kuteon

[kuteon]

Crazy thing about #healing #recovery Small Victories is when you'll have some shit going on that's like, saying this would involve admitting how you used to be doing. You know? Like hey guys good news I'm gonna change my bedsheets this year

[kuteon]

religious killer: i can hear God speaking to me, to kill the demons that live in this world with my gun of justice

atheist killer: I kill only because of my own moral code. Whether it's for money so I can survive, or self-defense against a threat, I am the one who chooses when I kill.

agnostic killer: nobody really knows why I shoot people

[kuteon]

[kuteon]

[kuteon]

my white boy named tanner who stands behind me and says "facts" called out today just fucking great 🙄

[kuteon]

the weirdly vengeful and petty tones aborted babies take in pro-life propaganda images are so funny like this passive aggressive "was it worth it mommy?" and "it's a shame you can't join me in heaven mommy 😔" like do you ever wonder if you were aborted for a reason you little bitch ass baby

[kuteon]

[kuteon]

haha thats so funny [face gets gravely serious] but were you not a staunch and trusted ally i would have you executed for such a joke

[kuteon]

one nothingburger please no tomatoes no pickles no onions no lettuce no cheese no sauce no patty no buns no wrapper & quit your job and shut down the restaurant while youre at it & fries on the side please

[kuteon]

everyone trying to minimise their intake of microplastics is going to be so mad when we invent the blood filter that can extract it and everyone who was plasticmaxxing gets a cool toy made from their poison blood as a souvenir

[kuteon]

*tied to a chair,.spitting up blood* heh..... youre gonna need to brush my teeth a little harder than THAT to get information out of me

[kuteon]

There are only two jobs left in the world and it's making sandwiches or killing people

[kuteon]

someone cleaned my fucking glasses and now my beloved and treasured smuge is gone from the lens #mysmudge

[kuteon]

okay i lied put your clothes back on we're not having sex i'm fundamentally evil and i need you to kill me

[kuteon]

lol yeah go ahead try and attack me *notices i left my dragon scale talisman of immortality at home* or maybe lets not be too hasty

[kuteon]

pirate voice: there's a beautiful person out there reading this post, I can feel it in me bones

mailman voice: I'm curious, what did you make me sound like?

[kuteon]

fucked up the roster for the week and accidentally scheduled two guards who only tell the truth on the same day. fuuuuck now anyone can find out which is the right path to go down