like that,silent, aching, your fingers idle on the keyboard as your tea slowly lost its warmth.

Then, Jake got up.

Heeseung didn’t.

He stayed seated, gaze fixed out the window now. His fingers drummed lightly on the table. His jaw was clenched, but his posture was relaxed,almost too relaxed, like he was forcing himself not to care.

And then, when you thought the silence might finally break, he stood.

He walked past you.

And he didn’t say anything.

But as he passed, his hand brushed the edge of your table,barely, just enough to knock your pen to the ground.

You reached down to grab it, and when you sat up again, he was gone.

You stared at the empty doorway, your pulse skittering.

Was it an accident?

Or was it the closest he could get to touching you?

—————

You didn’t even hear your name at first.

You were half-listening as Professor Yoon announced project partners at the front of the lecture hall, your head resting on one hand and your other hand idly doodling in the margins of your notes. You weren’t too worried,you usually ended up with Sohee or Sungchan in this class.

You heard your name at the exact same time as his.

You heard your name at the exact same time as his.

“Y/N… and Lee Heeseung.”

You didn’t even react at first. You just blinked, your lips slightly parted in disbelief.

You’d kept your head down all semester. You sat in the third row. You turned in your assignments on time. You weren’t loud, weren’t late. You didn’t ask for much.

So being paired with the one person you were actively trying to emotionally bury?

Cruel.

Across the room, Heeseung didn’t look up either. He just exhaled once, slowly, and leaned back in his chair like he’d been hit with the same cosmic joke.

Professor Shin finished reading off the rest of the partners, completely unaware of the emotional landmine she’d just created.

When class ended, Heeseung didn’t wait. He didn’t walk up to you, didn’t linger. He just brushed past you at the door without a word.

You didn’t know what hurt more,the silence or how normal it looked.

—————

You ignored him for two days.

No text back. No email. Nothing.

You worked around it. You opened the Google Doc and did the intro slides yourself. You picked a topic, formatted it, and outlined talking points. You left it open on purpose, hoping maybe he wouldn’t contribute and the professor would switch you.

But then, at :13 a.m. one night, your phone buzzed.

Lee Heeseung: We should talk about the project.

I’m free tomorrow. Don’t make me chase you.

You stared at the message for a full minute before locking your phone and tossing it across the bed.

You didn’t reply.

—————

The next day, he showed up where he knew he’d find you.

The study hall on the third floor of the humanities building. You always sat at the second table near the window, headphones in but music barely playing.

He didn’t ask permission. Just pulled out the chair across from you and sat down like you hadn’t spent the last several months actively avoiding each other.

You didn’t look up. Didn’t greet him.

He clicked his pen once. “You’re really gonna ghost me on the project?”

You glanced at him. “Didn’t know you cared.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I care about my grade.”

Of course he did.

You went back to typing, forcing your voice to stay level. “Topic’s already picked. Slides are halfway done. You can do the citations.”

He didn’t answer right away.

When you finally looked up again, he was watching you,like he was waiting for something more than a project breakdown.

He looked… tense. Jaw set. Hands folded, but twitching slightly, like he wanted to say something and couldn’t bring himself to do it.

You said nothing. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

He clicked his tongue once. “Fine. Just send me the file.”

“You already have access.”

And just like that, he stood up and left.

Not a thank you. Not even a bye.

You stared at the empty seat across from you for way too long after he was gone.

—————

Three days later, the Google Doc was filled with clean citations, some edits, and… one slide you didn’t write.

You opened it out of curiosity.

It was a mid-section transition slide. Nothing special.

But at the bottom, in a barely-visible font size 8, he’d written:

‘Didn’t know you hated me this much.’

You hovered your cursor over it.

But you did nothing.

You were allowed to hate him. Especially after everything he did.

—————

By week four, the deadline was approaching.

Your professor had sent out a reminder email:

All project presentations must be given in person, together.

No escape. No hiding behind shared Google Docs or sterile email threads.

You had to meet.

You stared at the email for a full ten minutes before opening your texts.

You: Library. Study Room 6. Tomorrow at 6.

Be on time.

Heeseung replied five minutes later.

Heeseung: Alright.

You read it once, then again. No sarcasm. No half-jokes. Just… compliance.

It almost pissed you off more.

—————

The next day, 6:05 p.m.

You were already there when he walked in , seated stiffly at the corner table, laptop open but untouched, your notebook blank save for a half-scribbled title. You weren’t working. You were just waiting. Bracing.

Heeseung entered like he always did. Effortless. Casual. Pulling the sleeves of his hoodie up to his elbows, like this was just any other study session. Like he wasn’t three months late to this conversation.

He didn’t say anything.

No greeting. No glance.

Just dropped his iced coffee onto the table with a dull thud, sank into the seat across from you, and opened his laptop like you were strangers forced into proximity.

Fine.

You didn’t look at him. You didn’t have to. The tension practically breathed on its own between you.

“We should finalize the intro,” you said, voice flat, eyes glued to your screen. “The visuals still need formatting. You can talk during slides four and six. I’ll do the conclusion.”

“Alright,” he said. Quiet. Neutral.

And that was it.

No small talk. No acknowledgment. No shared history.

Just silence.

Not the kind that settles gently. Not the type that means comfort.

This was loaded. Stiff. Thick with everything left unsaid.

The tapping of your keys echoed too loudly. His straw squeaked against the plastic lid every time he took a sip. The ice cracked. You clicked your pen twice,then again,just to keep your fingers moving because your hands had started to shake.

Twenty minutes passed like that.

Then his voice broke through, unprompted.

“You still hate me, huh.”

Your fingers stilled over your keyboard. The cursor blinked at you, waiting. You didn’t respond right away. You didn’t even breathe.

He wasn’t looking at you. Just staring at slide six like it said something profound. Like bullet points could distract him from what he really meant.

You finally blinked, slow and deliberate. “I don’t hate you.”

He turned toward you. Eyes searching. “You act like you do.”

You met his gaze now,unflinching, flat. “You act like I don’t exist,” you said, voice sharp, disbelief creeping in. “But I’m the one who hates you?”

Your throat tightened.

“And even if I did,” you added, “I’d have every right.”

His jaw tensed, but he said nothing.

“No explanation. No closure,” you continued, your tone rising. “You didn’t even have the decency to pretend we were ever close. You just left. Like I was disposable.”

Heeseung flinched,just slightly,but enough. The guilt cracked through for a second.

You slammed your laptop shut and shoved it into your tote. You were done.

At least, you tried to be,until his voice stopped you.

“I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me.”

You turned, eyes blazing, stunned by the audacity.

“That’s such a cop-out,” you snapped. Your voice wasn’t just controlled rage anymore. It was breaking. “You didn’t think, period. You didn’t care. You just disappeared the moment things got good for you,Popularity, new friends, new image, a whole personality swap.”

He stood up now too, his hands shoved into his hoodie pocket, avoiding your stare like it burned. And maybe it did.

He didn’t speak.

You took a step closer, biting the inside of your cheek to keep it together.

“Was I just boring to you?” you demanded. “Compared to parties and getting laid and cheap fucking beer?”

That finally made him look at you. And this time, he didn’t hide the way his face fell.

His eyes,tired in a way that went deeper than sleep,locked onto yours.

“You weren’t boring,” he said softly, like the words were scraped from somewhere buried. “You were the only thing that felt real.”

And it hit you.

Because it was honest. Because it sounded like the truth.

But also,because it was too late.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, gaze dropping to the floor as you whispered, “Then why’d you leave?”

Silence.

He didn’t answer.

He didn’t apologize.

He just stood there,shoulders stiff, lips parted like he might say something.

But he didn’t.

And maybe that was worse than hearing a lie.

The room was quiet again, but not empty.

It was filled with everything that used to be.

And neither of you knew what to do with it.

—————

One Week Later

You didn’t go to class.

Not on Monday. Not on Wednesday. Not even the Thursday lecture you usually never miss.

Your professor had emailed once , a generic check-in , but you ignored it.

You weren’t sick. You weren’t busy.

You were just… stuck.

It had been a week since the project meeting. Since that conversation you hadn’t meant to have. Since Heeseung looked at you like he still felt something, and then left you with nothing.

You told yourself to forget it.

But then came the what-ifs.

What if he meant it?

What if he didn’t?

What if you said too much?

What if you didn’t say enough?

You hadn’t opened your laptop in days. Your notebook was still in your bag. The slides were done , the presentation had already passed. But that wasn’t what haunted you.

It was his voice.

“You were the only thing that felt real.”

It played in your head like a broken record, looping at the worst times. In the shower. While brushing your teeth. When you tried to sleep but couldn’t.

The days started blending. You stopped answering texts. Even Sohee’s relentless “u alive?” messages went ignored.

Until Friday.

There was a loud knock at your dorm door. Then another. Then,

“Y/N. Open the damn door,” Yunjin’s voice came through , sharp, worried. “We know you’re in there.”

You stayed still, curled up under your blanket, hoping they’d leave.

But they didn’t.

Karina’s voice chimed in next. “You haven’t shown up to class all week. You didn’t even reply when Sungchan offered to bring you notes.”

“Are you hurt?” Sohee added. “If you’re dead in there, I’m gonna cry and haunt you.”

Finally, you heard a quiet thud, like someone had sat down against the door.

It was Sungchan. You recognized the sigh.

“We’re not leaving until you talk to us,” he said softly.

You stared at the ceiling. Then at the blank wall. Then, finally, you got up , limbs heavy, stomach hollow , and opened the door.

They all looked up at you like you’d just walked out of a wreckage.

Yunjin’s expression fell first. “You look like shit.”

“Love you too,” you muttered, voice hoarse.

Karina stepped in, pushing past you gently. “Come on. Couch. Now.”

Sohee immediately opened the window blinds to let some light in. Sungchan brought in a tote bag full of snacks and something that smelled like takeout.

You sat on the edge of the couch, arms crossed, trying not to cry for no reason.

They didn’t say anything for a minute. Just… existed there with you.

And then:

“Is this about Heeseung?” Yunjin asked bluntly.

You froze.

Sohee sucked in a breath like he was expecting you to lie.

But you didn’t.

“I thought I was over it,” you whispered.

Karina sank to the floor in front of you. “What happened?”

You told them everything. Quietly. Hesitantly. Word by word, unraveling. The cold silences. The passive-aggressive project work. The way he looked at you that night , like something was still there, buried beneath the frat boy persona and the radio silence.

You told them about the line that broke you.

“You were the only thing that felt real.”

They didn’t interrupt.

Even Sungchan, who usually had something smart to say, just sat there with his hands folded, listening.

“I thought I wanted closure,” you admitted. “But hearing that? It just made it worse. Because now I don’t know what the fuck he wants from me.”

“You shouldn’t have to figure that out alone,” Karina said softly.

Yunjin scoffed. “You shouldn’t have to figure it out at all. He should’ve figured it out before disappearing like an asshole.”

“Did he try to talk to you again?” Sohee asked.

You shook your head.

Then Sungchan finally spoke. “You don’t have to decide anything now. You don’t owe him another minute of your time if you don’t want to.”

“But,” Yunjin added, looking at you closely, “if you do want to… that doesn’t make you weak either.”

Sohee leaned back against your desk chair, arms crossed loosely, expression calm but firm. “Feel however you need to feel. Be pissed, be confused, be fucking numb. But don’t carry it by yourself.”

Karina reached for your hand, squeezing gently. “We’ve got you.”

And just like that, the weight cracked.

Your throat tightened. Your chest clenched like it finally had space to feel all the things you’d been bottling for weeks.

“I’m just so tired,” you whispered, barely holding it together.

“I know,” Sohee murmured. “But you’re not alone.”

They stayed with you the whole night.

They didn’t push. They didn’t tell you to fix anything. They just made space for you to fall apart a little , and reminded you that even when someone walked away without warning, there were still people who stayed.

—————

“Did she present?”

Heeseung’s voice came out more abrupt than he meant.

Jake blinked at him over his laptop. “Huh?”

“For the psych elective. Group presentations were this week, right? Did Y/N go up?”

Jake frowned slightly, setting down his Red Bull. “I think her group presented Tuesday, yeah. Why?”

“I didn’t see her there.”

“Maybe she went on a different day?” Jay offered, but even he sounded unsure. “I haven’t seen her around either.”

Heeseung didn’t answer.

Because he knew.

She wasn’t there Tuesday.

He was.

He didn’t mean to be , he had no reason to walk into that class after their project was done , but something in him had pulled him there anyway. And when he didn’t see her? He told himself it didn’t matter. He told himself she was probably just sick. Or skipped. Or busy. But now, four days later, knowing she still hadn’t shown up…

His stomach turned.

Why did he feel like this even when he thought his life was better without you?

—————

Later that night in Jiwoong’s party was loud since the boys were over.

Louder than usual.

Someone turned up the speakers too high, and there were bodies pressed against each other in every room, red solo cups dotting every surface.

Heeseung was supposed to be drinking.

Supposed to be having fun.

But instead, he was leaning against the hallway wall upstairs, his phone in hand , screen blank.

No texts. No notifications. Nothing from her.

You still hate me, huh?

You were the only thing that felt real.

Her words from that night replayed again and again.

And the way she looked at him , like she didn’t even recognize the person he’d become.

He ran a hand through his hair.

“Bro.”

Sunghoon suddenly appeared next to him, balancing a beer in one hand. “You’ve been standing in the same place for like ten minutes. You good?”

Heeseung glanced at him. “Yeah.”

Sunghoon raised a brow. “You thinking about Y/N?”

Heeseung said nothing.

Which was an answer.

“Dude…” Sunghoon sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “You really messed that one up.”

Heeseung didn’t reply.

Because yeah , he did.

And it was starting to hit him now.

Not just the guilt, but the absence.

The way her silence burned louder than anything she ever said to him.

He couldn’t explain it , why he needed to know if she was okay. Why it bothered him more than anything else lately.

But it did.

He pocketed his phone and pushed off the wall. “I’ll be back.”

Sunghoon blinked. “Where are you,”

“Just,I’ll be back,” he muttered, already heading for the door.

You couldn’t sleep again.

Even with the dorm lights off, the room was too loud with thoughts.

Your pillow was warm, your fingers curled stiffly under the blanket. All you could do was stare at the ceiling and replay everything.

You were supposed to feel lighter after talking to your friends.

But closure wasn’t linear.

And your mind was still stuck on that damn night.

How Heeseung didn’t even apologize. How he looked at you like he wanted to say something and then didn’t.

How he let you walk away , again.

You sighed.

Then suddenly, there was a knock.

Soft.

Careful.

You sat up, confused.

Karina never knocked. Sohee always texted. Yunjin banged like a cop. Sungchan wouldn’t come this late.

You padded to the door, cautious.

And when you opened it ,

Heeseung was standing there.

Hair a little messy. Hoodie sleeves pushed up like always. Eyes unreadable.

You froze.

He didn’t say anything at first. Just looked at you like you weren’t supposed to open the door.

Like maybe he came here without really planning to knock.

You swallowed. “What are you,”

“I heard you haven’t been to class,” he said.

Voice low. Tired.

You stared at him.

“So?” you replied, cold. “You checking attendance now?”

He didn’t flinch.

“I just…”

He looked down, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve.

“I don’t know. I thought you were,”

“What? Falling apart without you?” you snapped. “Sorry to disappoint.”

He looked up, sharp. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?” you asked, stepping out into the hallway now, closing the door behind you. “You show up here like you get to care all of a sudden?”

“I do care.”

“You didn’t. Not when you dropped me. Not when you started acting like a stranger in every room we used to exist in.”

Heeseung looked like he’d been hit.

And for the first time… he didn’t defend himself.

“I didn’t know how to come back from it,” he admitted. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me again.”

“Well, you were right.”

You turned to go back inside, hand on the doorknob.

But he spoke again.

“Then why haven’t you blocked me?”

You paused.

He stepped closer, voice quieter. “If I mean nothing now… why do you still let me stay on your screen?”

You didn’t answer.

You couldn’t.

Because he wasn’t wrong.

And the worst part?

He knew it too.

You stared at him for a long second, the weight of his words choking the space between you.

Then without saying anything, you turned the knob and walked back into your room , leaving the door open behind you.

Heeseung hesitated.

Then stepped in.

The air felt tight immediately. Too many memories crammed into a room that used to be just yours , that used to be off-limits to him. You sat on the edge of your bed, arms crossed, while he hovered awkwardly near the desk chair before finally sitting in it.

“I didn’t come here to fight,” he said.

“Too bad. You earned one,” you replied, bitterly.

He winced , visibly.

“Y/N…”

“No,” you snapped. “You don’t get to say my name like that anymore. Like it still means something to you.”

“It does.”

“Then why did you treat me like nothing?”

The silence was immediate. Thick. Full of all the things he should have said months ago.

“You changed,” you said, voice shaking. “You got into that frat, started partying, drinking, fucking whoever , and suddenly I was just some weird reminder of your pre-popular life. Of the version of you that actually had feelings.”

His jaw tensed. “That’s not,”

“You ignored me, Heeseung. You acted like I was invisible. I sat next to you in class and you didn’t even blink. Like we weren’t each other’s favorite person for two years.”

You stood now, pacing, words pouring out.

“You made me feel crazy for even wondering what I did wrong. Like I just imagined everything we were.”

He stood too. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why?” you shouted.

He finally cracked.

“Because I didn’t know how to be around you without feeling like shit!”

You froze.

He ran a hand down his face, frustrated with himself. “Because I was messing everything up and I knew it. And being around you reminded me of everything I was throwing away. Everything real.”

You looked at him, breath catching.

“I wanted to fit in,” he continued, voice lower now. “I wanted to feel… wanted. And the boys gave me that. The attention, the girls, the parties , it was easy.”

He laughed, but it was hollow. “You weren’t easy. You saw through all of it. You saw me. And that scared the hell out of me.”

You swallowed hard. “So you punished me for it?”

He looked down. “No. I punished myself. But yeah… you got caught in it.”

You stared at him.

This version of Heeseung , stripped down, not the frat boy, not the cocky party king , looked tired. Raw. Like everything he’d been burying was finally surfacing whether he wanted it to or not.

But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I needed you,” you said quietly. “And you disappeared.”

“I know.”

“That project was the first time I’d heard your voice in three months. And you were still cold.”

“I didn’t know how to stop being that version of me.”

“Then why are you here now?” you asked.

He finally looked up.

“Because I kept waiting for this feeling to go away,” he said. “The guilt. The regret. You. I thought if I ignored it long enough, it’d die out. But it didn’t. It got louder. Every time I walked into a room and didn’t see you. Every time I laughed at a party and thought about how you would’ve rolled your eyes at it. Every time I saw your name in the team group chat and wanted to text you but didn’t have the right to anymore.”

You blinked. And your eyes stung.

He stepped closer.

“But I’m not here to ask for anything,” he added quickly. “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry. For being a coward. For hurting you. For pretending you didn’t matter when you were the only person who ever did.”

The room went still.

Your heart was thudding so loud it felt like it echoed.

You didn’t know if you were ready to believe him. Or forgive him. Or even feel for him again.

But you couldn’t deny this truth:

He was finally standing in front of you.

Not perfect. Not fixed. But real.

You should’ve kicked him out.

Told him to go. To leave you alone. To take his late apology and shove it somewhere far away from the wounds he reopened just by walking through your door.

But instead, you stood there. Silent. Arms wrapped around yourself like they were the only thing holding you together.

And he just watched you.

You hated how his eyes still looked at you like that. Like he remembered every version of you. The soft one. The annoyed one. The one who used to wait up for his texts. The one who used to matter.

“I was angry,” you said suddenly, voice cracking. “I was so fucking angry, Heeseung. Not just at you , at myself. For still hoping. For checking your socials. For reading every caption like it was some hidden message just for me. I hated how even when you were out getting drunk or wrapped around someone else, I still wanted you to text me. To just… come back.”

Heeseung’s face crumpled. A crack in his facade. He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. His throat worked around silence like it physically hurt to hold the words back.

Your voice was shaking now, but you didn’t stop.

“I used to stay up at night wondering what I did wrong. If I was too clingy. Too quiet. Too boring. I reread our texts so many times I started memorizing the punctuation. I thought if I could just figure out when you stopped caring, I could fix it. I could fix me.”

A tear slipped down your cheek, and you brushed it away fast.

But he saw it.

And it shattered him.

“I never stopped caring,” he said hoarsely. “I just didn’t know how to deal with what I felt for you. Everything else was easy to fake. With you… it wasn’t. You made it real.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I know.”

Another tear. Then another. This time you didn’t bother wiping them away. You were exhausted. Tired of being the one who held everything in. Tired of pretending it didn’t destroy you.

“You ruined everything,” you said.

“I know.”

“I don’t even know who I am without resenting you.”

“I know.”

Your breathing was uneven now, like your lungs were collapsing under the weight of it all.

And Heeseung?

He looked like he was barely standing.

He took a step closer, eyes glassy. “I missed you every day.”

“Then why didn’t you act like it?”

“Because I didn’t think I deserved you anymore.”

The silence that followed that was the loudest of all.

You looked at him , really looked at him. His hoodie sleeves were pushed up, the way he always did when he was nervous. His hair was a mess, like he’d been running his hands through it all night. His jaw was clenched tight, but his eyes…

His eyes were pleading.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” he said quietly. “But I want to try. Even if it takes months. Even if you never forgive me. I just want you to know,”

You interrupted him.

“Stop.”

He did.

Your voice was soft now, but strained. “You can’t say that to me and expect it to fix anything. I’m still broken from it. I’m still picking pieces of myself out of the mess you left behind.”

Heeseung’s breath hitched. He blinked fast , and this time, it was his eyes that shimmered.

And for the first time, you saw him cry.

Not the dramatic kind. Not loud. Just quiet, ashamed, wrecked.

He sank back down into the desk chair, covering his mouth with his hand like it could hold him together.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I’m so sorry.”

You stood there , torn between hatred and heartbreak.

You hated him. You missed him. You wanted him to leave. You wanted him to stay.

It wasn’t fair.

He wiped his face, breathing heavy now. “I know I never had the right to ask for anything from you. Not then, not now. But I… I think I was in love with you. And I still am.”

That broke you.

Because somewhere under all the hurt…

You were too.

But it wasn’t that simple.

Not anymore.

You turned away, breathing hard, heart collapsing in on itself. “You should go.”

You didn’t look at him when he got up.

You didn’t look when he paused by the door.

You didn’t look when the silence stretched like a wire about to snap.

But you did hear him whisper one last thing before he left.

“I’ll wait.”

And then the door shut behind him.

You collapsed onto your bed and cried harder than you had in months.

Because even now, with all the pain…

A part of you still wanted to believe him.

—————

Two nights after the argument with Heeseung

You were lying on your side, staring at the uneven shadows cast by your desk lamp, when the knock came.

Three short raps.

You didn’t even say anything , just got up and opened the door. Sungchan stepped in with a bag of snacks and two cans of iced coffee.

He took one look at your face and sighed. “Yeah. You’re not okay.”

You gave him a flat look. “Hi to you too.”

“Sorry,” he said gently, brushing past you. “Hi. I missed you. You look like shit.”

You huffed a weak laugh as you closed the door. “Thanks.”

Sungchan sat on your bed, setting the snacks down and cracking one of the iced coffees open. He held it out to you.

“Drink. Then talk.”

You took it wordlessly and sat beside him, both of you leaning back against the headboard. The cold can was comforting against your palms. The silence sat there for a while , not heavy, not tense. Just quiet.

“I saw him again,” you said finally.

Sungchan didn’t ask who.

He already knew.

You stared at your lap. “He came over. And… things came out.”

“What kind of things?”

“The kind you can’t take back.”

Sungchan didn’t speak for a second, just let you process. Then he said, “Do you still care about him?”

You swallowed. “I wish I didn’t.”

He nodded, eyes on the ceiling. “You know, when you first told me about him last semester… I thought you were overreacting. I thought,he’s a popular boy now, who doesn’t cares, move on. But seeing how much he still affects you… I get it now.”

You looked at him. “What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t think he’s just some guy from your past. And maybe he never was.”

You blinked hard. “That doesn’t mean I want him back.”

“Maybe not,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not still hurt. Or that you don’t miss what you had.”

You stayed quiet.

“I know what it feels like,” he added, voice softer now. “To care about someone who doesn’t show up for you the way they should. You start to think maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you were too boring or too sensitive or not cool enough to keep up. And that shit sticks.”

Your chest tightened. “Why do you get it so well?”

He looked at you then , really looked at you. “Because I’ve been watching you go through it. And I hate that he gets to take up this much space in your heart when he didn’t even fight to stay.”

You turned your face away.

“I just wanted him to try,” you whispered. “Even once. To say something when he started slipping away. To say he doesn’t just miss me, that he needs me. That I mattered.”

Sungchan’s voice dropped, almost like he was scared to say it. “Would you have taken him back?”

You paused. “Back from where? We were never even anything. Just… friends who felt like something more.”

“Sometimes those are the hardest to lose.”

You nodded, your throat too tight to speak.

He didn’t push. Just leaned in and pressed his shoulder against yours, grounding you.

“I’m here,” he murmured. “If you want to talk, cry, scream, or just lie here all night. I’m here.”

You blinked away tears. “Thanks, Chan.”

He smiled a little. “Of course.”

Sungchan stayed with you the whole night, even slept on the floor.

—————

The next day you decide to go to your classes.

You weren’t planning to run into Jay.

He’d always been the most level-headed of Heeseung’s friends, even back when you used to hang around with them, back when things were easy. He wasn’t the type to get involved in drama, but when he spotted you walking out of the student center, earbuds in and head down, he didn’t let you pass.

“Hey.”

You paused, halfway down the stairs. He looked like he was debating whether to even say anything.

“Have you talked to him?” he asked.

You blinked. “Talked to who?”

Jay gave you a look. “Don’t make me say it.”

You adjusted the strap on your bag, keeping your voice cool. “Why would I?”

He studied you. “Because he’s not doing great. I know that doesn’t fix anything, but… I thought you should know.”

You didn’t say anything.

Jay sighed. “Look, I’m not taking sides. But whatever happened between you two,it’s killing him.”

You laughed, but it wasn’t funny. “He left me first. I’m just returning the favor.”

Jay nodded slowly. “Fair. But… you’re not okay either.”

You didn’t respond, because you couldn’t lie.

Because it was true.

That evening you sat at your desk, staring at your laptop, trying to edit the last few slides of your assignment. But the words wouldn’t register. You’d reread the same sentence four times and still couldn’t focus.

Jay’s voice echoed in your head. He’s not doing great.

Why did that still matter to you?

Why did the thought of Heeseung hurting , even after what he did , still twist something in your chest?

Your fingers hovered over your keyboard.

You opened your phone.

You stared at his name.

Lee Heeseung.

Still saved in your contacts. Still there.

You didn’t text him.

But you didn’t delete it either.

—————

Campus Café, 9:47 PM

You were sitting by the window, your laptop glowing in front of you, an untouched croissant on the plate beside your drink.

Sungchan sat across from you. Leaning back, smiling softly. He looked at you like he always did , calm, patient, like he was listening to everything you weren’t saying out loud.

It was peaceful.

Until Heeseung walked in.

He wasn’t looking for you. He didn’t expect you. He was just there to grab a late-night coffee before locking himself in the library. But when his eyes landed on your face, his whole body went still.

He didn’t move. Didn’t order. Just stood there for a second too long, frozen like time had reached out and grabbed him by the throat.

And maybe he could’ve looked away.

Maybe he could’ve pretended he didn’t care.

But then you laughed.

It wasn’t even loud , just a soft little breath that slipped out when Sungchan made some dumb joke.

But it shattered him.

Because he hadn’t heard that laugh in months.

Because that used to be his.

And you weren’t crying anymore.

You weren’t looking for him in crowded lecture halls.

You weren’t even sparing him a glance.

You were moving on.

And it hit him harder than any fight, any scream, any goodbye ever could.

He left before you noticed.

Didn’t even get his coffee.

And before he knew it he was at his dorm, Jake wasn’t back, he was still in class.

Heeseung slammed the door shut harder than he meant to.

The sound echoed off the walls, but he didn’t care. His hands were still shaking , not from anger, but from something uglier.

Jealousy.

Loss.

The ache of watching you smile at someone else like he’d never existed.

He threw his backpack onto the floor, kicked his sneakers off with barely a thought, and collapsed into his desk chair. The room was dark except for the desk lamp’s soft orange glow. His laptop was still open on a half-finished lecture slide, the cursor blinking, waiting for input. Like everything else in his life.

He ignored it.

His head fell into his hands.

All he could see was you , the curve of your lips when you laughed, the way your eyes sparkled, the casual brush of your arm against Sungchan’s. It wasn’t even romantic. It didn’t need to be.

It destroyed him anyway.

Because you never smiled like that around him anymore.

Because the only time you looked at Heeseung was when your eyes were sharp and guarded, like you were trying not to flinch.

And that hurt more than yelling. More than anything.

He pressed his palms into his eyes. Hard.

But the thoughts wouldn’t stop.

You’d been skipping class. You looked tired, thinner. And for days he convinced himself it wasn’t his business anymore. But it was. It always would be.

He could feel it , in the hollow pit in his chest, in the gnawing guilt every time your name came up in a conversation and he had to pretend he didn’t care.

And tonight?

Tonight broke something in him.

Heeseung stood up suddenly, knocking his chair over. It hit the floor with a thud, echoing across the quiet dorm.

Then he just stood there.

Hands clenched.

Breathing uneven.

He wanted to text you. Call you. Bang on your door and say something. Anything.

But he didn’t even know who he was to you anymore.

Not a friend. Not someone you trusted. Not someone you needed.

He leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor.

He didn’t cry.

Didn’t scream.

Didn’t move.

He just sat there.

Still.

Like his body was there, but everything else had checked out.

Because what was left to say?

He’d spent months pretending it didn’t matter. Pretending you didn’t matter.

Now you were right there , smiling at someone else, looking okay without him , and suddenly, it all hit him at once.

The way your eyes used to light up around him.

The way they don’t anymore.

And worst of all , the way you looked happier without him in the picture.

That was what gutted him.

Not the jealousy. Not the guilt.

The fact that you seemed fine.

And he wasn’t.

So he sat there, back to the wall, legs stretched out on the cold floor, staring at the ceiling like it held answers.

It didn’t.

His mouth was dry. His heart was loud. He didn’t reach for his phone. Didn’t try to fix it.

Because deep down, he knew,

There’s only so many times you can rip something apart before it stops being something you can put back together.

Because he couldn’t fix what he broke.

And the worst part was, he wasn’t sure if you’d ever let him try.

—————

The next day at Jay’s place, the boy started to notice how off Heeseung was.

“Okay, what the hell is up with him?” Jay asked, finally breaking the silence.

Heeseung was slumped on the couch, hoodie over his head, scrolling on his phone with the screen dimmed like he wasn’t even reading it. His knee bounced. His eyes were red-rimmed, not quite bloodshot, but tired , like sleep had been something he stopped trying to chase.

Jake looked up from his spot at the kitchen counter, raising an eyebrow. “You mean more than usual?”

“No, seriously,” Sunghoon chimed in, tossing a ping pong ball at the table and missing completely. “He’s been acting weird all week. Didn’t come out Thursday, skipped beer pong last night, didn’t even say anything when those girls from the club showed up.”

“That’s when I knew it was serious,” Jay muttered.

Jake leaned over the island, arms crossed. “Heeseung. Bro.”

No response.

Heeseung kept staring at his phone like it held the answer to a question he was too afraid to ask. A screen full of untouched texts and empty drafts. His thumb hovered over your name , the chat thread still stuck on a dumb meme from months ago.

“Earth to Heeseung?” Jake said louder this time, walking over. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Heeseung muttered, dragging his hood further down. “Just tired.”

Jay frowned. “You’ve been ‘just tired’ for a week. That girl from your econ class literally offered to walk you home the other night and you didn’t even blink.”

Sunghoon’s voice lowered a bit. “Is this about her?”

The silence was all the answer they needed.

Jake sat down next to him with a sigh. “So… something happened?”

Heeseung didn’t answer at first. Just let his phone drop onto the couch next to him. He stared straight ahead at the TV, which wasn’t even on.

“She was with Sungchan.”

Jay leaned back, eyes narrowing. “Like, with Sungchan? Or just walking with him?”Heeseung gave a humorless laugh. “Doesn’t matter. She looked happy.”

Jake’s brow furrowed. “Okay, but that’s not new. You’ve been acting like she doesn’t exist for months. What did you expect?”

“I didn’t expect it to hurt this much,” Heeseung snapped, then immediately looked away. His voice was too raw, too loud , too unlike him.

The room fell silent. Sunghoon sat down on the arm of the couch, finally serious. “Do you still like her, as a friend or more?” Heeseung didn’t move. Didn’t answer.

Jay spoke up after a long pause. “You never told us what happened. One day you two were always together. Then suddenly you were throwing parties every weekend and ignoring her like she didn’t exist. And you expected that to not backfire?”

Heeseung’s jaw clenched. Jake glanced at him sideways. “You could just talk to her.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because she looked at me like I was a stranger,” Heeseung said quietly. “Like I was someone she was trying to forget.” They all fell quiet again.

Sunghoon finally muttered, “Then maybe stop giving her reasons to.” Heeseung didn’t respond. He just sat there, unmoving. Unwell. Like someone who realized too late that the silence he built to protect himself had become the very thing keeping him away from the only person he wanted to hear from.

“That’s enough, bar night?” Jake asked

“Hell yeah, and yes your going Heeseung” Sunghoon said, looking at him.

They made sure Heeseung got dressed and went with them

Fast forward

“Heeseung, slow down,”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re really not.”

Jake glanced at Jay, who just shook his head in frustration, then at the empty glass Heeseung had just slammed down. It was his fifth drink. Maybe sixth. He’d stopped keeping count after shot number three. His words were slurred now, hoodie pushed off, hair a mess, and that cocky play-boy grin he usually wore like a shield?

Gone.

��You didn’t even eat dinner, dude,” Sunghoon muttered, steadying him when Heeseung nearly tripped getting off the bar stool. “You’re gonna throw up.”

“Good,” Heeseung laughed bitterly. “Maybe I’ll feel something other than”

He stopped himself. Head tilting up, eyes fluttering closed like he was trying to stop the room from spinning. But his voice dropped, quiet and hoarse.

“She was smiling with him.”

Jay stared. “Dude.”

“She never smiled like that with me. Not lately.”

Jake sighed. “That’s because you ghosted her. For months.”

“I know that,” Heeseung snapped, louder now, nearly stumbling backward as he turned to pace. “I know I’m the asshole. I know I fucked it all up. You don’t have to keep reminding me.”

“We’re trying to stop you from drinking yourself into a coma, idiot.”

But Heeseung wasn’t listening anymore. He was somewhere else. Somewhere in the past , maybe in your dorm, maybe that project meeting, maybe back in the hallway that day when he bumped into you.

He leaned against the bar, eyes glassy, voice barely a whisper.

“I still care.”

And that’s when Jake looked at Jay.

Jay was already pulling out his phone.

“Don’t,” Heeseung muttered. “Don’t call her. Don’t drag her into this.”

But the moment Jake saw your name in Jay’s contacts, his fingers were already moving.

Because Heeseung was too far gone.

And you were the only person he’d ever softened for.

1:30 AM

Your phone lit up just as you were about to crawl into bed.

Jay <3: hey… this is random but can u come get heeseung? he’s way too drunk and keeps talking abt u and we don’t think he’s okay.

You stared at the message, heart dropping. Then it buzzed again.

Jay <3: do us this favor, just once. I’ll buy you matcha tomorrow.

And for some reason , despite the ache, despite everything , you got up.

Pulling on your sweater, grabbing your bag and heading out.

1:47 AM

When you got there, it was worse than you expected.

Heeseung was sitting on the curb, hoodie back on but unzipped, sleeves not pushed up this time. His head was tilted back toward the sky like he was trying to ground himself in something real. Jake stood beside him, arms crossed. Jay was nervously checking his phone, and Sunghoon visibly relaxed the second he saw you.

“Thank god,” Jay muttered. “He won’t even let us call an Uber.”

Your gaze flicked to Heeseung.

He looked… empty.

And when his eyes met yours, something inside him shifted.

He straightened, but swayed a little. “You came.”

You didn’t say anything.

“You shouldn’t have.”

“Then why did you keep saying my name?”

He looked at you like he didn’t have the energy to lie. His voice cracked. “Because you’re the only one who ever gave a shit.”

You closed your eyes for a second, trying not to flinch.

Jake hands you his phone “He needs someone he trusts. That’s you.”

“Sure whatever, I don’t.” you murmured.

“Maybe not,” Jake said quietly. “But he still wants to try.”

You crouched in front of him, slow and cautious. “Can you stand?”

Heeseung nodded, but when he tried to get up, he faltered , and instinctively, your hands reached out to steady him.

He didn’t let go.

You and Heeseung grab a uber that the boys called after you came to get Heeseung.

Heeseung slumped against the backseat window, quiet.

You sat on the other end of the seat, arms folded tight across your chest, as far from him as the small space would allow. Your bag was in your lap, phone gripped so tightly it ached. You weren’t looking at him. You refused to.

But you could feel him.

The tension. The weight of everything that hadn’t been said.

He didn’t speak either , not until the car turned onto campus roads.

“…Sorry.”

Your eyes flicked toward him.

He wasn’t looking at you. Just out the window, lashes casting shadows on his cheekbones. His jaw was tight.

“I didn’t want them to call you.”

“You didn’t stop them either.”

Silence.

Then, quieter , “I didn’t want anyone else.”

You turned away. Jaw clenched. Because it hurt. It hurt so fucking much, and you didn’t know how many more times you could hear things like that without unraveling.

1:57 AM

The hallway was dim when you reached your door. Heeseung stumbled once, and you caught his arm without thinking , quick, steady. He looked down at where your hand wrapped around his hoodie sleeve, but said nothing.

You let him in first.

The second the door shut behind you, the air shifted.

Your dorm smelled like vanilla and laundry detergent. Soft light spilled from the lamp on your desk. Your laptop was still open, your textbook still flipped to the same page you’d been rereading all week and not absorbing.

Heeseung stood awkwardly in the middle of your room, blinking.

It was the closest he’d been to you in months. Really been to you. Not across a table. Not passing by. Not hiding behind everything he turned into to forget who he used to be.

“You can sit,” you muttered, setting your bag down and kicking off your shoes. You walked to your closet, pulled out an old blanket, then tossed it on the edge of the bed without looking at him. “You’re not sleeping here, just staying until you’re sober enough to walk back. Got it?”

He nodded slowly, eyes never leaving your face.

But the second he sat on the floor , back against your bed, long legs stretched out in front of him , something in you stuttered. Because he looked tired. Not just physically. But drained. Cracked open and hollow.

And you hated it.

You hated how even now, after all the silence, you still felt him.

1:08 AM

Neither of you spoke.

You pretended to scroll through your phone. You weren’t.

Heeseung let his head fall back against the edge of your mattress. His hoodie had slipped off one shoulder. His eyes were closed. For a second, you thought maybe he’d fallen asleep.

Then,

“You stopped wearing your bracelet I gave you.”

You froze.

It was barely above a whisper, but you heard it clear as day.

You turned your chair slightly. “Why are you looking?”

“I never stopped.”

Your heart cracked down the middle.

You stood up fast , too fast , walking over to grab a glass of water from your nightstand, pretending like you didn’t hear him. Like the way he said it hadn’t lodged itself in your ribs.

When you turned back, his eyes were open.

And he looked at you like he was seeing something sacred. Something distant and aching and untouchable.

“I kept everything you gave me,” he said. “Even if I didn’t deserve to.”

You didn’t speak.

You just handed him the water and sat back down , this time closer.

But not close enough.

The water glass sat untouched in his hands. Heeseung stared at it for a while like he forgot why you gave it to him in the first place.

You were sitting on the edge of your bed now, legs down and crossed and so did Heeseung.

Neither of you had spoken in a few minutes. But for once, the silence didn’t ache.

It just… settled.

Gentle. Unsteady.

You glanced over.

He was looking at you again , not like earlier, not drunk and sloppy , but with something fragile behind his eyes. Like he didn’t want to blink and risk losing this.

And maybe that was what finally cracked something open in you.

Because you spoke first.

“You looked sad when they brought you to me.”

Heeseung’s gaze flickered toward you, guarded at first , like he wasn’t sure if you were trying to start something. But you weren’t.

You were just… honest.

“You weren’t stumbling or wild like they said. You just looked… empty.”

He stared at his hands. The silence between you stretched until it started to ache.

Then he spoke, voice low and unsteady.

“I didn’t want to be there.”

Your lips parted slightly, unsure what to say. But his next words came quicker.

“I kept thinking about what you said that night.” His jaw tightened. “About how I left. How I made you feel.”

He finally looked at you.

“And I guess it hit me. What I did… what I lost.”

Your chest ached.

Because this was the version of him you hadn’t seen in so long , the one who let his guard down, even if it hurt.

Your heart stuttered in your chest.

Heeseung looked like he hated himself for saying all of it. Like the words had scraped their way out of him, raw and unpolished. And maybe that’s what made them feel real.

You swallowed, shifting slightly on the edge of your bed. “You didn’t just lose me, Heeseung. You pushed me away.”

“I know.”

“And it wasn’t just one moment. It was every time you ignored me. Every time you looked through me like I didn’t matter anymore.”

“I know,” he said again, quieter now. “I was… trying not to feel anything. It was easier.”

“Was it?”

He didn’t answer.

Because you both knew it wasn’t.

You exhaled shakily and looked away, but then , he moved.

Not dramatically, not suddenly. Just close enough to sit beside you, knees brushing. His head hung low between his shoulders, like he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes again.

But when he finally did, it was devastating.

“You were the only person I ever felt safe around,” he said, voice fraying at the edges. “And I still fucked it up.”

You blinked hard, throat thick. “You did.”

And that honesty,made his jaw clench. But he didn’t run from it. He just nodded once, like he was bracing himself.

Silence followed. But it wasn’t cold anymore.

It felt fragile.

Tentative.

His knee brushed yours again. Neither of you pulled away.

“I don’t know if you’ll ever trust me again,” he murmured, eyes tracing the curve of your jaw like it hurt to look. “But I never stopped thinking about you. Not for one second.”

You turned to him slowly. Your face was unreadable. Quiet.

Then, barely above a whisper:

“Then why did you let me go?”

Heeseung’s lips parted, but no words came out.

He looked like he wanted to give you an answer , a real one. Something that would finally make sense of all the silence and distance and bruised pride. But he couldn’t.

Instead, he leaned in.

Cautiously. Gently. Like he didn’t deserve to want this.

And you could’ve pulled away. You could’ve stopped him.

But you didn’t.

His lips met yours , soft, tentative, as if he was asking a question with the way he kissed you.

You kissed him back , slowly, with the ache of everything unsaid still burning in your chest.

It wasn’t a make-up kiss.

It wasn’t forgiveness.

It was grief. Confession. Years of wanting tangled in apology.

When you finally pulled away, your foreheads stayed pressed together, breaths shallow and uneven.

No words.

Not yet.

Just the heavy, quiet knowledge that something had shifted.

Maybe not enough to fix things.

But enough to crack something open.

You didn’t know who moved first.

Maybe it was you. Maybe it was him. Maybe it didn’t matter.

Because the second your lips met again, it was different.

No longer careful. No longer tentative.

Heeseung kissed you like he’d been holding his breath for months and finally exhaled. His hands found your waist, warm and trembling, and yours tangled in the hem of his hoodie, curling in the fabric like you needed something to hold on to.

The kiss deepened.

You felt it in your chest. In your fingertips. In the soft sound he made when you tugged him closer, like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

You could feel the weight of everything between you , resentment, yearning, hurt , dissolving into the spaces where your mouths met. Where your breaths mixed. Where your bodies pressed just barely too close to be innocent.

Heeseung’s hand slid beneath your shirt, not boldly , just resting on your bare waist like he was grounding himself. His thumb brushed slow, reverent circles against your skin, and you shivered.

“You can tell me to stop,” he whispered against your lips. “I don’t want you to,” you whispered back. And it was true.

Even with everything unspoken. Even with your heart still pieced together with questions. Right now, you wanted this, the ache in his kiss, the way he held you like you were something delicate and holy.

Your back hit the mattress, his weight following but never crushing. He hovered, eyes searching yours.

“You’re sure?” he asked again, voice low, thick with restraint.

You nodded. “I’m sure.”

He kissed you again, slower this time. Softer.

Like he was memorizing every second.

His hands never roamed too far. Just your hips, your ribs, the curve of your jaw , like he was worshiping more than touching.

And when he pulled back just enough to see you again, his voice cracked slightly. “I missed you so much it made me sick.”

Your throat tightened. You reached up to cup his cheek.

“I know.”

Heeseung’s hand cupped your jaw gently, like he couldn’t believe you were letting him this close again. Like he was afraid to break whatever fragile thread held the two of you together.

But your fingers curled in his shirt and you didn’t let go.

Not when his lips traveled to your neck. Not when he whispered your name like a prayer, like he was trying to say sorry without saying it. Not when his hands slipped under your shirt and he paused, looked at you , really looked , like he needed your permission to do anything.

You nodded.

And that was all it took.

Heeseung kissed down your chest, your stomach, slow and reverent like he’d been waiting forever for this. Every touch, every press of his lips was careful , not out of hesitation, but intention. Worship.

When his fingers hooked in the waistband of your shorts, he glanced up again, eyes dark, voice wrecked.

“Still okay?”

Your heart was hammering, breath uneven. “Yeah. Please.”

He kissed the inside of your thigh first, soft and maddening. Then again, closer this time. You gasped when he finally dragged his tongue through your folds, slow and thorough. Your hips twitched, and his hands came up to steady you gently.

“God,” you breathed, already coming undone.

He didn’t rush. Heeseung took his time , learning you, responding to every breath, every stuttered moan. He sucked lightly at your clit and you whimpered, one hand flying to his hair without thinking. He groaned when you tugged, the vibration making your eyes flutter shut.

You felt every flick of his tongue, every gentle curl of his finger when he slid one inside you. Your thighs trembled and he tightened his grip, keeping you right there as your back arched, the pleasure climbing fast and hot through your core.

“Hee,” you gasped, falling apart beneath him.

His cock getting harder just from you moaning.

Your whole body tensed before releasing all at once , breathless, shaking, his name still lingering on your lips. He didn’t pull away until your thighs relaxed, until the aftershocks faded and you slumped back onto the mattress.

He kissed your inner thigh once more. Then your stomach. Then the corner of your mouth as he crawled back up beside you.

You didn’t open your eyes.

Heeseung didn’t stop for long.

Not after the way your body trembled under him. Not after the way your breath hitched every time his mouth found a new spot that made you melt.

His eyes lingered on you as he moved back down, slower this time , like he was savoring the moment. You were still bare and sensitive, your thighs parted willingly, your chest rising and falling in uneven, dizzying rhythm.

“Can I keep going?” he asked, voice low and raspy, lips brushing against your hip.

You nodded, too dazed to speak, but he waited.

“I need to hear it,” he murmured. “Please.”

“Y-Yeah,” you whispered. “Please.”

That was all he needed.

He dipped between your thighs again, his hands splayed warm and steady on your hips, thumbs stroking gentle, grounding circles into your skin. His tongue slid over your folds with more purpose now , firmer, deeper, messier. Like he was making up for lost time. Like he couldn’t get enough.

Your fingers flew back into his hair, your hips arching off the bed. “Oh my god,Heeseung…”

He moaned softly into you, the vibration sparking sharp pleasure up your spine. He sucked on your clit now, slow pulses between licks that made your legs tremble. He pulled back only to kiss you again, messily, then dive in harder.

It was too much. Not enough.

His name spilled from your mouth over and over, broken and breathless, as he slid a finger inside again , then a second. He curled them just right, his tongue working in tandem like he already knew every part of you by heart.

The coil in your belly tightened fast , impossibly fast , and when he added just a little more pressure, you cried out, thighs clenching around his head as another orgasm crashed into you. Your hands were gripping his shoulders now, pulling him closer even as your body trembled with overstimulation.

He didn’t stop right away. He kept licking gently through it, easing you down from the high with soft, languid strokes until your legs finally relaxed and your breathing slowed.

He kissed your inner thigh again. Then again. Then the soft crease of your hip, murmuring something against your skin , a whisper you couldn’t hear but felt all the way in your chest.

When he finally looked back up at you, his lips were wet, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes held something raw.

Something worshipful

Heeseung’s hands were gentle as they slid beneath your shirt again, lingering on your waist like he was anchoring himself to you. His fingers moved in slow, reverent circles, the warmth of his touch sending shivers racing along your skin.

His lips found the curve of your neck, soft and tentative, as if afraid to disturb anything fragile between you.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he whispered, voice thick with something unspoken.

You closed your eyes, tilting your head to give him better access, breath catching where his lips grazed your pulse.

You felt him pause, looking up at you with those intense eyes, searching.

“Is this okay?” he asked, voice husky and quiet

You nodded, unable to trust your voice, heart pounding loud in the stillness.

He smiled , small, almost shy , before he slowly slid your shirt off, inch by inch, letting every movement linger. You felt the cool air against your bare skin, and the contrast made the warmth of his hands even more electrifying.

He hesitated, breath shallow, then leaned down to kiss the soft skin of your chest. His lips were feather-light, sending sparks that made you gasp softly.

He traced lazy patterns on your nibbles with his tongue, every lick slow and deliberate, as if he was memorizing your body.

“H-hee..” you whimper out, moaning everytime he licks your nipple.

Your hands found his hair, fingers weaving in gently, urging him closer without a word.

When he finally looked up, his eyes dark and shimmering with need, you felt exposed and safe all at once.

He kissed you deeply, hands pressing into your hips, holding you steady as he lowered himself between your legs.

His tongue found your sensitive folds for the third time, moving slow and tender, exploring every inch with a worshipful care that made your knees tremble.

Heeseung’s fingers lingered at your hips, tracing gentle circles as he met your gaze with quiet intensity. His breath was steady but thick with something deeper , need, care, and something unspoken.

He paused, searching your eyes. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, heart pounding hard but steady. “I’m sure.”

With the softest of smiles, he leaned down to kiss you, slow and lingering, as if memorizing the taste of your lips one last time before moving forward.

His hands slid lower, cupping your thighs and spreading them carefully. The air between you thickened with anticipation, every nerve ending alive.

his cock sprang free from his sweats and boxers, hard and leaking, the head flushed red. he hovered over you, eyes dark and hungry, but still searching your face for any doubt.

you shook your head, barely, heart racing. you wanted this. wanted him.

his fingers slid through your folds again, slow and teasing, making sure you were soaked for him. then he lined himself up at your entrance, the tip brushing against you, hot and steady.

“tell me if it hurts,” he whispered, voice low and rough against your ear.

you nodded, breath caught in your throat.

he pushed in slow,inch by inch,careful, gentle, like he was trying to remember the way you took him. the stretch made you whimper, but it felt good, so good. his forehead rested on yours, breath heavy.

you held onto his shoulders, legs trembling as he paused once he was fully inside, letting you adjust.

then he started to move. slow, deep thrusts. not rushed, not rough,just steady and full of tension, like he didn’t want to miss a single second. his hands gripped your hips, grounding himself in you.

h-hee, fuck! i can’t, s’ too much!” you cried out, nails digging into his back as your body trembled under him.

he groaned, eyes locked on yours, filled with heat and something almost tender.

“yes you can, baby,” he murmured, thrusts slow but deep, dragging against your walls just right. “take it like a good girl, yeah?”

his hand slid up your thigh, squeezing gently as he pushed in deeper.

“you’re doing so good for me,” he whispered, voice like a low hum in your ear.

“so fuckin’ perfect like this. taking all of me.”

your back arched when he hit that spot inside you, a gasp ripping out of you.

your fingers curled into the sheets. his hips rolled in again, slower this time, dragging the pleasure out.

“fuck… you’re perfect,” he breathed against your lips, voice thick and shaky.

your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer, and he took the hint,his thrusts got deeper, needier, your name slipping from his lips between moans.

the sound of skin meeting skin filled the room, mixed with soft gasps and breathy whimpers.

your stomach tightened, that familiar heat building fast.

“come for me,” he whispered, lips brushing your neck.

you came hard, body shaking, walls clenching around him as you moaned his name like a prayer. he fucked you through it, slow and sweet, letting you ride it out.

when he came, it was with a deep groan, hips pressing all the way in as he filled you.

“You’re so fucking beautiful like this,” he said softly.

You could only blink at him, still catching your breath, completely undone.

And for the first time in what felt like months, your heart didn’t feel so heavy.

You just whispered, soft and shaky, “You didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to,” he said. His voice cracked. “You don’t get it, do you?”

You blinked at him, still hazy. “Get what?”

Heeseung exhaled hard, brushing a piece of hair out of your face.

“You never stopped being the only one I wanted.”

You weren’t sure how long you lay there , your body still warm and humming, skin flushed and buzzing with the aftershocks. But you felt him before you saw him.

Heeseung was climbing up beside you, wordlessly. The heat of his chest brushed yours as he reached for the blanket at the foot of your bed, pulling it over you both with care. You heard the sound of your laptop shutting closed, the click of your lamp being turned off until only your soft string lights glowed above.

Then he turned back to you. You were wearing his hoodie.

His touch was feather-light as he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “You okay?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded, throat dry. “Yeah.”

His eyes searched yours like he didn’t quite believe it. “Tell me if anything hurts. Or if you feel weird. Or… I don’t know. If you need anything.”

You reached out and touched his wrist , gently. “Heeseung.”

That stopped him.

“I’m okay,” you said again, firmer this time. “I promise.”

He hesitated, then let himself relax. His hand slid into yours and stayed there.

A quiet fell over the room again. Not awkward. Not heavy. Just full.

He lay beside you, eyes tracing your face like he didn’t want to forget anything , like he was afraid this would disappear the moment he blinked.

You turned toward him slowly. “Why did you call me tonight?” Heeseung looked down, his expression softening. “I didn’t mean to. Jake did.” You almost laughed, but the sound died in your chest. He looked back at you. “But I think I would’ve. If they didn’t… I think I would’ve eventually.”

You swallowed. “I didn’t think you’d want me anymore.”

“Y/N.” His voice cracked. “I never stopped wanting you. That was the problem.”

You looked at him now , really looked , and something in your chest ached all over again. He still looked so broken, like guilt and longing were battling behind his eyes.

So you leaned closer.

Your forehead pressed to his.

His breath stuttered.

Neither of you said anything for a while.

His arm slid around your waist, pulling you closer until your chest pressed to his, and he breathed you in like he’d missed the way you felt against him. Like he was terrified he’d wake up and it’d all be gone.

“Stay,” you murmured. Heeseung looked at you, blinking slow. “You want me to?” “Just for tonight,” you whispered. “Don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

He shifted with you until you were tangled together under the covers, your cheek pressed to his chest, his fingers tracing small, idle shapes across your back. And for once , for the first time since things fell apart , it felt like breathing didn’t hurt. You didn’t know what tomorrow would look like. You didn’t know if this was closure or a beginning. But for now, wrapped in his arms and in the quiet warmth of something long-missed, it was enough. He held you like a promise.

And you let him.

—————

The next morning , 7:44 AM

The dorm was quiet, sunlight creeping lazily through the blinds. Heeseung unlocked the door softly, stepping inside like he didn’t want anyone to hear.

Too bad they already had.

“Look who finally came home,” Jay’s voice called from the couch, way too smug for this early. “Was it a walk of shame or…?”

Heeseung blinked, startled. “Why the hell are you all awake?”

“Because unlike you,” Sunghoon chimed in from the kitchen, “some of us didn’t disappear for twelve hours after getting blackout wasted.”

Jake walked out from the hallway, toothbrush still in his mouth. He looked Heeseung up and down, eyes narrowing like he was analyzing a crime scene.

“Same clothes,” Jake mumbled around the toothbrush. “No hoodie. Hair looks like you got mauled. Definitely didn’t sleep here.”

“Not when you’re this obvious,” Jay smirked, arms crossed. “So? What happened?”

Heeseung kicked off his shoes with a grunt and muttered, “Nothing.”

Jake scoffed. “Nothing? You disappear all night, come back wearing the same clothes, but without your hoodie, looking like you’ve been through an emotional car crash, and you want us to believe nothing happened?”

Heeseung avoided their eyes, brushing past them toward the bathroom. “Drop it.”

But Sunghoon leaned against the doorframe, arms folded. “You were with Y/N.”

It wasn’t a question.

Just fact.

Heeseung froze for a beat,just long enough to give himself away.

“I said drop it,” he muttered, voice lower now. Less defensive. More… tired.

Jay exchanged a knowing look with Jake, who tilted his head and said, “So… are we talking closure or something else?”

Heeseung didn’t answer.

Didn’t flinch.

Just closed the bathroom door behind him.

Softly, this time.

There was a long silence outside.

Then Sunghoon exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Damn.”

Jake flopped onto the couch, still staring at the closed door. “Whatever it was… it got to him.”

Jay nodded, more serious now. “He’s been holding that shit in for months.”

Sunghoon laughs. “But he definitely got some pussy”

—————

Heeseung was gone.

You sat up slowly, fingers clutching the blanket still warm with leftover traces of last night. The sleeves of his hoodie hung past your wrists, soft and oversized, carrying the faintest hint of his cologne , mixed with alcohol, familiar, like something you’d spent months trying to forget.

It was warm around you, but not enough to calm the way your chest ached. Heeseung was gone. Your chest tightened. You hadn’t expected him to stay. Not really. But still… some part of you had hoped.

The vulnerability, the confessions, the softness in his voice , it all felt too real to just be temporary. Too raw to be another mistake. You reached for your phone on the nightstand. No texts. No missed calls. Just the time: 10:13 a.m.

You rubbed your eyes and leaned back against the pillows, breath shaky. You rubbed your eyes and leaned back against the pillows, breath shaky. The fabric of his hoodie still clung to your skin, the sleeves long enough to hide your trembling fingers.

It felt too intimate. Too temporary. You forced yourself to move, throwing the blanket off and planting your feet on the cold floor, grounding yourself. You stood, the oversized hoodie slipping down one shoulder as you padded toward the mirror.

Your reflection looked softer than you remembered. Tired eyes, lips still a little swollen, a flush that hadn’t quite faded yet. You swallowed hard and reached for your hairbrush, trying to steady your thoughts as you started getting ready. Your fingers paused as they hovered over the small jewelry dish on your desk. Among the tangled earrings and rings, it sat there… the bracelet.

The one he gave you months ago. Thin, silver, and understated. The clasp is a little loose now, worn from you taking it on and off too many times. But it still gleamed in the morning light, catching on memories you weren’t ready to name.

You picked it up.

Your hands didn’t shake this time. And as you clasped it around your wrist, something settled in your chest. Not closure. Not clarity. But the quiet beginning of something else. And just as the clasp clicked shut around your wrist, your phone lit up with a familiar name.

Heeseung.

You froze. For a second, you just stared at the screen , thumb hovering, heart thudding a little too loud for the morning stillness. It had only been a few hours since he left, but something about him calling now felt heavier. Like the night wasn’t over yet. You swallowed hard and answered, voice softer than you meant.

“Hey.” There was a pause. You could hear his quiet breathing on the other end. Then, finally, “Did I wake you?” he asked, voice low and rough with sleep, like he hadn’t been up long either. You shook your head, forgetting he couldn’t see. “No. I was just… getting ready.” Another pause. A longer one this time.

“I don’t really know why I called,” he admitted, and you could tell he meant it. You didn’t say anything. Because you knew. And maybe he did too. He exhaled like the silence answered for you. “I didn’t wanna go, you know. I just… I didn’t know what to do.”

Your fingers curled around the edge of the desk. “I know,” you said quietly. “Me neither.” The line went quiet again. You could hear Heeseung shift,like he was pacing, or sitting at the edge of his bed, uncertain. Then, softly: “Can I see you?” Your breath caught. He didn’t rush to explain. Didn’t fill the silence with excuses or backpedal like he usually would. He just… waited. Like he needed this, like he was holding onto the thread of whatever last thing the two of you still had.

“When?” you said, barely “Now. Or, whenever you’re free,” he said, almost too quickly. “I just… want to talk. Not about last night. Just… us.” Your eyes flicked down to the bracelet on your wrist. You shouldn’t want this. But you did. “…Okay,” you whispered. “Yeah. Okay.” You hesitated, glancing around your room like it held the answer. Then you brought the phone back to your ear. “…Where do you wanna meet up?”

Heeseung was quiet for a beat. You could hear the low hum of traffic behind him, like he was already outside. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Somewhere not loud. Not crowded.” You nodded slowly, even though he couldn’t see. “The café by the library?” A soft sound of agreement came through the phone. “Yeah. That’s perfect.” you said with a smile even though you can’t see him. “I’ll meet you there in ten.”

“Okay,” he murmured. Then, quieter: “Thank you.” You grabbed your bag, heart thudding louder than your footsteps as you left your dorm. The air was cooler than expected, your fingers curling into your sleeves as you walked. The campus was quieter now, the late afternoon sun stretching shadows across the pavement. Every step toward the café felt heavier , like you were walking straight into something you couldn’t take back.

When you finally pushed the door open, the soft chime above your head barely registered. He was already there. Sitting in the far corner booth, hoodie sleeves rolled up, one hand cradling a paper cup. He looked up when the door opened, eyes catching yours instantly , like he’d been waiting for just that. And for a second, everything around you blurred. Just you and him. You walked over without a word, sliding into the seat across from him.

Heeseung stared for a moment, something flickering in his gaze when he noticed the bracelet on your wrist. “You kept it,” he said, voice low. You looked down at it, then back at him. “Yeah. I did.” The silence that followed was soft. Not cold like before. Just careful. Heeseung exhaled slowly, fingers tightening around his cup.

“There’s a lot I need to say.” You met his eyes. “Then say it.” He swallowed hard, gaze dropping to the table for a moment before he looked back up at you. There was something in his eyes that hadn’t been there in a long time,uncertainty. Not the cocky, careless look he wore around everyone else. Just raw, unfiltered Heeseung. “I don’t even know where to start,” he said quietly. “There’s no excuse for how I acted. For what I became. For how I treated you.” You didn’t speak. Just let him keep going.

“I thought…” He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I thought if I buried everything , the past, you , maybe it’d hurt less. Maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a fucking mess every time I saw you walk into a room.” You looked at him, searching for honesty. “And did it help?”

He let out a humorless laugh, bitter and small. “Not even for a second.” The weight of it settled between you. The silence that followed wasn’t awkward , it was full. Full of what had been unsaid for too long. “I saw you with Sungchan that night,” Heeseung said finally, voice barely above a whisper. “And it hit me harder than I thought it would.” Your brows knit slightly. “Why?”

“Because he looked at you the way I used to.” His voice cracked, just a little. “And you let him. You let him see you. And I realized… I haven’t in a long time.”

You exhaled, fingers tracing the edge of your sleeve. “You left,” you said, voice steadier than you expected. “You let yourself become someone else. And I kept waiting for the version of you I knew to come back, but he never did. So I stopped looking.”

Heeseung looked like you’d just hit him in the chest. He nodded slowly. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you. Not your forgiveness. Not even this conversation. But I needed you to hear it, from me. Not from Jay, not from anyone else.”

You stayed quiet for a long moment. Letting the words linger. Letting them sink in. “You hurt me, you made me feel like I didn’t exist.” “I know,” he whispered. Your throat tightened, but you didn’t cry. Not yet. “So what now?”

Heeseung leaned forward slightly, elbows resting on the table like he needed to be closer to breathe right. His eyes searched yours, desperate and soft all at once.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t expect things to go back to how they were. I don’t even know if they should. But I just… I wanted you to know I never stopped caring. Not really. I just forgot how to show it.”

You looked away, staring out the café window, heart beating too loud in your chest.

And for a long moment, neither of you spoke. The coffee between you went cold.

But his presence didn’t feel like a wound anymore. It felt like a scar that might finally be healing. Heeseung’s eyes lifted slowly at your words, like he wasn’t sure he heard you right. Your voice was softer this time, but steady. “We can try it out.” He blinked. “Try…?”

You nodded, heart thudding in your chest. “This. Us. I’m not saying we pick up where we left off. I don’t even know what that would look like. But I felt something last night,” you breathe before counting… “if you mean what you said, then maybe we don’t have to figure it all out right now. Maybe we just… see where it goes.”

He stared at you like you’d just let sunlight into a room he’d been trapped in for months. And then his lips parted, a quiet breath leaving him like relief and disbelief all at once.

“You mean that?” he asked, voice hoarse.

You offered the smallest smile. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

Heeseung leaned back in his seat, his shoulders dropping for the first time in what felt like forever. He looked at you the way he used to,like you were the only person in the room. Like he could breathe again.

“We can start off as friends again. Then see where it goes.”

“I won’t mess it up this time,” he murmured. “I’ll take it slow. Whatever you need.”

You raised a brow. “Even if I make you wait three business days to reply to your texts?”

He grinned, eyes lighting up with something boyish and real. “I deserve that.”

“I missed you” you said looking at him.

His eyes lit when you said that, “I missed you more than you think, really y/n. I really appreciate you trying this again, we’ll go at your pace.”

You laughed, and something in your chest loosened.

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t everything.

But it was something.

And this time, it felt like a beginning.

© hoon4lia 2025. all rights reserved.

[kukkurookkoo]

ღ infrunami — p.wb

꒰ PAIRING ꒱ park wonbin / fem!reader

꒰ GENRE ꒱ social media au + written | college au | roommates au | friends(frenemies?) to lovers | “everyone can see it but them” | slow burn (like so slow) | fluff | angst | insp. by new girl

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ after unwittingly moving in with three boys who go to the same university as you, you learn to become accustomed to the unpredictable dynamics of living with them, alongside the typical troubles that come with being a college student. out of everything, though, your biggeset conundrum seemed to be figuring out where you stand with park wonbin.

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ profanity, kys/kms jokes, suggestive jokes, alcohol consumption, intentional typos, wonbin and yn bicker like crazy

꒰ OST ꒱ infrunami - steve lacy | bags - clairo | like or like like - miniature tigers | looking out for you - joy again | she won’t go away - faye webster | the boy - the smashing pumpkins

꒰ STATUS ꒱ ongoing! (last aired: 06.12.25)

꒰ TAGLIST ꒱ open! leave an ask or comment to be added :)

꒰ CAST & CREW ꒱ profiles i | profiles ii

꒰ EXTRAS ꒱ behind the scenes | q&a

꒰ EPISODE GUIDE ꒱

01. pilot

02. a win is a win

03. awesome cool bros of apt 7a ✎

04. move-in day

05. yn holmes & anton watson

06. reverse psychology

07. the sticky note wars

08. hear no evil, see no evil

09. nunya business

10. papa’s tteokbokkiria ✎

11. team bonding exercises

12. academic failure thirst trap

13. bento box

14. look both ways

15. sohee’s nap pillow(s) ✎

16. mysterious idgafer

17. #sparksareflying

… and more coming soon!

꒰ TAGLIST ꒱ open! leave an ask or comment to be added :) (strikethrough = can’t be tagged)

@parkwonbinie @yoursyuno @onlyhyunjin @naviiy @eepiestgirl @jvngw0nlvr @i03jae @started-with-f-ends-with-uck @annswwa @secretiny @pxnklover @yipyipmorals @mumeimei @planethyuka @soheendo @film-sea @suzayaaa @molensworld @revehosh @winuvs @wonychu @shoberi @nujeskz @swagpersonthings @byeonwooseokabs @f2e5b1 @gyehyeonist @snowyseungs @pinklemonade34 @fae-renjun @enhacolor @seunghancore @taroddori @kyusqult @babigriin @sngj08 @cupidslovearrows @gacktsa @peterm4rker @seokkiez @dearestjake @renjuneoo @tami1992x @tkooooop @daegale @dalliesque @rckstar1ton @dutifullyannoyingfox @wbyeolz @ikisswonbin @lovewonsall @iknow-yuno @banez @mwrsi @getoxo @the-phantomss @nekobbin @lovenha7 @antosaurius

[kukkurookkoo]

behind the screen 𐙚 sungchan smau

✧ camgirl reader x roommate sungchan

✧ synopsis. in which sungchan discovers his favorite camgirl also happens to be his roommate.

✧ genre. nsfw, mostly smut, fluff, angst. each chapter will contain its own warnings. includes original mc reader, jung sungchan, song eunseok, park wonbin, anton lee, jeon somi, kim chaewon and jake sim.

this is a half written, half social media au. any chapters that are written or contain writing in them will have notices on them. any idols personalities used within this smau are created for purely fictional and do not reflect the idols themselves or my views on the idols. rights are reserved to melobin and i will take action against plagiarism of any kind. no face claim will be used for the reader. thank you @byunejoo for making the banner for me!! the masterlist for the series will be below.

finished.

character introduction

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6 | written. smut.

#7

#8 | half written. half smau. smut.

#9

#10

#11 | half written. half smau.

#12

#13

#14

#15 | half written. half smau. smut

#16

#17

#17.5

#18

#19 | half written. half smau.

#20 | written. smut.

#21 | half written. half smau.

#22

#23

#24

#25 | written. smut.

#26

#27 | written. smut.

#28

#29 | half written. half smau.

#30 | half written. half smau.

#31

#32

#33

#34

#35 | half written. half smau. smut.

#36

#37

[kukkurookkoo]

boy next door | song eunseok smau

ᡣ𐭩 song eunseok x fem!reader.

ᡣ𐭩 synopsis. in which yn keeps texting a random number life updates, that turns out to be the boy next door.

ᡣ𐭩 genre.  smau + mayb written chapters, strangers to friends to lovers!au, fluff, angst?, romance, slow burn kinda. (& bad humor i’m sorry🙂‍↕️)

ᡣ𐭩 features. rest of riize, txt’s beomgyu, le sserafim’s eunchae, illit’s moka & more.

ᡣ𐭩 notes. random pictures will be used to visualise concepts, outfits & photo style for mc. do not hesitate to leave an ask if you have any suggestions!

ᡣ𐭩 status. complete - 300424

ᡣ𐭩 taglist. closed !! @kyusqult @starwonb1n @teddywook @seunghancore @molensworld @ahnneyong @lecheugo @eternalgyu @rksbae @hakkkuu @wonychu @nakam00t @totheseok @ilovechanhee @strawbaemi @miyawakiblossoms @kgyam4 @sseastar-main @rosesfortaro @dodot04lover @daegale @b-riize @seongminloverrr @luvyujun @lipsbyive @bludzk1llzyuzu @keilovr @ksywoo @bambisnc @poollabug @rllymark @jinanangel @bunni @drinktaro @wonbinsvlle @lcvehee @miyawwn @snowyseungs @nujeskz @https-yeonjun @esther-kpopstan @inmybunnyera

ᡣ𐭩 profiles ; dream team | physic ward

ᡣ𐭩 chapters.

01. delivered ??????

02. oops..

03. small world

04. gyu next door

05. oh wait!

06. “free for you”

07. miffy?

— 7.5. new miffy fan bonus

8. eunseok nosy era

9. lover girl

10. phone calls?

11. count your days

12. who hurt you

13. no boyfriend

14. new cafe

15. cupid’s plan written + smau

16. heol²

17. as long as ure happy...

18. hey lovely

19. a coincidence? written + smau

20. blonde seok

21. miffy madness written

22. you knew??

— 22.5. rip song eunseok bonus

23. am i dreaming

24. can't wait

25. misunderstood

26. sucks to suck

27. lovesong?? really??

28. surprise stream

29. just asking written + smau

30. alright? written + smau

31. wrong gc

32. serenade pt.1

33. serenade pt.2

34. pretty written + smau

35. cute or wtv

36. so dramatic

37. never too much bonus

38. makeup tester bonus

39. stole your mans bonus

40. finally home bonus

© ywnzn - 2024 ▸ this smau is merely based on fictional events and is not meant to represent any of the idols mentioned accurately in any way, either it's personality or shipping characters wise.

[kukkurookkoo]

[kukkurookkoo]

jeongseob!!!

[kukkurookkoo]

I LITERALLY SEE YOU EVERYWHERE IN HAIKYUU TAGLISTS

AHAHA this is what happens when you have too much free time

[kukkurookkoo]

yes

(🔐)🖇 ༘ ⋆"How to Date Discreetly"

' ╰┈ "can i go where you go? can we always be this close forever and ever?"

' ' 박성훈 x fem!reader

🎧ྀི 'ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Lover (Taylor Swift)

♫⋆₊˚ ﾟ. 'ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre / tags: idol!sunghoon x idol!reader, ice prince x reckless rookie, secret & established relationship, enemies to lovers (kinda), fluff, smut – MDNI, angst (minor), a pinch of comedy ੈ✩‧₊˚warnings: NSFW WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT ! smut, slight jealousy (m), language, detailed explicit scenes, angst (minor), reader on the pill (birth control), mutual hate that’s just actually horny confusion, mild hate (online), – ugh, theyre so in love, its intoxicating ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎˎˊ˗ smut warnings: unprotected sex (reader doesn't get pregnant, but you might irl, so wrap that shit up), overstimulation, oral (f. receiving), cock riding, rough sex, creampie (lol), praise kink, dirty talk, emotionally charged sex, soft dom hoon, high sex drive hoon ✩‧₊˚ wc: 6003 – 2/2 (mini series) ੈ♡ a/n: this is peak delusion. dont like, dont read. open for constructive critisism but fact checks or logical expected outcome are out of the picture, come on yall, this is fanfiction. this is the last part, y'all, pls enjoyyyy mwuah. be sure to read part 1 ! *^★ playlist: lover (taylor swift), celebrity (iu), they dont know about us (one directon), polaroid love (enhypen)

<to read previous chapter tap the underlined>

you were trembling when they handed you the trophy.

your first win.

lights blinding. fans screaming. camera zooming in.

and just when you thought you couldn’t hold it in anymore—tears starting to fall, your members surrounding you like the sisters they’ve become—

a staff passed you a note.

no name. just: practice room 3b. after stage. alone.

your heart knew before your head could catch up.

so after all the cameras stopped flashing, after the encore ended and you waved goodbye with shaky hands—

you went.

and there he was.

sunghoon, leaned against the mirror, hoodie pulled over his cap, eyes meeting yours like he’d been waiting forever.

you walked in and locked the door.

“you came,” you whispered, not quite believing it.

“of course i did,” he said. “you won.”

“we won,” you whispered, and that’s when he crossed the room and pulled you into a hug so tight your knees nearly gave out.

“i’m so proud of you,” he murmured into your hair. “i watched it live. twice.”

you laughed into his chest. “i tripped during the dance break.”

“and still looked better than me every comeback.”

you grinned. “no one’s ever looked better than you during bite me era.”

“...valid.”

and then you stayed like that, forehead to forehead, laughing softly and just being.

just breathing each other in like the chaos of the world couldn’t find you there.

a week later

the fandom wasn’t ready.

a short collab tiktok. your new dance challenge.

you posted it with your leader.

he posted it with you.

and fans went feral.

“wait. is that sunghoon and y/n???” “don’t play with me—this is a power collab” “why are they so… flirty? HUH???” “they have matching energy idc this is my otp now”

even some idols reposted it with captions like “siblings or dating???” and “get a room but make it cute”

you both just smiled and ignored the chaos.

a few weeks later

the photo spread across stan twitter like wildfire.

a local park. grainy zoom.

a girl in an oversized tee and denim shorts, cap low, platinum-blonde strands peeking out.

a guy in a hoodie and mask, arms swinging beside hers, sneakers kicking up sand as they teased and fake-ran after each other.

laughing.

laughing like they had nothing to hide.

laughing like they forgot the world existed.

“wait is that them—” “sunghoon and y/n in public?!” “no way that’s not them” “i actually think this is kind of sweet???” “you can tell they’ve been in love for a long time”

of course, some fans weren’t having it.

“if it’s true i’m unfollowing” “he should focus on his career” “i don’t support this at all”

but for every hater, there were two fans saying:

“they deserve happiness” “you can tell they make each other so happy it’s insane” “i want a love like this…”

and behind closed doors, in their bubble of stolen glances and whispered phone calls and late-night snack deliveries—

you and sunghoon just smiled.

because maybe the world didn’t know for sure.

but you both did.

and that was enough.

he didn’t even say hi.

not even a “you look beautiful,” or a “i missed you”—though god knows he did. months of schedules, oceans apart, stolen glances through screens that never felt like enough.

but the moment the door shut behind you, he was already moving. one step. two. arms around your waist, lips crashing into yours like he’d been holding his breath this whole time.

your back hit the wall gently, his hands framing your face, breath trembling as if you were something fragile, sacred.

he didn’t rush. didn’t speak. just kissed you like the world had been unbearably quiet without you.

you tasted like home.

and he tasted like longing.

his lips moved with yours, slow but deep. his hands were over your waist, pulling your body close to him.

he moved fast—you didn’t even notice his hands slipping under the fabric of your shirt, touching your bare skin. you gasped, trying to question what was going on, but he just took that moment to slip his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss. your knees buckled, but he was there to hold you. he always was.

sunghoon lifted you like you weighed nothing, your legs wrapping around his waist instantly. he didn’t pull away until he laid you gently on the bed, like you were fragile glass.

his lips trailed to your cheeks, your jawline, then your neck. his hand held your chin, tilting your face to the side, giving him more access to the soft flesh.

slow. steady. nipping, but not enough to leave marks for the world to see. he was careful. he hated hiding you—hated hiding this. but he had to. for both of your sakes. thank god both your schedules lined up this week. this was his only chance. now or never again.

“hoon… i don’t get it… are you alright?” you asked, your voice soft, your body pliant as you let him kiss you like that. melting beneath him.

he didn’t reply right away. instead, he pressed a kiss to your neck, then rested his head on your stomach, settling between your legs.

“i just… missed you.”

you hummed, your fingers brushing through his soft locks. “that’s obvious. i missed you too,” you replied, giggling when he buried his face deeper into your stomach. it was cute. too cute. “tell me the real reason, pengsoo,” you teased.

he smiled. “you smell good… i want to feel you… like really be inside you,” he murmured, already tugging at your clothes. and you let him.

“it’s so hard. seeing you every once in a while, then you’re gone again,” he continued, your top slipping off, your breath hitching as your bra followed seconds after. his fingers traced your bare skin, teasing your sensitive spots with praise—calling you pretty, soft… intentional with every word.

you felt shy all of a sudden. this was the man you liked, dated, got in trouble with. the one who was always there—but somehow, not really. now he was undressing you. your cheeks heated as he pulled your pants down, and you tried to cover your face.

sunghoon noticed, smiling softly as he grabbed your wrists. “i… i love you.”

your breath caught. your cheeks burned. “…i love you too.”

and then he kissed you again. his hand tugged your panties aside, not even pulling away from your lips, keeping you distracted so you wouldn’t hide. “just tap me twice if you want me to stop,” he murmured between kisses, dipping lower. his fingers found your clit—it was already soaked. you were dripping. your grip tightened on his biceps, nails digging in.

then one finger slid inside you. then two. they curled perfectly, making your back arch, your mouth falling open as you gasped into his. he moved them in and out, finding that one perfect spot that made you moan—loudly, desperately—and he loved it.

he pulled away to watch you, fascinated. your flushed cheeks, your messy hair, your eyes rolling back. your pussy swallowing his fingers. lewd. beautiful. he didn’t even notice how hard he was until you came on his fingers, screaming his name.

“fucking beautiful,” he breathed, stripping down completely until nothing was left between you. he kissed your cheeks, muttering sweet nothings and filth that made you hide your face again.

“see how hard you make me?” he whispered. “i get so fucking mad knowing other guys get to look at you like that.”

you frowned, your hand cupping his face. “i’m yours. always.”

“i’m the only one who gets to see you like this,” he murmured, leaning into your touch.

you nodded, humming. “i want to feel you.”

his cock teased your entrance as he hovered over you, his breath heavy. “p-push it in,” you whispered, holding onto him as he slid in. your walls clenched around him, swallowing him perfectly. you were a moaning mess.

“shit… you’re so tight… perfect,” sunghoon grunted as he finally bottomed out. he stilled, letting you adjust to the stretch, to the overwhelming fullness.

the heat was dizzying. your body felt weightless. then, he drew his hips back and slammed them in again, hard. you screamed, voice cracking.

his pace started slow… but quickly turned feral.

his thrusts were deep, cock dragging along your walls like he was trying to mark you from the inside. the room echoed with the wet, obscene sounds of sex—messy. “fuck, baby,” he growled, lips brushing your ear.

he pulled back just enough to watch. your tits bounced with every thrust, your mouth open in a silent moan, your body wrecked. sunghoon grinned. “so... ha- pretty.”

suddenly, he dropped your thighs and flipped you over like you weighed nothing. he tugged your hips up so you were on your knees, his hand weaving into your hair to arch your back. “you're dripping,” he said, spreading your thighs apart before sliding back in.

you’d never seen him like this. so desperate. so rough. your mind blanked when another sharp thrust hit you.

“hoonnn!” you cried out, face buried in the sheets. his hips slammed into you, hard and fast. you felt every inch.

he leaned over, chest pressed to your back, mouth against your ear. “you like this, baby? you’re fucking perfect,” he rasped.

your moans were muffled,  tears slipping down your cheeks as his fingers rubbed and twisted your clit mercilessly. your whole body was shaking.

he kept pounding into you, his cock slamming your cervix, your walls clenching tight. then, he grabbed your face, turning you to kiss him, searing and possessive.

“mouth,” he ordered.

you obeyed, dazed, and he kissed you, saliva mixing with yours before leaning back, watching you. “swallow it. please…”

you did. drunk on him and gone, and he knew. he could see it all over your face.

“f-fuck! hoonnie! i’m gonna cum!” you moaned, eyes rolling back, sobbing.

you came hard, squirting and soaking his cock. he groaned, pulling out just in time as his cum spilled over your folds, hot and thick. it dripped from your swollen pussy.

“so fucking pretty,” he whispered, staring at you like art—flushed, wrecked, dripping.

he brushed the hair from your face, kissing your cheeks. “you did so well.”

and your arms wrapped around him.

your legs were trembling, body still reeling from your high. your breath came out in short, shaky gasps as sunghoon lay beside you, brushing the sweat-damp strands of hair from your face.

"you okay?" he asked gently, voice husky from all the growling, his lips brushing against your forehead.

you nodded, eyes still glazed. "never better," you whispered, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

but he just smirked—eyes flicking down between your legs, watching how wrecked and sensitive you were. “good,” he said. “'cause we’re not done yet.”

your eyes widened, and he loved that. the way you blinked up at him, totally ruined but still willing—still eager for more.

he sat up, leaning against the headboard, pulling you gently by the waist until you were straddling his lap.

“i wanna see you ride me,” he murmured, hands stroking your hips like he was sculpting you. “want you to learn how to take me like this. slow, deep—your pace. your rhythm.”

you blushed, chewing your lip. “i don’t really… know how.”

“that’s okay, baby. i’ll teach you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your collarbone. “just trust me.”

you shifted nervously, feeling his cock already getting hard again beneath you. still messy from earlier, twitching against your thigh.

sunghoon reached between you, grabbing the base of his cock, guiding it to your entrance. “sit, baby. go slow,” he said softly.

you lowered yourself, gasping as the tip slipped in. he hissed, gripping your waist tighter.

“fuck… that’s it. just like that.”

inch by inch, you sank down on him, stretching around his length again. you whimpered, gripping his shoulders. “s-sunghoon…”

“you’re doing so well,” he praised, kissing your chest. “so fucking tight. so warm. take all of it.”

when your hips finally met his, you both let out a shaky breath. you felt full, stretched, overwhelmed all over again. but god, the look in his eyes—completely ruined, in awe of you—made it worth it.

he cupped your cheeks, kissed you gently. “okay, baby. now move for me.”

you lifted yourself slowly, then lowered again, moaning softly. “ah—hah, i feel everything…”

“yeah?” he grinned. “you feel how deep i am?”

you nodded, tears forming again from the pressure and pleasure. you started rocking your hips, rolling them in slow, deliberate circles, your hands bracing on his chest. the way he groaned—low, raw, possessive—sent heat straight to your core.

“fuck, just like that,” he said, guiding your hips with his hands, helping you ride him. “you’re so sexy like this… bouncing on my cock, eyes all teary…”

you whimpered, gripping his wrists. “feels so good, hoonnie… wanna make you feel good…”

“you are.” his voice dropped. “you’re my dream, baby.”

his hips started meeting yours halfway, thrusting up into you with each bounce. your thighs were shaking, sweat clinging to your skin, but he didn’t let go—his arms around your waist, lips pressed to your neck.

you picked up the pace, moaning louder, his cock hitting that spot that made your body jolt.

“sunghoon! h-ha, i—i can’t!”

“yes you can,” he growled, eyes dark. “show me how pretty you cum riding me.”

you cried out, your body clenching down around him. “i—i’m cumming! hoonn—!”

he wrapped his arms around you tight as you came undone, hips stuttering, your walls spasming around his cock.

sunghoon groaned, teeth sinking into your shoulder as he buried himself deep, cumming inside you without pulling out.

“fuck… fuckkk, baby…”

he held you there, cock twitching inside you, both of you breathless and slick with sweat and cum.

you collapsed against his chest, and he stroked your back, whispering sweet things as you came down from the high.

“you did so good, baby. best fucking student.”

you giggled weakly. “best teacher.”

he grinned against your skin. “lesson two’s in ten minutes.”

you were slumped against his chest, sticky and spent, your thighs trembling from the effort. sunghoon gently stroked your spine, humming softly like he wasn’t the one who just had you seeing stars.

but then you felt it.

that unmistakable twitch inside you.

you gasped.

“wait—hoon… you’re still hard?”

his voice was pure mischief now, cocky and low in your ear. “i told you. lesson two’s in ten minutes. but you’re such a fast learner…” he tilted your chin up, his smirk deadly. “thought we could skip ahead.”

before you could answer, he was shifting you effortlessly, flipping you onto your back like you weighed nothing. his body hovered over yours—warm, slick, glistening with sweat. the dim lighting made his skin look like gold, hair a tousled mess, and his lips were swollen from kissing you like he needed you to breathe.

“legs up,” he murmured.

you blinked, still hazy. “w-what?”

“legs up, baby. now. hands under your knees. i wanna see everything.”

and god—you obeyed.

he groaned at the view, pupils blown. “fuck, look at this mess… all because of me.”

he didn’t waste a second. he slid back inside with ease—your walls still sensitive, wet, perfect for him. you let out a gasping whimper, eyes flying open.

“too much?” he asked, faux sweet, brushing hair from your face.

you shook your head quickly. “n-no… don’t stop…”

he grinned. “good girl.”

he started slow—too slow—just rocking his hips in lazy, deep thrusts. each roll dragged a moan out of you, your overstimulated body twitching beneath him.

“you’ve taken me so well tonight,” he whispered, lips brushing your cheek. “you’re not even trying to run away now…”

you whimpered, fingers clutching his shoulders.

“you like it when i fill you up, huh?” thrust. “like when i don’t hold back.” thrust. “you were made for this, weren’t you?”

his hips snapped into you harder now, and your moan turned into a cry. your hands scrambled for purchase, nails dragging down his back.

“fuck, you’re squeezing me again,” he groaned, pace quickening. “you gonna cum again, baby?”

“i-i don’t know—hah, too much, i can’t—!”

“yes you can,” he growled, one hand gripping your jaw. “open those pretty eyes and look at me when you fall apart.”

and when you did—legs shaking, eyes rolling, moaning his name like a prayer—he followed right after, pushing deep and cumming with a broken gasp of your name.

he didn’t move for a moment, forehead resting against yours, both of you covered in heat and breathlessness.

finally, he chuckled. “third time’s the charm, huh?”

you could only giggle weakly, completely wrecked.

“my best student,” he whispered, kissing your lips. “but you’re not graduating yet. i’m keeping you in class forever.”

your legs were jelly. like actual, boneless, no-sensation-left jelly. sunghoon didn’t even give you time to whimper about it. no—he just swept you up bridal-style, still looking like he didn’t break a sweat, and padded right into the kitchen with his bare ass on display like he owned the whole goddamn hotel room (and you. very much you).

you blinked as he set you on the cold counter, your skin prickling.

“h-hoon… water first?”

he just smirked. “i’m thirsty, yeah. but not for that.”

you knew that look.

that glint in his eye.

the same one he had the night he bent you over the shower door.

“baby…” you started, weakly trying to protest.

but he already had your knees spread again, palms pressing your thighs apart like he was flipping open a favorite book.

“can’t help it,” he muttered, eyes locked on your completely ruined core. “you look too good like this. like you want me to make a mess in here too.”

“but—countertop—hoon this is a kitchen—”

“and now,” he purred, dragging his length along your entrance with a dark grin, “it’s where i’ll eat you, too.”

you nearly screamed.

he slid in without warning—your whole body arched off the marble. he grabbed your waist, holding you still as he bottomed out again, slow and deliberate.

“still so tight,” he groaned. “after all that?”

you sobbed a little laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“fuck, you’re incredible,” he whispered, forehead pressed against yours. “ruined and perfect and mine.”

his hips started moving, hard and fast—filthy wet sounds echoing with every thrust. your back kept thudding against the cupboards, the fridge humming violently beside you.

“anyone could walk in,” you gasped.

“let them,” he growled, hand wrapping around your throat just enough to make your head spin. “let them see who this pussy belongs to.”

your moan came out wrecked.

he drove into you like a man possessed, the counter rocking beneath your bodies. sweat dripped from his jaw, and his voice went breathless:

“gonna fill you up again,” he whispered, right in your ear. “you’re gonna be leaking me for hours, baby.”

that was all it took—you clenched around him, body trembling, and he lost it, spilling inside you with a hoarse cry of your name.

he collapsed into your chest, both of you panting, sweaty, sticky, and probably going to have to bleach the counter.

after a minute, you groaned, weakly swatting his back.

“what happened to just water?”

he smirked against your skin. “hydration starts with you.”

sunghoon’s still inside you when he leans in and kisses your temple. it’s soft. way too soft for someone who just absolutely demolished you on a hotel kitchen counter.

you’re both still breathing heavy, your chest rising against his, your thighs twitching around his waist.

but hoon doesn’t move.

doesn’t pull out.

just holds you like he’s afraid the moment might dissolve if he lets go.

“baby…” he says it quietly, like he’s scared to break the calm. “we’ve got a little time, right?”

you nod, a little dazed. “mhm.”

he finally smiles. that soft one. the rare kind. the one he only gives when it’s just you and him, wrapped up in the low hum of hotel aircon and the warmth of being close.

“then i’m not done yet.”

your stomach flips.

before you can ask what he means, he’s pulling you off the counter—slowly this time, carefully—and carrying you bridal-style again, lips brushing your shoulder.

“gonna make the most of every second, angel,” he murmurs, eyes dark. “wanna remember how you sound. how you look. how you feel.”

he lays you down on the big hotel bed, sheets still crisp and hot from earlier.

and this time?

he takes his time.

his hands move slow, like he’s memorizing you. lips pressing gentle kisses from your collarbone to your thighs, whispering between every one.

“love how soft you are…”

“god, look at you—so pretty like this…”

“gonna keep you full, baby. wanna stay with you like this until the sun comes up.”

and he does.

there’s no rush. no teasing. just sunghoon, worshipping you like you’re his last good thing in the world.

he kisses every part of you, murmurs praises against your skin, and when he slides into you again—it’s slow. achingly slow. just hips pressed together, foreheads touching, fingers intertwined like he’s holding on for dear life.

you’re not just his tonight.

you’re his home.

and maybe the world outside is chaotic and cold, but here?

with him?

it’s soft. safe. sinful. sacred.

and when he finally falls asleep, arms wrapped around you, lips ghosting “i love you” into your shoulder—you believe him.

.

the sun barely peeks through the hotel curtains, soft light filtering in like it’s trying to give you a break. but no. no peace. not when you’re dealing with park sunghoon.

you’re standing—well, attempting to stand—in front of the mirror, trying to shimmy on your shorts. your legs feel like noodles, your thighs ache, and your hips scream in protest with every movement.

“babe,” you groan, gripping the edge of the dresser for support. “I can’t walk.”

from behind you, he hums—fucking hums—like he didn’t just ruin your entire lower half hours ago.

“you shouldn’t have looked that good last night,” he shrugs from the bed, sheet half-draped over his naked waist, eyes heavy and smug.

you shoot him a look in the mirror. “you say that like it’s my fault my thighs exist.”

he grins. “it is your fault for looking at me like that. like you wanted dessert—and not the kind on the menu.”

“sunghoon—”

but before you can finish, he's behind you, arms slipping around your waist, lips ghosting along the curve of your shoulder. you jolt.

“sunghoon, I’m literally trying to put my pants on—”

“you don’t need pants,” he mumbles, voice low and sleepy and dangerous. “just lay down for a second. just one more.”

“you said ‘just one more’ like four orgasms ago—”

he gently tugs the shorts from your grip, lets them drop to the floor again.

“baby,” he pouts, pressing a kiss to your neck, “can’t help it. you’re walking around all sore and pretty, making those little noises when you bend, acting all shy—what am I supposed to do? respect you?”

you snort. “yes?!?”

but he’s already guiding you back to the bed, back to him, back under the covers where his hands are warm and his mouth is hungry again.

and when he pushes your legs apart, head dipping between your thighs, tongue flicking slow and evil over your inner thigh, you realize—

you’re not walking out of that hotel room soon.

[THE WALK OF “FAME”]

you step out of the hotel with sunglasses too big for your face and a cap pulled so low it nearly hides your whole soul. your body’s still screaming for rest, but your manager’s van is already parked just outside, tinted windows and all. no time to cry.

well—maybe a little whimper when you shift your legs.

you glance down at yourself. hoodie? check. shorts? regretfully, check. confidence? left it in the sheets of that king-sized bed where he is probably still sprawled, proud and shirtless.

your phone buzzes.

sunghoon: you forgot to kiss me goodbye sunghoon: also i found ur sock under the bed lol. want it back or should i keep it as a trophy?

you almost trip over your own feet from laughing. covering your mouth quickly, you slide into the backseat like an embarrassed criminal on the run.

you reply with a selfie—sunglasses, pout, middle finger up.

you: keep it. bury it. i never wanna see that cursed room again. sunghoon: cursed??? wow. so u scream my name like a prayer in cursed places now huh? got it.

you physically bite your lip to keep from smiling too hard, but your manager glances at you in the rearview mirror. you straighten up, pretending you’re just… normal. functional. not completely demolished by park sunghoon.

[THE FANMEET DISASTER THAT WASN’T]

you’d been smiling all day, hearts and polaroids flying, fans whispering sweet words that made you feel lighter. until… he walked in.

disguised in an oversized hoodie, baseball cap, mask—as if that jawline could be hidden. you almost broke character when you recognized the slouch of his shoulders, the way his fingers fiddled with the strap of his bag like a schoolboy with a crush.

you play it cool when he approaches.

"name?" you ask sweetly, not even hiding your smirk.

he tilts his head. “hoon. with an h.”

you scribble it down on his photocard, doodling a heart beside it. "thanks for coming, pengsoo. you’re really cute." then you leaned close, just enough to whisper. "you crazy bastard, if you get recognized I'm out of this."

he stares at you. “...thanks,” he says, flat. and walks away dramatically like he’s the one being played.

[THE VAN]

you finally climb into the random van later, excusing yourself from your manager and members. you even dragged a rookie staff to sit in front so you and hoon could have the entire backseat to yourselves.

as soon as you slide in, sunghoon’s arms cross. he looks away dramatically.

“oh, you’re mad now?” you laugh.

he glares. “so you treat your fans better than you treat me? I waited 40 minutes in line and all I got was a you’re cute and a smile like you didn’t make me almost break the hotel furniture last night.”

you giggle, poking his cheek. “you are cute.”

“not the point!” he whines. “you called me ‘sir’ and everything—who even taught you to be that sweet?!”

you lean in, pressing a teasing kiss to his jaw. “guess I’m just that good.”

he sighs dramatically, already pulling you into his lap.

"you're gonna pay for this. you know that, right?"

you blink innocently. “what’re you gonna do? break my legs again?”

he narrows his eyes.

“…worse. I’m gonna make you fall harder.”

the van rolls through the city, a lazy sunset washing golden light over tinted windows. you’re curled into sunghoon’s lap, hoodie sleeves hiding the way your fingers keep sneaking up his sides to poke him like you’re five.

“stop,” he says, grinning, arms wrapping around your waist. “you’re gonna get us caught.”

“you started it!” you whisper back, smacking his arm as he leans in to nuzzle your neck.

“oh my god—hoon, shh,” you giggle breathlessly, swatting at him again. “what if they hear?”

he chuckles, voice low and teasing against your ear. “shoot, haha.”

and then his hands are moving—fingers spidering up your sides, making you yelp as he tickles you mercilessly.

you squirm in his lap, laughing, trying not to be loud, but his mouth is curled in that smug smirk that means he’s enjoying every second of this.

“you’re evil!” you gasp, face warm, breath hitching when you shift and feel—

“…you’re hard,” you say flatly, raising a brow, hair all over your face as you freeze in his lap.

he stops tickling, blinking at you.

“you’re definitely hard,” you repeat, a little louder, a little smugger.

sunghoon rolls his eyes. “you’re squirming in my lap like a cute little worm, what do you expect?”

you smack him again. “don’t call me a worm when you’re—”

“raging. yeah. your fault.”

you stare at him, flustered, breathless, laughing, your forehead pressed against his shoulder as you try to calm your heart—and everything else he just activated.

“I hate you,” you whisper.

“you love me,” he whispers back, arms tightening around you like he’s scared you’ll vanish.

and you do. you really do. even if he’s currently a menace in every sense.

up front, your manager exchanges a knowing glance with hoon’s, the two of them scrolling on their phones, pretending they didn’t hear any of that.

the rookie staff just sips her coffee.

“…she’s really quiet today,” she comments.

both managers nod.

“yup. probably just tired,” hoon’s manager says, deadpan.

they’ve all known for months.

they’re just pretending they don’t.

because the love these two idiots have? it’s the kind that can’t be managed out of them anyway.

the rooftop was quiet, lit only by the soft glow of fairy lights they’d strung up in a rush. takeout containers litter the picnic blanket they brought, drinks sweating in the evening air, and the city lights below blink like they’re watching—silent witnesses to a love that never stood still.

you’re lying beside him, his hoodie pulled over your head, sleeves long enough to swallow your hands. sunghoon’s cap is low on his face, but the smile he’s been wearing all night? yeah. nothing could hide that.

“you know we’re not really disguised, right?” you murmur, nudging him with your knee. “we look like staff, sure, but we still shine like dumbass stars.”

he snorts, hand reaching out to hold yours. “it’s because we are stars. duh.”

you laugh, the sound soft and small and just for him. your manager had reluctantly agreed to this—one last date before he leaves with his members tomorrow. they’d whispered, “make it quick,” but they knew damn well these fools wouldn’t listen. love like this doesn’t follow call times.

hoon sits up, arms stretched over his head as he yawns. “should we go?”

“you wanna go?”

“no.”

you grin. “then stay.”

and just like that, he pounces.

you squeal, trying to escape, but he’s already chasing you around the rooftop like a lovesick idiot. he catches you by the waist, spinning you, your laughter echoing into the sky as you crash onto the blanket again, breathless and tangled.

“you’re crazy,” you whisper.

“you’re stuck with me,” he whispers back, nose brushing yours.

and then he kisses you.

slow at first. gentle. like he’s memorizing the shape of your lips, the taste of you, the way your breath stutters when he pulls you closer.

but it doesn’t stay slow.

not when you cup his face. not when your hands disappear under his hoodie. not when he presses you into the blanket with a soft groan like he’s trying to mold your bodies into one.

his hand slips under your shirt, warm and reverent, like he’s trying to say goodbye without ever using the word.

you kiss him harder, just to shut the sadness up.

because tomorrow’s coming.

and he’s leaving.

but tonight?

tonight, he’s yours.

in every laugh.

in every kiss.

in every heartbeat pressed against yours.

it’s quieter than usual in the company building. late, after practice hours, when everyone’s tired and scattered. the hallways are mostly empty except for you and sunghoon, sneaking through the dimly lit space like you’ve got all the time in the world… but neither of you do.

you stop in front of a door tucked at the end of the hallway—a secluded little area you two like to use when no one’s around. the walls here are soft and quiet, like they understand the weight of your secret love. hoon looks down at you, his face unreadable for a second before his lips pull into a smile, a bittersweet one.

“this is it, huh?” you whisper, looking up at him.

he doesn’t answer right away. instead, he just pulls you into him, his arms wrapping around your waist like it’s the only thing that makes sense anymore.

“you’re not going anywhere,” you murmur into his chest, but the words feel hollow even to you. because you know tomorrow, he’ll be gone.

hoon pulls back slightly, his eyes softer than you’ve ever seen them. there’s so much unsaid in that look, but then—his lips. they’re on yours before you can stop it.

it’s gentle, a slow burn of goodbye, but it doesn’t stay that way for long. it deepens as his hands slide to your neck, pulling you closer as if he wants to hold onto this moment forever. you kiss him back with everything you have, even as the pain in your chest starts to build.

the sound of footsteps approaching pulls you both apart with a snap, hoon’s fingers brushing your cheek one last time before he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“i’ll text you. and don’t forget to check your bag,” he whispers against your skin, voice low.

you blink up at him, confused, but before you can ask—he’s gone. disappearing into the hall, leaving you standing there, heart pounding.

.

later that night, in your shared dorm, you slump onto your bed, exhausted from the chaos of the day. your three friends—who all know the secret—are chatting around you, unaware of what you’re about to find.

you’re digging through your bag, mind on something else, when your fingers brush against something unexpected. a plastic bag, slightly crinkling as you pull it out. it’s filled with all your favorite snacks, the ones you’ve been craving but haven’t allowed yourself to eat in weeks.

your heart skips a beat, and for a moment, you just sit there in disbelief. hoon knew. you can almost hear his voice in your head—“you’re too hard on yourself. eat the damn snacks.”

you grin to yourself, because even though he’s gone, he’s still here with you. in these snacks. in his words. in the little ways he’s still taking care of you.

you text him back immediately: “you’re an idiot. but i love you.”

his reply comes almost instantly. “just wait until i’m back. i’ll sneak way more stuff into your bag.”

you laugh softly, shaking your head, because damn, even from a distance, he’s still making everything feel so damn real.

.

the next day, hoon’s getting ready to leave, and his members are, as usual, teasing him. sunoo and jungwon are in the van, and they’re not even trying to hide their amusement.

“dude, you’re like obsessed with her,” sunoo teases, grinning like a little shit. “you’ve barely been here all week.”

jungwon raises an eyebrow, smirking. “i thought you were supposed to be the one who couldn’t keep your hands off her, and yet... here we are.”

hoon groans, his face flushed with embarrassment. “shut up, you guys. she’s not just anyone.”

“right, right,” sunoo grins. “she’s the one.”

“can you stop?” hoon mutters, slumping back in his seat. “this is not the time to talk about this.”

but then, sunghoon’s phone buzzes. he glances at it, a soft smile creeping onto his face as he reads the text from you. his heart clenches, but before he can respond, sunoo smirks again.

“she texted you again? still sending you love notes, huh?”

hoon doesn’t say anything, just stares out the window, because damn, he’s going to miss this. miss her.

but for now? he has one more ride with his members. one more teasing session. one more stolen moment of normal before everything changes.

your night starts normal. you're back at your dorm after a schedule, hair tied up, hoodie on, eating cereal for dinner while watching a romcom you’ve seen a hundred times. your phone buzzes with messages from your members, random memes and updates. nothing special. just another quiet night.

until one of them says, “hey, did someone order food?”

you blink. “no?”

they go to check anyway, and you hear faint footsteps in the hallway. a small knock. then—quiet.

a beat.

another beat.

“um… you might wanna see this,” your member calls.

you shuffle to the door, cereal still in hand, until you freeze in the doorway. because standing there, wearing a black cap and a freaking mask under a hoodie is sunghoon.

real. in the flesh. looking at you like no time has passed.

your cereal bowl literally drops on the floor. he flinches. “whoa—are you okay?”

you don’t even answer. you launch yourself at him, arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder.

“you asshole,” you mumble. “you’re actually here?!”

“yeah,” he whispers. “i’m here. i’ve always been here.”

later that night, you’re on the rooftop again. the same one from before. the one with memories still stitched into the wind.

sunghoon brought your favorite drink, two snacks from the convenience store, and a blanket. he didn’t need to go overboard—he just needed to be there.

he pulls you into his side, both of you wrapped in that soft blanket, backs against the wall as the city lights flicker below.

“i missed you every single day,” you whisper.

he kisses your temple gently. “i never stopped loving you. even when i had to pretend.”

you look up at him. “so… what now?”

sunghoon turns toward you with the softest smile ever. “we keep going. even if we’re shadows in our own love story. even if the world never knows.”

“we’ll still have our little world?” you ask.

“always.”

he leans in and kisses you, slow and full of all the months you’ve both spent waiting. and in that moment, even the moon feels like it’s holding its breath for you two.

and your love does continue. hiding in plain sight. anonymous glances in music shows. strangers in public, lovesick fools in secrecy. hotel rooftop dates. secret messages in fan letters. little scribbles in notebooks. a hoodie that smells like the other person. staff members who pretend not to know. call signs – he'd call you yeowoo (fox or yeobo / honey), as cringe as that sounds, you call him pengsoo(nghoon) anyway. and a love that burns quietly, brightly—behind closed doors.

and maybe… just maybe… both of you’ll last.

a/n: that's the end. thankyou for readingggg

taglist: @kpoplover-19 @kpoppiesofinternet @hooni3luvs @stta-princess @softservesungie

@starry-eyed-bimbo @jessicaradreamer @btsreadss @butterflydemons @honnieswife

@synielve

[kukkurookkoo]

can't wait to waste more sleep

── .✦ THE WAY YOU SEE ME (n rk) - TEASER

PAIRING: idol! riki x prodigy/producer fem! reader

SYNOPSIS: they say she’s too cold. too intimidating. too perfect. they call him the mischievous maknae. the chaotic one. the kid. when they’re paired for a collab stage, they see right past those titles. and that’s what changes everything.

GENRE: strangers to lovers , idol au , grumpy x sunshine , (small) age gap , found family , first love , i-hate-everyone-but-you , fluff , comfort/healing , a bit of angst — WC: tba — TW: profanity , small age gap (reader is 2 years older, ‘03 liner) , mention of family issues , mention of burnout/exhaustion/breakdowns , english is not my first language ! , this is a work of fiction and doesn’t reflect the idols in real life ! — library! — perm taglist open !

read full fic HERE !

────

Ever since you can remember, there hasn’t been a single day in your life when you didn’t feel the weight of expectations pressing down on you. You can’t even recall the first time your family began insisting on the importance of success and accomplishments, and on how essential it was to be at the top. No matter what, no matter the cost.

“People don’t have mercy. Life doesn’t spare anyone. You’ll never be given anything. You’ll have to take it by your own means.”

Their words never stopped echoing in your head. They were always there, a constant reminder of who you needed to become, and why.

It started with dance. You were only four, wearing a pink tutu and ballet shoes you thought looked ridiculous on you. That rigidity and strictness never matched your spirit. Your teacher noticed it, too and quickly suggested hip-hop lessons instead. Your parents nearly had an heart attack the first time they saw you dance like that. But you were in love with it.

Their second attempt at molding you into the perfect little girl they wanted was through piano and singing lessons. This time, it worked. Not only did they discover your natural gift for singing, but they also realized you had perfect pitch.

You still remember the day they found out, you had never seen them so happy and proud. They pampered you for a whole week, something they had never done before, and then sat you down at the kitchen table for a serious talk.

“Honey, you need to develop this gift the best way you can. This is your way to the top. Can you imagine it? Becoming someone so powerful, so unbeatable, that everyone fears you? Make us proud.”

And that’s who you became.

<<Y/N, THE INDUSTRY’S PRODIGY AND HIDDEN WEAPON>>

You became a trainee right after elementary school, acing every position—vocals, rapping, dancing—perfecting each one almost flawlessly. Until you realized that your true passion wasn’t being on stage; it was creating music from scratch, working behind the scenes. At just 16, you joined HYBE’s production team, producing and co-producing some of the biggest hits in K-pop, working alongside the most famous producers and senior artists.

Your parents had mixed feelings about your choice. They hated the idea of you staying behind the scenes, out of the spotlight. But people still talked about you, considered you untouchable, a prodigy, someone to be feared. And they couldn’t ignore that.

After all, wasn’t that what they had wanted for you all along?

You still remember the first song you ever officially worked on: a debut track for a group formed through a survival show. ENHYPEN, you would later find out. You never met them, never bumped into them in the company hallways, though you vaguely recognized a few from your trainee days. That was the only connection between you and them.

Or at least, it was—until the day of an unexpected announcement.

────

[…]

YOU’RE ALREADY STRETCHING ON THE COLD FLOOR WHEN RIKI BURSTS INTO THE ROOM. He’s slightly out of breath, hair messy, and cheeks red with embarrassment.

“You’re late,” you say simply, looking up at him as you casually size him up.

He immediately feels scrutinized, judged, and incredibly stupid for being late on his very first practice with you.

“I’m so sorry, sunbaenim! Traffic was terrible—” he stammers, bowing quickly.

You slowly stand, still watching him like he’s some kind of experiment. He can’t see it with his head bowed, but you’re fighting the urge to smile.

“Just don’t make it a habit,” you say, your tone calm and even.

His head snaps up, wide-eyed, meeting your gaze.

“And no need for formalities. ‘Y/N’ is fine.”

Riki blinks, trying to process what just happened. Maybe it’s too soon to say, but… you don’t seem that cold or mean after all. Intimidating? Yes. Everything about the way you carry yourself demands respect, but it’s not condescending. It’s just… different.

“I made the choreo, by the way,” you continue. “I studied the way you dance and built it around that. We are oddly similar…”

You mumble the last part more to yourself, but Riki still catches it.

“We’re… similar?” he echoes, disbelief thick in his voice, eyes wide once again.

You pause, the briefest glint of softness flickering across your gaze before you shrug.

“That’s what I noticed from the videos,” you say simply. “Want to prove me right?”

The words aren’t just a challenge. They carry something else, too. Determination and something that feels a lot like silent respect.

You’ve seen him dance. You know exactly how good he is. And you just admitted you think he’s on your level.

Riki feels almost lightheaded.

────

a/n: first riki work!!! i’m so excited for this oneeee but it’s still a work in progress…. i’ll probably complete this once my current smau is done (there’s only a few chapters left btw 🥲🥲), but i really wanted to know your opinion about this idea soo let me know 🫶🏻🫶🏻

🏷️ perm taglist: @1-itsneverthatserious-1 @who-tf-soddhi @bacons-thighs @athenaisonlinee @st4rryst4r @jellyluv4eva @delirioastral @vvenusoncasual @jiiyen @firstclassjaylee @claumbeju @manaah02 @bbeomgyucafe @wensurr @lovenha7 @addictedtohobi @yuyita-rosier @anyalovesu @ddolleri @imlonelydontsendhelp @zaycie @lavendersloane @jiiyen @lilbitchfromfaraway @Loyalsunwoo3 @t-102 @emb2626 @angelzforu @starrias

likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated !

© 2025 all rights reserved to user whjluv

[kukkurookkoo]

i am so ready to waste my night and read this

NOTHING SAFE IS WORTH THE DRIVE - L.HS

pairing: playboy!heeseung x inexperienced!reader

summary: lee heeseung was an asshole. you had decided that. having to work with him on a group project made things a hundred times worse. but when a heart longing to experience love for the first time meets someone more than willing to give it, the line between irritation and something deeper starts to blur.

wc: 37.9k (i’m sorry)

warnings: reader is completely inexperienced, angst, miscommunication, reader falls too quickly and gets flustered very easily, kinda slow burn but not really, heeseung plays basketball but it’s barely mentioned, heeseung calls reader “princess” a lot, kissing, making out, features wonyoung (ive), yunjin (le sserafim), beomgyu (txt), sieun (stayc), reader cries a lot

smut warnings: dry humping, oral (f rec.), unprotected sex, virginity loss

🎵: playlist

notes: it’s here!! i'm SO sorry this took so long, i was having issues with tumblr :( this was originally only supposed to be 20k words… idk what happened. but it’s a rollercoaster and i love it!!! have fun reading! <3

you had heard of him before you ever saw him. everyone knew his name- whispered in dorm hallways, watched at games, the life of the party. a reputation built on charm, late-night hookups, and the kind of confidence that made girls fall to his feet with every word he said. you never cared to pay him any mind. but today, you walked into class and found him sitting in your seat. lee heeseung. just your luck. you hesitated for half a second before walking up to him. he was hunched over his phone, tapping out a message, looking about as invested in being here as a teenager at their grandma’s bingo game. "that’s my seat." his eyes flicked up at you, slow and lazy, like you’d interrupted something important. he gave you a once-over- casual, unreadable- and then, just as plainly, looked back at his phone. "doesn’t have your name on it." you exhaled sharply. of course. "i’ve been sitting here all semester." "congrats." he didn’t even look at you this time. "find another spot." and just like that, every rumor, every complaint you’d heard about him settled into place. arrogant. entitled. exactly the kind of guy you had no patience for. fine. whatever. you weren’t about to argue with someone who clearly wasn’t worth the energy. wordlessy, you drop into the seat beside him, pull out your notebook, and act like he doesn’t exist. he didn’t pay you any mind after that, instead shifting so he was leaned back against the seat, his feet kicked out in front of him. you wondered what made heeseung so popular with the ladies. sure, he was attractive. that much was undeniable. sadly. but you had barely had a ten second interaction with him, and he had already managed to piss you off. you bit the inside of your cheek, holding back a sigh as you waited for the professor to show up. the universe had to have been out for you today. you woke up late, you’re out of your go-to breakfast bars, and you’re sitting next to lee heeseung in class. you were silently praying nothing worse could happen. you hadn’t signed up for this. you were just trying to get through this class and move on with your day. but here you were, next to the campus playboy himself, the guy who never seemed to take anything seriously, the guy who had a different girl on his arm every weekend. you tried not to look over at him. you really did. but he practically radiated attention. his messy hair fell perfectly in place, and his broad shoulders took up way too much space for someone who was so annoying. heeseung wasn’t talking to you, but you could feel his presence next to you, and it was somehow more distracting than if he had been talking to you. the way his fingers tapped on the desk, the faint cologne smell that wafted over to you, even the way his shoes shifted against the floor- it was like he was intentionally making everything around him more noticeable. you hated how easily he commanded the room. you hated that even now, you were aware of him more than anyone else. and of course, the universe had to pick today to make you sit right next to him. of course, it had to be this class, the one you hated the most. the one you dreaded attending every single day. you were so deep in thought that you barely noticed when your professor- dr. kim- walked in, snapping you out of your spiral. he glanced up from his notes, then scanned the room with a smile. “alright, everyone,” dr. kim began, “i’ve got the group project assignments here. please try to work well with your partners, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.” your eyes widened slightly at his words, gulping as your eyes flickered down to your notebook. group project? there had been no mention of this before. or maybe there was, and you just forgot.

  there was one thing about you. you hated group projects. they were the bane of your existence. you preferred to work alone, at your own pace, and not having to be stressed out by a freeloader or have awkward study sessions that consisted of deafening silence. "and for the final pair…" dr. kim’s voice broke through your haze, "y/n and heeseung." fuck. of course, the universe was never on your side. your eyes shot to him automatically, your stomach doing a flip that had nothing to do with excitement. his eyes flickered to meet yours, his expression unreadable. and then, a quirk of his lips and a tilt of his head. like he was observing you. you groaned internally, wishing for nothing more than for the floor to swallow you whole, turning your gaze back to your notebook. the professor was still talking, but all you could focus on was how you'd somehow ended up in this mess. you barely met this guy, he was an ass, and now you had to work on a project with him. “guess we better get used to each other, huh?” heeseung’s voice was low and casual, breaking the silence between you two. you forced a smile, nodding at him, “i guess.” you were already dreading the next few weeks. you sat in silence for the rest of the class. he didn’t speak to you, and you didn’t speak to him. you wondered if things would’ve gone differently if your morning had gone better, or if heeseung hadn’t been such an asshole. you couldn’t wait to tell wonyoung and yunjin about how shitty your day was already. as dr. kim wrapped up, you sat there, wondering just how you were going to survive this. there was no way to escape the fact that you were going to have to work with heeseung. you only hoped you’d survive it with your sanity intact. he had already proved just how arrogant he could be. the moment dr. kim dismisses class, you’re up out of your seat, dying to get out of this hell-sent class and to the comfort of your go-to café with your friends. you’re so close to the door when you hear his voice- smooth and casual, like he owns the place. “hey, y/n,” heeseung calls, and you freeze, your hand still on the strap of your bag. you turn to face him, trying to hide the frustration written all over your face. “yeah?” you reply, fighting to keep your tone neutral, but he can hear the hint of annoyance in it anyway. he flashes that signature smirk of his, leaning casually against the desk like he owns the whole room. “we’re gonna need to exchange numbers for the project,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “so we can work around my basketball stuff, y��know? i can’t really be falling behind.” you feel your eye twitch. of course anything other than class would be more important to him. the star player of the basketball team is unable to commit to a school project. you push the annoyance aside, instead reaching into your back pocket and pulling out your phone. “sure,” you mutter, handing it to him after opening the phone app. you can’t help but notice how his fingers brush against yours, the touch sending a small chill through you. he taps a few things into your phone before handing it back. “i’ll text you later,” he says, his smile a little too knowing. you can already feel the heat rising in your cheeks, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of letting him see it. you nod curtly and turn on your heels, heading straight out the door.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“and then i woke up late! nothing is working out today!” you whisper-shout, dramatically letting your head fall into your hands as wonyoung watches you with a smile, yunjin scrolling on her phone and only halfway listening to your angry rant. “so, how’s that class going?” wonyoung asks, her tone casual as she stirs her drink. “you still surviving?” you had told them how much you hated your history class, practically having a complaint about something every time you attended it. “barely,” you mumble, finally lifting your head from your hands. “we got assigned group projects today.” wonyoung puffs out a breath of air, squinting her eyes. “brutal. who’d you get paired with?” you glance at her, your face blank, silently hoping she can see the despair in your eyes as you groan, throwing your head back in annoyance before mumbling, “lee heeseung.” you hear yunjin gasp slightly, looking back to see her finally staring at you with wide eyes before slamming her phone down on the table. “wait… heeseung?” she asks, a disbelieving scoff slipping past her lips. “as in the heeseung who’s like… the playboy basketball player?” you nod slowly, suddenly feeling way more nervous than you’d like to admit, “yep. that heeseung.” wonyoung laughs softly, pushing your shoulder with her arm. “no way. the universe really hates you, doesn’t it?” you glare at her, flipping her off with an eye roll, “it’s not funny. i’m gonna slam my head into the nearest wall.” “let’s not do that,” yunjin shakes her head, placing her chin on her palm as she tilts her head at you, “what’s the big deal, anyway? he’s just a player.” you sigh, playing with the rim of your cup while shaking your head, “he was an absolute ass this morning. it was like… the worst first impression of anyone i’ve ever had. i actually can’t deal with that for a whole project on top of the class already being a shithole.” wonyoung leans back in her chair slightly, looking at you with an amused smile. “he can’t be that bad. maybe you’re just having a bad day and he happened to rub you the wrong way.” you roll your eyes, but her words don’t make you feel any better. “yeah, sure.” “plus,” yunjin adds, leaning forward with a smirk, “maybe you can have some fun. i mean, make the most of it. you’re working with lee heeseung. most girls would kill to be in your spot.” you stare at them both, you lips parted in slight disbelief.  “yeah, well they can have him.” the two girls smile at you, clearly more entertained by your suffering and how overdramatic you were. you bring up another topic, eager to get the attention off of you and your project from hell, instead shifting the focus to yunjin’s project in music theory.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

wonyoung was wrong. horribly wrong. heeseung was that bad. you check your phone for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, the glowing screen mocking you with the time. heeseung was supposed to be here half an hour ago. thirty whole minutes. you sigh, your fingers tightening around your phone. you had already texted him- a simple, are you still coming?- but it was staring back at you with “delivered” right under it. your fingers tap against the table impatiently as you stare down at the open laptop in front of you. the library is quieter than usual, the hum of low voices and the occasional rustle of pages filling the space. you consider packing up and leaving, your hands beginning to collect the pencils and highlighters you had set out around you. “you’re pretty dedicated to this, aren’t you?” you don’t even need to look up to know who it is. finally. slowly, you lift your gaze, leveling heeseung with an unimpressed stare. he’s standing there, hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, looking completely unbothered. like he hasn’t just left you waiting for half an hour. “you’re half an hour late,” you deadpan. heeseung grins, like he finds your irritation amusing. “technicalities.” you scoff, shaking your head. “you said we’d meet at six.” “yeah, and i meant it,” he says, smirking at the way you roll your eyes. “it’s just that… time is a social construct.” is he fucking serious. you gape at him, your eyebrows furrowed. “are you seriously trying to use philosophy as an excuse?” “would you rather me lie?” he asks, finally sitting, slinging his backpack onto the table. “i’d prefer you actually care about this project. it’s a huge part of our grade, heeseung.” he waves a dismissive hand, pulling his laptop out of his backpack. “relax, princess. i’m here now, aren’t i?” you gulp at the nickname, turning your head back to your laptop to open up the assignment. “barely,” you mumble. heeseung chuckles, enjoying your annoyance. “fine. i had practice, it ran later than expected.” “that’s all you had to say,” you reply, your eyes flickering up to meet his, “and a text would’ve been nice.”

“can’t really text when i’m on the court, princess.” he shoots back, tilting his head with a smile. you exhale sharply, already regretting ever agreeing to meet with him. “can we just start? we’re already behind schedule.” luckily, he agrees, his eyes drifting to his own laptop. you sigh, your own attention drifting back to your laptop. all you can do is hope that things begin to go smoother than this at some point. because right now, you’re considering slamming your head into your laptop or the table. you try to focus, you really do. but it’s hard when every few minutes, heeseung is moving. drumming his fingers against the table, shifting in his seat, clicking his pen as he reads articles on his computer. finally, you snap, your eyes looking up at him from your screen. “are you always this restless, or do you just have an allergy to being productive?” heeseung blinks at you, lips quirking up like he finds your irritation entertaining. “nah, i’m just bored. this class is stupid.” “why are you like this?” you roll your eyes, glaring at him. “even if this class is stupid, it’s still an important project.” “like what?” he tilts his head, all faux innocence, completely ignoring your second statement. “charming? fun to be around?” you scoff. “you were late. plus you were a dick this morning.” heeseung chuckles, shaking his head lightly. “c’mon, princess. loosen up a bit. you’re making a big deal over nothing.” “look, i had a shitty day. you’re not making it any better,” you mutter, scoffing again. a voice in the back of your head wonders if you’ve broken the world record for scoffing this much in five minutes. heeseung leans forward, resting his chin on one hand. “i’m sorry. you know… i’m pretty good at relieving stress.” your jaw drops. “excuse me?” you clear your throat, trying to ignore the way his words have a blush creeping up your cheeks, instead turning your attention back to your laptop. “just focus on your work, heeseung. we need to plan out who’s gonna do what part.” you don’t miss how he tilts his head, a knowing smile on his lips as he clicks his tongue, nodding. “alright. just remember we have to work around my schedule.” you let out a groan, your head rolling back as you look back towards him. “heeseung!” he only laughs in response, shaking his head at how you get embarrassed when other students give you dirty glares. “sorry,” you mumble softly, your eyes glaring at him. “focus.” an hour later, you guys had made relatively good progress. you had divided tasks, and heeseung had done his work, for the most part. he still found every opportunity to get on your nerves, but at least he did so while being productive. you both pack up in silence, swinging your bag over your shoulder. you spare him a glance, mumbling out a small, “bye, heeseung.”

just as you step outside, you hear the unmistakable sound of sneakers scuffing against the pavement behind you, “where you headed?” you turn your head slightly to see heeseung strolling up beside you, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie as he looks down at you. “my dorm,” you reply, shifting your bag higher on your shoulder, “it’s late.” he nods, shrugging as he continues to walk next to you, “i’ll walk you.” you stop in your tracks, turning to face him with narrowed eyes. “why?” he tilts his head, raising his eyebrows slightly. “why not? i have nothing else to do.” “because…” you search for a logical reason, but there really seems to be none. you blurt out the only excuse that comes to mind. “it’s late.” he furrows his brows, falling in place beside you as you begin to walk again. “it’s 7:30.” you glance at him, shrugging. “that’s considered late for some people.” he smirks, tilting his head at you, an amused look on his face. “what if i just enjoy your company, princess?” your face heats at the nickname, and you roll your eyes, quickening your pace. “we barely know each other.” “well, i’d like to change that.” he keeps up effortlessly, long strides matching yours with ease. you scoff, trying to ignore the affect his words have on you. “i think you like to get on my nerves, heeseung.” he grins, nudging your shoulder lightly. “that too.” you sigh, glancing at him before looking straight ahead. but you don’t tell him to leave. maybe a part of you deep down enjoys the company. maybe you could allow for a part of yourself to feel wanted if the campus playboy was walking you back to your dorm. and if your heart stumbles a little when he walks just close enough for your arms to brush, you choose to ignore it. 

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the door clicks shut behind you, sealing you off from the rest of the world. you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, pressing your back against the door as if that alone could ground you. it doesn’t. your mind is still running, replaying the moments heeseung’s arms brushed against yours, or the cocky smirks he sent your way, or the remarks he would make to get under your skin. with a frustrated groan, you push off the door and drop your bag onto your desk chair. you smush your cheeks with your hands, sighing, as if that will stop the warmth from creeping up your cheeks again. heeseung is nothing but trouble. you know that. everyone knows that. a playboy who knows how to charm his way into girls hearts with cocky words and athletic skills that has anyone swooning. and yet… your stomach twists. you shouldn’t like his attention. you shouldn’t feel special. heeseung flirts with everyone. that’s just how he was. so why was your stomach in knots? why was your mind replaying every interaction with him- no matter how insufferable he was? you collapse onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling. you don’t know how to handle this. it’s not like you have experience. no boyfriend, no first kiss, hell, you haven’t even held hands with a guy romantically. the concept of flirting- especially with someone like heeseung, who’s it’s practically second nature to- is foreign to you. you don’t know whether you’re looking too deeply into things, or if there’s actually something there. you turn onto your side, hugging your pillow. reading too many romance novels had truly skewed your perception of love. this wasn’t a movie. the playboy wasn’t going to fall for the girl in class. this was reality, and things didn’t work like that. sadly. you’re overthinking it. reading too deeply into his words, his touches, his actions. but why does your heart speed up at the thought of him? you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping to turn off your overactive brain. but instead, you feel that same flutter in your chest every time you think about him. the sound of the door opening catches your attention, glancing behind you to see yunjin entering the dorm. her presence relives you slightly, knowing you’ll have a distraction from the storm of confusion in your brain right now. she sends a smile your way, kicking off her shoes and walking towards you.

"what’s going on?" she asks, raising an eyebrow as she surveys you curled up on your bed. "you look like you’re seconds away from ripping all your hair out.” you laugh breathlessly, flopping on your back so you can look at her without straining your neck. “i’m fine.” you watch as she smiles slightly, shaking her head and making her way to the edge of your bed, sitting down. “don’t lie. what is it?” you hesitate, knowing full well what’s bothering you. but you can’t exactly tell yunjin, can you? she knew you better than anyone, knew how insecure you were about having no experience. she would tell you to wake up, and not to fall for his playboy antics. so you shrug, pursing your lips before you speak. “it’s just school. stuff is piling up, and i’m behind on a few assignments. i’m just overwhelmed.” yunjin studies your face, not saying much. you can tell she doesn’t buy it, and for a second anxiety bubbles inside you at the thought that she knows, or that she’ll keep pushing. but she doesn’t. instead, she nods. “i get it. school’s been ass lately. you’re smart, though. you’ll figure it out.” you nod, appreciating the way she doesn’t pry. pushing yourself on your elbows so you’re sitting up, leaning against the headboard, you smile. “well, we’ll see if i actually make it through the semester this time.” she giggles, gesturing for you to move over as she cuddles up beside you. “if you don’t wanna talk about it, what about we watch tv? it could get your mind off of things. we could continue rewatching business proposal?” you smile, your eyes lighting up at the mention of the show. “please, i can’t live without my daily dose of hari and taemoo.” she laughs, turning on the tv and going to netflix. you feel a pang of guilt for lying to her, and her knowing that’s she’s lying. but yunjin is your closest friend, she won’t pressure you for answers, and knows when to stop digging. you shake your head slightly, pushing your anxieties to the back of your head. right now, you just need netflix and yunjin’s presence. everything else can come later.

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you tap your pen against the edge of your notebook, staring at the notes that made you want to rip your hair out. why you had to sit here and listen to your professor talk about smallpox for over an hour was unbeknownst to you. plus, you hadn’t slept well last night. you and yunjin were up until 2 a.m., and when you finally decided to sleep, you couldn’t. your mind kept racing, your bed felt too uncomfortable, the room felt too hot. you didn’t feel like yourself. and then he walked in. hands in his pockets, his backpack slung over one shoulder. he was late, of course he was. it should be annoying- it is annoying, he’s annoying- but for some reason, something in your chest tightens. your fingers curl around your pen, forcing your eyes back to your notebook. this was not happening. you’re just irritated. that’s all. he’s been an ass, he was late yesterday, he’s late today, and he walked in like he owns the place. while you’ve been sitting here for the past twenty minutes, writing down notes that are definitely going to be important for the project. but then he slides into the seat next to you, the smell of his cologne wafting your way as he clears his throat. “what’d i miss?” you turn, narrowing your eyes. “twenty minutes of lecture.” “no shit, sherlock.” he replies, pulling a notebook out of his bag. “mind sending me those notes later?” you shake your head with an eye roll, turning back to the front of the classroom. “this is why you need to show up on time.” “c‘mon, princess,” he mumbles, a hand reaching out to tug at the one of the legs of your chair, “help a guy out.” you gasp at the unexpected tug, turning to glare at him. “what the fuck? stop that.” he only tilts his head, shrugging with that same stupid smirk. your stomach flips again, but this time, you focus on the irritation bubbling inside you. this is exactly why you would never fall for heeseung. because he’s insufferable. he’s rude. he’s never on time. he uses flirting as an excuse to get out of everything, to get girls to bow at his feet. he chuckles, moving his hand away. “you’re annoyed.” “of course i am, heeseung. leave me alone.” you mutter, scoffing as he only shakes his head playfully. “y/n. heeseung.” dr kim. speaks, your body tensing as you turn towards the front of the classroom, meeting your professor’s expectant eyes. “is this something important you would like to share with the class? or would you like to keep bothering everyone with your banter?” your cheeks immediately flush, your body running cold as all the heads in the classroom towards you two. you’ve never wanted the floor to swallow more than you did right now. you shake your head, your voice coming out quiet. “no sir, sorry about that.” heeseung says nothing, simply nodding his head. you were going to kill him. “alright, then. anyway, as i was saying…” dr. kim speaks, continuing on with the lesson like nothing happened as you sit there in humiliation.

“so…” he begins. “shut up.” you mumble back, your voice quiet as your eyes stay trained on your notebook, picking up your pen to continue writing down whatever nonsense your professor spills. you were pissed off now, all thoughts of entertaining the annoying boy sat next to you gone. you didn’t know if he had realized how embarrassed you actually were, but he didn’t push. you watched him shift in his seat so he was facing the front of the classroom out of your peripheral vision, also beginning to jot down notes. the rest of class drags on unbearably slow. you try to keep your focus on the lecture, but your mind buzzes with embarrassment, replaying the way dr. kim had called you both out in front of everyone. when class finally ends, you don’t waste a second in shoving your notebook into your bag, slinging it over your shoulder, and making a beeline for the door. of course, you’re never quite quick enough. heeseung appears next to you, falling in step beside you once again. “you’re really gonna ignore me after that?” you scoff, refusing to look at him as you keep your gaze trained ahead. “that’s exactly what i’m gonna do.” you hear him laugh, one that shows he clearly finds you entertaining. “it wasn’t that bad.” you finally glance at him, an annoyed expression on your face. “we got called out in front of the entire class for arguing like little kids, heeseung.” “and?” he grins, nudging your arm. “it was kinda cute. no big deal.” you inhale sharply, turning away before he can catch the way your face heats up. “you are insufferable. not everyone is as popular as you, alright? i don’t appreciate that many eyes on me.” he hums, tilting his head, as if he’s acknowledging your words. “where are you headed, anyway?” “lunch,” you say automatically, before realizing your mistake. a smirk creeps into his lips, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “perfect. i’m hungry, too.” “no.” you blurt out, your eyes snapping to his. he feigns innocence. “no?” “you are not coming with me, heeseung. i’ve dealt with you enough today.” you clarify, trying to make your expression as serious as you can, looking to your front again. “why not?” he grins, clearly enjoying getting a rise out of you. “we’re partners, aren’t we? we need to work on our… chemistry.” you groan, rubbing your temples. maybe if you ignore him, he’ll take the hint. he does not take the hint. he continues to walk next to you, ignoring the stares of other girls wondering why heeseung is walking around with you.

so now, much to your dismay, you find yourself exiting the building with heeseung beside you, practically- no, literally- inviting himself to lunch. and as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, your stomach is in knots at the thought of spending more time with him. the walk is awfully quiet. heeseung doesn’t say a lot- much to your dismay. you wouldn’t say it’s peaceful, it was far from it. while heeseung may have been relaxed, just enjoying the walk, you on the other hand were losing it inside. caught between being annoyed at him or acknowledging whatever feeling was in your chest every time he was near. it wasn’t like you couldn’t pretend what the feeling was. you knew what a crush felt like. but you didn’t want to pay it any mind. how could you have a crush on lee heeseung? how could you fall for someone this quickly? you had to have set a new record for yourself. you decided it was just the fact that you were yearning for any kind of romantic attention, and heeseung was providing that… kinda. calling you ‘princess’ wasn’t exactly flirting. but you had never had this before, were you just expected to not be flustered? this feeling was treacherous, and you knew it. falling for the playboy was the last thing you wanted to do. you fidgeted with your hands, worries swirling around inside your head as you try to come up with an excuse that doesn’t make you seem like a touch-deprived college student. lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the incoming cyclist until it’s too late. before you can process what’s happening, a firm grip wraps around your wrist, yanking you backward just in time. your breath stutters, a small squeak leaving you as you crash into something- someone. the scent of his cologne is suddenly overwhelming, your hands instinctively grabbing onto his hoodie to ground yourself. his arm is still around you, his body warm against yours, his grip on your wrist loosening, but not completely letting go. your heart pounds in your chest, and you don’t know if it’s from almost getting run over or him. you can feel his breath fanning lightly against your temple, his chest moving as he breathes in. was he always this built? you knew heeseung was strong, but you had never touched him. “careful, princess,” he murmurs, voice lower than usual. “you trying to get yourself killed?” you blink up at him, your lips parting, but no words come out. not when he’s this close, not when his arm is splayed across your back, his hand still holding onto your wrist lightly. and that’s when it hits you. this is a crush. you like lee heeseung. you pull away quickly, trying to ignore the warmth lingering on your skin as you clear your throat. “i- i wasn’t paying attention.” you stutter out, refusing to meet his gaze. heeseung lets out a soft chuckle, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watches you, nodding lightly. “yeah, i noticed.” you scowl, turning on your heel and stomping toward the café, hoping he doesn’t see the way your ears burn. he keeps up with you, and you can hear the smirk in his voice even when you don’t look at him. “so i don’t get a thank you?” you roll your eyes, trying to fight the blush climbing up your cheeks as you turn your head to the side, never realizing how interesting the road was. “thank you,” you mutter, your voice too quiet he almost didn’t hear. but he hums, and that’s enough for you to know he won’t push further… hopefully.

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it’s been a week. a week of trying to push away the way your heart speeds up whenever heeseung so much as looks at you. a week of acting like the casual touches and the teasing remarks don’t make your stomach flip. a week of trying to convince yourself you don’t like heeseung. a week of failing. now at lunch, you’re sat with wonyoung and yunjin, the conversation flowing easily between them- an annoying professor, a party next weekend, overdue homework- but the words barely process. your eyes are trained on heeseung across the cafeteria. the same place he always sits, with his team and friends, but now you can’t stop looking. he’s leaned back in his chair, laughing at something one of his friends said. he looks beautiful. you can admire his sharp jawline, or the way his adam’s apple moves when he throws his head back, laughing at a joke. and for some stupid, down bad reason, you can’t tear your eyes away. you’re not even aware you’ve been staring until yunjin’s voice snaps you out of it. “you can’t be serious.” your head snaps towards her, blinking in confusion. “what happened?” she doesn’t say anything. instead she pursues her lips, tilting her chin slightly in heeseung direction with a quirk of her brow. “heeseung.” your stomach drops, your mouth opening and closing as she waits for an answer. “it’s not like that,” you blurt, suddenly finding your untouched lunch very interesting. yunjin doesn’t buy it. she crosses her arms, watching you closely. “then why are you staring at him like that? is this why you’ve been so out of it lately?” silence. the air feels too thick, your face burning hotter by the second. you have no good excuse. no answer to her question, because that means you would have to admit it out loud. and you weren’t ready to do that. you hated how obvious you were being, how you were acting like every other girl he’s wrapped around his finger before now. finally, wonyoung- who has been watching this exchange like it’s the most entertaining thing she’s seen all day- chimes in, "i wouldn’t blame you.” you turn to her, your eyebrows raising. “what?” she shrugs, stealing one of your fries before tossing it in her mouth. "i’m just saying, he’s hot. everyone knows that. you’ve been spending a lot of time with him because of your project. i mean… would it be the worst thing if something happened?” your eyes widen more- if that’s even possible. but before you can get any words out, yunjin is speaking. she looks at her like she’s lost her mind, shaking her head quickly. "are you insane? don’t encourage this.” "i’m just saying!" wonyoung laughs, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “you never know.” yunjin scoffs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “no, we do know. heeseung is heeseung. an asshole.” she turns back to you, her expression softening slightly. "you just need to be careful.” it’s the same thing she always says. it’s everything that you’ve been telling yourself. you just nod, too embarrassed that they found out to even speak.

silence lingers between the three of you. you look on the food in front of you, the other students walking by, the ground. but you can feel their eyes on you, like they’re waiting for you to acknowledge their words- to say anything. wonyoung breaks the silence, picking at her nails, “i mean, it’s not like you have much experience- let me rephrase- you have no experience with this stuff.” your head snaps towards her, your jaw dropped. “what the fuck?” she smiles at you, shrugging. “i’m just pointing out the facts’ y/n. you get flustered by everything. you’re gonna fall too fast, especially with someone like him. that’s the reality for a romance virgin.” as if this moment wasn’t already embarrassing enough. your face burns, glaring at her. “a romance virgin? what the fuck does that even mean?” you go quiet, realizing you don’t have a comeback to her words, because as much as you hate it, she’s telling the truth. so you resort to sighing, grabbing a fry and plopping it in your mouth. “you guys are so annoying.” yunjin laughs, also stealing a fry from your plate. “we’re being realistic. and looking out for you.” “i don’t even like him,” you mumble, your mouth filled with a bite of food, wonyoung wincing at the sight. you only flip her off in response. she laughs, raising her eyebrows, “right. that’s why you were making heart eyes at him across the cafeteria. i’m surprised you didn’t raise up and start floating towards him.” you gape at her, scoffing as you shove her shoulder. “fuck off! i was not!” she doesn’t respond, but her and yunjin share a knowing look, smiles on their faces as they look back at you. you groan, pressing your hands against your face, “you guys suck. why are you torturing me?” yunjin speaks, her smile already telling you she’s about to make things worse, “just saying, do you really want heeseung to be your first everything?” you reach your hand over the table to smack her arm, practically glaring daggers at her as all she does is laugh. “yunjin! shut up!” she just shrugs, fighting back more laughs as you sulk in your chair, arms crossed against your chest. "what? i’m looking out for you. i mean, at least he’ll be good, he knows what he’s doing.” you decide to ignore her words, your cheeks burning as you look off to the side, sighing at how wonyoung laughs at her words. “i hate you,” you mumble, shaking your head. they only laugh more, wonyoung leaning over to give you a hug. you reciprocate, begrudgingly. you just want the floor to swallow you right now.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

you were late. to be fair, you weren’t that worried. heeseung was never on time to your study sessions. and, if anything, you were only going to be 5 minutes late. pushing open the door of the library, you’re greeted with the smell of books, the quiet sounds of footsteps, and fingers tapping keys quietly. time seems to slow in here, somehow. you like it. it’s so peaceful, everyone minding their own business. you stroll quietly, making your way to the study rooms on the side of the library. you had reserved one of the rooms, sending heeseung a text earlier in the day of which one to meet you at. you walk up to the door, the frosted glass frame with a big blue “5” staring back at you, before pushing it open. you’ll be able to set everything up, maybe get ahead a bit before you have to deal with him, go over things- but he’s already there. your brain short circuits, like all the thoughts you had disappeared. sitting in one of the chairs, leaned back with one leg stretched out and the other one bent. his hair is damp, which you assume is from practice, hanging in his eyes. a white wifebeater clings to his skin, leaving little to the imagination. his shoulders, his biceps, his chest, his torso. you swear you’re going insane. your eyes flicker to the way his forearm flexes when he scrolls on his phone, your fingers tightening around the strap on your bag. it’s only then that you realize you’ve been staring. his eyes flicker up from his phone as his gaze locks on yours, the corner of his lip rising. “like what you see?” you swallow, shaking your head as you step further into the room, letting the door shut behind you. “i’m just surprised you’re actually here on time.” he only nods, completely seeing through your little act. he leans back more, raising his arms above his head. he groans, and you can’t tear your eyes away from the way his muscles flex, or the way his shirt lifts- just slightly, but enough for you to see a sliver of his skin, his abs highlighted by the fluorescent lights shining down on you two. you feel insane. your body heats up, taking a deep breath as you (reluctantly) tear your eyes away from him. you busy yourself with pulling everything you need out, trying to ignore heeseung’s gaze on you. the space suddenly feels too small, and you regret reserving a room. you can’t look at anyone else, can’t find a distraction outside of this room. you’re stuck. heeseung pulls out his own laptop, opening it and speaking, like it’s the most casual thing. “you were staring.” your breath hitches, but you play it off, glaring at him. “i told you, i was surprised you were here on time.” his brows lift in amusement. “that’s all?” you nod, eyes turning back to your screen as you pull up the project. “that’s all.” “alright,” he hums, but the smile doesn’t drop from his face. your face burns, trying to push all thoughts of how good he looked away as you try desperately to lock in, typing out anything that seems of significance. this was going to be a long study session.

that it was. you were nearing the hour and a half mark, your brain starting to jumble all the words you read, taking in too much information at once. if you had to read one more article about the impact of diseases and medicine on our society you were sure you were going to start slamming your head against the table. for once, heeseung wasn’t being a pain. no remarks or teasing. he was silent, actually doing his work. you were grateful for the change, considering how earlier had gone. luckily the tensions had died down, and you two hadn’t talked since you walked in. then, without warning, he leans in. your body tenses, his arm reaching past you to grab a pen that had rolled over to your side. the scent of his cologne filled your nose, along with his breath lightly fanning against your cheek. you swallowed, trying to keep your eyes trained on your laptop like nothing was wrong. but he notices. of course he does. his fingers hover over the pen, but he doesn’t grab it. his gaze flickers to you, the corner of his lip lifting up. “you good?” his voice is lower, the teasing lilt evident in his voice already. you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat as you continue typing, trying to ignore how fast your heart is beating, “yeah, i’m fine.” he tilts his head, just watching you. then he moves a bit closer, your breath hitching. “are you sure?” he asks again, smiling slightly. you nod again, too scared to even look his way as you feel your cheeks burning up. “you’re too close. that’s all.” he grins, unable to hide how amusing this is to him, “too close?” you nod, confirming his words with a quiet, “yeah.” he doesn’t back away, instead slowly dragging the pen towards himself as he continues. “what, never had a guy this close before?” you open your mouth to respond- but no words come out. it’s like you glitched, the words refusing to leave your lips as you try to come up with an excuse, an insult, anything to get the attention off of you right now. fuck. he picks up on it immediately. his grin falters slightly, his eyes flickering over your face to gauge your reaction. “you haven’t?” you feel stupid. your chest tightens, embarrassment flooding you. you turn your head quickly- too quickly. not realizing how close the two of you were, your nose brushes against his as you stutter out words. “that’s not- no- i mean-“ “oh my god.” he mumbles, leaning back in his chair. “heeseung.” you speak, your eyes pleading with him. he blinks, the smirk gone off his face and replaced with curiosity. “you’ve never been kissed before? actually?”

“heeseung-” you mumble, no other word leaving your lips as your ears heat up, your stomach twisting as he stares at you. his grin returns, just slightly, a small laugh leaving him as he shakes his head. “that’s.. wow.” he doesn’t sound judgmental, more so surprised, but the damage was already done. “just drop it,” you mutter, suddenly feeling the need to get out of the room, closing your laptop and beginning to pack up. “that’s interesting,” he continues, slowly shutting his laptop as he continues to watch you, “you’re leaving?” you nod, trying to ignore the mortification you feel as you shove things into your backpack carelessly. “it’s already been an hour and a half.” you go to shove a pencil inside, but with how shaky your hands are, it slips through your fingers, landing on the table. “fuck,” you whisper, so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. he reaches for the pen, his fingers moving faster than yours as he twirls it in between his fingers, watching you. “you good?” you nod, holding out your hand for the pen, refusing to meet his eyes, “i’m fine. just- can i have it?” he hesitates, before slowly placing it in your palm. he doesn’t say anything, instead simply watching as you move your hand quickly, shoving the pen into your backpack, before quickly zipping it up and slinging it over your shoulder. you can feel his gaze on you, turning on your heel and making a beeline for the door. “i’ll see you in class,” you mutter, the door shutting behind you as you walk out as quickly as your legs will take you, trying to hold back the flood of emotions and embarrassment swirling inside you.

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it felt like everything hit you the second you stepped through the door. the silence only heightened the sound of your pounding heartbeat in your ears. you kick off your shoes, your hands shaky as you let your backpack fall to the floor. your mind can’t stop replaying every interaction with heeseung earlier that day. but it felt like so much more than that. it was about the way you slipped up, your own body betraying you and the truth slipping out. it wasn’t like being inexperienced was a bad thing- you knew that. but you hated how everyone around you was able to talk about it so casually. while you fell behind and lived vicariously through romance novels and cheesy romcoms. for once, you wanted to know what it was like. and for all people that could’ve found out- heeseung had to know. the boy who had a new girl on his arm every week, who was no stranger to romance. it felt mocking. embarrassing. like the universe was making a joke of you, pointing at you and laughing. your breath catches in your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks before you can process it. you don’t stop them, you don’t react. you simply stand there, small sobs leaving you as the defeated feeling takes over. you’d tried to hard to not let this take over. to be okay with the fact that you hadn’t experienced love yet, it was no big deal. but it somehow hurt more knowing the one you liked was probably the most unattainable person on campus. you shuffle towards your bed, your feet barely leaving the ground until you reach the foot of your bed, letting yourself fall forward, straight into a pillow. your tears soak the fabric, your mind swirling with insecurities and thoughts of yearning. to know. to feel. to be loved. it feels so impossible at this point. like love- true love- will never find you. it felt like everything was boiling over, your body curling up as your tears grow more intense, louder sobs slipping from your lips as your hands grip the pillow. you didn’t even know how long you had been crying for. you cried until no more tears came out, the sobs transforming into quiet sniffles and labored breaths, until exhaustion took over your body and lulled your body into a peaceful sleep, safe from all the worries of the outside world.

but the peace didn’t last. the sound of the door opening stirs you awake, yunjin’s voice filling the apartment. your body feels too heavy, a dull pounding in your head and a lump in your throat still remain as you turn over slowly. you rub your eyes, trying your best to remove the evidence of your breakdown through your sleepy confusion. “-and he was so fucking hot, y/n. ugh, i wish i would’ve gone over to his place. and he told me he had a good time, and he wants to see me again!” she spills, kicking off her shoes and throwing her purse somewhere near the door, flailing her hands as she recounts all the details. she pauses as she turns to you, finally taking in the state you’re in. “were you asleep? sorry. i didn’t mean to wake you up,” she laughs quietly, lowering her voice. you simply shake your head, still coming back to reality as you push yourself up. you speak, your voice scratchy and slurred from lingering exhaustion, “it’s fine. i shouldn’t have fallen asleep that early, anyway.” she walks over, sitting at the edge of your bed and looking at you, a smile on her lips before she takes in your puffy eyes. “you doing alright?” you swallow, pushing down the emotions that threaten to resurface. you nod, forcing a smile. “i’m good. just tired… i’ve had a lot of work lately.” she watches you, her head tilting like she doesn’t believe you. finally, a smile breaks out on her face as she lets herself fall back against your bed, turning her head to face you. “he was so perfect. like, usually i don’t like pisces men, but beomgyu? he was just.. fuck, y/n, i’m losing my mind.” you smile slightly at her lovesick rant, her words filled with a giddy happiness that only love can bring to you. you nod along to her words, her eyes lighting up when she recounts the best details. “are you going out again?” you ask quietly, playing with the hem of your blanket when she stops talking, simply staring at your ceiling with a lovesick smile. that question breaks her out of the trance, turning to you with a grin. “fuck yeah! he asked me to go to his place next? you know what that means,” she trails off, wriggling her eyebrows before kicking her feet, covering her face with her hands as she squeals. you laugh, although deep down, you wish you could know what it feels like. the feeling of being desired, of being wanted. and as yunjin continues to ramble, expressive hands and wide eyes, you can’t push down the feeling that creeps up and surrounds you, making you feel like you’re locked inside a dark room that has no key, no door. like you’re falling behind while everyone races ahead.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“no.” the word leaves your lips before yunjin can finish her sentence, already knowing where it was going when she started with, “so, i was thinking…” you don’t look up from your laptop, hoping that if you don’t acknowledge them, they’ll drop it. they never do. wonyoung groans, flopping backwards onto your bed before she rolls over on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands as she stares at you. “y/n, please. you literally never go out.” you finally spare her a glance, before looking back at your computer. “i’m busy.” yunjin crosses her arms, a huff of air leaving her. “you fucking liar. all you do is rot in bed. then you wonder why you get no action.” you glare at her, choosing to ignore her jab at your love- or lack thereof- life. “i enjoy the tranquility.” “god, you’re hopeless.” she sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed beside wonyoung’s sprawled out figure. “you need to have some fun for once.” “i do have fun,” you reply, finally shutting your laptop, “a party is not my idea of fun. it’s sweaty bodies, and drunk people, and people making out against walls.” “you’re so dramatic,” wonyoung laughs, her hands tugging lightly at your calves. “it’s one night. maybe something will happen.” you shake your head, ignoring the puppy dog eyes she sends you. “no, nothing will. i’ll go and hate it, want to kill myself, and wish i could be back in bed watching reruns of gossip girl.” yunjin groans, tossing her head back at your resilience. “i’m gonna kill you. you’re coming to this party. you need some action. that’s probably why you’ve been so… whatever you’ve been, lately.” you freeze, shaking your head lightly. “i don’t need action.” wonyoung giggles, turning her head to smile at yunjin. “you know, y/n, she has a point. don’t you think it’s time to put yourself out there?” you roll your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek. “shut up.” but your stomach twists uncomfortably. they don’t mean it in a harmful way- to them it’s just teasing. they don’t know how much you hate having nothing, the fear of putting yourself out there. and after your breakdown a few nights ago, the topic felt heavier. more anxiety fills you as another thought creeps in. impossible to shake, growing larger the more you try to ignore it. if it’s a party, heeseung will be there. he always is. the thought of running into him after your last interaction makes your chest feel tight, your eyes flickering around the room. “i just don’t wanna go,” you mumble, trying your luck again. of course, they don’t listen. yunjin sends you a look, standing up and grabbing your arms, tugging you forward. you gasp, catching your balance before you tumble off your bed. “didn’t i already tell you you’re coming to this party? get up, loser.” you huff, reluctantly listening to her just this once. you toss your feet over the side of the bed, letting yunjin pull you to your feet. “you’re so lucky i love you guys,” you mutter, glaring at both of them. wonyoung squeals, practically flying off of your bed as she wraps you in a hug, jumping up and down. “finally! i’ve been waiting for this day forever!”

you only shake your head, trying to bite back a smile at her excitement. yunjin, on the other hand, has already made her way to your dresser, pulling random clothes out and tossing them over her shoulder. “okay,” she speaks, tossing a pair of shorts that are too short beside her, “we wanna make you look hot. but also not like you’re trying too hard, a good balance. heeseung’s gonna be there, right?” wonyoung laughs, making her way over to yunjin to look at the clothes she’s already picked out, holding them up to your body before nodding or shaking her head. your stomach, however, twists at the mention of his name. “i’m not trying to impress anyone,” you blurt, shaking your head as yunjin pulls out a tiny red dress, “i’m only going because you guys are forcing me.” she gives you a look, raising her eyebrows. “you realize we can see right through you, right? you act like we’re not your best friends. you want the guy, admit it.” you go silent, opting to roll your eyes at her words instead. she only laughs, tossing the red dress at you. “try that on.” “i’m not wearing this,” you mutter, holding it out in front of you.wonyoung whines, shaking your shoulders. “it’s a house party, girl. other people are going to be wearing so much worse. just try it.” you groan, reluctantly trying the dress on. it’s too tight, too short, showing off your body in ways you’re not used to. you look up, gauging the two girls’ reactions. yunjin tilts her head, analyzing you, before finally shaking her head. “no, i don’t think that’s very you,” she says, turning back to your closet. “you wanna look slutty, but like, fashion.” you furrow your eyebrows, almost wanting to laugh at how seriously they were taking this. “great explanation.”

wonyoung gasps, stopping both of you in your tracks. “yunjin, give me that shirt,” she exclaims, pointing to a black lace tube top yunjin is holding up. the lace wraps around itself, one edge falling to create an asymmetrical look. once yunjin hands it over, she grabs a black denim skirt off the floor, holding the items to your body as best she can. “yes. this is it,” she smiles, yunjin nodding beside her. “put this on. you’re gonna look so hot.” you can’t deny wonyoung’s words once you have the outfit on. it looks good, the pieces accentuating your body while not showing off too much. yunjin’s jaw drops slightly, nodding as you spin slowly. “i’m so in love with you.” you smile, shaking your head at her. wonyoung grabs a pair of black heeled-boots, the leather tight around your calves, with a platform that makes you at least 5 inches taller. yunjin nods, looking at wonyoung, “add a leather jacket.” once the whole outfit is assembled, you can’t deny it. you feel hot. you look hot. “you look amazing, y/n. heeseung’s one lucky guy.” wonyoung smiles, stepping up to you to adjust the top. you glare at her, an exasperated breath leaving you. “stop bringing him up. nothing has happened between us.” “yet,” yunjin says, a teasing smile on her lips. “oh, fuck off,” you laugh, flipping her off. you couldn’t help the feeling that settled in your stomach. was it anxiety? excitement? you couldn’t tell, but you knew this was going to be a long night. and maybe, deep down, a part of you wanted heeseung to see you in this outfit.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

you regretted coming the second you stepped through the door. music was blasting through the speakers, the volume combined with all the conversations happening almost unbearable. the smell of weed and alcohol invaded your senses almost immediately. people were everywhere you looked, crowded together. drinking, smoking, dancing, talking, making out. your feet slowed down, suddenly wanting to turn around and go back home. yunjin tugged your arm, forcing your feet to move again as she dragged you along, weaving through the mass of bodies, trying to avoid bumping into anyone. wonyoung was right. people were wearing much worse. you still felt out of place though. like people knew you didn’t normally dress like this. like people knew you were trying to look good just for this party. once the three of you stopped moving, wonyoung looked at you, immediately sensing your discomfort. “you’re fine. no one’s judging you, okay? everyone’s too caught up in their own thing here.” you only nodded in response, glancing around at everyone. “there’s… a lot of people here.” wonyoung laughs, finding your reactions cute. “yeah, that’s usually what it’s like at house parties.” the idea of willingly putting yourself in this environment weekly sent a chill down your spine. things like this weren’t your speed. though, sometimes, you wonder what it would be like to be an extrovert, to enjoy talking to others, spending your days socializing. wonyoung explains something to you, but you’re only halfway listening. your eyes are drifting around the party. looking for something, or someone. hoping to see his black hair in the crowd of people. a bit hard, when half the people here had black hair. “oh- there he is!” yunjin gasps, her words pulling you out of your trance as you look at her, raising your eyebrows. you follow her line of vision, nerves bubbling in you at the thought of actually seeing him- “beomgyu!” she smiles, turning to you and wonyoung with a cheesy grin. “i’m gonna go say hi. i’ll catch you guys in a bit?” “go get your man,” you smile, watching as she heads off, a pep in her step as gets closer to him. you turn back to wonyoung, unsure of what to do now that you were here.

“so, like, what do we do?” you ask, once again glancing around at the people around you. “talk to people. get a drink. find someone hot.” she nudges you at the last option, sending a teasing smile your way. “no.” your reply is immediate, shaking your head. “i’m not having any of my firsts at a random house party.” she sighs, throwing her head back before looking back at you. “you read too many romance novels.” you gape at her, your lips forming into a pout. “a girl can dream. let me wait for the one.” “well, looking like you do tonight,” she pauses, her eyes flickering up and down your figure, “i’m gonna be surprised if no one hits on you.” her sentence sends a hint of excitement through you, but you quickly shake your head, dismissing the feeling. “i’d rather someone not. that would just be awkward. i can’t talk to people.” she laughs, but she’s shaking her head. “this is exactly why you need to go out more. put yourself out there.” you don’t respond, your eyes flickering around the crowd of people once again, watching people's body language, and how they interact with one another. everyone looks so relaxed, simply enjoying the environment. “anyway,” wonyoung speaks, breaking the silence that settled between you two, “i’m gonna go get a drink. do you wanna come?” you shake your head, not feeling like navigating through the crowd of people once again, choosing to wait for wonyoung to get back. “no. it’s fine. i’ll wait.” “alright, do you want anything?” she continues, watching as you shake your head again, denying her offer. “i’ll be right back, then.” you watch as she walks off, weaving through the crowd and heading towards the kitchen. you lean back against the wall, fidgeting with your fingers as you wait calmly for wonyoung to return. she doesn’t. two minutes turn to five, which turns to ten, which turns to fifteen. people were starting to send you looks, wondering why you were standing around alone, with no drink. you felt out of place. no, you were out of place. you glance around, the nerves of everything becoming too overstimulating. you needed to get away from the crowds. slowly, you push through the crowd, making your way to the hallway. you slip past the people having conversations, and the couple making out against the wall. one door is cracked open, which you can only assume means it’s safe to enter. you wait outside for a bit, listening for if there’s any noises. it’s silent. you hesitate for a second, before finally pushing the door open. the room was empty, the quiet away from the loud voices instantly calming your nerves. you shut the door behind you, the noise of the party becoming even more muffled, feeling like a breath of fresh air.

you glanced around the room, your heart nearly stopping. heeseung was leaned against the wall, scrolling on his phone. could this night get any worse? he hadn’t noticed you yet, too busy scrolling on his phone. you gulped, feeling your face flush. you could turn around, you could leave the room. you should do that. but for some reason, your feet wouldn’t move. it was like they were planted into the ground. he lifted his gaze from his phone, locking eyes with you. you felt like a deer caught in headlights. his expression was unreadable, but he tilted his head slightly. a brief moment of silence passed between the two of you, your heart thudding loudly in your chest as he watched you. “y/n?” he asked, his voice sounding a bit surprised. “sorry,” you finally forced out, fidgeting with your fingers as your gaze drifts away from his, focusing on the wall instead. “i thought this room was empty.” he simply shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “too loud out there?” you nod, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. this somehow felt more suffocating than the party did. “i didn’t mean to… bother you.” you mumble, turning around to head for the door. “you don’t have to leave,” he said, his voice quiet, your stomach fluttering at the sound, “i’m not doing anything. stay if you need a break. if you want.” you stand still, both choices seeming wrong. staying in the room with him felt like a mistake, but walking back out to the chaos of the party felt slightly worse. slowly, you nodded, turning around and stepping further into the room. “okay. uh, thanks.” you both stood there, not saying anything for a moment. you shifted your gaze around the room, your nerves palpable. and heeseung, of course, picked up on it. “this isn’t exactly your scene, is it, princess?” he asked, voice filled with that familiar teasing tone. you tried to ignore how the nickname had your heart doing somersaults, or how your face heated up. everything felt so much more elevated in the room. you swallowed, trying to push your nerves aside as you looked back at him. “uh, no, it’s not,” you mumble, almost wanting to laugh at how awkward you sounded. he hums, pushing himself off the wall and walking towards the bed, sitting on the edge. he looks at you expectantly, only laughing slightly when you raise your brows in response. “are you just gonna stand there the whole time?” your face flushes, suddenly feeling too embarrassed. your body moves before you realize it, getting closer to him. you can feel your heartbeat speeding up, his eyes watching you as you sit down next to him. you’re not an awkward distance away, but you made sure to put some space between the two of you. the room was quiet, except for the noise of your nervous breaths, your fingers fidgeting with each other.

“so,” he began, breaking the silence, “what’re you doing here, anyway?” you look at him, shrugging. “my friends dragged me along.” he hummed, tilting his head, “so then why are you in here?” this was humiliating. “one is talking to her date and another went to get drinks and didn’t come back,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the smile that crept up on his face. “damn, princess,” he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head lightly, “they ditched you?” “i mean, they’re more used to this environment. i wouldn’t wanna, like, hold them back from having fun,” you shrug, glancing down at your hands. “if you say so,” he responds, going quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “i just still don’t see why you would even come, considering, y’know..” your stomach drops. your eyes flicker up to his, raising your eyebrows slightly. “considering… what?” he tilts his head, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “you’ve never kissed anyone. you weren’t lying about that, right?” heat rises on your cheeks, the embarrassment that hits you suddenly making you feel sick, once again stuck in a room with heeseung and talking about this. “heeseung. i don’t wanna talk about that.” “why? it’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he replies with a shrug, leaning back against the pillows and playing with the hem of his shirt. “you ever had a boyfriend?” “heeseung.” you say, but his expression tells you he’s not letting this go anytime soon. you sigh, your voice quiet, the word coming out as a hushed whisper, “no.” he was quiet, and the more the silence dragged on, the more you felt like you wanted the floor to swallow you. the same humiliating feeling from before was slowly making its way back, the room feeling like it was closing in on you. and then, heeseung spoke. “you ever wonder what it’s like? to kiss someone?” he asks, and you almost want to laugh. “that’s a stupid question,” you blurt before you can stop it, listening to the way he laughs quietly. “sorry. had to make sure,” he replies, and this, for some reason, doesn’t feel as bad as last time did. it doesn’t feel like he’s judging you. more so, just asking questions. “of course i do. it’s kinda hard not to when all everyone talks about is their love lives,” you reply, finally opening up a bit. you don’t know why you’re telling him this much. you could’ve diverted the conversation, made him talk about something else, but you were opening up. you were trying to ignore the anxiety bubbling in your chest. from being in a room alone with heeseung, to discussing your desolate love life with him. it felt unnatural- it was unnatural. you were never one to open up to people easily, but it felt like he did it without trying (well, besides when he wouldn’t like a topic go).

“i could teach you,” he speaks, and your head snaps up to his so fast you’re surprised your neck didn’t break in the process. it felt like time stopped. you couldn’t hear the music outside, or the muffled voices. all you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears and the way your breathing picked up. heeseung continued to stare at you, his eyebrows raised slightly as he waited for an answer. “w-what?” you stutter out, trying to convince yourself you heard his words wrong, that you made it up, some kind of excuse. “i said i could teach you. you heard me,” he repeats his words, the corner of his lip lifting up again. your breath hitched. the silence was too loud, the two of you just staring at each other as you tried your hardest to process his words. “you’re joking, right?” you finally ask, your voice quiet, unsure. but he didn’t laugh. he only watched you, his voice dropping just a bit lower. “it’s not hard. if you want, i could teach you.” you sat, frozen. blinking out of whatever daze you were in since he spoke, your eyes flickering the the ground. heeseung- the playboy heeseung, the heeseung you liked- offering to be your first kiss. it didn’t feel right. it felt like the universe was trying to play a sick joke on you. like this would turn out to be too good to be true. you heard him laugh softly, and your eyes drifted back up to him. he seemed to be enjoying how flustered you were, how your brain was quite literally short circuiting. “we don’t have to if you don’t want to. it’s just an offer. but, if you want to, i’m right here.” you felt your heart speed up more at his words. your mind felt like it couldn’t process what was going on. what was the right choice here? one side of you felt like you should laugh it off, change the subject and act like the conversation never happened. continue to save your first kiss for something special. but on the other hand, this did feel special. you were curious. hell, you’ve been curious for the last 22 years. you were caught between forcing down your desires and enlightening them, finally understanding what you’ve been wondering about your whole life. finally being able to understand the conversations, the movie scenes, the books. your mouth opened, a protest about to leave your lips, but no words came out. your words got stuck, your true feelings not letting them leave. heeseung noticed your hesitation, pushing himself to sit up. he watched you, his voice getting softer, quieter. “come here,” he mumbled, his words making your stomach do flips. god, you wanted to slam your head against the wall. your heartbeat sped up, but you moved closer to him anyway, sitting so close your knees were pressed together. you didn’t know what you were doing, but you knew you didn’t wanna turn around and leave. not at this point. heeseung watched you, not reaching out until you had stopped moving. his hand reached up slowly, cautiously, gently cupping your jaw. his thumb brushed over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. his gaze flickered between your eyes and lips, the reality of what was happening sinking it. “you’re nervous,” he whispered, the words spoken like they were a secret just between the two of you. his breath fans across your face, further solidifying the reality of the distance between you two. you nodded, your breath shallow, unsure. you let your own eyes flicker to his lips before moving back to his eyes. you whispered, your voice shaky, “what if i’m bad?” he smiled, his thumb tracing your jaw as he shook his head. “don’t worry about that. just follow my lead.”

you nod, everything feeling like a haze. he leans in slowly, and before you can think too much about it, his lips are on yours. it felt like everything around you stopped. your eyes fluttered shut, your breath stuttering. his lips are soft, and you try to follow his movements as best you can. his touch is gentle, guiding you, taking a first experience from you. the outside world seems quiet, likes it’s just you and heeseung in this moment. he presses his lips a bit harder against yours, tilting your head just slightly. the feeling is all-consuming. overwhelming. you want more and want to get away all at the same time. but it feels nice. it feels like everything you’ve dreamed of. what the lead in a romance movie feels, what the books describe, how your friend’s eyes light up when they tell you about their first kiss with a new guy. he pulls away slowly, his hand still remaining on your jaw. your eyes flutter open, blinking a little, like you’re trying to ground yourself. his face was still so close to yours, your breaths mixing together. his expression was unreadable, and your heart sped up at the reality. “was that okay?” you ask, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. heeseung stared at you for a moment, not saying anything. his eyes searched yours, his breath soft against your skin, his touch still so light. “yeah,” he mumbled, his eyes still flickering around your face, his thumb tracing your jaw again. “not bad, princess.” you nod, your mind in too much of a haze to mumble out exact words. you eyes flickered to his lips again, fighting the urge to lean in again, to feel the warmth of his lips against yours. but before you could think about it too much, your phone buzzed loudly against your lap, the ringing snapping you back to reality. you blink, still dazed, as you look down on at your phone, shaky hands turning it over, the name staring back at you. wonyoung. shit. you hesitated for a second, before answering the call, pressing the phone to your ear. “hello?” “where are you?” wonyoung’s voice came through, a bit hard to hear over the pounding music. “i came back to the spot you were at. i got caught up with some friends, i’m sorry.” you swallowed, your mind still in a haze. your gaze flickered to heeseung. he was already watching you, having had leaned back against the headboard. “it’s fine,” you mumble, words trailing off. your heartbeat still felt too loud, and your thoughts were jumbled and all over the place. “it’s- i’m just..” heeseung raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. he tilted his head, clearly amused by your inability to form a sentence right now. “hello?” wonyoung’s voice spoke again, pulling your attention back to her. “are you there?” “yeah! yeah, sorry,” you mumble, pursing your lips. “i’ll be right there.” “okay. i’ll see you soon.” she replied, the line going dead.

the room went silent, filled with nothing but the awkwardness swirling around the two of you. you were too afraid to meet his gaze, so you stare at your hands, before standing up slowly, placing your phone in your pocket. “um… i should go. i’ll see you around?” heeseung didn’t say anything, and you took that as your cue to just leave. you walked towards the door, trying to form a coherent thought as you reached for the doorknob. his voice finally cut through the quiet, making you stop in your tracks. “you know,” he began, his voice teasing, with a hint of something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint, “you look nice tonight.” the words sent butterflies swirling in your stomach, closing your eyes as you tried to ground yourself. what was wrong with you? you didn’t turn around, too scared to meet his eyes. you couldn’t. so you only nodded, your voice shaky, “thank you.” you opened the door, stepping out and back into the party. it felt like you were snapped back to reality the second the loud music hit your ears, met with the sight of a swarm of people again as you pushed through the crowd. you tried to ignore the way your lips still tingled, or the way your cheeks heated up when you thought about his hand on your face, his breath so close to you, his lips against yours. you almost bumped into someone, muttering out a pathetic “sorry” as you corrected your path, finally catching a glimpse of yunjin and wonyoung standing together, talking about some random topic. wonyoung noticed you first, smiling and waving as she noticed you walking over. you wave back, forcing a smile as you join up with them. all you know is that you’re going crazy. you kissed heeseung. your first kiss. was it a mistake? did you make too irrational of a decision while being caught in the moment? your thoughts are interrupted by yunjin’s loud voice, pulling you back to the current moment, “you missed everything, y/n. i had so much to talk about. where were you, anyway?” you open your mouth, your eyes flickering between the two girls watching you with expectant stares. you should lie, make some kind of excuse to avert the attention from you, ask what yunjin had to talk about. but the thought of hiding your feelings from them more than you already are makes a sick feeling appear in your stomach. “i kissed heeseung.” the words are out before you even realize you said that. they stand there, unmoving before yunjin speaks, “you what?”

wonyoung only covers her mouth with her hand, a loud gasp leaving her lips as she looks between you and yunjin. you stare sheepishly at the two, no more words leaving your lips as you open and close your mouth, wonyoung finally forcing some words out. “bitch, are you serious?” the reality of everything feels like it’s hitting you all over again, a shaky breath leaving your lips as you look up, trying to form a sentence in your mind before you speak out loud. “i kissed heeseung. or, he kissed me. we kissed each other? i don’t know…” you cover your eyes with one of your hands, clenching your eyes shut. everything feels too surreal right now. yunjin blinks, shaking her head as she tries to make sense of the situation. “hold on, start from the beginning, please. what the fuck happened?” you laugh shakily, shrugging as words come spilling out, “i just- i needed a break from the party, so i went into what i thought was an empty room, but he was in there. he told me i could stay, and we started talking, and he brought up the fact that i’d never kissed anyone-“ wonyoung cuts you off, raising an eyebrow. “how did he know that?” you gulp, averting your eyes. “that’s a story for another time.” the two share a look, but don’t interrupt you again, letting you continue. “anyway, he said he could teach me… and, yeah,” you mumble, words getting quieter as you finish the story, finally looking back at the two. yunjin’s jaw is dropped, and she turns to wonyoung with a glare. “you left her alone for ten minutes and she kissed heeseung?” “i wanted a drink!” wonyoung defends herself, pointing at you, “i didn’t know she was gonna sneak off and make out with someone while i was gone.” your cheeks heat up, shaking your head quickly. “it wasn’t like that. it was just one kiss.” yunjin only laughs, giving you a hug. “well, congratulations. my baby is all grown up.” “oh, fuck off,” you mutter, but your arms wrap around her, fighting back a smile. “was it good?” wonyoung asks, your eyes widening. “like… is he really that good of a kisser like everyone says?”

your breath hitches at the question. your mind flickers back to how his lips felt on yours, how softly he held you, his breath soft against your lips, how his voice dropped, quiet and gentle. the way everything made you felt. your heart speeds up again at the thought, and you swallow, hesitating slightly before answering, trying to disguise the true thoughts you have. “i don’t know, wonyoung. it was my first kiss. how am i supposed to know what good means?” you reply, huffing out a laugh. she groans, unsatisfied with your answer, but she doesn’t push further. yunjin pulls back from the hug, but her hands remain on your shoulders. “you kissed lee heeseung. the lee heeseung. and he offered to teach you. girl, you’re in so deep.” you shake your head, feeling your cheeks heat up even more, if that’s possible. wonyoung chimes in, tugging your arm. “okay. back to your dorm, right now. tell us everything. leave absolutely nothing out.” you only laugh, but let wonyoung drag you along, yunjin following closely behind. the comfort the two provide for you makes things feel not as stressful, trying your best to push the anxieties and self-doubt about the turn the night took away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

your stomach was a mess of nerves as you stepped through the classroom door. it wasn’t that you didn’t expect to see heeseung- you knew he was going to be here. but you didn’t know if you were ready. you had spent the past two days replaying every moment, every detail of that night, too caught up in your own thoughts. you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t a big deal, that it was just a kiss, but your true feelings betrayed you. you spotted him in what had become his usual seat- which was previously yours- scrolling on his phone, leaned back in the chair. you swallowed, getting closer to the seat as you put on a front, acting as nonchalant and unaffected as you could.  you slid into the chair next to him, pulling out your notebook and letting your bag hit the floor with a soft thud. you busied yourself with opening to an empty page, dragging your pencil along the page to make random, pointless drawings. anything to try and ease your nerves at the moment. “hey, princess,” heeseung spoke, his voice carrying that signature teasing lilt. his tone was so casual, like nothing had happened. you tried to ignore the way your heartbeat sped up at the sounds of his voice, or the nickname that used to make you grind your teeth. “i didn’t see you after you left the room. i thought you disappeared.” you finally glanced at him, your eyes meeting his. “i’m still here. sadly.” his lip twitched, that signature smirk forming on his lips. “good to know.”

his tone was so casual, so normal. but yet, things felt different. maybe it was the way he was watching you- his gaze lingering for just a second too long before looking away. or how he wasn’t teasing you as much, you two having a normal conversation for once. you were reading too much into it. this was the last thing you wanted to do. you kissed him because he offered to teach you. there was no meaning, no feelings behind it- on his end. you cleared your throat, turning back to your notebook. “did you look over the project? i added some notes to the shared document. there’s an article that seems like it could be helpful.” he shook his head, leaning forward so his elbows were on the desk. “nah. i’ve been busy with practice.” you roll your eyes, but the usual irritation didn’t come. you continued to doodle on your notebook, trying to focus on the small flower you were creating. but you couldn’t ignore the way you could feel his gaze on you, making heat rise to your cheeks. “you’re staring,” you mumble, eyes still trained on the flower, adding small blades of grass at the bottom, adding another small flower next to it. “am i?” he asked, and you could see the way he tilted his head in your peripheral vision. “i didn’t notice.” you huffed out a breath, forcing yourself not to react. if you gave him an inch, he’d take a mile, pointing out every little flustered reaction you have. it was the last thing you needed. dr. kim entered the room, greeting the class, indirectly saving you from having to reply. you tried to focus, jotting down whatever he mentioned, but your focus was somewhere else entirely. every time heeseung moved, shifting in his seat, tapping his pen against your notebook, your attention would be drawn to him. you couldn’t stop it. as much as you tried to focus, trying to ignore him, your mind wouldn’t let you. you felt like a middle schooler with a pathetic crush all over again. it was stupid. he was acting normal. you were (trying to) act normal. so why did nothing feel normal? slowly, your head turned just slightly, looking towards him. but he was already looking at you. he didn’t look away, your eyes meeting for a fleeting second. your breath caught in your throat, and you turned back to your notebook quickly, shifting in your seat. you were screwed. your heart lurched, your pulse quickening. a small part of your mind tells you that you’re not imagining things- that something has shifted. something is different. but you can’t place your finger on it. you feel like you’re making yourself go crazy, overanalyzing every little detail. every little glance, every sentence, hell, you payed attention to the tone of his voice. all you know is that you’re fucked. you’re officially down bad for lee heeseung.

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your day had been horrible. you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep, forgetting that this shitshow of a day ever happened. you woke up late, the shrill sound of your alarm shocking you awake, the time on the clock practically mocking you as you realized you were going to be late to class. you rushed your morning, not even having enough time to get breakfast, leaving your stomach growling as you rushed to class. you looked like you had just rolled out of bed- which was the truth- as you walked into the classroom, sending an apologetic smile as your professor glared at you. the lecture was a blur, and to make matters worse, you absolutely failed your test. you knew you weren’t confident with the material, but to have a low c staring back at you made you feel too incompetent. your professor didn’t even hide her disappointment, shaking her head as she placed the paper on your desk, your ears turning red with embarrassment. now, your heavy feet were carrying you to your favorite café, your comfort away from the hectic world, the one place that brought you peace after a bad day. about halfway there, it had started sprinkling, small droplets landing on you as you walked. it truly felt like you had a rain cloud above only you, making fun of how bad your day had gone so far. you pushed open the door to the café, the comforting smell filling your senses, and you felt the tension in your body ease just slightly. you tried to ignore the looks of other patrons, wondering why you had no umbrella, your hair and clothes damp as you stepped inside. all that was on your mind was a hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream. you’d been dreaming about it since you walked into class earlier, making a promise to yourself you would pick one up after class to hopefully raise your dejected feelings. of course, the universe had other plans. the cup looked fine, the white paper concealing what was inside. but when you took a sip, the sharp taste hit your tastebuds, completely wrong. bitter coffee covered your tongue, making your face scrunch up. you blinked in confusion, slowly popping the lid off the cup. they had given you straight black coffee. you stared at the coffee, your pitiful stare reflecting off the dark liquid. you sighed, frustration bubbling up inside you. you weren’t going to make a scene, you were too exhausted for that. it wasn’t what you did. but you also knew if you didn’t have your hot chocolate you were going to go insane. was it pathetic that a drink could help make your day that much better? maybe.

you walked back up to the counter, politely pointing the mistake out to the barista, even pulling out your crumpled up receipt from your pocket to solidify your point. she didn’t seem to care, staring at you blankly before taking the cup with a sigh, muttering out a half-assed apology. you wanted to say something, your inner dialogue filled with very creative language as you watched her roll her eyes when she turned around. you felt like a burden, the comfort this place usually provided suddenly turning into a unpleasant experience. they finally handed you the right drink, about five minutes later. it should’ve made things better, but it didn’t. you thanked her with the biggest smile you could muster, apologizing for the inconvenience and turning around. you were starting to walk to your favorite seat, a table in the corner that gave you a perfect view of the scenery outside, a perfect place to put in your headphones and daydream. and that’s when it happened. too focused on the previous interaction, too distracted with everything that had gone wrong today. you ran into someone- hard. your shoulders slammed into each other, the force making you stumble backwards, your drink almost spilling. some splashed out the small opening, the hot liquid splashing against your hand, causing a small curse to leave your mouth as you winced. you steadied yourself, looking up at the stranger. an apology was on the tip of your tongue, ready to admit that you weren’t paying attention, but that’s when you saw his expression. cold. angry. he looked you up and down, like you were a piece of garbage. as if you were an inconvenience. like you had ruined his whole day, his eyes full of judgement. he didn’t bother to say anything, let alone hear whatever you had to say as he scoffed and continued on his way. it felt like a slap in the face. your mouth opened, almost ready to sputter out insults, but no words came out. suddenly, it felt like the weight of everything that had happened today was crashing down on you. your rushed morning, your failed test, your disappointed professor, the rain, the wrong order, the barista, this stranger- his glare, like you meant nothing. it all felt like too much. hot tears brimmed your eyes before you could get your emotions in check. you turned around, pushing open the café doors, taking deep breaths to calm yourself. the soft rain from earlier had begun to fall in fat, harsh drops, pouring down on everything. the weather felt like an accurate representation of your emotions in the moment, cold, sad, chaotic. you pressed a hand to your forehead, trying, and failing to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. a lump formed in your throat, and you leaned back against the wall of the café. you pulled your phone out from your pocket, trying to ignore how pathetic your reflection looked as you unlocked it, a tear slipping down your cheek as you opened your contacts, your fingers immediately finding yunjin’s name as you pressed the call button. it was like once one tear fell, the floodgates opened. you couldn’t control them anymore, tears spilling down your cheeks as you wiped at your eyes pathetically. the only noise being the quiet ringing of your phone, the rain falling, and your quiet sniffles.

it went to voicemail, yunjin’s happy voice breaking the sad silence. you tried again. still no answer. more tears fell, moving onto wonyoung next. it repeated the same process, ringing. and ringing. and ringing. and then- voicemail. you tried once again to be sure, clinging onto any ounce of hope. same result. you could feel your heart shattering more and more. you felt alone. your sniffles turned into quiet sobs, clutching your phone as you tried to catch your breath. everything felt too overwhelming, too out of your control, too messed up. you were stuck here. you couldn’t walk home, the rain was too strong. you couldn’t go back inside, not looking like this. everything was slowly unraveling. your closest friends weren’t even picking up, and you couldn’t get mad at them for it. they had lives too, not always able to drop everything for you. but the betrayal still stung, everything feeling like a personal attack at this point. you forced yourself to breathe, slowly unlocking your phone once again. you scrolled through your contacts, blurry, tear-filled vision making it harder. you just needed someone, anyone who you could call. anyone who could come get you. your eyes stopped on one person, your heart beating faster at the thought. you clicked on his contact, you finger hovering over the call button, before finally, you pressed it. it rang once. twice. three times. you were losing hope, more tears spilling down your cheeks as the reality of your situation set in. and then- “hello?” your breath catches. you hadn’t expected someone to actually pick up. everything felt so hopeless, the sound of someone’s voice sending a shock through you. you sniffle quietly, trying to get a word out, but it’s like they’re all caught in your throat. “hello?” heeseung repeats again, his voice more clear this time. “are you there?” you take a deep breath, forcing your tears and shaky breaths to calm down. you feel like if you speak a new wave of tears will just spill down your cheeks. “i-“ you start, before your voice breaks. you swallow, trying again. “i need a ride… it’s raining. no one else was picking up.” there’s a long pause, silence stretching between the two of you. you begin to feel stupid for calling, for being such an inconvenience to another person, more than you’ve already been today. you hear a small laugh on the other end, your eyebrows furrowing slightly at the sound. “can’t handle a little rain, princess?”

frustration builds inside of you, but you hold your feelings down. this, however, makes the dam in your eyes break again, more tears spilling down your cheeks. “heeseung, please,” you sniffle, sucking in a shaky breath as you try to get your emotions in check again. the teasing tone of his voice is gone almost immediately, replaced by confusion as he speaks again. “y/n? are you okay?” your breath catches at his change in tone. you didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, didn’t want to push your emotions onto someone else, all because you couldn’t handle a bad day. but everything was too much right now. “yeah,” your speak, you words quieter than you expected, a shaky tone to your voice. “just… tired.” he’s silent for a bit, before he speaks again, and you can hear shuffling on the other end, the jingling of car keys sending a small hope through you. “where are you?” “the café near campus. the one we went to that one time,” you force out, trying your hardest to sound normal. and not like there’s tears slipping down your cheeks. you think you must look insane. standing under the awning of a café in the pouring rain, tears streaming down your cheeks as you hold a hot chocolate and a phone. it must be a laughable sight. heeseung’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts, calm and serious, a vast difference from the usual teasing, smug tone he has. “i’ll be there soon. when i get there just walk to my car, alright? i’ll pull up next to the curb.” you nod, forgetting he can’t see you. when you finally speak, your voice is barely above a whisper, defeated, shaky. “okay.” the call ends, leaving you in silence again. a shaky sigh leaves your lips as your hand wipes your tears, trying your best to collect yourself. you take a sip of your hot chocolate, the warm liquid providing a small sense of comfort in whatever whirlwind your day has turned into. nerves fill you again, the thought that you could be a burden creeping into your mind. your hands shake as you rub at your eyes, trying to push the thoughts away. god, you don’t wanna be a total mess when heeseung gets here, but you can’t stop crying. you force yourself to focus on something different. business proposal, hot chocolate, your favorite salad, cats. anything that makes you happy. and slowly but surely, your tears turn into small sniffles. you watch cars drive by, but there’s not a lot. most classes are out by now and students don’t wanna be parading in this rain. the rain doesn’t let up- if anything, it’s gotten heavier, wind whipping around you at this point. after a few minutes, you finally see a car pulling up. the sight is so reassuring, but you can’t stop the way your pulse speeds up, or the nerves that run through you. your feet don’t move at first, still too caught in your emotions to move. you take a small step, slow, cautious, before the rain showers you, pelting, hard. you speed up quickly, ignoring the chill of the water as you cling to your hot chocolate, as if that will do anything to warm you up in this weather. it’s lukewarm by now, anyway. when you reach the car, heeseung’s eyes are on you, the window rolling down as you get closer. “get in,” he says, voice low, but not unkind, “you’re shaking.” you can only nod, pulling open the door and slipping inside. the warmth of the car immediately envelops you, feeling like a warm hug. you try your best to ignore the way your clothes, now wet, feel against your body. neither of you says anything, but you can feel his eyes on you. you finally turn, meeting his eyes. he looks… concerned.

he raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak. you don’t. so he finally does, his voice softer than it was before. “you wanna talk about it?” you shake your head, a new wave of emotions hitting you at his question. you blink back the hot tears brimming your eyes again, snapping your head towards the window as a shaky breath leaves you. “thank you,” you sniffle, your voice quiet. defeated. he hums, his voice reassuring, whether he means it or not. it feels like it’s grounding you in the chaotic mess of your emotions. “don’t worry about it.” without another word, he pulls away from the curb. heading towards the dorms. he doesn’t tease you, doesn’t ask any more questions. the only noise is the soft radio, the car’s engine, and the rain pattering outside. you bite your lip, trying to hold back a new wave of tears as you rest your head against the window. it doesn’t work. tears spill down your cheeks, your breathing irregular, labored, as you try to stay quiet, wiping at your eyes as inconspicuously as you can. heeseung notices, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. he doesn’t push, simply turning up the volume of the radio, masking the sounds of your tears behind the music. it’s such a small action, but it makes your stomach flip, taking a small sip of your hot chocolate to ground yourself. as you get closer to the dorms, your thoughts swirl, uncontrollable, chaotic. you close your eyes, taking deep breaths. you need to forget about today. pretend it never happened, pretend it was all just a nightmare that you’re going to wake up from tomorrow morning. but as you sit there, dried tears on your face as you look over at heeseung, your heart speeds up a bit. maybe you needed a distraction. maybe you just needed… something to take your mind off of the day. he turns to you, meeting your eyes, and you glance down at your hands quickly. god, you must look like shit right now. would it be weird if you asked for another kiss? would that actually take your mind off of how bad today was? thoughts swirl in your mind, half of yourself telling you to just go for it, be bold, ask for what you want. the other side battles it, scenarios of him giving you a dirty look, like the stranger did, filling your mind. you sigh, shaking your head. there’s too much going on in your mind right now for you to also be dealing with this. the car slows as heeseung pulls up outside your dorm. the low hum of the radio filling the tense silence between the two of you. you should leave. unbuckle your seatbelt, thank him for the ride, open the door, and go back to your dorm. but you don’t. you sit there. your fingers tighten around the cup in your lap, feeling the paper mold to your grip. you can feel his gaze flickering to you. waiting. you keep your eyes fixed on the window, watching the rain droplets race each other down the glass. your heartbeat sped up in your chest, the pounding in your ears drowning out the noise of anything else. you should just go. but you can’t move. you inhale shakily, focusing on every ounce of courage you have. “heeseung,” you begin, but the moment you turn your head, his attention on you, the words get caught in your throat. refusing to leave. he hums, waiting for you to continue. you swallow, nerves building. this is stupid. this is so stupid. what if he says no? what if laughs in your face? the weight of today is already pressing down on you, heavy, suffocating. if he rejects you, if he looks at you with even a fraction of the disdain the stranger at the café did, you might just end it. you should forget it. push your thoughts aside and leave the car. just curl up in bed and go to sleep. your thoughts aren’t correct right now. your mind is jumbled, your emotions are out of whack- but then he shifts slightly. placing his elbow on the center console as he faces you. his full, undivided attention on you. he’s waiting.

your breath stutters, heat climbing up your neck. “at the party,” you begin, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. “when we-“ you stop, shutting your eyes for a second. it’s too late to back out now, you’re already speaking. “when we kissed.” he doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, simply waiting for you to continue. your breath is shaky, your next words unsure. “did that mean anything to you?” you regret the words the moment they leave your lips. you sound desperate. pathetic. needy. you shake your head quickly, shutting your eyes. “forget it,” you mumble, as if you can take back the words you just said. “i’m a mess right-“ “i wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t,” heeseung speaks, cutting you off. his voice is quieter than usual. softer, but still firm. “that was your first kiss.” your pulse stutters, a breath catching in your throat. you finally turn to look at him, your stomach twisting at the intensity of his gaze. you should stop talking. end this before you do something you’ll regret. but you keep talking, your voice so quiet, you’re unsure if he hears it over the sound of the radio. “can you… can you do it again?” his eyes widen a bit, but the moment is brief. a flicker. and then that unreadable look is back. you want to take your words back immediately, erase this moment from existence entirely. “you don’t have to,” you add, words tumbling out before you can stop them. “it’s just- fuck. today has been horrible, and i can’t stop thinking about that kiss, and i thought that maybe-“ “are you sure?” heeseung asks, cutting your rambling off again. his voice is softer now, almost as quiet as yours. like these words are only meant to heard by the two of you, hidden from the rest of the world. you swallow, setting your cup in his cup holder. you don’t trust your voice right now- can't trust it- so you nod instead. for a second, he only watches you, his expression unreadable. it sends a chill through you, anxiety seeping in. then he slowly reaches up, tucking a strand of damp hair behind your ear. his touch is soft, barely there, but it’s everything you need right now. his gaze flickers over yours- searching for any signs of hesitation. like he’s waiting for you to pull away. but you don’t. you lean in slightly, a silent confirmation. and that’s all it takes. “okay,” he murmurs. and then his lips are on yours again. his lips brush against yours, soft, careful, like he’s still making sure this is what you want. he doesn’t press hard, his hand holding your jaw, his lips barely there. you shudder at his touch, at the feeling of him. and then you kiss him back. it's hesitant- unsure. you still don’t know how to do this, how to match someone’s rhythm, someone who knows what they’re doing. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. it’s not overwhelming. he just guides you, and you let him. he tilts his head slightly, molding his lips against yours, coaxing you to follow his lead. and you do. you follow the way his lips move, melting more into the kiss by the second. you can feel his other hand moving, his fingers ghosting over the side of your neck. you shiver at his touch, the warmth, the position of his touch sending a wave of heat rushing through you. his fingers rest on the back of your neck, just below your hairline. his touch is gentle, guiding you closer to him, and you let him, instinctively moving closer to him. the kiss deepens just slightly, his hand pulling you even closer. you should pull away. stop here. this should be enough. but you want more. a flicker of something unfamiliar and new buzzes in your chest, and you’re moving before you can think too much about it. your hands reach out, finding the front of his hoodie as your hands grip the fabric, pulling him even closer.

that changed everything. heeseung exhales sharply against your lips, and then he’s kissing you harder, deeper. your brain short circuits, the added intensity unfamiliar, but so welcomed. his grip on the back of your neck loosens, his fingers tangling in your hair. a small noise escapes you, desperate, wanting. it’s barely audible over the noise of the radio and the rain against the windshield. but he hears it. you know he does. you feel the way his fingers tighten in your hair, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss, a quiet hum vibrating in his throat. your head is spinning. it’s only your second kiss ever, you’re still fumbling to keep up, still clumsy in your movements. but the way he’s holding you, guiding you through it like he knows exactly what he’s doing- he does- you don’t have to think too much. you just follow his movements. your body melts into his touch, the nerves leading your body as you focus on his kisses and nothing else. your fingers loosen their grip on his hoodie, threading into his hair, your fingers tightening slightly. his breath hitches for a second, a noise leaving his lips. it sends a shiver down your spine. his lips slow, his kisses growing softer again, like he’s trying to ground himself. the thought makes your stomach flip, so many different feelings swirling inside you. new feelings. foreign feelings. but you love them. neither of you speak when you finally pull away, your foreheads resting against each other. you’re both breathless, lips parted and swollen as you catch your breath. your hands stay tangled in each other’s hair, like neither of you want to let go just yet. the air is thick with something unspoken, like a line was crossed tonight. you don’t care right now. you don’t want to think about that. part of your mind knows you should pull away, create some distance before this goes further than it already has. but you don’t want to. so you don’t. your fingers that are tangled in his hair tighten slightly, and before you can stop yourself, you’re leaning in again. pressing your lips against his, not soft, not gentle. you want more. heeseung exhales softly, and it’s like his resolve snaps. like everything he was holding back breaks at your movements. his hands drop to your waist, tugging slightly. you pull away from his lips, your breath heavy as your brows furrow. “what-“ you begin, blinking in confusion. he cuts you off with a quiet laugh, his voice almost teasing, but with a hint of warmness that’s not usually there. “trust me.” and you do. you let his hands lift you, the space between you becoming increasingly smaller. the awkwardness of the car’s cramped interior makes your movements more careful. you let him guide you over the center console, your body bending slightly as it digs into your legs. and then you’re in his lap. his hands remain on your waist, just holding you, watching you. your hands rest on his shoulders, steadying yourself. the new proximity makes your pulse stutter, so close to him it feels dizzying. his eyes search over your face, before his hands find your back, and he’s pulling you into him. his lips are on yours again, and every thought you had vanishes. this kiss is different than the other two.

it's hungrier, more desperate. like he was holding back, waiting for permission to let go. and you gave him that. his hands are everywhere- your back, trailing up your sides, your thighs, your hips, his touch desperate. like he’s trying to commit you to his memory. it's dizzying. intoxicating. your hands tangle in his hoodie again, trying to ground yourself as a small noise slips past your lips. everywhere he touches feels like it leaves fire in his wake. and then his lips leave yours. your breath catches as his lips move lower. he kisses the corner of your mouth, then your jaw. the sensation is foreign. it’s overwhelming. you can feel his breath against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine as a sigh leaves your lips. his hand on your thigh tightens at the noise, a noise coming from deep in his throat as his kisses become messier. his kisses trail along your neck, sucking, kissing, his breath ghosting over your skin. you felt hot. your fingers tighten in his hoodie, a sharp exhale leaving your lips. your heart is racing, your breathing picking up. your body is reacting to sensations you’ve never experienced before. your head falls back slightly, his lips exploring more area. it’s intoxicating. dizzying. but it’s a lot. it’s too much all at once, as much as you want more. the moment you shift slightly, heeseung notices. his kisses stop, but he doesn’t pull away. his breath is warm against your neck before, slowly, he lifts his head, his gaze searching yours. his grip on your body loosens slightly, just resting there now. “you okay?” his voice is low, laced with something that makes your head spin. “too much?” you swallow, grounding yourself. you want this. you want his touch, his kisses, his attention on you. but it feels like it’s moving too fast, caught between the two emotions. you nod, before quickly shaking your head. “i-“ you stutter, your voice quiet, breathy and shaky. “i don’t know. it’s a lot. but i want it.” his brows draw together slightly. he doesn’t look angry, he looks concerned. his voice is quiet, comforting. his hands slide to rest on your waist, simply holding you. “we’ll stop for now. i don’t want to rush you.” his voice is steady, but his breathing is uneven. there’s an emotion in his eyes you can’t place. they’re darker, flickering over your face. your heart lurches at the mention of ‘for now.’ he wants more as well. you exhale, your breath shaky as you nod. “okay.” you want to feel something more. you don’t want to move, don’t want to leave the moment. so you lean in, your cheek resting against his shoulder as you breathe out, the warmth of his body grounding you. his hands hover slightly over your waist, before they trail up your back, hands splaying out as he tugs you closer to him. it’s intimate. too intimate. you’re crossing a line, and you know it. his chest rises and falls beneath you, his steady breathing calming your erratic heartbeat. the warmth of his body feels like a blanket, everything quiet. you let the silence wash over you. it’s not awkward. it’s comfortable. the only sound that surrounds you is the rain, and the soft radio, “delicate” by taylor swift playing quietly.

his thumbs rub against your back, the small action causing a quiet hum to leave you as you shift against him, getting more comfortable. you hear a quiet laugh leave him, so soft it almost just sounds like a breath. his voice is soft, but it has the familiar teasing tone you’re used to. “you good, princess?” the nickname feels different this time- not used to tease anymore. like an unspoken acknowledgement that something has shifted, the layers of tension being peeled back slowly, your desires coming to fruition more every time you see him. it’s something neither of you want to say out loud, but you both feel it. you smile softly, nodding your head against his shoulder. “yeah. i’m good,” you whisper, your voice soft. he hums, tilting his head slightly so his lips brush against your ear as he speaks again, his voice so soft. “you sure? i know that was… a lot.” and you know it was. you’re feeling so much. so many feelings swirling in your chest. but you only nod, not wanting to break the moment. “yeah.” you press closer into him, snuggling up against his warmth. his arms tighten just slightly around you, locking you in his embrace, like you would ever want to leave. “i’m not going anywhere,” he laughs softly, feeling your hands grip his hoodie just a bit tighter. his voice has a warmth you’ve never heard before, the tone making your stomach flip, and you only hum in response, snuggling your head further against his shoulder. you know you’re down bad, you know you’re falling. hell, you’ve already fallen. part of you knows it’s a bad idea. while the other part just wants to live. wants to experience this moment. the serenity, the soft sound of the radio, and the warmth of lee heeseung. and for the first time today, it doesn’t feel like everything is falling apart.

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“i don’t know!” you cry out, throwing your hands up as you stare at the two girls sat in front of you with their jaws dropped. "i don’t even know what happened! it’s all a mess!” yunjin stands up, immediately pacing the room as she looks at you, shaking her head in disbelief. “wait, let me get this straight? you made out with him. in a car. in the rain? y/n, what the fuck?” wonyoung, still sitting, crosses her arms. “and you didn’t think to- what, call us? text us? i don’t know, anything.” you roll your eyes, staring back at her. “i did call you guys. yunjin was too busy getting her back blown out by beomgyu, and god knows what you were doing. he was the last person i could call, and i wasn’t about to walk home sobbing in that rain!” yunjin stops pacing, turning to you with her jaw dropped. “that’s a valid reason to not pick up the phone!” wonyoung’s face scrunches up in confusion, her head tilting. “you called me? i was watching youtube, i swear my phone didn’t ring.” you throw your hands up in frustration. “i don’t care! it’s in the past, i’m just- fuck, i’m losing my mind. i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel.” yunjin looks at wonyoung, the two sharing a look of disbelief. “okay. you asked him to kiss you, so obviously part of you knows what you’re feeling.” “i don’t-“ you groan, dropping your head in your hands. “i’ve never done this before, yunjin! it’s all new to me. it’s terrifying.” wonyoung smirks, clearly enjoying your misery. “you’re down bad, girl. just admit it.” you sigh, falling back onto the couch. “i know i’m down bad, wonyoung. i blush just thinking about the guy.” yunjin sucks in a breath, sitting down next to you. “brutal. so, like, what happened after? you made out, then what?” you pause, mind still spinning as you recount the memories of everything. you turn away from her, your voice quiet as you speak. “he like… pulled me into his lap. and he was kissing my neck…”

there’s a long silence. no one saying anything. you look back to see yunjin and wonyoung both staring at you with wide eyes. “what the fuck?” wonyoung yells, standing up. you press a finger over your mouth, begging her to shut up. she shakes her head, continuing to ramble. “y/n! oh my god, this is insane!” you place your hands over your face, heat crawling up your cheeks. “i know! i don’t know what i’m doing, guys! then we kinda hugged? and just sat there for like ten minutes. we only stopped because my legs were falling asleep and i made up some excuse to go inside.” yunjin only sighs, leaning her head back against the couch. “you’re so oblivious. he wants you.” you raise an eyebrow at her, slowly uncovering your face. “you don’t know that. why would he want me when he has a ton of other girls that know so much more than i do? i feel like a burden, like he has to teach me everything. i chickened out from a few seconds of him kissing my fucking neck!” wonyoung laughs, shaking her head. “i don’t know, y/n. why do guys do half of the stuff that they do?” she stretches, raising her arms above her head as she continues. “plus, not every guys mind is filed with sex. maybe he’s okay with taking it slow with you. i still can’t believe you bagged heeseung of all people, though. he’s known for his hook-ups.” “that’s exactly what i mean,” you mumble, your voice growing more defeated by the second. “maybe this isn’t a good idea. i feel like an idiot.” yunjin sits up, smacking your stomach before rising to her feet. “stop doubting yourself. you’re hot, okay? you’re looking into it too much, i promise.” you only glance at her, a pout on your lips. she sighs, grabbing your arms and pulling you to sit up. “i’m not saying to rush into anything, alright? don’t forget his reputation. but if he was willing to just hold you for ten minutes like that? there’s obviously something more there.” you give her a half-smile, considering her words. they hit deep, considering that his reputation had been the one thing lingering in the back of your mind when you got butterflies thinking about something that he did. what if you were just a game? just something to entertain him until the next girl came along?

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the last few days had been brutal. you had forgetting what having a crush- an actual crush- felt like. on top of the… physical aspect of it, you were losing your mind. searching for heeseung around campus, daydreaming in class, your body heating up at the memory of his hands on you. you felt like a teenage boy with raging hormones. it didn’t help that you barely ever had the form to yourself, so being able to act on your desires was rare. now, it’s 10pm. you’re sitting in your room, finishing up some last minute assignments. yunjin is in her bed, scrolling on her phone, tiktoks playing quietly in the background. you submit your last assignment, your phone buzzing next to you. you glance at it, expecting a random notification, but it’s a text from heeseung. your heart speeds up just slightly. heeseung [10:20 pm]: u busy?you squint at the message. your stomach twists slightly, the two simple words sending a rush of adrenaline through you. you pick it up, anyway, typing out a quick response. you tell yourself to act normal. he can’t tell if you’re flustered over text. you [10:21 pm] why?it’s read immediately. and almost just as quickly, three dots appear. heeseung [10:21 pm]: wanna watch a movieoh, for fuck’s sake. this could only mean one thing. you felt your pulse speed up slightly, your fingers hovering over the keyboard before you send your response. you [10:22 pm]: watch it yourselfheeseung [10:22 pm]: don’t want toyou sigh, reading his message over and over. you couldn’t fall for a trap this easily, but yet, you wanted to. you [10:22 pm]: ask jake or somethingheeseung [10:23 pm]: he doesn’t look as good as uyour breath catches. oh. your whole body felt like it was heating up, betraying you quicker than your mind was. you should ignore him. put down the phone, pretend this conversation didn’t happen. save your sanity. heeseung [10:24 pm]: u gonna respond?fuck it. you [10:24 pm]: i hate u. be there in 10.you push yourself off the bed, yunjin sending you a look when you grab your jacket, pulling it over your arms. “are you going somewhere?” she asks, tilting her head. you jump slightly at her voice. you had forgotten she was here. fuck. “uh, yeah.” she raises an eyebrow, a tiktok playing on loop as she watches you. “at 10:30 pm?” fuck. think of an excuse. anything. “yeah, i need to-“ you glance around, your eyes landing on your backpack. “i need to print something!” she just stares at you, her expression full of amusement. “print something.” you want the floor to swallow you. “yeah.” "...at 10:30?”

"yep!” you reply, trying your hardest to seem believable. she blinks. “what do you need a printer for?” “class!” you reply quickly. too quickly. “what else would i need it for? that’s why, i’m going to the library.” her eyes narrow, her eyebrows furrowing. “the library closes at nine.” fuck. you’re horrible at this. “wonyoung has a printer! in her dorm! so i’m going. to print. my paper. because class is important.” no response. silence envelops the two of you. finally, she tilts her head. “you don’t have class tomorrow.” you’re going to slam your head into the wall. “fine!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up. “i’m going to walmart for snacks! is that better?”yunjin holds back a laugh, her eyes flickering with amusement. “snack run. got it.” “yeah, i had to lie or else… or else you would ask me to buy you something. and i don’t have a lot of money.” you reply. she only smirks. she knows you’re full of shit. you know she knows. “okay,” she shrugs, looking back at her phone. you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding, walking towards the door. just as your hand touches the doorknob, she speaks again. “use protection.” you freeze, your stomach dropping. you turn to look at her, slowly. “what?” she keeps her eyes trained on her phone, but there’s a shit-eating grin on her face. “you heard me.” you gasp incredulously, glancing around the room. “i told you i’m going to walmart.” she snorts, finally glancing up at you, “yeah, and i’m going to paris next weekend.” you glare at her, flipping her off. “it was the best i could come up with! you put me on the spot!” “it was horrible,” she sighs, shaking her head in disappointment before continuing, “i don’t care what you’re do, but at least lie better. and i’m a bit offended you didn’t just tell me the truth.” you shake your head, embarrassment rushing through you. “nothing’s happening!” “no.” she replies, a smirk on her lips as she turns off her phone, placing it next to her. “you’re getting dicked down by lee heeseung. that’s what’s happening.” your jaw drops, and you yank the door open, your face burning red. “i am not! shut up!” “goodnight, y/n,” she muses, a teasing smile on her lips. you slam the door shut behind you, stomping down the hall. fuck. that was humiliating. you’re never living that down. she’s probably texting wonyoung at this exact moment, telling her everything that just happened. you groan out loud, your head falling back as you wait outside the elevator, sending heeseung a text. you [10:27 pm]: i’m going to kill u.you don’t wait for his response, stepping into the elevator as it opens. your stomach is twisting in anticipation, for… whatever is going to happen tonight. your body is betraying you. your mind is betraying you. thoughts flickering through your mind, making you feel dizzy as you walk to his dorm. it’s a short enough walk, simply enjoying the scenery of campus as you make your way to his dorm. it’s quiet at this hour, and it almost feels like you’re the only one here, besides the student you pass every few minutes. every step feels heavier, like you’re getting closer to what you know is a like you haven’t crossed before. as if you haven’t crossed more in the last week than you ever thought you would.

when you finally make it to his dorm, following the directions he gave you, your heart pounds in your chest as you stand outside his door. you hesitate, before raising your hand and knocking once. twice. you hear footplates approaching the door, before it swings open and- oh. your mouth almost waters at the sight. heeseung is standing there, a white wifebeater clinging to his skin, grey sweatpants low on his hips. his hair is messy and disheveled, making him look even more irresistible. his arms are crossed against his chest, muscles flexing every time he moves slightly. your brain stops working, your eyes raking over his figure before you realize what you’re doing. they snap back up to his face, but it’s too late. he already has the smug look on his face, and you’re praying he doesn’t say anything. luckily, by the grace of god, he doesn’t. he leans against the doorframe, raising his eyebrows slightly. “took you long enough.” you sigh, your lips pursing as you glare at him. “shut up. i’m here, aren’t i?” “yeah.” he says, voice dropping with teasing tone as he tilts his head. “i was starting to miss you, pretty girl.” your eyes widen a bit at the new nickname, and you swear your heart skips a few beats. you want to slam your head into the nearest wall repeatedly. you want him to- no. you take a deep breath, forcing yourself to get a grip. “move,” you finally say, pushing past him and entering his dorm. it looks like a typical college athlete dorm room. he was lucky enough to get a whole dorm to himself, basketball posters littering the walls, a pc set up where the other bed usually goes, and a small couch and tv off to the other side of the room. it was cozy, and not too cluttered. he lets you push him, and you try not to focus on how his muscles feel so much more defined through his tank top than they did through his hoodie. “damn, princess. you’re killing me.” you roll your eyes, walking over to his couch and plopping down on it. you watch as he shuts the door, stepping closer to you. his smirk stays on his lips, his eyes full of something you can’t read, but it sends a shiver down your spine. “so,” you begin, trying to keep your emotions in check. “what movie are we watching?” he doesn’t say anything, simply sitting next to you on the couch and turning the tv on. the movie of choice is waiting to be played, and your eyes squint slightly. “10 things i hate about you?” your voice comes out more surprised than you meant, and heeseung looks at you, tilting his head. you hadn’t expected this choice. you were expecting him to pick a marvel movie, or mad max, something that guys watch, you didn’t know. his smile is smug, glancing at the tv and back at you. “yeah,” he shrugs, not seeing the big deal. “do you not like it?” you blink, thrown off. a rom-com? it’s not something you had expected heeseung- or any college boy in general- to enjoy. you feel like you’re uncovering a new side of him, one that you haven’t seen before. you shake your head quickly, “no, it’s one of my favorites. just didn’t think you would watch something like this.” he raises an eyebrow in response, leaning back against the couch as he presses play. “i’m a man of depth, y/n.” his voice is teasing, his eyes flickering from yours to the tv. your stomach flips, but you don’t say anything else. you settle back into the couch, unsure of how much distance to put between the two of you. about halfway through the movie, patrick and kat finally kiss. lying down after the paintball game, against the hay. it’s like you can feel the tension snapping between them, your eyes staring longingly at the screen.

you can’t look away. it’s something you’ve always wanted. the kind of love you’ve always wanted to experience (well, besides the fact it all started as a bet). your mind flickers to you and heeseung and whatever… this is. without thinking, the words spill out, wistful, longing. “i’ve always wanted a love like theirs. this movie is perfect.” silence. the reality of who you just spoke those words in front of settles in. you blink, wanting the ground to swallow you. you glance over at heeseung, praying to every god that he somehow didn’t hear you. he definitely did. his eyes flicker towards yours, the corner of his mouth lifting into that signature smirk. he doesn’t say anything at first, just watching you, the way you shift in your seat, obviously regretting your choice of words. “yeah?” he finally asks, his voice low and teasing. it sends a chill through your body, and he leans just a bit closer. “i guess they are pretty nice together, aren’t they? reminds me of us.” his words make your eyes widen just slightly, your pulse speeding up at his comment. you swallow, hard. your mouth opens, but no words leave your lips. his gaze stays on yours, intense, waiting. but you can’t speak. the room feels like it’s shrinking, the air suddenly too think to breathe. he tilts his head, the stupid smirk still on his lips. “cat got your tongue?” his voice is still low, but there’s something else to it now. you bite your lip, nerves crackling between the both of you. the movie continues to play, but it’s just background noise now, only sound filling the heated silence between you. he shifts, his body facing yours completely now, making him feel so much closer. the smirk on his face drops slightly, an unreadable expression taking over his features. your breath stutters, and you force words to leave your lips. “well… i mean-“ he leans in closer, so close you can feel his warm breath against your skin. your heartbeat quickens, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the moment. you try to ignore your nerves, your erratic heartbeat, your shaky breath, the way your lips part slightly. but it’s impossible. he raises a hand to cup your jaw, his thumb brushing against your bottom lip. “tell me,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, laced with something you can’t quite place. he drags your bottom lip down with his thumb, before letting it fall back into place. “you ever think about that with someone like me?” you swear your heartbeat stops. because you have. god, of course you have. but the words are stuck in your throat, the moment too tense for you to force any words out. you can’t even think straight. you feel surrounded by him. the look in his eyes, the proximity, his touch. you inhale sharply, your eyes closing for just a second as you try to ground yourself. it’s useless. you’re too far gone, the moment is too tense. his gaze flickers to your lips, a soft breath leaving his lips, and something inside you snaps.

your lips crash against his, your hands threading into his hair to pull him closer. he reciprocates immediately, groaning against your lips, like he had been waiting all night for this. his hand on your jaw tilts your head, deepening the kiss. it’s frantic, messy, and desperate. charged with emotion and the tension that had been building all night. all the unsaid words pouring themselves into the way your lips move against each other. his free hand finds your waist, pulling you closer. slowly, he shifts his hand to your back, fingers splaying out as he secures you, slowly guiding you down until you’re lying back on the couch, your bodies pressed together, his legs between yours. his weight settles over you, caging you in, but it feels like more than that. something you can’t quite place. your fingers leave his hair, trailing down to his chest, your breath stuttering as you feel the way his muscles move beneath his tank top, desire shooting through you. his tongue prods at your bottom lip, asking for more, your mouth opening instinctively to let him in. your breath catches as his tongue brushes against yours. it’s a foreign feeling, and you don’t know what to do. your inexperience is painfully obvious, insecurity filling you. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. his hand on your jaw tilts your head slightly, coaxing you to follow his movements. his kisses are slower now, letting you adjust. it’s messy and uncertain, but he exhales against your lips, hot and heavy, and you realize that he doesn’t care. your inexperience doesn’t matter to him. he wants this. you want this. you let yourself relax, your lips moving more confidently against his. something inside you clicks, your resolve shattering as your mind is clouded with the desire. the want for more. more of his lips, his touch, everything. your body feels like it’s on fire, need spreading throughout you. you pull back, gasping for air, both of your chests rising and falling as you catch your breath. your mind is hazy from the intensity of the kiss, of the feelings swirling through you. heeseung’s gaze softens slightly, like he’s about to say something, but before he can speak, you interrupt him. your voice is shaky, but firm. “i want more.” he stares at you for a second, processing your words. then, his eyes darken, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. a deep, guttural groan leaves his lips, and before you can process it, his lips are back on yours. his kisses are deeper, more urgent, desperate, like you just shattered his last ounce of restraint he had. you feel dizzy, his kisses intoxicating. his touch grows more fervent, one tangling in your hair to tilt your head. you sigh against his lips, everything feeling like too much and not enough at the same time as your hands grip his biceps, grounding yourself to something. his tongue slides against yours in a way that makes your head spin, the intensity of his kisses sending your mind reeling.

and then he shifts. just slightly, but his hips press against yours. it’s subtle, unintentional, but it sends a shock through your body, a familiar spark burning in your core. you gasp against his lips, your fingers tightening around his biceps as the pleasure spreads. he notices. fuck, of course he notices. hears the small, shaky sound that leaves you. he pulls back just slightly, his breath warm against your lips. his voice is low, dripping with amusement. “that feel good, princess?” you tighten around nothing, your thighs attempting to close, squeeze together, ease some of the tension you’re feeling. but you can’t, not with heeseung in between your legs. his lips curve into a smirk, picking up on every detail about your body. he presses his lips against yours again. rolling his hips again, this time deliberately. your breath stutters. the feeling is overwhelming, too much with all the emotions you’re already feeling, but you want it. your fingers dig into his biceps, using your grip as an anchor for your sanity, but he doesn’t stop. his lips trail along your jaw, down your neck, his voice tickling your skin. “you like that, don’t you?” you can’t answer, can barely breathe. you try to speak, but he rolls his hips just right, pressing right against your clit, and a whimper slips past your lips. he hears it. loves it. but when you don’t answer, he slows his hips, the loss of friction making your fingers tighten. you go to protest, but he speaks before you. “c’mon princess”, he murmurs, hand sliding down to grip your waist. “i asked you a question.” he shifts slightly- just enough for you to feel it. but it’s not enough. your core clenches at the fleeting pressure. “don’t get all shy on me now,” he hums, angling your hips just right before rolling his agan. slower, more controlled. your nails dig into his arms, head tipping back slightly. it’s not enough. and he knows. he’s waiting. waiting for you to break. and finally, you do. you gasp, voice breathless and desperate as it leaves your lips. “yes.” he huffs out a laugh against your ear, a shiver running down your spine. “that’s my girl.” his lips crash against yours, grinding against you harder, pulling gasps and whimpers from you. “fuck,” he exhales, forehead resting against yours. his breath is ragged, fingers tightening on your waist, like he’s trying to hold back. but you need more. your hips push up, chasing the dizzying pleasure. his grip tightens, his hips rocking harder, faster. “shit- princess…” he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck. then you feel it. the solid press of him through his sweats. fuck, he’s huge. your stomach clenches, an involuntary moan leaving you. he’s hard, because of you. he’s enjoying this. you shift again, your underwear sticking uncomfortably to yourself, voice shaky and broken. “heeseung-“ his hand slides beneath your shirt, fingers splaying across your waist. his lips hover against yours, voice quiet, strained. “i’ve got you.”

it's too much. every roll of his hips, every kiss, every touch. your head rolls back, eyes fluttering shut as pleasure rushes through you. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, so close to tipping over the edge. heeseung watches, his breath hitching. his eyes are dark, lidded, filled with lust. his hands tighten on your waist, hips pressing harder. “you close, princess?” you nod, your hips trying to push up against him, but he holds you down, forcing you to take it. a groan leaves his lips, his voice strained as he grits his teeth. “fuck… you’re gonna make me blow a load in my pants.” his words make you shiver, barely processing words at this point. and then his hips move just right- and you break. your entire body tenses, your back arching off the couch as a broken cry leaves you, white-hot pleasure crashing over you. heeseung’s brows are furrowed, his jaw slack, watching as you tremble beneath him. and that’s all it takes for him. his fingers grip your waist tighter, his hips stuttering against yours as a choked gasp spills past his lips. “ah, fuck-“ he groans out, finally finishing in his pants. his body shakes against yours, the feeling only heightening your pleasure. it’s silent for a bit, the only sounds being the movie playing quietly in the background and your heaving breaths. you can still feel the aftershocks, your mind foggy, having felt as if it's flown somewhere far away. and then, a quiet, breathless laugh leaves heeseung’s lips. “damn, princess.” your lips part, but nothing but a soft exhale leaves your lips. your heartbeat is pounding in your ears, everything feeling too heavy. heeseung’s expression shifts, his amusement turning into something softer, his fingers brushing against your cheek. his touch sends a shiver down your spine, still hypersensitive. “you good?” your eyes finally flutter open, blinking softly. you manage a small nod, slowly coming back to reality. a small laugh leaves his lips, but his tone remains soft. “you sure? you look like you’re on another planet.” you nod again, and then reality sinks in. you just came in your pants because of lee heeseung. you basically had indirect sex with lee heeseung. your eyes widen slightly, a hand covering your eyes as you groan quietly. “i can’t believe we just did that.” he leans down just slightly, his lips brushing against yours ever so softly. “believe it, baby.” you let out an exasperated laugh, rolling your eyes as you shove at his chest. “literally shut up.” he only laughs, pushing himself so he’s hovering above you. he just watches you for a moment, silence enveloping you as you both process everything. and then. “not gonna lie, i’ve never came in my pants before.” your eyes widen, just looking at him. “oh.” you blink, averting your gaze. but then, something clicks. you did that. you were a first for him, too. it causes something proud to bloom in your chest, holding back a smile. “why do you-“ heeseung squints at you, an amused scoff leaving his lips. “are you proud of yourself right now?” you avert your gaze, poorly biting back a smile. “no.” “oh my god,” he groans, his head dropping to rest against your chest. “you so are.” you giggle, trying to ignore how his touch affects you. “i mean, i think that’s kinda an accomplishment. don’t you?” he lifts his head, an amused expression on his face. he laughs softly, shaking his head. “you’re unreal.” “i guess you’re rubbing off on me,” you shrug, pushing some hair out of his face. due to his positioning, though, it falls back right away.

“and, uh…” you hand runs down his face, fingers grazing down his chest as your eyes remain on his. “i’ve never done that with anyone before.” he lets out a quiet curse, and you can feel his muscles tensing under your fingers. he finally snaps out of it, glancing down at where you’re still connected. “this is just uncomfortable now.” you shift your hips, trying to ease some of the uncomfortable stickiness. it backfires, heeseung’s hand gripping your hip as he sucks a breath in through his teeth. “don’t move.” it sends a jolt of electricity through you, your lips parting slightly. fuck, this was such new territory for you. before you can speak, heseung is pushing himself off of you, standing up with a groan. “i’m gonna go get us some pants.” you push yourself up on your elbows, your stomach doing a little flip. the word leaves your lips before you can think about it. “us?” he tilts his head, a soft smile on his lips. “yes, us. i’m not letting you sleep over in ruined pants.” sleep over. you’re sleeping over. you’re spending the night at a guys dorm- heeseung’s dorm. “don’t look so surprised, princess. i’m not letting you walk home this late,” he speaks again, watching your surprised expression. and when he reaches out his hand, pulling you up to your feet, you let him. you let him get you a change of pants. you let him pull you closer in bed. you let yourself fall asleep in lee heeseung’s arms, even though your heart is beating out of your chest the whole time.

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it’s been two weeks. two weeks of this… thing with heeseung. and you’re happy. you’ve never felt this way about anyone before. you’re not dating. neither of you would call it that. no one has. not yunjin, not wonyoung, not his friends- but they all have that look in their eyes when they see you together. they know. because you’re together. kind of. you go to his games occasionally, dragging either yunjin or wonyoung along. because he asked you to come. he wanted you to be there.he’s on time for study sessions, even picking you up from your dorm sometimes. half the time is spent actually getting work done, and the other half is spent talking about everything and nothing at the same time. you go out together now. you take heeseung with you to your favorite café after class. you remember the first time you walked in with him after everything. a few of the workers just stared at you. you always came in alone, but here you were with lee heeseung, standing so close to each other, whispering like your words were only meant for you two. he takes you to a lookout about a twenty-minute drive from campus. it’s always quiet, peaceful. nothing’s said, but everything is understood. he always takes you late at night, the lights far away creating one of the most beautiful nights. the city feels so close, but so far away. just like everything feels with him. and then there’s the other moments. the ones that make you question whatever this is. when he brings your favorite drink to class- because he knows it now. when he watches the shows you recommended, listens to the music you play. when he always makes sure you get home safe, walking you all the way to your door before sending you off. when you catch him looking at you, his eyes softer, something that you can’t quite place. when he can always tell when you’re cold, not even saying anything before he drapes his sweater over your shoulders, going back to whatever he was doing like it was no big deal.it's not obvious you’re together, but it’s obvious that there’s something there. and that’s enough. you’re happy. you’re happy. right? the walk to your dorm is quiet. it’s not awkward- it’s never awkward. it’s just quiet. filled with words that neither of you want to say, caught in your swirling minds. the night is cold, but you can’t feel it. not with heeseung’s hoodie enveloping you, sheltering you from the nipping night air. his shoulder continues to brush against yours, the proximity making you feel safe. but something feels different tonight. the whole day, something felt off. like all the unspoken words were going to come to fruition. he had acted different tonight. softer. closer.

tonight, he had pulled the hood of your (his) hoodie up when the wind picked up, his fingers lingering for just a second too long. his fingers brushed against yours while you walked together, and for a second, you thought he was going to intertwine your fingers. tonight, he had just watched you when you were speaking. really watched you. like he was memorizing every detail of your face. and now, you’re here at your dorm. and you don’t want to go inside. you don’t want the night to end. you shift your weight from one foot to the other, looking up at heeseung as he stands in front of you. “thanks for walking me back,” you mumble, shoving your hands in the pocket of his hoodie. heeseung nods, his lips parting. your eyes light up the slightest bit. it looks like he’s going to do something, say something. finally, finally cross that line. maybe a kiss. not a kiss filled with tension, or a makeout session. a kiss just because. a soft, fleeting goodnight kiss. but then, he just exhales through his nose, his lips curling into a soft smile. his hands lift, your heart speeding up. it’s happening. and then, he tugs your hood down. his touch is so soft, it’s comforting. he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, your breath hitching at the action. his eyes flicker over your face, filled with unsaid words, and you can almost see the way he’s fighting his thoughts.his voice is so quiet when he speaks, filled with something you can’t place. “goodnight, princess.” you swallow, something akin to disappointment filling you. but you brush it off, simply nodding as you take a step back. “goodnight, heeseung.”his lips part again, but he closes them quickly, simply returning the nod. you try not to let your emotions show, just turning around and entering your dorm, the ghost of whatever moment should’ve just happened disappearing into the air. the door clicks shut behind you, and now it’s just you. alone. it’s quiet. too quiet. you’re half-expecting yunjin’s voice to fill the room, teasing you, asking you to spill all the details- but it doesn’t. she’s spending the night at beomgyu’s. it’s become routine for her. part of you wishes that was routine for you and heeseung as well. you sigh, running a hand through your hair before finally making your way to your bed, sliding under the covers. heeseung’s hoodie smells like him. that somehow makes everything worse. everything should be fine. this shouldn’t be a big deal. but you can’t stop thinking about it. the way he looked at you tonight- hell, the way he’s been looking at you every day lately. how close he got tonight, how his touch lingered. and the look in his eyes. like there was so much he wanted to say. but he didn’t. he never does. you stare at the ceiling, unsure of whether your feelings are valid or not. this isn’t how you expected your first romance to go. not that this is even a romance. or a relationship. or a situationship. whatever it is. you always thought love would be easier to understand, to navigate. that you would see someone, and everything would just click. you wouldn’t have to wonder, you wouldn’t be anxious. love at first sight, they call it. maybe you read too many books, watched too many movies. maybe you just had an unrealistic expectation of love. you push the doubt away, along with the lingering thoughts of confusion. they’re not fair. not to heeseung, and definitely not to you. you’re happy. or, you’re supposed to be happy. so why does it feel like you’re waiting for something that’s never going to come? something just out of reach, like a mirage? no matter how close you get, it continues to get further away.

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the sun is out, trees rustling slightly with the breeze. you and wonyoung walk side by side, her rambling about how some guy in her economics class- anton- keeps trying to flirt with her. it’s funny. sometimes you wonder if wonyoung truly understands how beautiful she is. you can’t blame the guy. “girl, i don’t know why you’re surprised,” you roll your eyes, a small laugh leaving your lips, “you’re stunning.” she smiles, her mouth opening as she goes to respond, but the words die on her lips as both your ears pick up on the conversation happening next to you. “heeseung? oh yeah, he said they were just messing around.” something said in passing by a guy talking to his friend. something not meant for your ears, but you heard it. and it hurt. made your stomach twist, a disgusting feeling settling in your gut. there was a party yesterday. heeseung went. he told you he was going. your mind swirled with endless possibilities. did something happen there? was something said? why are other people talking about you? you don’t react- at least, not outwardly. but the words feel like a punch to your gut. a bucket of ice water being poured over your head. wonyoung hears it, too. you know she did. you watch as she turns to you, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. “heeseung?” she asks, tilting her head slightly. “did something happen?” it only makes the ugly feeling inside you worse. you shake your head, trying to keep your voice as normal as possible. “no. but rumors are just rumors. besides, he’s really popular. people are bound to talk.” you try to convince yourself you mean what you’re saying out loud. like everything’s fine. like it doesn’t hurt. she hesitates a bit, studying your face. she opens her mouth, but ultimately nods along to your words slowly, letting it go. she continues to talk, the conversation between you two easily flowing again. you reply, trying to seem invested. trying to stop the uneasiness forming inside you more and more by the second. but it’s hard. you know heeseung. you know his reputation.

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the café was busy this time of day. conversation and the sound of drinks being made filled the small building, the smell of coffee heavy in the air. you’re sat at your favorite seat in the corner, heeseung sitting across from you. the conversation was flowing easily, the two of you talking about anything that came to your minds. you didn’t mention what you heard earlier, even though the doubts burned in the back of your mind. as much as you tried to push the thoughts away, they stayed. taunting you. the bell jingles, alerting that a new customer is walking in. you turn your head, your stomach dropping the second your eyes land on her. sieun. she makes direct eye contact with you, a slow smirk forming on her face as she walks over. your guard goes up immediately, heeseung having yet to notice her. you knew about their history. everyone did. an on-and-off fling that lasted for months. they ended things for good just a couple months ago, right before you met heeseung. “well,” she says, her voice dripping with false sweetness, a fake smile on her lips as she places her hands on the table. “you move on quick, don’t you? i’ve heard a lot about you two.” your body feels like it goes cold. you glance at heeseung, waiting for him to do something. say anything. but he doesn’t. his smile falters, his eyes flickering towards her. you watch as he rubs the back of his neck, simply shaking his head before turning back to his cup. it sends a chill through you, that same ugly feeling forming in the pit of your stomach. sieun doesn’t even acknowledge you. her eyes stay trained on heeseung, her smile darkening, lips curling into something sadistic. “don’t have anything to say? i heard you were just messing around with this one,” she continues. she can’t even use your name. ‘this one’ stings like a burning rod being pressed to your skin. but her words stick out the most. messing around. the same words you hear earlier. the same words that had been swirling in your head this whole day, making anxiety pound through you. it felt like every fear you had was being confirmed. every rumor, coming to fruition. you watch heeseung, your eyes pleading with him to say something. to say she’s wrong, that there is something between you two. that she heard wrong, and things are different this time. anything to make this right. but instead, he just shakes his head again a small, breathless laugh leaves his lips like he can’t believe this is happening. it makes your stomach twist, frustration bubbling up inside you. the man who always had something to say was now sitting wordlessly in front of you, avoiding eye contact with the both of you.

sieun finally turns to look at you, her smile turning sympathetic, taunting. “you’re cute,” she muses, fake sadness dripping from her voice. “i hope you’re not expecting anything serious.” it hurts. it feels like a stab wound to the heart, pain rushing through your whole body. your mouth opens and closes, but no words leave you. your gaze flickers back too heeseung, waiting for something, anything. that something never comes. sieun simply laughs under her breath and shakes her head, leaving as quickly as she came. leaving you two surrounded by a crushing silence. your hands curl into fists underneath the table, frustration turning to anger and hurt as you stare at the tabletop. heeseung still hasn’t said anything. he sits there, silent, and you can feel his gaze on you. it hurts too much. your heart feels like it’s shattering more by the second, and you can’t take it anymore. you’re pushing yourself up from your seat before you can think twice about it, grabbing your bag, and walking. you don’t look back. you don’t listen to his voice, or the stares from others as you make a beeline for the door. it swings open, the cold outside air whipping around you immediately, only adding to the storm of emotions in your head. you can’t think straight, every thought in your mind jumbled. you don’t hear him behind you, not until you feel the faintest pull on your wrist do you stop, your breath catching in your throat. you hear his breath, ragged, quick. and finally, after everything, he speaks. “y/n,” he says softly, cautiously, almost hesitant. his grip tightens just slightly, tugging just slightly more. “you could’ve said something,” you mumble, the words barely escaping your lips. “anything. and you didn’t.” there’s a pause. silence. deafening silence. and suddenly, it’s like the rose-tinted glasses were ripped off, leaving you standing with the reality of your actions. tears brim your eyes as everything hits you all at once. you fell for the playboy. you were stupid enough to just be another one of his girls. your throat tightens, and the words spill out before you can stop them. “i gave you so much,” you choke out, your voice trembling as you turn around to face him. “i- i actually trusted you. i had hope.” his expression falters just slightly, his grip loosening, just barely, but you notice it. his mouth opens, but you cut him off before he can speak, all the frustrated feelings you’ve bottled up leaving you. “you knew how new this was for me,” you continue, your voice rising. you ignore the stares of other students, or the tears that begin to spill from your eyes. “how new all of this is. why would you- why would you take that from me? i don’t know what i’m doing half the time we’re together, but i still try. and you- you just… you don’t try! you give me nothing in return!”

a bitter laugh leaves your lips, full of disbelief. your free hand comes up to rest on your forehead, trying to ground yourself somehow. but it’s no use. your tears keep falling, anger and heartbreak mixing to form the worst rush of emotions you’ve ever had. “you don’t even kiss me goodnight, heeseung,” you mumble, your voice breaking as more tears spill from your eyes, blurring your vision. “you can’t even do that. the only time we kiss is when you want to fucking make out.” his eyes widen slightly, and you can see the way guilt floods his features. but you can’t stop. it’s like you’re running on autopilot at this point. you laugh again, the sound borderline hysterical. your body is shaking with a mix of your cries and the emotion running through you, the adrenaline, the heartbreak. “you can’t even call me by my actual name,” you whisper, the words tasting bitter as they leave your mouth. part of you can’t believe you’re saying these things out loud. “just ‘princess’. always just princess.” the laugh in your throat dies, simply replaced by silence aside from your sniffles. his face- the guilt on his face- burns into you the more you look at him, your heart shattering at the sight. but whatever this is hurts more. you can’t take it anymore. can’t keep sacrificing your happiness, and having doubts about if lingering touches are true or not. “you don’t know how much that hurts,” you whisper, the anger you felt finally fading into nothing but heartbreak and hurt. “to give you everything, and only feel like a game. you know, i used to dream about my first kiss. every first i could ever have. and you- you took so many of them from me.” you finally stop speaking, letting the words sink in for the both of you. it’s quiet, tears slipping down your cheeks, but your face is blank. and heeseung stands there, motionless. confusion and guilt filling his expression, but you can’t wait around for a baseless apology. so you don’t. you pull your wrist from his grip, and he doesn’t hold you back. he doesn’t say anything. he just watches. and that somehow hurts more than hearing him say anything. you shut your eyes, biting your bottom lip to contain a sob as you turn on your heel, walking away. through your blurry vision, you don’t look back, keeping your vision forward as you walk away so fast it’s borderline running, your heart shattering more with every shaky step.

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your footsteps were heavy, dragging. the walk back to your dorm had been torturous, dried tears on your face, little sniffles escaping you as you ignored the stares of other students. you could acknowledge that you probably looked like shit. the door clicked quietly as you shut it behind you, locking you in silence. the familiar space that always provided comfort, seemed to do absolutely nothing for you now. your bag slid off your shoulder, falling to the floor with a quiet thud, but you didn’t even hear it. you felt numb, everything far away. but here, in the silence, it felt like everything replayed. every word, every emotion, him. your chest tightened, tears brimming in your eyes once again. they started to fall, soft at first, but they soon became uncontrollable. you tried to hold them back, to calm yourself down, but it was no use. your back hit the door, your legs giving out as you slid down, hitting the floor. you tried desperately to catch your breath, your sobs wracking through you as your hands gripped at your chest, trying to grasp at any sense of control over the situation. nothing was working. everything hurt. you were left feeling stupid and gullible. just another one of lee heeseung’s girls. and then, you saw it. on your desk chair, his hoodie was draped over the back. the sight sending a new wave of emotions through you. it was like you could feel it from where you sat on the floor, smell the familiar scent of him the hoodie carried. and it was all too much. a sob broke from your chest, loud, audible, everything crashing down at once. your chest burned. your head hurt. everything felt wrong. you were trying to pull yourself together, but it only got worse. the reality of everything kept tumbling down on you, forcing you to replay the memories of the day over and over. finally, you heard a door open, your eyes flickering over to the bathroom door only to see wonyoung and yunjin rushing to your side. their expressions filled with concern and confusion. it only made everything hurt more. your sobs were bordering being painful, your body shaking with each and every heaving breath you sucked in. wonyoung was next to you first, wrapping her arms around you as you continued to cry. you couldn't do anything, your hands shaking in your lap as the tears flowed freely. “what’d he do?” she asked bluntly, remembering the conversation from earlier. her hands rubbed your head, trying to calm you down as best she could. “what happened?” your lip trembled as you tried to get words out, but all that left was a strangled sob, your eyes clenching shut. your hands came up to your face, as if you were attempting to block out the pain. but nothing worked. you felt the ache deep inside you, burning, stinging. “what do you mean ‘what’d he do’?” you heard yunjin ask, her hand rubbing your knee comfortingly. you couldn’t reply, couldn’t even get a single word out. but you heard wonyoung filling her in on the conversation you overheard earlier, only adding to the pain you felt. you tried to speak, tried to fill them in on what had just happened, but it felt like the words were stuck in your throat, like bile threatening to come up. all that left you was gasps for air. and then, you sucked in a breath, and it all spilled out.

“she…  sieun came up to us. said.. he moved on quickly. that i was a game.” you choked out between sobs, shutting your eyes to ground yourself. “he didn’t- he didn’t say anything. nothing. he was just silent.” “so… fuck. i left.” your chest heaved, squeezing your eyes shut as you spoke the words that felt too real. “he tried to stop me- but i told him everything. everything i’ve been feeling… ands he still didn’t say a single fucking word.” it felt like saying them out loud meant that it actually happened. that it was real. that you didn’t imagine it, it wasn’t a bad dream. wonyoung’s arms tightened around you, pulling your head against her chest as you continued to sob, everything feeling too real. you had never felt this before. this all consuming pain that enveloped your whole body. a pain you couldn’t pinpoint, not a physical pain, but an emotional pain. resting somewhere deep inside you. yunjin’s eyes softened, her hands continuing to rub soft circles on your knee as you shook. “you deserve so much better than that asshole, y/n.” you swallowed hard, trying to steady your breathing. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but i-“ you choked on your words, closing your eyes before continuing. “i thought it was real.” wonyoung rubbed your arm with the hand she had wrapped around you, the touch grounding you, comforting you. “don’t say that,” she whispered, her lips brushing against the top of your head, “this isn’t your fault.” you shook your head, finally lifting it as you wiped your tears, a bitter, disbelieving laugh slipping past your lips. “but it is,” you mumble, your voice shaky, “i let him in. i knew what i was getting into. lee heeseung, campus playboy. and i’m so, so fucking stupid for falling.” the two girls stared at you, pity etched across their faces as they watched you break down on the floor, the happiness you had been feeling being ripped away from you all too soon, leaving you empty and heartbroken.

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the world kept moving. the days stretched on, long and unbearable. it felt like each one bled into the other. it was strange. how time could feel so, so agonizingly slow. it had only been a few days, but it felt like weeks. but a part of you felt like you were still there. standing, waiting, begging for anything, and getting nothing but silence in return. you went to class because you had to. because you couldn’t let your grades slip. you sat in your usual seat with your notebook open, but the words blurred together. you busied yourself by doodling on your paper, words entering one ear and leaving the other. you couldn’t focus on anything, when your mind would drift back to him. every time someone leaned back in their chair, or tapped their pen on their notebook, you felt like you could see him. it made something in your stomach twist violently. you couldn’t tell if it was nausea or longing. but you knew it hurt. “y/n?” you blinked, snapping back to reality at the sound of your name. you looked up, only to be met with the eyes of your professor, staring at you expectantly. fuck. you swallow, gripping your pen just a bit tighter. “uh…” your eyes scanned the board for something, anything, but nothing made sense. you had no idea what was being discussed, or what question had been asked. you felt embarrassment flood you, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth as you sighed. “i’m sorry, i wasn’t paying attention. it’s been a long day.”your professor shook her head, eyes full of disappointment. “you need to pay attention, you’re usually better than this.” it hurt. her look of disappointment, her words. if only she knew how you felt right now, the thoughts running through your head. but you only nodded, sinking in your seat as she moved on, another student raising their hand enthusiastically to answer the one you head clearly missed. you forced yourself to sit through the rest of the lecture, trying to pay attention as best as you could. it didn’t work. eventually, you went back to doodling, your mind running wild with thoughts of regret again.

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eventually, yunjin and wonyoung forced you to go out. they thought it might help, and you believed them. maybe you just needed a night out, surrounded by people. that was bound to get your mind off of everything. so, you did your hair, your makeup, put on an outfit you felt good in. forced yourself to smile, taking a deep breath as you told yourself over and over that this would help. it was a good idea. but the second you stepped inside the bustling restaurant, laughter and voices echoing around you, you realized just how wrong you were. he was everywhere. in the boy at the next table, who wore his hoodie half zipped, his elbows rested on the table as he talked to his friends. in the smell of the cup of coffee a waiter walked by you, your mind drifting back to the café that had become your go-to. you haven’t gone since. in the laugh from someone a few tables down- a different voice, a different person, but it still made your stomach twist. the worst part was the basketball game playing on the tv mounted above the bar. you couldn’t help the way your eyes kept drifting to it, scanning the screen over and over again like you would see him. it wasn’t even your schools team, but you couldn’t stop. it just reminded you of him. the way he moved, controlling the court, making everyone root for him. you remembered the way his eyes would look for yours in the crowd after he scored a point. it made your breath hitch. you weren’t sure how long you stared, hyper focused on the tv, until yunjin’s hand tapped your lightly, your eyes reluctantly pulling away from the tv and back to hers. “you alright? you haven’t said much,” she murmured, beat voice soft, cautious. you shook your head, forcing a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “i’m fine,” you lied, forcing yourself to engage in the conversation that was happening. neither of them look convinced. and your eyes kept flickering back to the tv.

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you barely ate. you weren’t even doing it on purpose- didn’t realize how long you would go without eating. you just had no appetite, no desire to fuel your body. you would go the whole day, not even realizing you hadn’t eaten until it was 9pm and yunjin was shoving a cup of ramen in your face with a firm “eat.” it reminded you of how much he loved ramen. the thought only made you want to eat it less, your stomach churning at the thought. sleep wasn’t much better. nights were the absolute worst. at least during the day, you could fake it. pretend you were fine, put on a fake smile and laugh at unfunny jokes people made. busy yourself with small talk, classwork, and meaningless conversations to pull your mind away from the storm inside you, even if only for a bit. but at night, there was nothing to distract you. you had yunjin, of course, but you were tired of dragging her into your heartbreak fueled rants and crying sessions. so it was just you lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, yunjin’s soft breaths the only noise filling the room. you felt like you were drowning in your emotions. the loss. the regret. the ache in your chest that hadn’t gone away since that day. it was like you could feel it physically. like a weight pressing down on you, constantly following you around throughout the whole day, but it was the worst at night. you were tired. all you wanted to do was sleep. but you couldn’t. your mind was running at a million miles a minute, everything coming back to you. when you finally fell asleep, it wasn’t any better. in your dreams, you were back there- standing in front of him with a broken heart and crushed dreams. you always woke up before he could answer. and you felt stupid. because this is exactly what you had been afraid of. this is why you had been so hesitant. because you knew how it would end- you knew what he was like. and still, you let yourself fall. you didn’t even try to catch yourself, willingly stepping off the edge and enjoying the freefall until you hit the ground. hard. this was why you had stuck to romance novels for so long. why you had lived vicariously through kat stratford, rose bukater, lara jean covey… the list could go on and on. because, as much as you longed to experience romance, you were scared. scared that real life wouldn’t be like the book and movies. it wouldn’t be like the songs, or the cheesy love-at-first-sight stories old couples would tell you. and it wasn’t. it was painful, and things weren’t always destined to work out. even your playlists had shifted. whereas a week ago, your most played song was ‘bewitched’ by laufey, a lovesick smile on your face as you laid in bed, singing along to the lyrics, you found yourself repeating ‘right where you left me’ by taylor swift lately. you felt like the song described your situation too perfectly. you couldn’t decide if that was better or worse for coping. eventually you settled on the latter, because you would cry every time it came on, your breath hitching the second you heard the ‘friends break up, friends get married.” you just wanted everything to go back to normal. you wanted to go back to the day you met heeseung, walking to a different seat instead of sitting down next to him. you wanted to beg the professor to assign you with someone else. you wanted to never step foot in that fateful party that changed everything.

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it’s quiet aside from the video playing from your phone. you’re curled up in bed, a bowl of pretzels in your lap as you watch a video essay on youtube about fourth wall breaks. you had nothing else to do. yunjin was spending the night at beomgyu’s. again. wonyoung had to study for an exam coming up. you were left alone, your phone being your only entertainment. sure, you could’ve gone out. but it’s 11pm. you just needed something to keep your mind occupied. it usually doesn’t work. but tonight, things are different. you’re happier tonight. things are easier. your mind doesn’t keep drifting back to him. you stretch, rolling your neck as the voice talks about deadpool’s fourth wall breaks. it’s weirdly interesting. you forgot how entertaining youtube essays could be. the peace is shattered by a knock on your door. the sound is sharp and unexpected, making you jump slightly as you look towards the door. you freeze for a second, before checking the time on your phone. 11:15pm. who would be here this late? part of you thinks yunjin came back. but she has a key, so why wouldn’t she just unlock the door? you stand, slowly walking towards the door, yawning slightly as you near it. maybe it’s wonyoung. she could’ve finished studying and wanted to hang out. but when you finally pull open the door, your breath catches in your throat. there, standing on the other side, is heeseung. you feel your stomach churn. he looks different. there’s bags under his eyes, and his hair is messy, like he’s been running his hands through it. there’s a look in his eyes that you can quite place, something you’re grown accustomed to. you can never truly tell what he’s thinking. you stare at him, but you can’t get any words out. his eyes are staring back into yours, and it feels like time stops. you’re frozen, unable to move. he’s here. standing in front of you. you finally find your voice, forcing the words to leave your parted lips. “what are you doing here?” your tone is sharper than intended, and part of you wishes you could take them back. but it’s too late. they’re out there. heeseung stands still, his body tense. his eyes flicker around, like he’s lost deep in thought. it’s overwhelming. he hasn’t even said anything and you feel like he’s already said too much. you take a deep breath, your hand on the door as you get ready to close it. but heeseung’s fast. he reaches out, his fingers splaying across the door and halting your movements. “wait. wait,” he pleads, his voice quiet, breathy. “just let me explain, please. just- just let me in. i need to, fuck… i need to say something.” you hesitate, your eyes searching his. your mind is telling you to shut the door in his face, crawl back in bed, and pretend this conversation never happened. but you don’t. you can’t. something about his expression, the way he’s standing there, eyes pleading with you to listen for once- it stops you. so you open the door wider, letting him step inside. your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest, averting your gaze from his as you step to the side. he steps inside, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. you shut the door behind him, turning around to face him, and it’s like something cracks within him. he doesn’t wait a second longer. he just starts talking, words spilling out of him like a dam, like he’s been holding them back for some time. “i don’t- i don’t do relationships. i don’t know how to do them. i don’t know how to feel this way. wasn’t supposed to feel this way,” he pauses for a moment, running a shaky hand through his hair. “i was fine before you. but now, everything has changed. i’m so fucking confused.” you stand there, frozen, your stomach twisting at his words. it feels like you’ve been hit by a truck. you don’t know what to do, what to say, how to react. his voice rises slightly, and for the first time, you see his true feelings. “you- fuck, you ruined me.”

his words are softer than you expect. they lack the usual teasing. they’re not sharp or mocking. they’re just a quiet emission of something he’s been dealing with, something he doesn’t know how to navigate. the pure emotion in his voice cuts through like a knife, hitting somewhere deep inside where all the sadness had piled up inside you. “you make me want things i don’t even know how to want,” he continues, his voice quiet now, barely above a whisper. “i tried to deny it. i tried to push every feeling i had away. i couldn’t admit it to myself- i was scared.” he stops talking, sucking in a breath as he stares at you. his eyes search yours, like he’s trying to gauge your emotions. you’re not sure. you don’t even know what you’re feeling right now. you’re finally able to force a word out, your voice shaky and quiet, like you’re not even sure you want him to hear. “heeseung…” but he doesn’t respond. he just stands there, his chest rising and falling with every shaky breath he takes. his eyes stay locked on yours, and his mouth parts like he’s going to say something, start speaking again. but instead, he runs a hand through his hair, letting out an incredulous laugh. it’s not a happy laugh. it’s disbelieving, tinged with frustration and sadness, like he can’t even comprehend the fact that he’s in this position right now, pouring his heart out to someone he hurt. “fuck,” he mutters, shaking his head, his voice wavering. “i can’t even focus at practice. coach keeps yelling at me, reprimanding me, but-“ he pauses, his eyes landing on yours again. “i can’t stop thinking about you. it’s screwing me up.” you blink, the weight of his admission sinking in, making your eyes sting and a lump form in your throat. his voice is so raw, his words hitting you like a punch to the gut every time. his hand is shaky as he runs it over his face, shaking his head like he’s fighting something inside himself. “i don’t know what’s happening to me,” he continues, his voice breathy and laced with emotion. “i can’t stop wanting you. i don’t know what to do with that. i’ve never felt this for someone before.” he steps forward slightly, and you can feel yourself tense up. there’s an intensity in his eyes, raw and unfiltered. like he’s determined. it’s the most honest you’ve ever seen him be, the first time you’ve been able to tell what he’s feeling by looking at him. it almost knocks the breath out of you. “i want… i want you to be mine, y/n,” he confesses, his voice full of sincerity. “i want to hold your hand, not just have our fingers brush. i want to kiss you, for no reason at all, but because i can’t help it. i want you to be able to tell people i’m yours. i just, i want to be close to you all the time. i’ve never experienced this before, and it scares the hell out of me. but losing you is worse. i can’t keep pushing my feelings- and you- away when you’re all that i think about.” you freeze, your breath hitching as his words sink in more and more. he wants you. he wants this. your heart is racing, and your breathing picks up just a bit. heeseung takes another step closer, his voice barely above a whisper now as if he’s scared to say the words out loud. “i’m so fucking scared, y/n. this is all new to me. i don’t know how to do this. but i want to make this right. i want to be able to tell you what i’m feeling and what i want, just- please, don’t walk away again.”

the desperation in his voice tears at you, and before you can stop yourself, your vision blurs. the pressure in your chest builds, and a shaky breath leaves you as you feel the dam break. tears spill from your eyes, hot and fast, all the emotions you’ve been bottling up crashing down from the weight of his words. heeseung’s eyes widen the second he sees your face shift, and in an instant, he’s there. his hands gently cup your face, his thumb softly wiping away every tear that falls. your breath hitches at his touch, a quiet sob leaving your lips. “hey, hey, look at me,” he says softly, his hands guiding your face up carefully, like he’s afraid you might break. “i didn’t mean to- fuck. don’t cry, baby.” you can’t stop it. the tears are falling down faster that you can hold them back. heeseung’s thumbs continue to brush against your cheeks, trying to calm down the rush of emotions you’re experiencing. but it’s too much- the words, the emotions, the tenderness. it’s all so new, so different from what you’ve been experiencing these past few days. your chest tightens, a mix of pain and relief swirling inside you, and before you can stop yourself, you press your head against his chest, your fingers gripping tightly onto his hoodie in a desperate attempt to steady yourself. heeseung tenses up at the contact, his hands still cradling your face, albeit a bit awkward in this new positioning. but he doesn’t pull away. he lets you lean against him, tears spilling from your eyes as both of you breath shakily, like you’re afraid this moment could disappear at any second. for a few seconds, neither of you moves. the room is thick with tension, and the sounds of your sniffles and his uneven breathing. then slowly, cautiously, his hands finally slip down to rest at your back, gently- his touch so light you almost don’t feel it- pulling you a bit closer to him. his movements are tentative, like he’s not sure if he even has the right to hold you, but he’s too afraid to let you go. then, slowly, you pull away. but not far. just enough so you can tilt your head up, your eyes locking with his. and for a moment, it feels like the world stops. all his emotions are laid bare- his sincerity, his longing, his fear. and every emotion he’s feeling is mirrored in your gaze. you’re both scared, but you’re no longer hiding those feelings from each other. this is something new for both of you, but you know you’re ready to navigate it together.

before you can think too much about it, or second guess your thought process, you’re leaning in, pressing your lips against his. softly, tentatively at first. it’s different from every other kiss you shared. it’s not the rushed, messy kisses born from confusion and curiosity. no. it’s different. it’s slow, tender, filled with every unspoken word, every quiet confession that’s stayed locked deep inside until now. all the feelings of longing that have finally surfaced. it’s everything you both wanted but were too scared to ask for. his lips move against yours slowly, and the gentleness of the kiss contrasts everything that came before it. the rush of emotions is still there, but it's calm now, dissipating softly like the rain slowing down after a thunderstorm. it’s just the two of you, finally letting go, spilling your emotions out. heeseung’s hand moves to the back of your neck, his touch gentle but firm, pulling you closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath against your lips, the soft press of his body against yours. it’s not like before. it’s real. and it’s yours. when he finally pulls back, there’s a moment of silence. neither of you say anything, but you don’t have to. the air is thick with meaning. there’s no need for words anymore. there’s a silent understanding between the two of you. a small, hesitant smile tugs at his lips, his hand moving from the back of your neck to cup your face. “i mean it,” he whispers softly, as though he’s trying to reassure both of you. his thumb brushes against your bottom lip, his eyes flickering to them before back up to your eyes. “i’m not going anywhere.” you nod, a shaky breath leaving your lips as your eyes search his. “i know,” you whisper back, the words a promise exchanged between the two of you. you lean back in, connecting your lips for the second time that night. the second they meet again, it’s different. the hesitation, the sadness, it all melts away, being replaced by something different. something neither of you can hold back anymore. your fingers dig deeper into the fabric of his hoodie, desperate for something to ground you in this moment. you feel heeseung’s hand move around to the back of your head again, fingers tangling slightly in your hair. you pull away, just slightly. your lips are still hovering over his, and you whisper, so quiet you’re not even sure if he heard. “heeseung…” you don’t even know what you’re asking for. you don’t know why you’re saying his name. his breath hitches, but he doesn’t pull away. you can feel the hand on your back tighten slightly, and he exhales softly, voice low. “i know.” and then he’s kissing you again, more sure this time, more determined. he guides you backward, each step slow, until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed. he doesn’t rush you. he just holds you there, lips moving against yours, as if he’s waiting for you to stop him. you don’t.

he slowly eases you down on the bed, his hand on your back supporting you until your back collides with the bed. he follows you, until his body is hovering over yours. he finally pulls back, his weight braced on his forearm. his gaze flickers over your face, as if he’s memorizing every piece of you, trying to read your mind in this exact moment. it’s a look you’ve never seen in his eyes before, and it makes your stomach do flips. he raises one of his hands, his thumb brushing against your cheek. the softness of his touch sends a shiver down your spine, and you can’t help the way you push your head into his touch. and then, he speaks quietly, almost like a vow. “let me prove it to you.”your breath hitches. your eyes widen slightly, and you feel like you can’t move. you can’t speak. you feel like these past two weeks heeseung has spilt you open, making you feel things no one else has ever done before, and now he’s in front of you, offering to do the same. and for the first time, it feels real. heeseung doesn’t push. he just waits. because for the first time in a long time, this isn’t a game to him. it’s not about winning, or getting the girl. it’s about you. silence lingers between you, his words sinking into your mind. let me prove it to you. your heart pounds against your ribs, and part of you is sure he can hear it. his thumb continues to trace slow, soothing circles against your cheek, and the gentleness of it, the want, the need you feel pushes you. your fingers tighten in the fabric of his hoodie, exhaling a slow deep breath. you can feel the nerves pulsing through your body, but the warmth of his body above you, the emotions in his eyes, the softness of his touch, it’s enough. you tilt your chin up, pulling him down into another kiss. he reacts immediately, his lips moving against yours in slow, careful kisses. he still doesn’t rush you. his hand slips from your cheek to trail down your arm, fingertips skimming across your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. slowly, the kiss deepens, bit by bit. his tongue swipes across your bottom lip, and just like last time, you let him in. it’s still clumsy, but you let yourself relax under his touch, sighing against his lips. his hand finds your waist, his fingers tightening slightly like he’s trying to hold himself back, and slowly, his lips trail lowers. to the corner of your mouth, then your jaw, then the soft curve of your neck. your breath hitches. his lips are moving slowly, his kisses soft and fleeting, like he’s testing the waters, lingering, waiting for any sign that this is too much. but you don’t stop him. instead, you let your head roll back slightly against the pillow, granting him more access to your neck. his kisses grow more intense at that, sucking a piece of your skin and pulling a gasp out of you. his fingers brush under the hem of your shirt, just barely slipping beneath the fabric, his fingertips pressing slightly on your stomach. it sends a shiver down your spine, and instinctively, your body tenses. not out of fear- but because it’s new.

this isn’t like the last time this happened. it’s more full of emotion, more sure, like you’re dedicating yourself to him. like this time, you’re truly crossing a line that can never be undone. heeseung notices immediately. he stills, his lips hovering over your skin, his warm breath against your neck sending a shiver through you. he stops moving his hand up, simply opting to run slow, lazy circles on your torso with his thumb. he pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes searching your face, as if he’s trying to understand what you want. what you need.you swallow, his gaze making something churn inside you. your chest is rising and falling in quick, timid breaths, nerves rushing through you. the hesitation is there. the fear. but so is the anticipation. the want. the need to experience something new, to finally give in to what your body and heart have been desiring. so you don’t pull away. you don’t stop him. instead, you push yourself up slightly, your lips hovering against his, and you whisper, “it’s okay.” something in his gaze darkens, something unreadable passing through his expression. he holds your gaze for a second longer, like he’s giving you one last chance to change your mind. like he’s trying to make sure that you’re sure. but when you don’t- when you reach up and curl your fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips fully against yours- his restraint snaps.his kisses are hungry, taking more and more from you. and you love it. his hand under your shirt moves again, fingers splaying across your ribs as he holds you there, his lips moving against yours. for the first time, neither of you are trying to hold back. you arch slightly, pushing your chest into his hand, assuring him he can go further. and just like that his hand moves up more, cupping your breast over your bra and eliciting a gasp from your lips. your fingers curl in his hair, your chest rising and falling at the new sensation. heeseung can feel his restraint slipping more and more by the second. the need to be all over you, to make you feel sensations you’ve never felt before. but even through the haze, he’s careful. because this is you. and he knows this is a lot. his lips place sloppy kisses against your neck, his fingers groping and massaging your breast, ripping gasps and sighs from your lips. it’s like each kiss, each touch is a silent question, waiting, asking for permission without saying the words. and you give it to him. in the way your back arches, the way your hands tug at the strands of his hair, the gasps that leave your pretty lips as he explores places of you no one ever has before. he exhales a shaky breath against your skin, and he pauses, resting his head against your shoulder. his hand pulls at the cup of your bra, teasing you- and himself. tempting both of you with what’s about to happen. his body is tense, his breathing heavy, like he’s trying to control himself.

and then he lifts his head, his eyes dark and dazed as he looks at you. god, the way he looks at you. it makes your heart stutter, your stomach flip, it sends a rush of desire through you, your thighs attempting to close, rub together, ease any of the tension you’re feeling. but of course, like last time, you can’t. not with heeseung resting between your legs. his lips part slightly, like he wants to say something. but instead, he swallows hard, his eyes roaming across your frame. and before you can even process it, before you can allow yourself to feel self-conscious under his gaze- he moves. his finger slides out from under your shirt, and his hands curl around the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head with one smooth motion. a gasp leaves your lips, and he tosses it aside, not caring where it lands. and then he’s back on you. his lips are pressing urgent, feverish kisses across your newly exposed skin. his hands are everywhere, his lips are everywhere. he kisses you like he needs it. it leaves your head spinning, and your body feeling like it’s on fire. “heeseung-“ his name leaves your lips in a breathless plea, barely more than a whisper, feeling everything all at once. you feel him shudder against you, his lips pausing against your breast. then, slowly, his hand slips behind your back, his fingers resting on your bra clasp. it sends a shiver through you, your heart stuttering at the feeling. his voice is low, filled with lust, and he raises his head just slightly, his eyes meeting yours. “can i?” and you nod. you don’t think twice, simply pushing your back off the bed to give him easier access. and slowly, he pulls your bra off of you, leaving your top half completely exposed to him, showing him more than anyone else has ever seen. “you’re fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, before his lips are back on you, his lips immediately latching onto one of your nipples, his tongue flicking, his lips sucking lightly, sending pleasure coursing through your veins. his hand comes up to massage the other one, pulling a choked moan from your lips. the feeling is so new, so foreign, and you didn’t know it could feel this good. you can’t help the way you squirm under his touch, your head falling back as breathless sighs leave your lips. your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging hard. and heeseung groans against your skin. a low, deep sound that vibrates through you, making your stomach clench and your thighs twitch, desperate to alleviate the need growing within you. and slowly, he sits up, his eyes locked on yours. your chest rises and falls rapidly as you watch him, already missing the feeling of his mouth on you. but then. his fingers grab his hoodie, pulling it over his head.

something deep pools inside you at the sight of him. something that has you attempting to clench your thighs. your eyes take over his figure. the toned muscles, the sharp lines, his v-line, the way his sweatpants hang just a little too low on his hips. it makes your mouth water. but you don’t get to stare long. because his lips are back on you immediately. trailing over your chest before moving down slowly. his hands rub down your sides, mapping out every curve. his lips trail between your breasts, then down the center of your stomach. his kisses are slow and unhurried, making you feel dizzy. you body is so sensitive to every little thing he does. your breath catches as he gets lower, and lower, and lower- until he stops. his lips rest right above the waistband of your sweatpants, his hot breath against your skin making you shudder. he looks up at you, his eyes dark, filled with lust, and you can feel yourself clench around nothing. his fingers toy with the waistband of your sweats, simply watching you. as if he’s asking for permission without saying a word. and you give it to him. you push your hips off the bed slightly, slow and needy, your eyes full of desire as you stare at him, a shaky exhale leaving your lips. “fuck,” heeseung whispers against your skin, a shiver running through you. you feel the way his grip on your waistband tightens, his mouth so tantalizingly close to where you need him. and then his lips part, a soft breath leaving his lips as he finally speaks, his voice low and dark. “are you sure?” you nod, a soft whimper leaving your lips as you wriggle your hips, your eyes pleading with him. he only breathes a laugh against your skin, the sound quiet and breathless, his lips pressing a soft kiss against your skin, a shaky breath leaving your lips as the feeling sends a shiver down your spine. “words, baby,” he whispers out, his voice low and teasing, but there’s an edge to it that makes your stomach twist and your core clench around nothing. you don’t even know if you can speak. everything is so overwhelming in the best way possible, your eyes flickering all over his face as he just watches you with a smirk. you push your hips up again, your breath coming out desperate and breathy as you whisper. “heeseung, please.” that’s all it takes for him. he smiles, pressing another kiss to your skin before his fingers dip under your waistband, tugging your sweats and underwear down in one go. his fingers tug slowly, revealing more and more by the second. you feel more exposed, suddenly aware of how you’re now completely naked in front of heeseung. but you trust him. his eyes stay on yours the entire time, until he finally gets your pants off your legs completely, tossing them somewhere in the room. only then, does his gaze drop down, and you can see the way his eyes darken as he zeroes in on you. you go to close your legs, suddenly self aware, but he grips your thighs before you get the chance, a soft gasp leaving your lips as he looks back up at you. “keep these open for me, hm?” his thumbs rub slow, absentminded circles against your skin as he just watches you. like he’s committing the sight of you laid out bare beneath him to his memory. but it’s torturous for you.a whimper catches in your throat as your hands grip at the sheets, your hips attempting to move. “heeseung-“ he pushes your hips down, keeping you in place as he shakes his head. “you’re so needy, baby.” slowly, his fingers trail up your inner thighs, so close to where you need him, but never quite touching you, never giving you what you so desperately need. you whine, shifting your hips up, trying to feel something, but he just pushes your thighs down again. “patience,” he murmurs, the corner of his lips quirking up. “let me take my time with you.” and slowly, so slowly, he runs a finger along your slick folds, the sensation making a gasp slip from your lips. your thighs twitch, and he moves his finger up, pressing down on your clit and pulling a soft moan from you.

“oh- heeseung,” you gasp out, your eyes closing and opening again as your chest rises and falls rapidly, growing accustomed to the feeling of someone else controlling your pleasure. he hums, before moving his finger back down, finally inserting a finger inside you. a moan slips past your lips, your walls fluttering around him. “shit, baby,” he exhales, a breathy laugh leaving him as he looks up at your face before back down at your cunt. “you’re so tight.” he curls his finger, stretching you open as you gasp and whine, your hands tightening in the sheets as he pushes another finger inside your dripping cunt. you let out a shaky breath, your head rolling back against the pillow. and then his mouth is on you. a choked moan rips from your throat as his mouth sucks on your clit, the new feeling making your eyes shoot open as your hands fly from the sheets to his hair. “heeseung- fuck-“ you gasp out, your hips attempting to move, but he uses his free hand to press down on your stomach, forcing you to stay still. to take it. it’s too much too fast. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, every suck and press pushing you closer to the edge. your fingers tighten in his hair, and heeseung groans against you, sending a delicious vibration through you. your thighs shake as you gasp, teetering right on the edge. “heeseung,” you moan out, your voice shaky and strained, “gonna- i-“ you can barely get the words out before his lips curve into a smirk against your skin. he hums, the feeling making you squirm before he mutters, “already?” and then his mouth is back on you. his fingers are moving faster, his mouth sucking harder, his tongue working over your clit in slow circles. it's too much. your body tenses up and finally, the coil snaps. a broken moan spills from your throat as your back arches off the bed, your body trembling as you come undone. you can feel his arm press down harder, holding your bottom half still as you gasp, unable to do anything but take it. he doesn’t stop. at least, not immediately. he works you through it, his tongue lapping up every drop of your release, his fingers still moving and drawing out your pleasure. only when it’s too much, a whine slipping past your lips as your hands tug at his hair, does he stop. he pulls back, the bottom half of his face glistening with your slick, his eyes dark as he meets yours- and somehow, you want more all over again. “still with me, princess?” his voice is teasing, and he pushes himself up until he’s hovering over you. “or did i fuck you dumb already?” you can barely answer, the aftershocks of your orgasm still coursing through you. his lips hover above yours, a small smile on his lips before he presses them against yours. you can taste yourself against his lips, slightly bitter. your hips attempt to close, but he’s already settled himself between your legs, and you can feel him smirk against your lips as he grinds his hips just enough for you to feel him. it makes you gasp against his lips, desire coursing through you again. you can feel how hard he is, the outline of his cock pressing against your inner thigh through his sweats. “you want this just as much as i do, don’t you?” he mumbles against your lips, his voice a low rasp. you can only nod, your breath catching in your throat as he rolls his hips again. “think you can take me, baby?” he smirks, one of his hands sliding down your body to pull your legs open further, pressing his clothed cock right against your core and grinding down, forcing a quiet moan from you. “please,” you whine out, your eyes fluttering shut as your mouth falls open in a silent gasp. “yeah? want me inside you? stretching you out, filling you up for the first time?” he whispers against your lips, pressing his hips harder against yours as he lets out a strained breath. your breath hitches at the lewd words leaving his lips, but your cunt clenches around nothing. you finally crack, words spilling from your lips. “yes- please… want you,” you murmur, your eyes pleading with him, full of desire.

his smirk deepens, and he presses a final kiss to your lips before pushing himself up. his fingers dig into the waistband of his sweats, and in one fluid motion, he pulls them down along with his boxers. his cock slaps against his stomach, his tip angry and leaking, and your eyes widen at the sight. how the fuck was that going to fit inside you? he stroked himself a few times, huffing out a laugh at your surprised expression. “see something you like?” he asks, a teasing tone to his voice. you roll your eyes with a small smile, but you can’t hide the desire in your expression. the way your cunt clenches around nothing as your eyes flicker back down to where his cock strands. he leans down, hovering over you as he pulls one of your legs open, exposing you to himself further. his cock brushes against your inner thigh, his tip leaking against your skin and causing you to shudder. “is it… gonna hurt?” you ask quietly, almost feeling stupid for asking such a question. but he doesn’t judge you. his expression shifts from one of amusement to something more soft, his hand on your thigh rubbing gentle circles as he smiles at you. “it might sting a little bit,” he whispers back, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “but just relax for me, alright? i’ll take care of you.” you nod, your voice breathless as you reply. “okay.” your pulse races as his cock brushes against your folds, the reality of everything setting in. you’re about to lose your virginity. it makes a mix of anxiety and adrenaline rush through you, a mewl leaving you at the feeling. “that’s my girl,” he whispers, his hand leaving your thigh to grab his cock, rubbing himself up and down your folds, coating himself in your juices and drawing quiet moans from your lips, your hips pushing up just slightly, chasing the sensation. finally, he positions himself at your entrance, his hips pushing forward as he enters you. the stretch makes your breath catch in your throat. it stings. it’s overwhelming. it’s such a new feeling, sending a shiver down your spine as your cunt clenches around him, drawing a groan from his lips. “fuck,” you breathe out, your voice shaky and quiet, fading into a moan as your eyes clench shut. he pauses for a moment, letting you adjust to the stretch as he presses a kiss to the corner of your lips. “you’re doing so good for me, baby,” he murmurs, his hand sliding to your cunt, rubbing soft circles on your clit and ripping a gasp from you. “just breathe for me.” it distracts you from the burning stretch, dulling the pain the slightest bit as your cunt clenches around him, his hips starting to move again. a soft, shaky breath leaves your lips, your hands coming up to grip his shoulders as he fills you completely. “feel good, princess?” he murmurs against your lips, his voice soft as his thumb continues to rub circles against your clit, a little faster now. you nod, words caught in your throat as the pleasure begins to mix with the pain, giving way to a sensation- a fullness- you’ve never felt before. finally, he bottoms out. you can fill every ridge and vein, your cunt pulsing around him as it struggles to accommodate the stretch. his thumb never stops circling your clit, easing you into full pleasure. he doesn’t move, simply resting inside you and letting you adjust to the new feeling. and slowly, the pain fades. replaced by pleasure, a want- a need- for more. your hips move slightly, a gasped moan slipping past your lips at the pleasure that rushes through you. “please,” you whimper, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your eyes flutter open, meeting his. “move…”

slowly, carefully, he pulls out slightly, dragging out of you before pushing back in, pulling a soft moan from your lips. every roll of his hips presses him further inside you, making your mind hazy as you adjust to the fullness. “hee,” you whimper out, your head rolling back as the feeling grows more pleasurable, sending your head spiraling with every thrust. his thumb still circles your clit, drinking in every reaction you give him. “yeah, baby?” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, making you focus on him for a second. “still doing good?” you nod, your breath getting caught in your throat as he hits a particularly deep spot. it feels good. it feels so good. but you want more. you need more. “yeah,” you whisper. “feels good, but-“ you hesitate, but you don’t need to finish. you catch the way heeseung’s eyes darken immediately, his movements stilling for just a second, like he’s processing your words, before he’s moving again. “you want more, princess?” his voice is lower now, darker. hungrier. it makes you clench around him, a hiss leaving his lips, the corner of his lips quirking up. you nod frantically, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his hand leaves your clit to find purchase on your waist. “please,” you gasp out. “i need-“ you don’t get to finish. a moan spills from your throat as he pulls out, only to slam back in. his careful, slow, pace is gone in an instant, replaced by something deeper. something intoxicating. your fingers claw at his shoulders, his arms, his back, anything you can to ground yourself as his thrusts speed up. “fuck,” he grits out, his head dropping to your shoulder as his hips snap forward again, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. “knew you’d take me so well, baby.” it’s too much. the pleasure builds, your moans getting louder. you can’t even control the noises leaving your mouth, too lost in the pleasure. you don’t even register how loud you’re getting until his hand clamps over your mouth. your eyes fly open, seeing him hovering over you now, his gaze half-lidded and dark. his lips are parted, uneven breaths leaving him as his hips continue to ram into you.“shh, princess,” he rasps, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he hits a particularly deep spot, making you moan out against his mouth. “only i get to hear those pretty sounds, yeah?” a muffled whimper leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around him as you process his words. his pace never slows, pushing your limits, testing just how much you can really take. and you love it. “bet you’d sound so pretty if you could really let go,” he murmurs, his dark eyes staring into yours. his free hand trails down, resting on your stomach. your eyebrows furrow slightly, just before he presses down. your eyes roll back, a loud moan escaping your mouth and being concealed by his palm. it makes you feel him, all of him. stretching you. filling you completely. “you feel that, baby?” his fingers press harder, drawing another strangled moan from your lips as your eyes clench shut. “so fucking deep inside you. you take me so well, fuck-“ your body responds before you know what you’re doing. your hips roll up to meet his, desperate for more of the pleasure you’re experiencing. and heeseung loses it. “can you be quiet for me, princess?” he whispers. and you nod, hazy, dazed. he smirks, pressing harder on your stomach and pulling a broken moan from your lips as your body jolts beneath him. he slowly removes his hand from your mouth, sliding it down your body to grab your thigh, spreading you wider for him. a choked whimper leaves your lips, your mouth clenched shut as you try your hardest to hold your sounds in. but it feels too good. tears gather in your lashes, your body arching into his.

his cock twitches inside you, a dark grin on his face as he tilts his head at you. “what’s wrong, baby?” his voice is mocking, teasing, cruel. and it only drives you crazier. a tear slips down your cheek, your cunt clenching around him. you don’t trust your voice- hell, you don’t even know if you can speak right now.“too much?” he asks, but he doesn’t stop. if anything, he pushes deeper. you shake your head frantically, a broken sob leaving your lips as more tears spill down your cheeks. he sits back on his heels, the new angle pushing him deeper as a choked moan slips past your lips, your own hand coming up to cover your mouth. he only chuckles, his voice dripping with amusement- and something darker- as he watches you unravel beneath him. “feels good, doesn’t it?” it’s too much. it’s all too much. the coil in your stomach is winding tight, threatening to pull you over the edge at any second. and heeseung notices. he notices how your thighs began to shake, your moans turning into breathy, desperate whimpers, the way you clench around him. “close?” is all he asks, his eyes dark and lidded as he watches you. your hand slides from the sheet to his arm, desperate to find something to ground yourself as you teeter on the edge. “hee-“ you manage to gasp out, your voice breaking off into a moan as tears slide down your cheeks. he groans at the way you clench around him, his hand finding your clit again, rubbing tight, merciless circles, forcing you closer to the edge. and it’s too much. it builds so fast it makes your head spin. hell, you don’t even feel like you’re real at this point.“come for me, princess,” he groans out, thrusting particularly deep inside you. “let go.”your orgasm rips through you, your back arching off the bed as you cry out, a loud, broken moan barely muffled by your hand. your vision goes white, your body locking up as the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had takes over your body. but he doesn’t stop. his pace doesn’t falter for a second, fucking you through your high, testing your limits as the pleasure shifts into something more intense. your body can barely keep up. you’re sobbing, gasping, your body stuck between pushing him away and pulling him closer. “just a bit longer, baby,” he groans, his hand moving from your clit to your waist, holding you still as his thrusts turn erratic. your eyes roll back, your poor body unable to keep up with the pleasure you’re feeling. and then, a low guttural moan escapes heeseung’s lips, his hips pressing as hard as they can against yours as he finally spills inside you. the sensation of being filled has you gasping, clenching around him as his body trembles with his orgasm. slowly, he lowers himself down, pressing soft kisses to your lips to ease you back to reality, your dazed eyes meeting his as ragged breaths escape your lips. you’re wrecked. “you did so good for me, princess,” he murmurs, his voice breathless as his lips trail soft kisses down your jaw, his warm hands soothing over your trembling thighs, slowly pulling you back down to earth. you can’t even find the words to speak. you only nod, your hand slowly lifting to tangle in his hair, just resting there. he chuckles, leaning up to look at you. a soft smile forms on his lips, his thumbs brushing the tears off of your cheeks. “you okay?” you nod again, your voice wrecked, barely more than a whisper. “yeah.”

he doesn’t say anything, simply watching you. his gaze is so soft, his touch featherlight against your skin. his hips pull back slowly, making you gasp at the sensitivity it sends through you. and then he’s pulling out, his hands moving down to your hips as he sits back on his heels. your hips shift, adjusting to the empty feeling, a shiver running through you when you feel his cum dripping out of you. heeseung pauses, his eyes fixed on the sight, hands gripping your hips tighter as he breathes out, “fuck…” your face heats up, self-consciousness taking over when it finally sets in that you’re completely exposed in front of him. your legs attempt to close, a whine leaving your lips- but heeseung’s faster. his hands grip your thighs, keeping you held open as a smile forms on his lips. “don’t get all shy on me now, baby,” his voice is quiet, his eyes flickering up to yours as you avert your gaze. your hips shift, another soft, embarrassed noise leaving you, but he simply laughs under his breath. “you were just moaning for me a few minutes ago.” “heeseung,” you mumble, dragging out his name as you continue to move beneath him, trying to pull your thighs out of his grasp. your hands attempt to bat his away halfheartedly, but you’re too exhausted to actually push him, watching the way he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth with a smile while watching your struggle. he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your stomach that has your breath catching, your hands halting their movements. “you were so good for me. look at you,” he mumbles, his eyes dragging over your body slowly, “all fucked out and pretty.” you let out a noise of protest, slapping at his shoulder before your hands come up to cover your face, groaning against your hands. “okay,” he laughs, finally letting go of your legs. “i’ll stop. don’t want you crying again.” you huff, turning your head to hide your face in the pillow, but a smile tugs at your lips. “you’re the worst.” he only laughs again, slipping off the bed, and you hear his footsteps moving away from the bed. “mhm. didn’t hear you complaining earlier.” you let out a dramatic groan, completely turning your body away from him, choosing not to answer this time.

when he finally returns, he sits down on the bed, one hand gently pulling your leg up, exposing you to him again. “heeseung,” you whine, lifting your head to look at him. his eyes flicker up to yours, before looking down again, the wet rag making contact with your legs and making you gasp, everything still so sensitive. “relax,” he whispers, his touch gentle, moving ever so carefully over the parts that make you flinch, your legs shifting with every pass. you nod into the pillow, finally letting your body relax again as your eyes flutter shut, exhaustion slowly taking over your body. “there we go,” he murmurs, tossing the rag aside and settling in bed besides you, pulling the covers over the both of you. his arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him, your body instantly relaxing into his. his fingers rake through your hair, slow and comforting, making you let out a soft sigh, curling further into him. “you good?” he whispers again, like he always have to make sure you’re alright. “yeah,” you you yawn, shifting and closing your eyes. “tired.” you hear a soft, breathy laugh leaving his lips, before he presses a kiss to the top of your head, his fingers resuming their movements in your hair. “go to sleep, y/n.” you nod, letting the beating of heeseung’s heart in your ear guide you into a slumber as sleep lulls you away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“one iced coffee, please,” you smile, holding out a ten-dollar bill to the cashier in front of you. she gives you a look, but smiles back, taking the cash anyway. “no hot chocolate today?” you wave your hand dismissively, biting back a giddy smile. “oh, it’s not for me.” she raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push, simply nodding and punching in your order. “alright, then. we’ll have that out soon.” you rock back and forth on your feet, wonyoung and yunjin waiting at a table behind you. once your order is out, you’re walking back to the girls with a bit more pep in your step, holding the cup up to signal you’re ready to leave. you begin to walk out the door, a giddy smile on your lips as you look down at the coffee, before back up- completely oblivious to the look wonyoung and yunjin share. “so, why’d you get an iced coffee?” yunjin asks, tilting her head as she looks at the drink in your hand. “oh, just for someone,” you smile, shrugging lightly as you continue to walk. “you look too happy,” wonyoung teases you, poking your cheek as she watches the smile on your face grow larger, “what happened?” “nothing, guys!” you laugh, pushing wonyoung’s hand away. you continue to walk, making a beeline for the gym. you don’t miss the confused looks they send you as you speed up slightly. “okay, seriously, where are we going?” wonyoung asks, speeding up slightly as she picks up on the direction you’re headed. “the gym? the basketball team is in there right now,” yunjin adds, scrunching her eyebrows. “y/n. y/n? that means heeseung is in there! hello?” you don’t even hesitate when you open the gym doors, the two girls trailing behind you, clearly confused. “y/n. why are we in here?” wonyoung hisses, grabbing your arm as the sound of squeaking shoes and a basketball hitting the floor fills the air.

and then, all the noises slow. the guys spare a glance at you, before doing a double take once they recognize you. because heeseung has talked about you. and they’ve seen you with him. but the moment heeseung sees you, his focused expression shifts. his sharp gaze softens, a smile forming on his face as his feet slow to a stop. he starts moving, jogging over slowly. his shirt is slightly damp, his breathing slightly heavy. “hi, pretty girl,” he smiles, his gaze warmer. wonyoung’s grip on your arm loosens, and you can see her jaw drop from the corner of your eye. “hi,” you reply, holding out the coffee, “i brought you coffee.” he grins, taking the cup and tilting his head. “really? i thought you hated iced coffee.” you bite back a laugh, shaking your head lightly before shrugging. “you don’t.” you watch as his smile shifts into something else. something in his eyes that you can’t process, but he’s looking at you like you placed the stars in the sky. it makes your stomach flip, a blush forming on your cheeks. his hand slips around your waist, tugging you closer as he presses a soft, lingering kiss to your lips. your hand instinctively grabs onto his jersey, tugging him slightly closer, your lips forming into a smile against his. “hello?” you hear yunjin ask, a few guys behind you laughing. “what?” you ask, pulling back from heeseung’s lips, tilting your head with a small smile. “am i not allowed to come say hi to my boyfriend?” silence. until wonyoung squeals, practically yanking yunjin towards her. “i called it!” even heeseung himself seems a bit thrown off guard, his eyes widening a bit before he pulls himself together, a smug grin pulling at the corner of his lips. “oh?” he murmurs, leaning in just enough for you to hear. “say that again?” “damn, y/n,” jake laughs, stepping up besides the two of you and clapping heeseung on the back. “you managed to lock the playboy down.” “so,” jake continues, nodding at the drink in your hand with a shit-eating grin, “care to bring me one of those next time?” you don’t even get to open your mouth before heeseung is speaking. “no.” jake blinks. “i was talking to-“ “still no.” he throws his hands up, turning on his heel and walking away, grumbling out, “forget i asked.” you roll your eyes, suppressing a smile as you look back at heeseung, who simply shrugs at you. he’s insufferable. and he’s yours. 

AFTER FIGHTING FOR THREE DAYS... I GOT IT TO WORK. sorry about the weird formatting at some points, it's the only way i was able to fit this whole fic into one post ^^! also,, did not realize how much i wrote "and then" until i was editing this god damn girl stop sing those words for one second... hope you guys enjoyed !!!!

taglist: @bussolares @w3willris3 @nithxhoon @elairah @fancypeacepersona @talesofthegreatest @jaehoonii @onlyticket-home @cutehoons02 @isagistar @immelissaaa @seongiewon @llearlert @rosepetals09 @cloud-lyy @enhaheart8 @millisvlog @rayofsunshineeee @littlesweettea-aine @evorlaah @kittycatwonie @somuchdard @miraeluv @heewenos @katarinamae @h4niyahcar @aejakeslvr @girlwholovekpop @dearestdreamies

^i tried to tag everyone, but some ppl weren’t coming up so if urs doesn’t work i’m sorry abt that😭

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whenever there’s no new fics under my favorite x reader tags, an angel loses its wings

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criticism please...guys...i genuinely cannot accept the fact that I'm ass at digital art

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i love P1Harmony guys i love them so I made a duh poster or wtv

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GUYS THE TUMBLR APP I GOT IT BACK FROM PLAYSTORE OHHHHH I LOVE MY LIFE

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Dear fellow human,

My name is Fayez, and I am a father of three children in Gaza. I never thought I’d beg strangers to help, but here I am. We are surrounded by destruction. Food has become a dream. Water is scarce. Hope is fading.

I was injured in the war. But nothing hurts more than seeing my children go to bed hungry — night after night.

🙏💧 I am begging you — not for comfort, not for money — but for a meal, a chance, a small mercy.

Please donate. Or at least, please share this message. Let someone, somewhere, hear our cry.

👉 Donate now — help a starving child

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The Price of Perfection

pairing: Academic Rival! Jake x fem! reader

synopsis: You are always first. The one everyone expects to win. Confident, prideful, and untouchable. People admire you, envy you, resent you. But it doesn’t matter because in the end, you always prove them right. Then you go home. And first place isn’t enough. Second is unacceptable. Third is a disgrace. Anything less is failure. But then there’s Jake. Jake, who wins because he loves to. Jake, who has everything you don’t.

And the moment he looked past the perfect image you built, everything began to change.

warnings: This story contains themes of parental neglect, emotional abuse, academic pressure, and self-doubt. It covers on inadequacy, angst, and emotional breakdowns, but also slow-burn romance and comfort. Read at your own risk.

author's note: This story is deeply personal to me. It’s the first time I’ve poured so much emotion into something. If you relate to any part of this, please remember: you are enough. Always. Thank you for reading.

permanent tag list: @sol3chu @chlorinecake @13tter @jung1w0n @layzfy @firstclassjaylee @ijustwannareadstuff20

The cameras flashed. The medal's weight around your neck was heavier than it should’ve been. Gold, cold, undeserved. Applauses were loud.

You smiled. Of course you did. It was the expression expected of a champion. Graceful, composed, proud. You had practiced it enough times in the mirror, so much so that it no longer hesitated. You let the corners of your lips go upward just right, enough to appear humble but not so much that you seemed arrogant. Enough to sell the illusion that this victory was yours to enjoy.

Your parents stood at the front of the crowd. Their hands clapped the loudest, and their smiles stretched the widest. They shook hands, nodded in gratitude, and took every compliment thrown their way as if they were the ones who had spent sleepless nights preparing. As if they were the ones who had earned this. “We’re so proud,” they had said when your name was announced. “You did it.”

Did what, exactly?

You stood there as the flashes went off, the cheers rang in your ears, and your parents continued to receive congratulations on your behalf. You stood there and dared to look down.

Second place was crying.

Not just the silent kind, not the polite, quiet tears of someone accepting defeat, but the kind that came from deep inside, that cracked a person open. Their shoulders trembled as they looked down at their silver medal, fingers curling around it so tightly you thought it might shatter.

And then there were the others. The ones who had fought, who had given everything, who had wanted this much more than you ever did. Some stood stiffly, disappointment carved into their faces, blinking back the loss with forced indifference. Others stared blankly at the floor, avoiding your gaze because looking at you only deepened the wound.

It didn’t feel good.

It never did.

Taking something that wasn’t yours to take, crushing someone’s dreams just because you could. It didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel right.

And maybe it wouldn’t have felt so hollow if this had been your dream. If you had wanted this as badly as they did. If you had fought, struggled, and clawed your way to the top because it was something you couldn’t live without. But that wasn’t the case.

You had never wanted this.

But you won anyway.

And that was the worst part of it all.

🪢

The hallway was full of students moving in clusters. Conversations were overlapping, and lockers were slamming shut. Same faces, same voices, same excitement over things that would be forgotten by next week. You walked through the center of it all, and people noticed you without needing to say anything. Whispers followed you, talking about your latest win and how easily you had secured another first-place title. People admired you, but bitterness and jealousy were hidden behind their forced smiles.

“Look who’s finally back from their throne,” a familiar voice called out, loud enough to turn a few heads. A heavy arm slung over your shoulder before you could react. It was Seojin, one of your so-called friends, though that word had lost its meaning a long time ago. He grinned down at you, his smile wide. There was something in his face that made it clear he wasn’t celebrating you.

You scoffed, shrugging his arm off easily, adjusting your bag strap as his touch had thrown off your balance. “What, miss me already?” Your voice was light enough to remind him where you stood in this hierarchy. “You should get used to it. Winners are always busy.”

Laughter spread through the group gathered around you. A few people exchanged glances, nodding as if they agreed with each other, truly believing you were unstoppable. Seojin laughed and tucked his hands into his pockets. “Busy collecting more trophies, huh? I have to say, it must be tiring being the best at everything.”

You smirked. “Wouldn’t know. It comes naturally.”

Immediately, the group reacted with a chorus of “oohs” and chuckles. Another voice joined in. “You looked like you belonged on that stage. I mean, holding that trophy, you seemed made for it.” Jihoon added.

For just a moment, your smile faded a little.

“Made for it.”

Those words should have felt like a compliment but instead felt like a reminder. A cage.

But you couldn’t let them see that. So, you laughed easily, like every other lie. “Of course I did,” you said, flipping your hair over your shoulder. “I make everything look good.”

More laughter followed. More voices joined in. More noise.

You kept up this act because it felt natural now. This confident version of yourself, who never had doubts. This group, these people, this constant game of who could seem the most untouchable. It was tiring.

And none of them were even your friends.

They were here because your name meant something. Because standing next to you made them look better. Because being associated with a winner was better than being another nameless face in the crowd.

Some people called you cocky.

Maybe they were right.

Or maybe you just played the part because it was the only thing you knew how to do.

The moment you stepped into the next hallway, the energy shifted. The laughter, the background noise of your so-called friends. It all faded into something heavier. Because there he was.

Sim Jaeyun, or Jake as most would call, was the person who never treated you like a high-status figure. He didn’t feel any pressure from your name. He was a real threat and didn’t even have to try. While you acted like a confident champion, enjoying victories you didn’t care about, Jake was different. He truly wanted this, and that made things more complicated for you.

Unlike you, he was genuinely passionate. He stayed up late studying, not to keep up his image, but because he loved learning. He was brilliant but never showed off. He made people feel comfortable around him. Your presence was sharp and demanding, while he was warm and easygoing. Your so-called friends stuck to you for your status. In contrast, Jake’s friends liked him for who he was, not his achievements. His parents didn’t take credit for his success. They supported him and celebrated his efforts, not just the results.

You had everything. Yet somehow, he had everything you wanted.

And maybe that was why you hated him.

Or maybe you didn’t.

Maybe you didn’t know what to do with him.

Jake looked up as you walked toward him. His face was hard to read. You both seemed very different. You wore an arrogant smirk, surrounded by people who only stuck around when you won. He stood there relaxed, with his friends laughing at a joke you hadn’t heard.

But you needed to keep up your image.

“You seem pretty relaxed for someone who lost yesterday.” You said.

Jake paused his conversation and looked at you, his friends noticing you too. He met your gaze, and his smile was small and genuine momentarily, not bitter or angry. It made you feel like entering a game without knowing the rules. “And you,” he replied, “look a bit worried for someone who won.”

For a moment, your confidence almost falters. Almost. But you quickly kept your expression smooth. “Worried? Not at all. I barely broke a sweat.” You let out a short laugh and raised an eyebrow. “Honestly, you put up a good fight. I almost thought you had a shot.”

Jake kept looking at you. He didn’t react the way others usually did. Instead, he took his time before responding. “Almost, huh?” He spoke as he was contemplating your words. He studied you, and for once, you felt like the one being examined. “I guess I’ll have to try harder next time.”

You scoffed and crossed your arms, shifting your weight to show confidence. “Go ahead. We both know how this usually turns out.”

His lips turned into a slight grin, neither a smirk nor a laugh. “We’ll see.”

It wasn’t a challenge or bragging. It was just a simple statement from someone who seemed to believe that the future was unpredictable. For some reason, that feeling shook you more than anything.

People like you were not supposed to hesitate. People like you were not supposed to let doubt creep in.

But Jake Sim had a way of making you feel uncertain.

You weren’t even sure if he noticed.

🪢

The moment you stepped outside the school gates, you were still the person everyone expected.

You smiled, laughed, and stood tall.

Your so-called friends hung around you, stretching out their goodbyes. They gave half-hearted compliments and exaggerated praise about your latest win. You nodded along, pretending their words mattered. You let them talk, enjoying the moment before you walked away, climbed into the waiting car, and left them behind for the day.

As soon as the car door shut, the act ended.

The silence weighed heavily. The outside noise turned into a dull hum and was muffled by the thick glass. Your confident expression finally dropped. There would be no more forced smiles or sharp comments.

Just quiet.

Your older brother, Jay, was already in the backseat, sitting comfortably with his long legs stretched out. He looked calm, as usual. When you settled beside him, he glanced up from his phone and met your eyes. “Hey,” he said, relaxed.

You hummed back, leaning against the seat and feeling your exhaustion set in.

“How was school?” Jay asked. He asked because he always wanted to hear it from you, even if he knew the answer.

“It was alright,” you replied. It was the most straightforward answer.

Jay didn’t respond right away. He studied you momentarily, his fingers tapping his phone, deciding whether to call you out on your lie. In the end, he didn’t press you. He never did.

The car started moving away from the school, and with it, the image you had kept up faded. You watched the students outside continue their laughter and conversations. What felt suffocating just moments ago now seemed far away.

No one at school knew this version of you.

You didn’t speak unless someone spoke to you. You didn’t fill silences with witty remarks or smug comments. You didn’t carry the weight of expectations. You didn’t feel like you were performing.

At school, you were never quiet. You were always loud and talking, making sure everyone noticed you. Being quiet meant giving others space to think and see through you.

But in the car, you didn’t have to fill the silence.

In the car, you could just be you.

So, you let the quiet settle. You relaxed your shoulders. You stared out the window, watching the city blur, knowing you could just be yourself for the next twenty minutes.

Jay didn’t say anything else. He lets you sit in silence and take it in. And that was enough.

🪢

The moment you stepped into the house, you already knew something was wrong. The air was too tense. Too quiet. You barely had time to take off your shoes before your mother called your name. You could tell something was wrong. You always knew when it was.

Your father was already in the living room, which made it clear there would be no discussion. Your mother stood next to him, looking exhausted and grim. “You didn’t sign up,” she said. It wasn't a question or an accusation. Just a fact. They already knew the answer before you walked in.

Your stomach dropped. Of course.

You had tried not to mention the competition and hoped they wouldn't notice when the deadline passed. You thought, maybe for once, they would let it go.

But they didn’t.

“You didn’t even try,” your father said sharply with his piercing gaze. “We had to call them ourselves. We begged them to let you in after registration closed.”

Begged.

That word felt heavy and suffocating. Your well-respected parents had to use their influence and name because you didn't do what was expected. Your mother sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Do you know how embarrassing that was? Do you even care?”

“I just won a championship,” you replied. You didn't raise it or show your fatigue, but it was hard not to let it show. “Why does it matter if I skip this one?”

Your father shook his head in disbelief. “Why does it matter?” he repeated, astonished that you would even ask. “Do you think success ends with one win? That one victory is enough?”

Your mother stepped forward, her face showing disappointment and frustration. “Do you realize how many doors this could open for you? How many people would do anything for a chance like this?”

You knew because you had seen those students who wanted it badly. They cried when they lost and studied late into the night, chasing something that was handed to you.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re competing,” your father said firmly. “End of discussion.”

There it was. They made the decision for you, as usual.

Your mother sighed and rubbed her temples. “We already submitted your name. The least you can do is show some gratitude.”

Gratitude.

You swallowed the bitterness rising in your throat.

There was nothing left to say.

So, you nodded. You nodded because it was easier than fighting. Because no matter what you wanted, it never really mattered.

Because, at the end of the day, this was the life you had been given.

And no matter how much you wanted to, you could never escape it.

“I’m sorry,” you said with the words barely escaping past the tightness in your throat.

Your father scoffed, turning away because your apology wasn’t worth acknowledging. Your mother sighed before walking past you, her hand lightly brushing against your shoulder, not as a sign of comfort but as if she were dismissing you.

And just like that, the conversation was over.

Because in this house, your choices didn’t matter.

Only the results did.

🪢

Everything in the dining room was arranged perfectly. The food was carefully portioned. It looked beautiful, but it tasted like nothing to you. You sat still, your back straight, moving your fork absently, pushing the food around rather than eating it. The conversation between your parents was casual, even. But you knew where this was going before they even said it.

Then, there it was.

“Jake placed first in the regional math competition,” your father said as he cut into his steak. “I spoke to his father earlier today. Apparently, he not only won, but he beat last year’s champion by a huge margin.”

The muscles in your jaw tightened. You knew better than to look up.

Your mother hummed, sipping her wine before delicately setting the glass down. “I’m not surprised,” she said, dabbing with a napkin at the corner of her lips. “Jake’s always been a hardworking boy. So polite, too. His mother told me he spends extra hours studying every night without being told. He even tutors younger students in his free time.” She sighed, shaking her head, almost wistful.

“You could learn a thing or two from him.”

You knew it was coming.

That didn’t make it any easier to hear.

Your grip on your fork tightened, your fingers pressing into the cool metal. You didn’t lift your head. Didn’t argue. Didn’t say anything at all.

Your father continued, “Jake doesn’t have everything handed to him,” he said, placing his knife down with a soft clink. “And yet, he’s still doing better than you.”

The words sat heavy in the air, heavier than the food sitting untouched on your plate. Jay, who had been quiet up until now, let out a sharp exhale. He placed his utensils down with more force than necessary, the sound cutting through the tension in the room. “You’re acting like she’s not already winning every other competition,” He spoke calmly, but you could hear a tension in his voice that only you noticed. “Maybe, instead of comparing her to someone else, you should acknowledge what she had done. Instead of acting like it’s never enough.”

Your mother shook her head, seeing what he said was unreasonable. “That’s not the point, Jay,” she said sharply.

“Then what is the point?” Jay shot back. He looked directly at them. “That no matter how much she achieves, it’s still not enough for you?”

Your father turned to him. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t need to. “You wouldn’t understand,” he said as if that was the end of it. As if that was all that needed to be said.

And just like that, the discussion was over.

There was no room for argument. There is no room for anything.

Your parents continued eating, their conversation turning to something lighter, meaningless, as if the weight of their words hadn’t just settled in your chest like a stone. It was as if they hadn’t reminded you once again that you were still not enough. You forced yourself to take a bite, chewing slowly, swallowing past the lump in your throat.

Jay glanced at you from across the table, his expression softer now, but he didn’t say anything else.

Because he knew, just as you did, that there was nothing left to say.

🪢

Jake didn’t think about you much. Not in the way others did.

To everyone else, you were a name that carried weight, a student who stood at the top without fail. People whispered about you in the halls. Some with admiration, some with jealousy. You had everything. The grades, the reputation, the influence. And you knew it. You walked through the school like it belonged to you, like everyone else was just a step below, trying to catch up.

Jake never had to catch up.

He had always been fine where he was. He worked hard, he did well, and that was enough. He didn’t need to stand on a podium to prove anything. His parents were proud whether he won or not. His friends didn’t care if he was in first place or fifth. His achievements were his, not something for others to measure their worth against.

That was the difference between you and him.

You acted like everything was a competition. Every test, every ranking, every moment you could use to remind people where you stood. It was almost entertaining sometimes. The way you smirked when your name was called first, the way you barely spared a glance at the people below you.

People always assumed the two of you were enemies. The belief that academic rivals are destined to despise each other. But Jake never really hated you.

He didn’t respect you either.

Because arrogance didn’t impress him.

So, when he passed by you in the hallway, watching as you threw an arm around your so-called friends, laughing too loudly, standing too tall. He didn’t feel envy. He didn’t feel admiration.

He just felt nothing.

And if you ever turned your gaze his way, lips twisting into that confident smirk, daring him to try and take your place at the top. He only ever smiled back, easy, unbothered.

Because, unlike you, he had nothing to prove.

🪢

The room was silent except for the clicking of keyboards and the scratch of pens against paper. The weight of expectation pressing down on your shoulders. Your fingers flew across the page, solving, calculating, writing. Each answer had to be perfect. Each step is precise.

You couldn’t afford to be slow.

You glanced at the timer. Two minutes left.

Your heartbeat pounded fast. Your breathing was shallow. You could hear the clock ticking. It's louder than it should be. Your grip on the pen tightened until your knuckles turned white.

One last question.

Your eyes looked at the numbers on the screen. You ran through the calculations in your head, fingers trembling as you wrote them down on the paper.

Something didn’t feel right.

You double-checked. No, no, no. This wasn’t what it was supposed to be. You rewrote the equation, erasing and correcting. The answer wouldn’t come out right. The numbers blurred together, your mind racing faster than you could keep up.

Your hands were sweating.

One minute.

You swallowed hard. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t-

Your hand slipped. The pen streaked across the page, ink smudging. You cursed under your breath, hastily fixing the mess, but-

Thirty seconds.

Shit

Shit

Shit

Your breath hitched. You were running out of time. You forced yourself to write down the answer, even if you weren’t sure. You couldn’t leave it blank. You couldn’t-

Five seconds.

Your eyes darted to the scoreboard.

Jake’s score was higher.

Your stomach dropped.

No.

The timer beeped.

The competition was over.

Jake had won.

🪢

This is what it feels like.

To be second.

The cameras flashed, but they weren’t for you this time. Your lips twitched, struggling to form the familiar, practiced smile. It was supposed to be easy. You had done it a thousand times before, in every victory and moment you stood at the top.

But this time, you couldn’t.

You stood there, trophy in hand, a step lower than ever. A step below Jake.

Jake, who stood on the podium above you, smiling. Genuine, effortless, like he belonged there. His name was called, his score announced, and the crowd cheered. His parents were among them, their voices the loudest, their pride so clear. His friends clapped, laughing, celebrating with him.

You swallowed hard.

Your eyes looked to where your parents sat.

They weren’t clapping.

They weren’t smiling.

They weren’t doing anything.

Their faces were blank, unreadable, but that only made it worse. It would have been easier if they were angry, if they scolded you, demanded answers, questioned why you weren’t standing where you were supposed to be.

But they didn’t.

They just watched.

And somehow, that silence crushed you more than any words ever could.

You turned back to Jake, forcing yourself to look. He was still smiling, still happy, still surrounded by people who were happy for him.

You had never been jealous of him before.

But now?

Now, you wished you knew what it felt like to win and actually deserve it.

🪢

The medal was cold against his skin. But his heart was warm.

Warm from the embrace of his parents, their arms wrapped tightly around him, their voices with nothing but pride. Warm from his mother’s teary smile as she cupped his face, whispering you did so well. Warm from his father’s hearty laughter, the way he clapped him on the back and said, we knew you could do it, son.

Warm from the cheers of his friends, their voices overlapping, already talking about celebrating, about how Jake had earned this.

It felt good.

Not just winning. But knowing, truly knowing, that he deserved this moment. That the people around him were happy for him, not because of what he had achieved, but because it was him. “Excuse me for a second,” Jake murmured, offering them a smile before stepping away. The main hall was busy with flashing cameras and loud applause. He just needed a breather, a moment to let it all sink in.

But as he walked toward the quieter side of the building, his steps slowed.

He saw you.

And it wasn’t at all how he expected.

Your father stood in front of you, voice low but strict. Your mother was beside him, her arms crossed, her words quieter but no less cruel.

You didn’t look at them.

Your head was bowed, your hands clasped so tightly in front of you that your knuckles had turned white.

Jake stopped in his tracks.

For as long as he had known you, you had never looked like this before.

You, who always carried yourself with that arrogant smirk. You, who always made everything a competition, never settling for anything less than first. You, who always acted like winning was your right.

Now, you looked-

No. You didn’t look like anything at all.

Your face was blank. Your shoulders stiff. Like you had frozen in place, unable to move, unable to fight back.

And then-

Your father exhaled. “Embarrassing.” His voice was something worse than anger. More like disgust. “Do you have any idea how humiliating this is for us?”

“Second place?” Your mother scoffed. “Do you think that’s acceptable? After everything we did for you?”

Jake clenched his jaw.

It was the way they spoke. Like you had failed them. Like coming in second was the same as losing entirely. Like you were nothing more than a disappointment.

And then it happened.

Your father reached forward, fingers gripping the silver medal around your neck. Without hesitation, without a second thought-

He ripped it off.

The thin ribbon snapped. The medal clinked against his wedding ring, slipping from his fingers-

Into the trash.

Jake felt sick to his stomach

You didn’t move.

Didn’t react.

Didn’t even look at it.

Like it wasn’t even there.

Like it never mattered.

Your parents didn’t wait for you. They turned, walking away, their faces unreadable, like this was routine. Like they had done this before.

And you-

You followed.

Quiet. Expressionless.

Like you weren’t even there.

Jake couldn’t move.

His hands tightened into fists. His mind raced, trying to make sense of what he had just witnessed.

Was this… normal for you?

Had this been happening every time you lost?

No. Jake knew you. He knew your pride, your arrogance, the way you carried yourself with confidence.

But was it ever real?

Jake had never questioned what was behind your smirks, your constant need to be first.

Not until now.

🪢

Your bedroom was dark. You sat at the edge of your bed, staring at nothing.

You should be crying.

Shouldn’t you?

But you felt nothing.

Not anger. Not sadness. Not even disappointment.

Just… numbness.

Jay knelt in front of you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. His warmth covered your skin, but it didn’t reach the coldness inside. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. He just held you, like he always did when things felt too heavy, when you came home and locked yourself away, and when the weight of expectations became too much to carry alone.

His embrace was the only thing tethering you to reality.

And it hurt.

Because Jay was all you had.

The only person who saw you for more than just a name. The only person who didn’t care if you were first or second or last.

The only person who stayed.

“…I’m proud of you,” Jay whispered. His voice was calm, but there was something fragile in the way he held you. He was afraid you’d shatter. “No matter what, I always am.”

Your hands clenched the fabric of his sweater, but you still didn’t speak.

Because what was there to say?

That you never wanted any of this?

That winning had never been your dream?

That you were tired. So, so tired of being the person everyone expected you to be?

That when your father threw your medal away, he wasn’t just throwing away an award. He was throwing away you.

Jay pulled back slightly,

“Get some rest,” he murmured. “Please.”

You knew you wouldn’t.

Because even with your eyes closed, the weight of it all would still be there.

Pressing. Crushing.

Never letting go.

🪢

You had been walking through life on autopilot for as long as you could remember.

Winning, smiling, shaking hands, collecting medals like they meant something. Like they made you something. It was a routine now. Just another thing you did because it was expected. Because that was who you were supposed to be. And yet, standing at the podium while staring at Jake Sim of all people, you felt something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Exposed.

You weren’t sure why you were still here. The hallway was empty. The competition had ended yesterday. The results had already been burned into everyone’s minds.

Jake won. You didn’t.

Simple as that.

But it wasn’t simple. Not when you could still hear the sound of your father’s voice slicing through your ribs, carving up whatever was left of you. Not when you could still see the silver medal at the bottom of that trash can.

Jake’s voice cut through the silence.

“You don’t look happy.”

Oh, he’s here too.

You scoffed. “You sound surprised.”

“I thought winning was everything to you.”

Your fingers twitched at your sides. “Yeah, well. First time for everything.”

“You don’t seem that upset about losing.”

That made you look at him. He wasn’t smirking. He wasn’t smug. He was just… watching. Like he had been watching all night.

“What are you getting at, Sim?”

Jake looked at you. “I saw what happened.”

The world around you blurred.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What?”

“Outside. After the competition.” He tilted his head. “I saw your father.”

“I saw him throw your medal away.”

You wanted to laugh. To brush it off. To say so what? But the words wouldn’t come.

He continued. “That wasn’t the first time, was it?”

You swallowed, “Mind your own business, Jake.”

He didn’t back down. “I see you now.”

Your nails dug into your palms. “And what exactly do you think you saw?”

“Someone who’s exhausted.”

A slow, bitter smile appeared on your lips. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”

“Maybe,” he said. “But I know what it looks like when someone’s been forced to win their whole life. And I know what it looks like when they finally realize they don’t want to anymore.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke.

Then, before you could stop yourself, before you could shove the words back down. Your voice slipped out, quieter than you intended.

“What would you have done?”

Jake blinked. “What?”

You clenched your jaw. “If you were me. If you had my parents, my life, my expectations. What would you have done?”

His expression changed. Softer. Almost… sad.

“I don’t know.”

You huffed out a bitter laugh. “That’s what I thought.”

Jake didn’t argue. He just watched you like he was waiting for you to say something real.

But you didn’t.

Because you didn’t know how.

So instead, you did what you always did.

You turned and walked away.

🪢

The sun was beginning to set. Jay had just stepped out of a convenience store, a cold soda in hand, when he heard someone call his name.

“Jay?”

He turned, barely catching a glimpse before an arm wrapped around his shoulder in a quick bro hug. “Jake, man!” Jay grinned, giving him a solid pat on the back before stepping away. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Jake smirked. “Yeah, I was just passing by. You headed somewhere?”

“Nah, just grabbing something to drink before going home.”

Jake glanced at the can in Jay’s hand and grinned. “Still hooked on soda, huh?”

“Still better than your overpriced coffee addiction,” Jay shot back.

Jake let out a laugh. “Fair.”

They found a bench nearby and sat down, cracking open their drinks. “Man, feels like forever since we just sat down like this,” Jay said, taking a sip. “Like when we were younger. Back when drinking soda made us feel cool.”

“Still does,” Jake replied, and they both chuckled.

The conversation was easy. They talked about random things. Old friends, stupid childhood memories, how fast time was passing. But then Jake’s playful energy in his eyes dimmed just slightly.

“Jay… can I ask you something?”

Jay raised a brow. “Since when do you ask permission?”

Jake didn’t laugh this time. His fingers tapped against his can. “It’s about your sister.”

Jay’s smile faded.

“What about her?”

Jake hesitated, just for a second, but long enough for Jay to notice.

“I saw…” Jake paused. “Never mind.”

But Jay already knew.

The way Jake wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Jay set his drink down, voice calm but firm.

“What did you see, Jake?”

Jake didn’t answer right away. He looked like he was deciding whether to speak at all. Jay didn’t rush him. Finally, Jake continued. “After the competition… I saw her with your parents.”

Jay didn’t react, not outwardly. He just kept his gaze on Jake. Jake hesitated, but now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop. “I didn’t mean to listen, but I—I heard what they said. What they did.” He clenched his jaw. “Jay, they threw away her silver medal.”

Jay’s expression didn’t change. He simply took another sip of his drink,

“Is that all?”

Jake frowned. “Jay-”

“No, really,” Jay cut in. “Is that all you saw?”

Jake stared at him confused. “What do you mean?”

Jay scoffed, shaking his head. “If you think that’s bad, then you haven’t seen anything yet.”

Jake felt something cold settle in his stomach. He had always known Jay’s family was strict, but this… this was something else.

“How long has it been like that?” Jake asked quietly.

Jay leaned back against the bench. “Since forever.”

Jake’s grip tightened on his soda can. “Why don’t she say anything?”

“Because it wouldn’t change anything.”

Jake hated how casually Jay said it, like it was just a fact of life. Like it wasn’t something that should make someone furious. “I don’t get it,” Jake admitted. “Why did she still… play along? Why act like everything is fine?”

Jay finally looked at him tiredly. “Because that’s the only choice she have.”

Jake didn’t know what to say to that. For the first time, he regretted knowing. Because now, he couldn’t unsee it. He couldn’t forget the way you had stood there silently and not moving, as your father discarded your achievement like it was nothing. He couldn’t forget how you had walked away, your shoulders heavy, your head bowed. Not out of shame, but out of exhaustion.

He had always thought of you as arrogant, competitive, impossible to break.

Now he wasn’t so sure.

“You know, she’s always been quiet,” Jay said suddenly.

Jake looked at him confused. “Quiet?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah. Like, really quiet. Always has been. Since we were kids.”

Jake frowned, trying to piece that together with the girl he knew. “That doesn’t sound like her.”

Jay chuckled. “Yeah, well, that’s because you don’t know her like I do. People think she’s all confidence and competition, but that’s just what she lets them see. You strip all that away? She barely says a word.”

Jake stayed silent, letting that sink in.

“She was always the quietest one in the room,” Jay continued. “Never talked much, never caused trouble. Just did whatever was expected of her. I think people used to forget she was even there sometimes.”

Jake found that hard to believe. “So why the change?”

Jay shrugged. “Didn’t change. Not really. She still doesn’t talk much when she doesn’t have to. Just learned how to play the part when she needs to.”

Jake tilted his head, thinking back to all the times he had seen you surrounded by people, laughing, teasing, always in control of a conversation. And yet, he couldn’t remember a single time you had actually talked about yourself.

“So all that confidence-“

“Not her,” Jay cut in. “But, she’s still quick-witted, still kinda funny when she wants to be. But when she’s not ‘performing’ for people? She’s quiet. Always has been.”

Jay stretched his legs out. “You know, you should at least try to be friends with her.”

Jake raised a brow. “Friends?” He let out a small laugh. “Pretty sure she’d rather choke than let that happen.”

Jay smirked. “Yeah, she’s dramatic like that. But she’s actually really funny when you get to know her.”

Jake gave him a confused look. “Funny?”

Jay nodded. “Like, in a really deadpan way. She doesn’t even try, but it makes it worse because she says stuff so seriously. And she’s good at keeping a straight face too, so people never know if she’s joking or not.”

Jake thought about it. He had seen glimpses of that before, the way you could make a single remark and have people either dying of laughter or questioning their entire existence. But he had always assumed you did it on purpose, as part of the persona you carried.

“You’re telling me that under all that arrogance, she’s just… quiet and funny?”

Jay grinned. “Yep. Oh, and she also eats weirdly. She cuts everything so neatly.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Jay chuckled. “It’s weird. She won’t just bite into a burger. She’ll actually cut it first. Like, who does that?”

Jake laughed.

Jay continued. “But seriously. She’s not as impossible as you think. Just… don’t be an idiot about it.”

Jake stayed quiet. He didn’t know why, but the idea of getting to know you, really know you, stuck with him longer than it should have.

🪢

The wind was pushing against you like it wanted to knock you over. You welcomed it. The cold, the force of it, it was the only thing that felt real right now.

Footsteps.

You didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

“You always come up here when you’re pissed off,” Jake said.

You exhaled through your nose. “And yet you always follow me. Should I start calling you my shadow? ”

“If it gets you actually to talk, sure.”

You huffed a dry laugh. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”

Jake didn’t say anything. He just walked forward, stopping beside you, mirroring your posture as he leaned against the railing. For a while, neither of you spoke. “You lost back there,” he said finally. Not taunting, not victorious. Just a fact.

You closed your eyes briefly before reopening them. “Yeah. I did.”

A pause. Then, softly, “And? ”

You swallowed. “And… it’s funny.” Your voice was quieter than you intended. “Because I didn’t even want to win.”

Jake turned his head toward you, but you fixed your gaze on the skyline. You couldn’t look at him. Not now. “Then what do you want? ” His voice was gentle.

You opened your mouth. Then closed it.

What did you want?

The question pressed against you. You’d spent your whole life running, fighting, and competing. Chasing after a finish line someone else had drawn for you. You were always trying to get ahead and be the best. Not because you wanted it but because you were expected to. So then… what was left when all of that was stripped away?

Jake was still watching you, waiting. But you had no answer.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “I don’t know.”

He didn’t respond right away. When he finally did, his voice was quiet. Almost… sad.

“You know, for all the years I’ve known you… I don’t think I’ve ever really known you at all.”

Your throat tightened. You finally turned to look at him.

“Let me help you figure it out,” he said.

And for the first time in your life, you wanted to let someone try.

The words left your mouth before you could stop them.

“How?”

It wasn’t arrogant. It wasn’t with the usual sharpness you carried. It was… quiet. Uncertain. Real.

Jake was caught off guard. Maybe he had expected you to scoff, to push him away like you always did. But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

You were tired.

He rubbed a hand over his jaw as if thinking. “We start small,” he said finally. “We talk. We stop pretending to know everything about each other when we don’t.”

Your fingers loosened around the railing. “And then? ”

“And then we figure it out.”

You stared down at your hands. “You make it sound so simple.”

“It’s not.” Jake studied you. “But it doesn’t have to be impossible either.”

You swallowed. “Why do you even care? ”

He was silent for a long time, long enough that you almost regretted asking. But when he spoke, his voice was softer than you had ever heard it.

“Because I saw you that day,” he said. “With your parents. I saw the way they looked at you. The way they spoke to you. And I realized… you’ve never had someone who listens to what you want, have you? ”

No. You hadn’t.

You didn’t even know what you would say if someone ever asked.

You turned away from him, your grip tightening against the railing again. “I don’t need your pity, Jake,” you murmured, but even you didn’t sound convinced.

“It’s not pity,” he said. “It’s just the truth.”

The truth.

You let out a bitter laugh. “You act like it’s that easy. Like suddenly, because you noticed, something will change. It won’t.” You inhaled sharply. “My parents won’t. I won’t.”

“Then let’s stop talking about them,” Jake said. “Just for a second. Forget them. Forget all of it. Just tell me. What do you want? ”

There it was again. That question.

“I…” Your fingers trembled. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay.” His voice was steady. “Then we start there.”

You turned to look at him, and for the first time, you didn’t see Jake as your rival. You didn’t see the boy who beat you, who had everything you didn’t. He was just looking at you.

And for once, that was enough.

🪢

The crisp rustle of paper snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Here you go,” your professor said and slid a registration form onto your desk with a smile. “I assumed you’d be competing again this year. You wouldn’t want to waste your momentum, right? ”

You stared at it. The words are printed at the top. Bold, formal, suffocating. It felt heavier than it should.

“Right,” you muttered and forced a smile as you picked it up.

Of course. Of course, they’d assume. Because that was who you were. The star student, the prodigy, the competitor. Even if you hadn’t breathed a word about joining, people just knew. Your parents must have already whispered it to the right ears. You walked out of the classroom, staring at the form in your hands. It felt like holding a contract with no escape clause.

And then, before you could process it, the paper was gone.

“What’s this? ”

Your head snapped up. Jake. Standing in front of you, turning the paper over in his hands.

“Give it back,” you muttered, reaching for it, but he took a step back.

“Are you actually signing up for this? ” His tone wasn’t mocking, but something about it irritated you.

“It’s not like I have a choice,” you said flatly. “They expect me to.”

Jake’s face didn’t change. “And do you want to? ”

You scoffed. “Why do you always ask me that? ”

“Because you never answer,” he said.

Your fingers twitched at your sides. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“It should.”

He was so sure. So convinced. You almost envied him for it.

“Then tell me, Jake,” you said. “If I say no, if I throw this form away and never look back. Then what? ”

Jake didn’t hesitate. “Then I’ll be right there with you.”

“What-”

“If you don’t sign up, I won’t either,” he said. “If you want to walk away, then let’s walk away. Together.”

Is he being serious right now?

“Why? ” you whispered.

“Because I told you. I want to know you. The real you. And if that means letting go of some dumb competition, then so be it.”

You had never felt so seen in your entire life.

🪢

The aluminum can was cold in your hands. You stared at it, confused, before glancing at Jake.

“…Why? ” you asked as your brows furrowed.

Jake only shrugged. Popping open his own can with a hiss. “You looked like you needed one,” he said simply and brought the soda to his lips.

You eyed him for a moment longer before taking a small sip. The carbonation fizzed against your tongue. It gave you something to focus on. Something other than the boy sitting beside you. Jake leaned back against the bench, his arm resting casually along the backrest. “Jay was right,” he said. “You really are quiet.”

You paused mid-sip. Lowering it just enough to glance at him.

“Huh? ” You weren’t sure what he meant by that.

Jake didn’t look at you right away. Giving you space to process his words. “I mean… when you’re not performing. When you’re not playing the role everyone expects. When you’re not competing or surrounded by people who only care about your name.” He finally turned to you and smiled. “You don’t say much at all.”

You pressed your thumb against the can’s surface. “And that’s a problem? ” Your tone was neutral.

Jake shook his head. “Not at all,” he said steadily. “Just… different.” He took another sip of his drink before adding, “I think I like this version of you more.”

That was strange. You weren’t used to being seen like this. To someone noticing the parts of you that existed outside of competition, outside of expectations. You didn’t know how to respond. So, you didn’t. Instead, you took another sip of your soda, letting the taste of artificial sweetness and carbonation sit heavily.

“I’m jealous of you.”

The words left your mouth before you had the chance to second-guess them. They weren’t said with bitterness or anger. Just exhaustion. A quiet sort of truth. Jake didn’t react at first. He was processing your words. “Jealous? Of me? ” His voice held genuine surprise.

You let out a breath while your shoulders sagged. “Yeah.” You turned the can in your hands again, staring at the condensation gathering on the surface. “You have everything I don’t. A supportive family. Friends who actually care. You don’t have to prove yourself every second just to be worth something.”

Jake stayed quiet, listening. He always listened.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be me,” you continued, voice quieter now, but no less raw. “To have people around you, but still feel alone. To have a name everyone respects but never be sure if anyone actually likes you. To constantly win, but never feel like you’re allowed to lose.” You let out a dry chuckle, but there was no humor in it. “And the worst part? I don’t even want to win.”

Jake’s face was showing understanding. Or pity. You weren’t sure which one was worse.

“Then why do you? ” His voice was gentle.

You opened your mouth. Then closed it.

Because you didn’t have an answer. Or maybe you did, but you weren’t ready to say it out loud.

Jake leaned forward slightly. “I don’t know how you feel,” he admitted. “I won’t pretend I do. But… you don’t have to be alone in it.”

You scoffed. “And what? You’re going to save me? ”

“No,” Jake said simply. “But I can listen. If you let me.”

You had spent so long keeping these thoughts buried. Locked behind walls built too high for anyone to climb. But somehow, he had found his way through.

“Jay is the only thing I have,” you admitted.

Jake stilled beside you. “What do you mean? ” he asked, though you could tell he already had an idea.

“He’s the only one who really knows me. Who doesn’t care about the name, the rankings, the medals. If he wasn’t there…” Your throat tightened, but you forced the words out. “I think I’d have nothing.”

Jake didn’t speak right away. His eyes on you. Finally, he spoke, his voice softer than before. “You know that’s not true, right? ”

You laughed bitterly. “It is.” You gestured vaguely. The proof was all around you. “Everyone else only sticks around because of the reputation. Because it benefits them. I see it. I know it. And my parents-” You stopped yourself. “They only care about the success, not the person behind it.”

Jake was quiet for a moment. “That’s not how it should be.”

“Yeah, well.” You forced a smile, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Not all of us get to have what you have, Jake.”

Jake frowned. “And what do you think I have? ”

“Everything.” The word was heavier than you expected. “You have people who support you. People who love you. Who don’t just see you as a title or an achievement. You don’t have to fight for their approval, because you already have it.”

Jake held your gaze. Then, slowly, he set his can down beside him and leaned back on his hands. “I don’t think that means I have everything,” he murmured. “Not if it means you have nothing.” Then, he stretched beside you. “You know, I never thought I’d see the day where you admitted you were jealous of me.”

You shoved his arm lightly. “Don’t get used to it.”

“Oh, I won’t. I’ll just make sure to remind you every chance I get.” He grinned. “‘Jake, you have everything,’” he mimicked in a terrible impression of your voice. “‘Jake, you’re so humble, so talented, so-’”

You shoved him harder this time. “I take it back. I’m not jealous of you. I pity you.”

Jake only laughed, catching himself before he could tip over. “Sure, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

You rolled your eyes, but the corners of your lips turned upwards despite yourself.

“So,” Jake finally said while tapping his fingers against his knee. “Since we’re being honest today. What do you actually like? You know, aside from crushing your opponents in competitions.”

You raised a brow. “Who says I like that? ”

“You sure act like it.”

“I don’t know.” You hesitated. “I guess… I never really thought about it. I’ve just been doing what’s expected of me.”

Jake hummed thoughtfully. “Well, maybe it’s time you start.”

You glanced at him. It was unsettling how easily he could be both annoying and unexpectedly kind in the same breath. “And how exactly do I do that? ” you asked.

Jake shrugged. “Figure it out. Try something new. Do something for yourself instead of everyone else.” He paused, then smirked. “Like, I don’t know. Maybe getting ice cream with your ‘rival’ after school?”

You narrowed your eyes. “That sounds suspiciously like a date.”

“Call it what you want.” He stood up and stretched. “But I’m getting ice cream either way, and I won’t stop bragging about it if I go alone.”

🪢

After classes, you two went to a nearby ice cream shop. The ice cream was cold against your tongue. You sat across from Jake at a small outdoor table, absentmindedly tapping your spoon against the cup. “You know,” you started with your voice flat, “this is the first time I’ve eaten ice cream without the crushing weight of expectations looming over me.”

Jake snorted. “Wow, what a tragic backstory.”

“It is,” you deadpanned. “Every bite before this was accompanied by the echo of my parents’ disappointment.”

He stared at you for a second before bursting into laughter. “God, you’re so dramatic.”

“Am I? ” you asked, still completely serious. “I think it adds depth to my character.”

Jake shook his head, taking another bite of his own ice cream. “Jay was right. You really are funny in the weirdest way possible.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you said, still expressionless.

“It wasn’t meant to be one.”

“Too late.”

Jake just chuckled, shaking his head. The conversation carried on like that. Quick exchanges, half-serious jokes, and you, testing the waters of what it felt like to simply be. No competitions, no expectations, just sitting here, eating ice cream with the one person you never expected to share something so normal with. And when you looked at Jake, mid-bite, you realized something else…

Maybe this was what it felt like to have a friend.

🪢

For the next few months, something unexpected happened.

At first, it was a small change. Jake started waiting for you after class. The two of you walking together, sometimes in silence, sometimes bickering over the smallest things. He would flick your forehead whenever you made a dry joke, and you would roll your eyes when he got too philosophical about life. Then, there were the study sessions, the shared lunches, and the exchanged texts that started out about assignments but eventually turned into things that had nothing to do with school.

Somewhere along the way, “rival” wasn’t the right word.

You still competed, of course. Old habits were hard to break. But there was a difference now. When you turned in your test papers, you didn’t feel like you had to prove something to him. When you saw his name next to yours on the scoreboard, it didn’t feel like an attack on your worth. Jake had a way of existing so effortlessly, like he belonged wherever he stood, like he had nothing to prove. And for some reason, being around him made you feel like you didn’t have to prove anything either. One afternoon, as the two of you sat on the school rooftop. “I think I’m forgetting how to be competitive.”

Jake looked at you. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

You stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. ‘’It’s not.”

🪢

The moment the results were announced, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding.

Third place.

For a second, the world seemed to slow. The crowd cheered, cameras flashed, and the weight of all the past competitions pressed against your chest. But instead of disappointment. There was…

Relief.

You turned your head and saw Jake standing on the highest podium. He was smiling, beaming, and when his eyes met yours, his expression softened. He wasn’t just happy for himself. He was proud of you. And strangely, you felt proud too. The old you would’ve hated this. Would’ve obsessed over the what-ifs, convinced yourself that third place meant failure. But now, standing there, you just smiled. Genuinely smiled.

Jake stepped down from his podium before the ceremony was even over, ignoring the announcer’s call. In a second, he was in front of you, eyes searching, until you opened your arms. And then, he pulled you into a hug. It wasn’t brief or hesitant. It wasn’t a victory embrace, not in the way you used to think about winning. It was steady, warm, something unspoken but understood.

“You did amazing,” he murmured.

You let out a small laugh. “You did better.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point” he squeezed your shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”

You swallowed. For once, you didn’t brush it off. You didn’t argue.

You let yourself believe it.

🪢

The moment you stepped out, the harsh light from the parking lot made the situation feel colder than it already was. Your parents were already waiting for you by the car. Their faces were tense. They didn’t even look at each other before they started in on you.

Your father’s voice was low. “You’ve failed again.” His words hung in the air. “How many times do we have to do this? We put you in the best position possible. I thought you’d learned something after last time, but all you’ve proven is that you can’t handle the pressure.”

You stayed quiet, your hands at your sides, unwilling to look up. There was nothing you could say that would make them understand. Not now. Not ever.

Your mother spoke, her voice a little softer but still sharp. “We give you everything, every advantage, and you still can’t manage to bring home the result we expect. You got third place. Third. Why? Because you didn’t care enough. Because you were distracted. Because you-” She stopped herself.

You wanted to say something, anything, to defend yourself. But you knew it wouldn’t matter. Your words would fall on deaf ears. No matter what you said, it would never be enough.

“I thought you’d work harder. But it’s clear now. You don’t care about winning. You never have,” your father added with his voice cold now. Then, there was silence, and it was unbearable. You could feel the tears welling up behind your eyes. You fought them back. You had to. You wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you break. And just as you thought you might snap, you heard a voice from behind you. Calm. Steady. Unshakable.

“That’s enough.”

Jake.

You didn’t turn to look at him, but his presence was like a wall between you and your parents now. He stepped forward, his shoulders straight, eyes hard as he looked at your father. “With all due respect, sir, that’s not fair.” Jake’s voice wasn’t loud, but it carried. “She tried. You can’t pretend that she didn’t. I’ve seen her work. I’ve seen how much she puts into this. You can’t just tear her down like that because she didn’t win. That’s not how this works.”

Your father’s jaw clenched. He wasn’t used to being challenged. Not by anyone. Certainly not by someone like Jake. Your mother, on the other hand, narrowed her eyes. “You’re out of line. This is a family matter, Jake. You don’t know what we’ve sacrificed to give her everything she needs to succeed.”

Jake’s eyes softened, but there was still a firmness to it. “I’m not saying you didn’t sacrifice. But you’re hurting her. You’re not giving her a chance to breathe. To be more than just the next win on your list of expectations. She’s not a machine.”

You could feel your heart racing now. This wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want Jake to defend you like this, not like this. You didn’t want to be the center of their conflict. But you also couldn’t help the way his words felt so protective and heartwarming. Your father’s voice cracked this time. “You have no idea what it’s like to be responsible for someone like her. You think this is easy for us? ”

Jake didn’t flinch. “I’m sure it’s not easy. But that doesn’t mean you can break her every time she doesn’t meet your expectations. She’s already carrying a burden you don’t understand.”

There was a long silence. Your parents, caught in their own frustrations, didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw your father this quiet. This is uncertain. And yet, it didn’t make you feel better. It made the pain worse, somehow.

“Go to the car.” Your father looked at you.

You didn’t move. Not immediately. You couldn’t. Your feet felt rooted to the ground. Your mother’s voice broke through the fog. “Come on, let’s go.” There was no warmth in her voice. No understanding. Just a demand, as though you were nothing more than a tool they could use to achieve their own goals.

Still, you didn’t move. But then, your father’s gaze hardened, and with a final glance at you, he turned away and started toward the car. Your mother followed without a word. They got into the car and drove off, leaving you standing there, frozen, isolated. Abandoned in the worst way possible.

The car was long gone, and the sounds of your parents’ angry voices were still in your mind. You were left in the cold, standing at the edge of the competition venue, a place that was supposed to celebrate achievement, yet all you felt was an unbearable emptiness. You didn’t know how long you stood there, paralyzed by the weight of it all, until you felt a presence behind you.

Without saying a word, Jake came up behind you and pulled you into him, his arms wrapping around you in a way that was protective and almost desperate. For a moment, you stayed completely still, not knowing how to react. You tried to suppress the tears that threatened to break through, but the more you tried to stop them, the more they came. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to fall apart like this, but the pain, the frustration. It was all too much.

Jake didn’t say anything at first. He just held you. Your body shaking against him. His hand ran through your hair gently. After a long silence, his voice broke through the quiet.

“I love you.”

You froze. You weren’t ready for this. You didn’t expect it, not like this, not in this moment of raw vulnerability. You wanted to say something, anything, but all you could do was cry harder, the pain in your chest intensifying with every breath you took. He didn’t pull away. He didn’t need to explain. His arms around you were all the explanation you needed.

And then, in the most fragile, broken voice, you managed to choke out, “I love you too, Jake.”

Your voice cracked as the words left your mouth, the reality of it all hitting you harder than anything else. It wasn’t just the weight of your parents’ disappointment. It wasn’t just the competition. It was everything. The years of trying to prove yourself, the years of hiding your pain, of pretending you were okay. But in that moment, with Jake holding you, all the walls you’d built around yourself crumbled.

You didn’t know how to explain it. You didn’t even know what it all meant. But you knew that in this moment, you weren’t alone.

🪢

It was late in the evening. The sun had long since set. You and Jake were at the same spot, the one you’d found yourselves in countless times before. It had become a place of understanding, where the noise of the world couldn’t reach you, where nothing else mattered except the moment you were sharing. Jake leaned against the railing, one arm crossed. You sat next to him, just a little distance apart, but the space felt non-existent.

It had been a few weeks since everything had changed between you two. Since the “I love you’s.”

“You know,” Jake said, breaking the silence, “I never really thought about how much I’d come to care about you. I think I spent so much time trying to figure you out that I missed how much I wanted to just… be with you.”

You didn’t say anything at first. The honesty in his voice hit you harder than you expected, and for a brief moment, you felt exposed. “I never really let anyone get close,” you admitted quietly. “But… with you, I don’t know. It just feels like it’s easier.”

Jake’s gaze softened. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything with me,” he continued. “You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be anything you’re not. I only want to be here for you.”

You finally turned to face him, your eyes meeting his. Without thinking, you leaned in, the distance between you two shrinking with every heartbeat. And then, without a word, Jake mirrored your movement, his hand gently cupping your cheek as he closed the space.

When his lips met yours, it was like everything had clicked into place. It wasn’t forceful, nor was it with frantic energy. It was gentle, careful. You pulled back slowly. Jake’s smile was soft, and when he opened his eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he said quietly.

And when you smiled back at him, it was different. It wasn’t the kind of smile you gave anyone else. It was for him. For everything you were beginning to understand about him, and about yourself, too.

🪢

You don’t know why you agreed to meet them. Maybe some part of you still wants to believe they’ll listen this time. That they’ll understand. You sit across from them at the dining table in your family’s home. Your father is the first to speak. “Are you done being distracted? ” His voice is calm but sharp. “We gave you time to sulk after your loss. Now it’s time to get serious again.”

Your mother looked at you with disappointment. “Do you know how humiliating it was for us to see you standing there in third place? After everything we’ve done for you? ”

You don’t flinch. Not this time. “I was proud.” Your voice is steady. “For the first time, I was actually proud of myself.”

Your father scoffs. “Proud of what? Settling for less? ”

“Proud that I didn’t hate myself.” The words come out before you can stop them. And for the first time, silence fills the room.

Your mother’s expression tightens. “Where is all of this coming from? Since when did you start talking like this? ”

You grip your hands under the table. “Since I realized I could breathe without trying to be perfect. Since I stopped believing that my worth was tied to a trophy. Since Jake.” But you don’t say any of that out loud. Instead, you swallow and meet their gaze. “I’m not going to keep chasing something that makes me miserable just because it makes you proud.”

Your father’s hand slams against the table, making the dishes rattle. “You think you know better than us? You think you can just throw away everything we built for you? ”

“You built it for yourselves. Not for me.”

Your mother shook her head. “Ungrateful. We gave you everything. And this is how you repay us? ”

Then your father delivers the final blow.

“You’re making a mistake.” His voice, ice. “And when you fail, don’t expect us to be there.”

Something inside you cracks. Maybe it had already been breaking for years. You stand up. Your chair scrapes against the floor.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

And with that, you turn and walk away.

🪢

The months pass, and so do the expectations that once weighed you down. You’re still you. Still sharp, still competitive when it matters, but you’re no longer fighting a battle just to prove something. There’s no more need to mask everything behind arrogance. No more need to win just to feel like you deserve to exist. People notice the change. You’re quieter now, but not in the way that feels like suffocation. You’re reserved, but not closed off. And most importantly, you’re kinder. Not just to others, but to yourself. Jay is the first to point it out one day, laughing as he nudges you. “You used to act like you had to be the smartest person in every room. Now you actually let people speak.”

You roll your eyes. “I never did that.”

“Oh, you definitely did.” He grins. “But look at you now. I’m proud of you, you know? ”

You pause at that. It’s not something you hear often. But from Jay, it’s real.

You shrug. “Took me long enough.”

And then there’s Jake.

He’s always there, not in a way that feels like an obligation, but in a way that feels natural. Like you were always meant to meet him at the finish line, no matter where it was. You sit beside him on the rooftop as always. After a moment, he glances at you, eyes warm. “So, do you regret it? ”

You tilt your head. “Regret what? ”

“Letting go.”

You don’t answer right away. You think about everything you lost. The approval you once desperately sought. The expectations you’ll never meet. The people you had to walk away from.

But then you think about everything you gained.

You think about Jay’s laughter, about the way he never left your side. You think about Jake, about the way he looks at you as someone he chose to stay with.

For the first time, your answer is certain.

“No,” you say. “Not even for a second.”

Jake smiles. And when he reaches for your hand, you don’t hesitate before taking it.

Because for the first time in your life, you don’t need to win. You don’t need to be the best.

You just need to be here.

Extra Scene:

You and Jake sat on his bed, legs stretched out, backs resting against the headboard. “No, seriously,” Jake said, chuckling as he shook his head. “You were the most terrifying person I’d ever competed against.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, please. You make it sound like I was some villain.”

Jake laughed and looked at you for a moment. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. You knew what he was thinking. A comfortable silence passed between you before he suddenly reached over to his nightstand, pulling open the drawer. You didn’t think much of it at first, but then his fingers brushing over something inside before carefully pulling it out. Your breath caught in your throat.

It was the silver medal.

The same one your father had ripped from your neck that night after the competition, thrown carelessly into the trash.

But here it was, resting in Jake’s hands.

The thin ribbon that had once been torn off had been stitched back on. Messily, but carefully. The fabric wasn’t perfect, the stitches uneven, but it was there.

Whole again.

“You…” You swallowed as your eyes looked up to his. “You took it?”

Jake exhaled a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah,” he admitted. “I saw it in the trash that night. Just sitting there, like it didn’t mean anything.” He paused, turning the medal between his fingers. “But it did mean something. Maybe not to them, but to you. So, I took it.”

You reached out, your fingers brushed over the uneven stitches.

“You fixed it,” you whispered.

Jake smiled. “It was never broken,” he murmured. “It was just… waiting for the right person to hold onto it.”

You looked at him then, pressing a soft kiss against his lips.

Being around him felt like peace.