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[kungfukennysblog]

Thoughts in my twenties

the feeling of being human or just being kendra allen is this sense of energy that is wrapped inside me trying to escape, this urging feeling of potential that God has placed in me, does it not deserve to be shown? How can possibly show the entire world that i’m an exotic creature if I do not know what is that bring? But also is the life? Was i meant to walk in faith so that I might follow to my royal throne? I know i deserve love and happiness and fortune, but i cannot get what i do not give? So what is it that i want to give this world. I know I grew up seeking to make people laugh and smile because i believe that is what truly bring joy. I know that children is the key to my happiness because i honestly the creativity they hold and the innocence the have is something that is so intriguing to me. I aspire to change the world through their hands. I want them to learn early on that they deserve to chase their dreams. But how can I teach someone if I don’t even know where to start with my dreams or goals. The feeling of lost spins out of control and it won’t stop until a plan is made. But all my life i’ve never created my own plan. I’ve always been pushed into any opportunity that came my way. Was that God? Will i ever just know that this is where I belong on my terms with the help of the Lord? It’s the selfish feeling that this life was created for me to explore but am i exploring? As I watch my favorite entertainers, I think to myself that can be me in some way shape or form, but I’m just a softball player. As everyone takes life so seriously around me, I take it as way to flow creativity through my fingers. An influencer is the most fascinating job to me because they have the world wrapped around their finger, but what skill will I bring. Without sports, I feel like nothing. It’s so unfair for me to think that because God did not create nothing. He created a beautiful, black human who is delicate but energetic. Someone who wants to bring the party anywhere she goes but she’s scared to do so. A girl who doesn’t want to hide herself anymore or feel trapped or feel like she can’t say that. I’m tired of people thinking they know me, but they don’t. I really just want to shock the world. My family thinks I’m this quiet innocent girl, but I truly feel inside me that I’m a force to be reckoned with. I’m 21 with a lot of hopes and fears who watches the world of insecurity. I can be nice and still hit you with honesty. Maybe that’s what bring to the table honesty. I can think it, but won’t say it. If it’s not sports, will I remember the definition of hard work. I feel like I give people realness or am i being stubborn. This feeling of stuck will surpass and I cannot wait until I can share my story but first I have to create it