kungphooey

[kungphooey]

it's been a decade but i'm still not over the insanity that is the movie Jupiter Ascending

spoilers ahead, but this movie was slammed when it was released. sitting pretty at a 27%/38% on rotten tomatoes, it was critiqued on essentially every single aspect by a large majority of viewers. almost everyone hated it. almost.

i can't speak for what the the wachowskis actually intended, but this movie is a homage to every 12 year old dreamer writing acidentally self insert stories with unrestrained enthusiasm.

the main character played by Mila Kunis is named Jupiter. no literally. Jupiter Jones.

movie opens with Jupiter living an uneventful, monotonous life. there's a montage of her waking up early, going to work as a house cleaner, waking up early, going to work as a house cleaner, repeat.

within 20 minutes of runtime she is about to be murdered by aliens but is saved bridal carry style by channing tatum rolling in on hover skates. yes exactly what you're picturing. he also has a laser gun that barks when he shoots it. no im not kidding.

channing tatum is a wolf man hybrid. his name is Caine Wise. yes, "dog man", exactly, his name is literally Dog Man. he has pointy ears. "bred for the military but that didn't work out for me". after he saves Jupiter, she is unconscious and wakes up with a gun next to her bc Caine "thought it would make her feel better". he is Guarded and Rough yet Kind and Gentle.

it is later in the movie revealed he used to have wings, pretty feather angel-wings looking wings, but they were ripped off because he broke the rules. he has scars on his back. it's all very man pain. the movie makes a poorly masked point of talking about how he's a wolf man without a pack while the camera is pointed at Jupiter.

Jupiter spends most of the movie alternating between fainting, being kidnapped and holding her own against people wanting to kill her. you know, she's Powerful and Cool and Kickass but also has hunky yet sensitive men saving her. at one point a man who planned to murder Jupiter insults her and Caine, pointing a gun at the guy, asks Jupiter "may i kill him" through his teeth but she says no so he doesn't. (she has a guard dog she literally has a guard dog im-).

she has several wardrob changes and she's either dressed in flannels, snassy space movie outfits or the most beautiful dresses you could imagine.

another character is Stinger Apini played by Sean Bean. he's a human honey bee hybrid. im still not joking. he gets little gold hexagon in his eyes sometimes. he uses "beeswax" as a swear.

while Caine and Stinger have a little "you betrayed me last time we saw each other" fight, a bunch of Stinger's bees start swarming Jupiter, following her movements like some kind of avatar water bending powers. this means she's royalty. because "bee's are genetically designed to recognize royalty" (sean bean says this with a completely straight face for which he deserves an award). Jupiter is space royalty. queen, to be exact. she's queen of a bunch of planets, including earth.

Jupiter Jones, normal human girl from a boring, monotonous life, is Queen of Earth.

she's one of the most important people in the universe and has a hot wolf man saving her at every turn. this movie was written for every little sensitive, creative child inside the heart of a adult clinging to their imagination and dreams.

the movie has about eight bad guys but oscar-winner and acclaimed actor eddie redmayne plays the top bad guy. eddie did this movie coming off the backs of Les Misérables and The Theory of Everything. i can only assume the casting director knew about a murder he’s committed and blackmailed him into doing this movie.

eddie's character name is Balem Abrasax (a fine, 'character name generator'-name) and he either whispers or blows out the speakers.

one hour into the movie it takes a break and does a 'space bureaucracy is like the DMV'-bit as Jupiter, with the help of a robot named Intergalactic Advocate Bob, tries to claim her title as queen. there's a montage where they are sent around to get documents so they can get other documents so they can get other documents only they can't get those documents before submitting the first document and-

jupiter gets a cool glowing tattoo on her wrist and then the movie jumps back into space opera and she's kidnapped and saved a few more times.

jupiter tries so hard to seduce Caine but he resist bc He's Broken and Dangerous and Does Not Deserve Her. the third act kicks off with Jupiter (the person) inside Jupiter (the planet) with Balem who will most certinly hurt her, so Stinger give Caine a pep talk about how much he loves Jupiter and he has to go save her.

mind, they've known each other for about two days and Jupiter has been kidnapped three times so they've only spent about half of that time together. but it's TRUE LOVE goddamnit. Caine looks like he's about to cry when Stinger tells him to go after the girl. then he sets his jaw very masculinely and proceed to fly a little spacecraft though the storm clouds dodging lightning

they kiss during the last fight, defeat the last bad guy and then movie cut to later. now Jupiter is waking up early and happily go about cleaning houses, only she pauses to look at the glowing tattoo on her wrist proving she owns Earth and after work she goes on a date with her wolf man boyfriend who got his wings back so now she uses the hover boots and they go flying together. the end.

movie has so many stupid little quips and bits and funny quotes. the amount of fanfic tropes used would kill you if you did a take a shot-game. it's so silly. so so silly. it's stupid and the pacing is atrocious and the dialouge is so campy it hurts sometimes and the action scenes are a mess of visual effects than nearly give you motion sickness and they are about ten minutes each which is nine minutes to long and i love this movie with all my heart.

it's the most comfort movie to ever comfort. it's little younger me sitting up at night dreaming up insane stories. it's younger me pretending to hoverboard alongside the car on long drives. it's wanting to feel special and loved and go on cool adventures. it's endless imagination wrapped up in a stupid little story with stupid little characters with stupid little names written with pure love for the child inside every creative person.

i will die defending this movie. go watch it

[kungphooey]

[kungphooey]

Let’s Talk About TWST Leaks…

The next update for TWST, Book 7.5 for TWST JP, will contain animated overblot scenes made by Cloverworks. TWST JP has released an important statement about the cutscenes…

They ask that NO ONE LEAK THE CONTENT before AUGUST 1 JST! As this content is very spoiler heavy. If you decide to post, while I and TWST highly encourage you do not post, just be warned that you will get bombarded with messages and harassment from the JP side. I understand that people want to see this content but I ask that people legit follow what TWST JP has asked of us and NOT share the clips!

If you see this content online BEFORE August 1st JST, please be civil and ask them to take the content down!

I understand people want to see it as they may not have access to TWST JP but they need to understand that posting this content before the date they give all clear is insensitive. You are contributing to the problem by basically saying the creators don’t matter, their voices don’t matter. Their rules don’t matter. That ideology needs to cease and people should understand that they are not always entitled to post whatever they want whenever they want, especially when it is laid out specifically in the game’s news on the app and website.

Do NOT contribute to the problem, if you do they may NEVER give this content again and you could ruin the experience for EVERYONE. It’s tempting, I get it, I understand fully, I will record them myself and schedule the video to release later on, specially on August 1st JP to share with you all.

Remember, posting this content before they say we may can prevent other impressive and exciting content from being released later on in the future, do not be a part of this problem, actually listen and don’t post this content anywhere. I

Read about it here:

- Windblume

PLEASE LIKE, SHARE, AND REBLOG!!

[kungphooey]

[kungphooey]

i took 3 years of film classes and i still don't fucking understand how the camera obscura works. thats magic to me idc

[kungphooey]

IT FUCKIN YURI DAAAAAAAAAAAY

[kungphooey]

STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

[kungphooey]

every year I post this meme and every year people get more mad at me than they did the previous year

[kungphooey]

babe wake up, full canon accurate and up-to-date map of the star wars galaxy just dropped

[kungphooey]

Jedi are absolute adrenaline junkies at their hearts of hearts and I respect that.

[kungphooey]

this small leftist streamer that zionist millionaire ethan klein has been bullying is getting hardcore harassed by his sexist zionist ex-gamergate fanbase. all of her insta posts have these nasty comments, mostly by men and their radfem allies who are such good people

[kungphooey]

These Jezebel commenters are right and they should say it

[kungphooey]

I added some more pins to my store! Snag them here. [TenLittleCats on Etsy]

[kungphooey]

I’ve still got a bunch of FFXV Kigu pins up on my Etsy! Please give them good homes💖 Link is here (remove parentheses) and also in the “store” part of my links: http(://)Etsy(.)com(/)shop(/)SpellweaverArt

[kungphooey]

Nemophila garden.

Maishima seaside park, osaka, Japan.

[kungphooey]

[kungphooey]

Dagan Gera is awake for less than five fucking minutes and he fucking bleeds his Kyber crystal. Bro seriously?!