kungfupandaman

[kungfupandaman]

Ask my muse invasive questions on anon and see how they react

Note: muse is not required to answer honestly but they are required to answer

[kungfupandaman]

Sentence Starters | Aftercare

“I’ll untie you, move slowly to help adjust your arms again.” 

“Hey, you with me?”

“Here, you need to drink.”

“Can you stand up? I’ll help you—” 

“I’ve got you, don’t worry. I’m right here.” 

“Ssh, you’re okay, you’re okay.” 

“I’m so proud of you, you did so well.”

“You’re such a good girl…I love you.” 

“You’re such a good boy…I love you.” 

“You’re so beautiful, god damn.” 

“Look at me, focus. Are you okay?” 

“Come here, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

“Just stay still babe, I’ve got to take care of those marks.” 

“Just let me hold you for a while.” 

“That’s it, just breathe, come down from it. I’m right here.” 

“Baby, tell me your status. Are you okay?”

“I’ve got the box. You need to take some painkillers first, alright?”

“Ssh, let me take care of you.”

“You can act as tough and unaffected as you want, I’m still going to take care of you.”

[kungfupandaman]

Yunno, I would really love some asks right abt now.

Literally anything!

[kungfupandaman]

PICTURE THIS

A SINGLE MOM FIGHTING FOR CUSTODY OVER A SHITTY FATHER BUT MORE FINANCIALLY STABLE, SHE’S DESPERATE TO KEEP HER CHILD SO SHE ASKS HER BEST FRIEND (HE’S WEALTHY) TO MARRY HER, THEY WIN CUSTODY BUT NOW THEY ARE STUCK TOGETHER AND GIVE ME ALL THE ANGST OF ACTING LIKE HUSBAND AND WIFE BUT THEN SHE STARTS TO FALL FOR HIM AND THEY ACTUALLY BECOME A REAL FAMILY.

[kungfupandaman]

Go on anon and pretend to be my muse’s child!

Bonus: Leave hints on who the other parent is!

[kungfupandaman]

obscenely domestic starter sentences

❝ Stop man-handling the ice cream! ❞ ❝ Change the channel and I’ll kill you. ❞ ❝ You actual shit, you started without me!? ❞ ❝ Since I’m up, by default I will get your _____. ❞ ❝ Did you just throw a sock ball at me!? ❞ ❝ How about this, how about you fight the rest of the cereal by yourself and I’ll courageously make pancakes for those of us who want a little warmth in our mornings. ❞ ❝ Whiskey is a breakfast staple, anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying. ❞ ❝ My underwear are now bright pink because of you, thank you very much. ❞ ❝ Can you stop kicking me? ❞ ❝ I don’t go shopping I get and retrieve. I have a narrow focus, unlike some people. ❞ ❝ Did you walk the dog? ❞ ❝ You, me, PJ’s, pizza, bed. The PJ’s are optional. ❞ ❝ Only you could make the idea of beating up already dead meat sound attractive. ❞ ❝ I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in? ❞ ❝ Good news; we have internet again! ❞ ❝ I don’t want to file taxes, why don’t you be the adult? ❞ ❝ You snuggling me over an open flame is an invitation for my nipples to disappear. ❞ ❝ I know you’re scared of my mother but contemplating arson isn’t the way to fix this. ❞ ❝ I installed a stripper pole while you were gone because it made me think of you. ❞ ❝ All I was doing was helping the barista learn to spell my name properly. The song and dance should NOT have gotten you that embarrassed. ❞ ❝ How about we just never mention this again? ❞ ❝ Have you seen my earrings/necklace/rings? ❞  ❝ You are literally the child we both want/neither of us want. ❞ ❝ Did you call the doctor about that? ❞ ❝ Let me pop it, just let me pop it, nothing bad will happen, I swear! ❞ ❝ You almost left me at the gas station! ❞ ❝ Alright look! Next time you want to barbecue with the hair dryer, just make sure I’m home! ❞ ❝ I didn’t think the sink had this much water inside of it. ❞ ❝ Don’t be mad, but _____. ❞

Bonus for multi-lingual situations: ❝ Can you translate the news for me? None of this makes sense. ❞ ❝ What is the word for this? *points at ____* I keep wanting to say ‘printer’ but I feel that is wrong. ❞ ❝ Next time she calls you a ____ you just reply with _____. ❞ ❝ I’m sorry but my pronunciation must sound really bad to you. ❞ ❝ Shit! The government doesn’t have my alphabet, put this in a way I understand! ❞ ❝ Can you finger spell that for me, I’m not quite up to that level yet. ❞ ❝ That was said so horribly wrong but you sounded very cute while trying. A for effort. ❞

[kungfupandaman]

reblog this if you actually like following me.

[kungfupandaman]

reblog this if you actually like following me.

[kungfupandaman]

So it's Father's Day. If any of your dads suck or aren't there for you, I'm your dad now. Cmon sport let's grill footballs.

[kungfupandaman]

Send ♥ if your muse is in love with mine and tell them why.

[kungfupandaman]

A/B/O Starters

I tried to keep these as gender neutral as I could.

Alpha:

“I can smell that you’re in heat” “You’re such a cute little beta/omega” “Here, let me take care of you” “I can’t wait to have kids with you” “You’re sick, go back to bed beta/omega” “Let your alpha take care of you” “You look lost beta/omega” “I promise, I’m not like other alpha’s” “God I want to breed you.” “You shouldn’t be walking alone beta/omega” “I will always protect you my beta/omega” “You’re irresistible when you’re in heat” “Did your heat just start?” “I need you my little beta/omega” “I’m an alpha, you’re a beta/omega, it was meant to be!” “I’m an alpha, not your captor.” “You’re so hard to resist.” “I want to claim you as mine” “You shouldn’t be stressing yourself out like this, I’m your alpha, I’ll take care of you.” “I don’t want to be just any alpha, I want to be your alpha”

Beta:

“I almost envy omega’s/Alpha’s” “It’s so hard being in-between an omega and an alpha” “I just want to find a nice alpha mate” “I just want to find a nice omega mate” “I don’t want an alpha or an omega” “We need more beta’s with other beta’s” “I could swing for either an alpha or omega” “Stop treating me like an omega” “I’m only a beta, but I still want to claim you” “I’m only a beta, but I still want to breed you” “Being with an omega is hard, we sometimes go into heat at the same time” “You know beta’s face a lot of discrimination” “Beta’s are very misunderstood” “I want you to be my alpha/omega”

Omega:

“I may have just started my heat” “I’m an omega, not your prisoner” “I can’t be with a beta, I’m sorry” “I need you to claim me” “You can’t claim me yet!” “I need my alpha/beta” “Being in heat is killing me” “You’re my alpha/beta, I should be the one taking care of you.” “I want kids with you” “Please breed me!” “I need you to be my alpha/beta” “A gang of alpha’s/beta’s was harassing me earlier today” “I just want to find a nice alpha/beta” “I couldn’t care less about finding an alpha/beta” “I’m ready to be bred” “I’m not ready to be bred” “I’m a living being! Not just a set of holes to fuck!”

[kungfupandaman]

Leave a “Amuse Me” in my ask, and I will write a funny drabble about my character trying to cheer your up.

Leave a “Break Me” in my ask, and I will write an angsty drabble about our characters.

Leave a “Call Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about my character asking for yours [be it at the brink of death/in a battlefield/knocking on the front door wounded, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Drink Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about my character taking shots with yours.

Leave a “Enamor Me” in my ask, and I will write a fluffy drabble about my character trying to woo yours [be it out of the blue/Valentines Day,feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Fight Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble out my character fighting with/or against yours.

Leave a “Get Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about my character saving yours.

Leave a “Haunt Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character watching over yours[as a ghost, watching from a distance, or otherwise, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Invite Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character asking your character to

Leave a “Join Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character giving your character an offer [be it a proposal for an alliance, asking them to join them in an activity (you can get dirty if you want), feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Kill Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character killing yours.

Leave a “Love Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a fluffy drabble about our characters.

Leave a “Mourn Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character mourning your character’s death.

Leave a “Nurse Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character healing yours.

Leave a “Offer Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character giving yours a gift.

Leave a “Paint Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character drawing a picture of yours [like one of your french girls~ be it painting them or drawing them, maybe offering a picture of them as a gift, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Quite Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character trying to calm yours down [be it from crying, from lashing out, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Remember Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character trying to get yours to remember them [be it from an accident, meeting them after years apart, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Shag Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a dirty drabble about our characters.

Leave a “Tell Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character confessing something to yours [be it a love confession, a secret, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Unbind Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about your character freeing mine, or the other way around, or something among the lines [be it freeing them from jail, from handcuffs, from a trap, from a curse, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Value Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character telling yours how they feel about them.

Leave a “Wed Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about our character under the subject of wedlock [be it my character proposing to yours, or marrying yours, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “X Me” in my ask, and I will write whatever it is that you wish, [specify.]

Leave an ��Yahoo Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about our characters celebrating something [feel free to specify.]

Leave an “Zip Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about your character dressing mine, or the other way around [this can also be used for shutting them up as well, but feel free to specify.]

[kungfupandaman]

Reblog if you are willing to do toxic ships

Not every love is sweet and kind Sometimes, love is dangerous Poisonous, addictive, obsessive Leaving emotional, mental and physical scars Don’t want to walk away, refuse to let go To need, no matter how much it hurts To know the same pain is returned Because some don’t want just the sweet They crave the bitter too

[kungfupandaman]

Send my character a ► and a command. They must obey.

[kungfupandaman]

incorrect marvel quotes

[kungfupandaman]

                   he  who  wears  the                          THICKEST  ARMOR

                                            is  often  the                                                MOST  FRAGILE.

[kungfupandaman]