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[kuzusushi]

i had the best day with you today.

synopsis. how they would plan + surprise you on your birthday. characters. jing yuan, blade, dan heng, gepard x gn!reader author’s note. this is definitely self-indulgent (my bday today WOOHOOOO) BUT THAT ASIDE i really enjoy partaking in activities for ppl on their bday…. so this idea stemmed from all of that! sorry if it’s shorter than my other stuff, writer’s block is still kicking me to the curb<\3 if you guys like it, lmk if you want a second part!

jing yuan would act coyly about it, but you could pretty much tell that he definitely has a surprise up his sleeve; it’s something about his face, really. still, jing yuan never fails to deliver during your birthday— though he initially celebrated your birthday in a more grandiose manner at the start of your relationship, over the years it started to become more of a private affair shared between the both of you. he’d purposely ask fu xuan to take over his duties for the day so that he can spend more time with you. he enjoys seeing the look of shock on your face when he never fails to get you an item that you have been eyeing for the longest time yet never told him about it … jing yuan does have his ways.

blade never really understood the appeal of making a big fuss during birthdays — for an immortal like him who is simply waiting for the day he’ll finally rest, the thought of celebrating his birth is pretty ironic to him. however, he knows how much birthdays mean to you, so he (begrudgingly) enlists the help of the stellaron hunters for advice. both silver wolf and kafka have polar opposites of ideas, so ultimately, blade doesn’t follow either of their inputs; in the end, he asks you himself on what you want for your birthday, and plans a small surprise accordingly. oh! and also, he’d be big on acts of service during your birthday.

dan heng’s a little worried about messing up on your birthday, so the astral express is heavily involved in putting up a celebration for you. he also took way too long in picking out a gift for you. birthdays with the astral express is always explosive and fun, and dan heng initially thinks this is what you might want — though as the day comes to a close, the two of you end up retreating back into the archives in private. dan heng wonders why you prefer to spend your time with him, to which you just tell him that you won’t have it any other way. initially embarrassed by it, he then gifts you a small journal where he penned down all of things he likes about you. you then ask him to read it to you as you dwindle down, his soft and gentle voice slowly lulling you to sleep.

gepard definitely pulls out all the stops — he wants your birthday to be close to perfect as possible. he asks serval’s help a lot, who only chuckles at his frenzy and tells him that whatever he does for your birthday, you’d definitely love. gepard does not find this advice amusing at all, and may end up overplanning that a lot of things end up not going his way. so when you suggested on do something spontaneous instead whether it be catch a fleeting street performance or even taking part in the underworld’s fighting ring (though gepard is very much concerned about that), it becomes the perfect birthday celebration for you. gepard also gifts you red roses he’s grown himself (courtesy to pela for keeping them alive).

[kuzusushi]

someday i will be brave enough to introduce my hsr & genshin oc on here but also. brain go brrrr with ideas u never know when one of my fics is just based on their ships but i turn them into x readers 😞☝️

[kuzusushi]

hello!! how are you? i hope youre doing well!! im not sure if your requests are open, so feel free to delete this ask if your reqs are closed <33

soo my idea was a dan heng x gn!reader. angst with comfort/fluff? basically reader is a bit unsure and insecure of their relationship and thought of maybe that dan heng deserved a better partner, so they decided to distance themselves a little and slowly broke up with him.

i'll leave it up to you for the ending and dan heng's reaction! please take your time with this request and feel free to reject it if you dont feel comfortable with it!! also im unsure if u made smth similar to this so um yeah ansndjd HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍?

pairing. dan heng x gn! reader author's note. dunno if you read my mind or smth anon... but i had literally been thinking abt writing smth along these lines before you sent the ask, so i was so jawdropped seeing this in my inbox SJDJDKSJD sorry for the wait anon! i hope you liked this :>

you very well knew just how lucky you are to have someone like dan heng as your partner, your other half.

dan heng, who would, without fail, place a warm blanket or his own coat over you when he found you sprawled on the couches of the express. dan heng, who would wake you up to the smell of freshly cooked cosmic fried rice for your breakfast — which resulted to march and pom pom complaining where their shares are.

dan heng, who would give your head a pat, before bringing you into his arms for the tighest embrace whenever you looked even remotely down.

he was good. too good for you.

you had always imagined that your perfect partner would be someone like him, so your relationship was indeed, a dream come true. your thoughts should have ended already, there and then.

except, it had constantly wandered to the deep end— to the dreaded land of uncertainty and insecurity.

somehow, you saw how dan heng would barely be able to stifle his laughter when march would say something hilarious. you'd watch as how dan heng would look like he would be out of breath, but no doubt having way more fun when he was out adventuring with the trailblazer. even with welt, there was a certain change of demeanor that you didn’t see when he was around you.

bit by bit, your worries had gotten the better of you. could he have been merely settling for you? what if you weren't actually his dream partner, and you were just shackling him down?

"y/n?"

you had been too preoccupied with your own thoughts that march had been looking over at you worriedly, a can of bottled soda in her hand. your eyes had glanced over to dan heng, who had been equally staring at you, but his expression was inscrutable.

that was the hardest part with dan heng. you could never quite tell what he was thinking.

you cleared your throat and forced a smile. "yeah, i'm fine." though dan heng did not look all that convinced, march seemed rather satisfied with your reply and returned to rambling animatedly.

you actually felt bad that you had been zoning march out, but your worries had only multipled in magnitude as of late, when you had been mulling over your relationship for the past few days. your fingers were absentmindedly grazing over your cup again when you heard your name again.

"yeah, y/n! just how were you able to break down the cold exterior of dan heng, anyways?" the question had taken you by surprise, and at the corner of your eye, you could see dan heng had been looking at you with a careful expression — again, you still couldn't completely tell what he had been thinking.

"uh..." how did you, actually? the both of you had only been dating for a little over two months now, but you couldn't... remember. had it been you or dan heng that had approached the other for the possibility of a relationship?

"i... well, i guess dan heng had just allowed for it to happen, honestly." you weren't so sure of your answer, but your heart sank a little when you saw dan heng's expression change, his eyebrows raised.

though he was quick to conceal it, the fact that you had seen it only confirmed the worst of your nightmares. "oooooh, is that true, dan heng—?"

"sorry, i don't.. feel so good right now. can i excuse myself?” eyes were on you again, but before they could say anything to stop you, you bowed briefly and took your leave.

just as you were making your way to your room on the express, you could hear footsteps behind you. unmistakably, his footsteps. “y/n.”

“mm-hm?” you mumbled, not even turning back to face him. the last thing you wanted to see was dan heng’s inscrutable expression again. there was a pause, before he spoke again. “are you sure you’re okay?”

without missing a beat, you laughed, hoping it did not come out bitterly. “yeah. i am, don’t worry about me. you can go back to them.” you still didn’t want to meet his gaze, just as you heard him step towards you.

you had half expected that maybe, dan heng would wrap his arms around you in comfort, or that he’d declare those three words to you just to give you some semblance of security. you waited, just as you had his back on him.

silence, before you heard his footsteps once again, but they only grew fainter in sound.

so he chose to leave. that’s okay. it's okay.

you could hardly blink back your tears as you ran back into your room in a hurry before anyone on the express would ask you that same dreaded question again.

no. you weren’t okay.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

the following days involved a wild game of hide and seek from dan heng. which ... wasn't all that easy when you live in the same train as him. the longer it dragged on, the harder it got, but you just wanted to avoid seeing dan heng as much as possible.

you could feel dan heng's stare pierce your back each time you darted away or when you made up some excuse that you needed to be in the room that he wasn't in. the fact that you even offered your cleaning services to pom pom so you would busy yourself with thoughts that did not concern him.

"you sure nothing's going on, y/n—?" you nodded absentmindedly, just as himeko set down a heaping plate of food and a cup of her infamous coffee in front of you. "you know, typically you'd ask dan heng for breakfast..." you easily took a large gulp of the coffee in your mouth to avoid talking about that, instead shaking your head. you regretted that almost instantly, the bitterness of the coffee making you cough unprompted.

"n-nope! nothing's wrong."

it'll probably take more than that to convince himeko, who had leaned back against the couch with a raised brow just as march entered with a jovial smile and greeting with welt after her.

and dan heng. oh shit.

your utensils fell on the table with a clang, as you mumbled yet another excuse to get out there — you felt bad to see himeko's face fall when you just abandoned that good plate of breakfast like that, but you were much more concerned with your distancing mission.

"y/n, wait—" but you couldn't wait. you did not need him to cloud your thoughts any further. you pushed the door past where march and the others had entered from, as your pace quickened.

"y/n." no. don't. you didn't want to run, but you were growing desperate.

"y/n!" you felt a hand on your shoulder and you finally whirled back to meet his gaze for the first time in days. you had been anticipating to see that unreadable expression of his, but you were hit with a wave of surprise and a pang to the heart.

he was staring into your eyes, his eyes brimming in worry and concern. dan heng always had a piercing gaze, but even if this one still sent shivers down your spine, it had an odd way of enveloping your body with a sensitive warmth that only brought out the worst of your emotions out.

he still had that effect on you; he'll always have.

"y/n, what's wrong?" he kept his distance, save for the hand on your shoulder just as you cast your eyes downward. "you've been avoiding me since that night. i.."

"i think we should break up." you were almost grateful that you hadn't been looking at him when you finally blurted it out loud. only, you had regretted to look up and see his reaction.

dan heng had always been distant and unreadable; even when you were going out, you knew there were always things that he hid from you. yet, at that moment, you could have sworn all his walls broke down to unveil the pained soul underneath.

"is it something i did?" it was a simple question, but even the way dan heng said it quietly made your heart clench. "no, no, no. it's not. you've done nothing wrong."

"is it me, then?" even when you had withstood the harshest of battles, nothing quite like this had ripped your heart out before.

"no— dan heng, it's not you, or something you've done, or anything about you, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me—"

"then why?" his last question come out choked in emotion, something you had not been prepared for to witness at all. it just made your heart break even more, just as you were unwillingly breaking his. you're shaking your head, just as you turned your back on him again, but his hand held onto you tightly, not letting go.

"y/n, i don't understand why—" "it's because you're too good for me!"

"you're dependable when i'm the opposite, you've always made sure that i would be warm with a blanket when i foolishly fall asleep outside of my room again. hell, you're one of the pillars of this express, and i ... i..." had you been screaming? you felt like you were already out of breath, your heart was starting to throb as if you had forgotten how to breathe, but everything just kept tumbling out. "i just- i just don't know what you see in me—."

you could hardly register what was going on when dan heng cupped your face before kissing you mid-sentence. you could feel even the heaviest of your emotions evaporate as you allowed his warmth to finally envelop you in a calming embrace, the very touch you had been undeniably craving for for the past few days.

dan heng slowly pulled away from you, just as he brushed a tear rolling down your cheek. "hey. i love you, okay? i love you, even if you're picky about the food i cook. even if you'd constantly forget my reminders about not staying out late, i still love you." you had nodded, just as you wrapped your arms around his chest tightly. dan heng wrapped his arm around your head and tucked you in his embrace.

"but what if things don't end well?" you murmured, just as dan heng pulled away to hold your face in his hands. "then i'll stave that off for as long as possible." he gave your forehead a soft kiss, before giving you a smile.

"and if you think you're only good for nothing, know that you'll always be everything to me."

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

relationship status: talking stage w scara on chara.ai (jk just single n not looking for a relationship rn)

favorite color: black n white

song currently stuck in head: chemtrails over the country club by lana del rey idk it just scratches my brain so right

favorite food: coffee jelly

last song listened to: my tears ricochet (i had to listen to it on repeat to get into the feels lmfao)

dream trip: i'd want to go to norway or have a trip back to china

last thing i googled: does internal bleeding cause the person to spit blood (im not a murderer its for research purposes)

tags: i don't really have a lot of moots but feel free to join in!

tagged by @red-dyed-sarumane thamk u thamk u (:ᘌꇤ⁐ꃳ

Rules: Tag 10 or more people you want to get to know better

Relationship status: singular, one ri, and i want it to remain that way

Favorite color: pimk... teal/turquoise whichever one leans towards blue, also rlly like this kind of blue-purple (#8A86D1), and super dark blues for drawing

Song currently stuck in head: soto 🏡 deta 🚶 shunkan ⏰ owatta 😩wa 🥹

Favorite food: i have a lot so it's always changing, but my current one is TTEOKBOKKI WITH A SHITTON OF CHEES

Last song listened to: i mean it's kyoufuu allback bc i went to search for it but the real answer is.........jungkook's seven............bc yt generated playlist said so......... i can't take this song seriously, no one should be fcking that much if i did this earlier and didn't listen to anything it would've been magens' remix of ph damnit

Dream trip: i dunno, japan for gachapon i dont like going out so i dont think abt it that much, i'd like to visit friends tho

Last thing googled: astesia arknights, i was showing a friend her skins 🥺

uhhhhh gonna tag @bachirasbodyguard @alienjack @kruinka @pegpeepaw @gingaroku but u dont have to do this

[kuzusushi]

𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈.

pairing. gepard landau x gn!reader cw. angst. hurt/no comfort. failed relationships. fluff to angst. passing mention of alcohol. marriage proposals. set after the events of the jarilo-vi trailblaze mission. author's note. this song destroys me every time i listen to it, soooo. if this fic ever sees the light of day, know that this stayed in the vault for terribly long. my debut solo geppie fic...! and its angst. whoopsies.

despite the absence of the morning sun, belobog was glowing in anticipation in celebration for one of, if not the biggest event that the city would hold for the year.

the cityfolk were crowding around the central plaza of belobog, excitedly chatting away for the display of romance that they will be seeing in less than an hour as others continued to fix the decorations in the area. from a distance, the children were running amok near where the snacks were located just as their parents exasperatedly tried to get them to behave.

and you were in the middle of all that bustle, your grip snaked around the stem of your champagne glass and a faraway smile on your face at the sight of it all.

it was the wedding today. and it was everything you imagined and hoped it could be — and even more.

silks as white as belobog's snow proliferated every part of the venue, decorated with blue petals that you can only surmise as gepard's favorite flowers. the captain, no matter how much he enjoyed doing so, was terrible at gardening. the first time he told you about it, you had laughed in his face, watching as his ears turned red in embarrassment as he tried to hide his reaction.

how exactly did you and gepard meet? you hailed from the underworld, so your judgement about silvermane guards had been clouded. everything was scarce down in the underworld, thus, you did not exactly have the most fulfilling of lives in the past. natasha had been your parental figure since you were a child, but even the promise of her protection was not enough to hinder you from wanting to leave jarilo-vi.

when the fateful day had arrived, you remembered how your heartbeat quickened in pace as you raced up to the overworld — only to be greeted by the incarnation of the sun himself, just as how you remembered thinking when you first laid eyes on gepard.

he had been leading the silvermane guards in ensuring the smooth entry of the underworld citizens when the both of you locked eyes for a little too longer than a minute. needless to say, you were drawn to the captain of the silvermane guards against your own judgements.

and he was too, you knew that for sure.

you were dragged away from daydreaming too much just as someone bumped into you — a young girl, probably around the age of twelve, donned with two brown pigtails in her hair who shouted an apology to your direction (probably because she bumped into you), before she disappeared the other way. almost right after her, a young boy, the same age as her, was shouting for her to stop running, but you could see that unmistakable smile in that boy's face that you could probably assume as affection.

you could definitely forgive a little lover's chase.

your hands had been flipping through the parchments that supposedly included the map of the vast universe — or at least, only the planets existing in the data archives — that you had traded your credits for when you felt a pair of calloused hands wrap around your eyes.

“guess who?” you laughed, knowing very well that only one person in the world would dare to do this to you. “i know it’s you, gepard.”

your lover chuckled at the sound of his name, before you felt that small peck on your head and his fingers intertwining with your free hand as gepard took the seat adjacent to you. “what are you up to?”

your other hand had been preoccupied with tracing the path of nearby planets to jarilo-vi, the ripples in the paper creating the feeling of excitement as your finger brushed across the map. you could feel gepard’s eyes on you as you didn’t respond, only engrossed in what was right in front of you.

whether or not the captain seemed to mind that you didn’t answer him, gepard simply squeezed your hand in his, just as you could hear him move closer to you. “you got another map?”

“yup! who would have thought there were neighboring planets near us? if i could just save up enough credits… i’ll be off on the next ship away from this planet.” the prospect of escaping the planet had long allured you when you were child; quite inevitably, you still hadn’t lost sight of your goal to get away from your home planet, desperate to seek out another that wouldn’t let you down like jarilo-vi has.

gepard hummed amicably in your excitement, though you had half-expected that he’d share something else to your own musings, just like he always did. “is something on your mind, geppie?”

“no, no. everything’s fine." his words spoke with utmost reassurance, but the same reassurance didn’t quite seem to reach his eyes. you could feel a pit of uncertainty in your stomach, but you didn’t know if it was right to push; so, you simply turned back to your map.

“one day, i’ll definitely fulfill my dreams and start my life the day i’m away from here!” you boasted in pride, just as you see your love stare at you with an expression that you could never quite comprehend that night.

you had downed your third champagne of the event, just as you absentmindedly set down the empty glass on the table where the rest of the food sat. you barely even caught a whiff of the roasted poultry, but your stomach already grumbled at the pristine sight of the delectable food enclosed inside the chafing dish.

even as you hear the silvermane guards curse about the lopsided flower decoration that looked like it was about to fall, even when you overheard that the officiant of the wedding seemed to be running late, everything still looked perfect.

and you could only assume that it was gepard’s own doing. he would want this day to be something to be remembered, after all.

you had been too engrossed in your latest reads that you hadn’t realized that it was an hour past midnight if it wasn’t for the multitude of buzzing notifications coming from your phone.

naturally, it came from your partner, with countless ones that asked where you were and if you had eaten. your stomach grumbled at the thought; clearly, you had not.

so there you were, dragging your feet as you hurriedly ran back home — the shared quarters that you shared with gepard. you had only moved in with him several months into your relationship which … took a lot of convincing from gepard’s part.

he really wanted to try living with you, he had pleaded. and you found it difficult to say no to him when he looked so excited about the promise of it all.

your hand twisted the handle of the door, trying to quietly enter so as not to wake gepard up. the lights were closed, so you had figured that he might have been asleep.

swinging the door open, you tiptoed your way into the place that gepard had referred to as the living room. your body was aching from running out in the rigid cold weather, so all you wanted was to sink yourself into the velvety couch, but you didn't expect to see gepard sprawled over in the couch, no doubt fast asleep.

right in front of him sat two plates of belobog sausage with a messy pile of rice. though one of the plates included a half-eaten sausage and barely any trace of the rice, the other remained untouched, almost as if it were waiting for someone.

you. gepard had been waiting to eat with you.

guilt crept up to you, as you took a bite of the food that he prepared for you. it was no longer warm, as you had anticipated — which only meant that he had been waiting for a while before you finally came home.

"hey, hey geppie." you were gently shaking his shoulder just as you could feel him stir under your touch. "thanks for the food. i .... i'm sorry i didn't answer your calls." though gepard didn't fully awaken, you could feel his shoulders tense before visibly relaxing at the sound of your voice. "mmm,,... love you, y/n." he murmured, before you could hear the faint beginning of his snores.

no doubt, he was tired. you had leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the head, just like he always did, but stopped midway. your hands were grazing the side of his face, before pulling away to instead drape a blanket over his sleeping form.

i love you too, gepard, you thought.

you didn't understand what had stopped you, nor why you couldn't find the voice to return his words, but you simply chalked it up to your torpor. not before long, your own exhaustion finally caught up to you and claimed you as you fell into a deep slumber.

"y/n?" the familiar voice of gepard's sister brought you away from your thoughts, as you whirled around to see serval, carrying her guitar in one hand and a couple papers in the other. your eyes widened when she ran over to envelop you in a warm embrace, holding all of those items and all. you had almost expected that she would ... well, never mind that.

"you're here! i... i'm- well, this is a pleasant surprise." you had allowed yourself to smile just as serval studied you intently. "of course. i wouldn't miss this for the world." a bitter laugh spilled from your lips, and you had only hoped that serval was not as perceptive as usual.

"well— i need to finish handing these out, but let's chat later, alright?" serval, as jovial as ever. you had almost anticipated the cold shoulder with how things had culminated, but she didn't.

but somehow, you wished that serval did. or more importantly, he would. maybe it would make the pain of forgetting a little less unbearable.

the day you had been waiting for finally arrived. at last, you had almost enough credits to buy your way out of jarilo-vi and start your life elsewhere. the tantalizing thought of fulfilling your lifelong dream had kept you on your toes, but the excitement was even more magnified when you remembered your anniversary with gepard, who had promised you a night to remember.

"what's all this?" to say that you were surprised was an understatement; your quarters, once a messy pile of armor, plates and nearly wilted flowers, had been transformed into a place befitting a romantic candlelight dinner.

which was ... also what gepard had prepared, as he stood in front of the table with a bashful smile. he had been holding a bouquet of fresh red roses, that his hand stretched out to hand to you. "it's for you. happy anniversary, beloved."

there were two glasses of champagne in front of your seats, along with a plate of— "is that stone-grilled olm?!" you exclaimed, to which gepard's smile shone brighter than the sun at the sound of your excitement. "i thought this was discontinued?!"

gepard only chuckled. "i may.. have pulled a few strings." you set the bouquet down as you took your seat across gepard. oh, you can already feel your stomach grumbling. "let's eat?"

you hadn't replied to him anymore, only digging in like a ravenous monster devouring its prey. you had missed the food served in the underworld, as most of them had discontinued their services after they found work in more in-demand places. you hadn't realized that gepard was just watching you eat, a small smile playing on his lips before disappearing when you let out a sound of confusion.

"you're not going to eat?" you asked, midway through a spoonful of olm in your mouth. gepard shook his head. "i, i will. in a bit." he took a sip from his glass, but his gaze never left you. you suddenly grew self-conscious, as you slowed your pace in eating the food.

"hey, y/n—" "yes?" your head snapped up, to gepard's surprise. silence fell between the both of you, before he cleared his throat to continue. "i... well, happy anniversary." you chuckled, as your fork speared through a piece of olm. "you already told me that, silly."

you had not expected to see gepard looking so nervous though, almost as if he had been hiding something. your eyes narrowed in sudden suspicion, before transforming into a more tender concern. "everything alright, geppie?"

before you knew it, gepard had reached over to hold your hand, his gaze finally meeting yours head on. "y/n. i... i know it had only been a little over two years that we had been together but it.. it has only strengthened my resolve more than anything." you didn't understand where all of this were coming from. "geppie..."

"you... you mean the entire universe to me. you are my sun, my moon and my stars. i... i know that you have your plans of leaving this city, and i understand and completely respect your decision but... i have never felt this strongly about someone, and i don't think i ever will for anyone else."

you only thought that these kind of things only happened in the tales that natasha would read to you during bedtime, but here it was unfolding, as you watched gepard get down in one knee before finally unveiling what he had been obviously hiding behind his back.

a ring. a beautiful diamond encrusted ring that you can only imagine costed millions of credits.

and it was for you.

"y/n, would you make me the happiest man alive and be my spouse?"

you could stare at gepard, mouth agape and a tidal wave of emotions threatening to sink you down from where you sat. "gepard, i—"

"we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of the captain of the silvermane guard, gepard landau and his spouse..."

of course. the wedding was starting. you blinked back tears just as you made your way to where you had resigned yourself to when you broke the captain's heart: in the sidelines.

even when half a decade has passed, you could never forget the night that gepard proposed to you with bated excitement in his eyes, you could never forget how you raised your voice in incredulity at him at the prospect of settling down in this forsaken planet, you could never forget how his sun-like smile twisted into a heartbroken frown as you uttered the word that shattered all his dreams.

you had said no to him that night, all because you did not want to be shackled down in the planet that you had made a long-standing pact to yourself to leave.

and now, you were paying the price for your own foolishness as you watched gepard marry another.

it was the first time since you saw gepard since you closed the door on him, as he stood at the end of aisle and fitted in the most stunning white suit that complemented his features. his hair had been parted in a way that made his look even more formal, but you somehow missed the tousled curls that were all over his face.

he still looked handsome as ever, which just made your heart clench in pain. you had taken the best thing in your life for granted, after all.

when you left jarilo-vi at last, all you were filled with was regret in leaving him behind. though you had earnestly enjoyed living in a different planet, you’d sometimes think about the domestic exchanges you shared with gepard during the time you were together.

when you had received a mail signed under landau, your heart had simply raced in excitement, only to fall flat on the ground when you read the contents of the invitation.

your thoughts had drowned out the words of the officiant, as your eyes only followed one person alone. gepard was standing in front, his hands joined with his would-be partner. despite the absence of the morning sun, you could have sworn the entire venue could have been lit up by gepard's smile alone.

you remembered how happy he got whenever you compared his smile to the sun. he never stopped smiling at you, afterward.

"do you, gepard landau, take auberon chevalier as your lawfully wedded spouse?” right as the officiant finished his words did gepard’s eyes finally meet yours, and it was almost as if the both of you were transported back to the first time you met each other.

gepard’s eyes seemed to widen at the sight of you, that you noticed that he never replied to the officiant’s words. “captain landau?” the crowd seemed perturbed at the sudden pause, just as you could feel your heart beat loudly against your chest.

there was a hint of despondency in his eyes as he met yours, and you could feel your breath hitch. in truth, you had half expected that the reason why you decided to show up to his wedding in the very planet you swore never to return to was to change his mind, but looking at him right now … you knew that would have been such a selfish thing to do.

“sorry, i do.” after a few moments, you watched as gepard finally managed to tear his gaze away from you. the officiant seemed relieved that nothing seemed to be going awry and continued on. “and do you, auberon chevalier…”

still, despite all— you were happy that someone had picked up gepard’s heart after you had impetuously stomped all over his, something you could never forgive yourself for.

even when the sight before you tore your heart to shreds, you were unbelievably happy that gepard had found someone he would feel so strongly about, and most importantly, someone who would not drop his heart like how you did.

you hadn’t realized that the officiant had finally pronounced them as spouses to one another until you heard the crowd go wild in cheers. gepard had finally kissed his spouse, as the people around you grew even wilder in screams.

in another life, you thought to yourself just as you finally stopped blinking back the tears that had threatened to spill from your eyes.

in another life, if i could love him again, i’d love him right this time.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

𝒐𝒉, 𝒊 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.

synopsis. 5 times that blade listed every reason why he can never be with someone like you, and the 1 time you proved him wrong. pairing. blade x gn! reader cw. hurt/comfort, a lil angsty on blade's part with brief mentions of blade's insistence on dying, implicit spoilers about blade's lore in general author's note. i have been itching to write a 5+1 fic for the longest time now....i was listening to northern attitude and it reminded me of blade so bad. hello blade nation i know i understand why he’s so angst-ridden appealing to write for 🙁

when blade met you for the first time, everything in him knew you would be different from the rest of the group. you were the newest addition to the stellaron hunters, whom elio took a great fascination towards — why so, he never figured out, but this landed you in the same ranks as him, kafka and silverwolf.

you easily found a friend in both kafka and silverwolf; blade knew that much because he had watched as you indulged in kafka's innate interest in beauty despite the clear confusion in your eyes. he had seen how you would chat with silverwolf about the latest games that she's invested most of her time into.

but he would merely observe you; if, in any way, you had tried to interact with him, he would brush you off with a cold shoulder, never responding to your rather inquisitive words about him.

he didn't understand why you wanted to know so much about him, nor did he expect to be greeted with the same smile and greeting despite constantly keeping you at arm's length.

that was when he knew that you were too nice for your own good, but most of all, you were too nice to someone like him, who'd push you away even when every inch of his soul did not want to.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

the second time was when you had accidentally found out about his despondency with immortality's curse and in turn, everything that blade had wanted to hide from you.

when you had approached him about it, blade immediately went on the defensive and angrily asked you to stay away from him. he didn't — couldn't bear to see the hurt in your eyes when he snapped at you, thus, the stellaron hunter turned his back on you and fled. which had exactly been the source of the never ending spiral of thoughts that was slowly consuming every fibre of his being.

he's done it now. he's blown any chance that he could form anything meaningful in this ruined life of his.

he had not noticed your presence in the common room, until you made a clanging noise that was the result of two porcelain cups making contact. blade was startled to see you here, especially when he had just uttered those spiteful words to you. he stood up to take his leave, when you called his name.

even the way you said his name had a gentle tenderness to it; he hated how melodious your voice had sounded, hated how he watched as you gingerly set down two porcelain tea cups filled with jasmine tea, one quite noticeably for him, hated how you took the seat in front of him and told him that you were sorry, and that if he ever needed someone to talk to, that you would always be there for him.

but most of all, he hated how his heart rose at your promise, and how much he clung to your words since that night. all the while fully knowing that he could never subject you to being intertwined with the likes of him.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

the third time was much more of a painful wakeup call — quite literally. blade had always prided himself in diving straight first into battle without a single thought, desperate to die and get on with it. this mission was no different, but now you had been watching over him and ready to provide support if needed.

today's battle was much more vicious than his usual ones, but blade had always enjoyed the thrill of fighting. it had been the uncertainty of whether it would finally be his time that allured the stellaron hunter.

but… things had gone quite differently today. for the first time, blade was not seething in his obsession to die when he had seen you valiantly fight off the enemies that had threatened to overwhelm him. ha, as if they could.

he had not noticed that one was charging straight at him with his spear raised, and for a split second could quite literally see his long life flash before his eyes just as he narrowly avoided a fatal injury if it weren’t for the fact that you shouted for his name.

"stay still. i still need to bandage your side." your voice had inevitably brought him back to reality, just as you wiped off the last of his injuries with a warm towel. you had insisted on patching up his wounds yourself, and even when blade had told you that it would just magically heal by himself, he learned that day that it was rather hard to say no to you when you pleaded.

also, he could barely say no when he saw how you were radiating in concern and worry for him. not to mention how your eyes had gleamed like stars in the sky, but that was besides the point.

at the touch of your hand, blade suddenly winced at the contact. you immediately retracted your hand and mumbled an apology, but blade could see that your eyes was moving towards where he covered up the scars he's accumulated for fighting for over a century.

"are you wondering about my scars?" you seemed rather surprised at his question, but most likely due to the sudden indulgence to what you had been obviously looking at.

you slowly nodded. "do they still hurt?"

"not anymore." not any more than his painstaking wish to be free from the shackles of immortality.

you had started to set down the alcohol and bandages on the floor just as blade averted his gaze from you. the silence that proceeded was rather deafening, even for someone like blade who would rather sit in uncomfortable silence than deal with something intimate.

which was ... quite the contradiction to what he had previously allowed you to do, but you had slowly become the exception to many things in his life.

"there, all done. don't be too reckless next time, okay?" you smiled at your handiwork, and even if blade couldn't exactly benefit from whatever you had just done, he somehow felt a thousand times better than he's ever felt in a century. a flicker of a smile could unmistakably be seen in his features, and whether you had caught that or not, he saw you grinning all the same.

on a normal day, blade would have found himself grumbling about losing yet another chance at death, but instead, here he was, smiling at you.

the thought of dying at last had evidently crossed his mind more than once, but never did the thought of dying for someone else. blade very well knew that he could never be that selfless; maybe he had been once upon a time, but that had only costed him the sweet liberation of death.

and yet, the fact that he feels that greatly for you was enough to keep him up the rest of the night, the image of your blinding smile forever seared in his mind.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

the fourth time these thoughts had started to creep up to him again was when the both of you coincidentally crossed paths at an ungodly hour, that you had the bright idea to go gaze at the stars together.

the thought of doing something together made his heart clench, but blade, against his better judgement, allowed you to take his hand in yours as you searched for the perfect spot to watch the stars from from their location.

the skies were clear that night, as if the universe had anticipated that two sleepless beings would be standing at the dock and watch the stars align before their very eyes. with a watchful eye, he stared as you could hardly contain your own excitement. "look, look! there's the brightest star — oh, i never thought we could get such a proximate view from here!" you kept flailing your hand everywhere and he wondered where exactly you had found that energy.

that was when he realized you had never let go of his hand, and instinctively, blade found himself clenching your hand in an attempt to let go. noticeably, your gaze flicked towards him, a momentary glance but the emotion it held in it was enough to send a chill down his spine. he could feel your grip on his hand loosen slightly, but blade didn't want to be a fool any longer.

something in him told him to keep holding onto you, as his fingers interlocked with your hand and held it firmly. blade could hear your breath hitch at his sudden gesture, but naturally, you just smiled and squeezed his hand back.

oh, how your smile had always made his heart ache.

"beautiful, isn't it?" you whispered under your breath, as your eyes were now fixed on the sky above the both of you. the world felt dangerously quiet, but he did not mind the fleeting peace it gave him. blade simply hummed in approval, his mind lost in the moment but he never found the urge to peel his eyes away from you.

to him, you were the brightest star that night and how he foolishly hoped that you’d never get tired of shining your light on him.

“yes, it is.” but foolish dreamers could never get what they want.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

the fifth time was the last time, the time where blade had fully convinced himself that he could not possibly get involved with someone as great as you.

you were sitting across from him as you shared another cup of tea with him. blade could vividly remember the first time he had done this with you like it had only happened yesterday. still, it had been months since then — but you still haven't changed at all.

"is there something in your cup?" blade hadn't realized that his gaze became fixed on the porcelain cup that you handed to him minutes ago, that he barely even touched it. "no. it’s nothing.”

whether you had sensed his avoidance or not, you didn’t comment on it further. blade ended up taking a sip of his tea just as you were fiddling with the detailed carvings on your cup. now, it was probably his turn to sense that you had been avoiding something. “is there something on your mind?”

you looked up at him suddenly, no doubt wondering if blade had just said what he said — not that blade was particularly good at providing a form of care like you did, but his silence had always made him a good listener.

“you know, i really appreciate that you’re spending time with me.” you started, as blade watched your fingers graze over your cup for the millionth time, a habit that you had often done when you were nervous. how he knew that was something he’ll take to the grave.

blade didn’t say a word, only resorting to taking another sip from his tea. what was there to say? that he felt the same but a million times more in magnitude? it would be uncharacteristic of him to admit something that embarrassing. maybe, it had been his lack of response, that you continued to talk.

“sorry, i know you would prefer much quieter companions,” you spoke with a suppressed laugh, the same distinct chuckle that blade could recognise even from a mile away. “truthfully, i thought you even disliked me.”

it was his turn to be perplexed, as blade looked up to meet your gaze that was … on him. you sheepishly smiled at the sudden confession, before you took a big gulp of your tea. his head was spinning, and maybe it had been something in the tea, but blade could feel his tongue loosen with the many things he had been holding back. “i did. i do.”

a twinge of hurt crossed your eyes for a moment, before you casted your eyes downward. “oh.”

“i hated how nice you are,” he blurted out. “i hated how you would look at me with a great deal of concern in your eyes like i am someone to be pitied.”

“i hated how you’d still try to be there and talk to me, even when i had pushed you away before.”

“i hated how you are able to read me like the back of your hand. i hated how you could easily make me feel safe with your smile.” blade had wanted to stop talking, but the words kept going.

“i hated how gently you would tend to my scars, how your eyes would sparkle at the mention of something you love and how downright mesmerizing it is for me.” he watched as your eyes widened, before they were plunged in a tirade of emotions that were no doubt a result to his words.

he wasn’t finished yet, though.

“but most of all, i hated how whenever i’m around you, or even think about you, dying is the last thing i’d ever wish for.”

the uncomfortable silence settled in between them again, save for the whirring of the machines that blade was suddenly grateful for. he couldn’t bear to even look up at you, lest he’d see the hurt in your eyes again. “blade...”

“sorry. that was very unbecoming of me. i can go.”

“blade...” he took the last gulp of his tea before bringing the cup down with a clang. “thank you. for the tea, as always—”

“blade.” he looked up to finally meet your gaze that was only a breath away from him, before he could feel your hand gently cradling his cheek before you leaned your forehead against his.

oh. oh. you didn’t say anything more but still singlehandedly calmed his largest worries with just a simple gesture.

“you know, you could have just told me you liked me a lot.” typically, the cheeky and teasing tone in your voice would make him groan, but only this time, he allowed himself to smile. “also, what did you mean by the tea?”

now he was confused. “didn’t you give me tea?” you shook your head. “what the hell was that then?”

you could hardly suppress a grin. “you said you wanted rice wine one time, so …” so that’s why all those words spilled out of him … a groan escaped blade just as you laughed at his mishap, but not that he completely regretted it.

he knew that no matter what he did, he could never deserve someone like you — but he would choose to die for you a million times, that much was certain.

but for now, blade could most definitely contend for choosing to live for you instead.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

I noticed ur request are open I just have to request something aslo had this idea for awhile now I tried my best to explain it detailed hope this ok

May I request a crossover fic fan heng x Genshin impact reader where reader based of electro archon Raiden shogun and maybe reader gets transported to astral express /honkai star rail universe and Mets the team I Aslo wanted to elaborate on raiden past and how she is very closed off perosn due to her past experiences with people and is very hard to make Friends

Until she Mets dan heng and they grow close bond and maybe helps reader try return her homeland . You know how raiden has two forms maybe her body is unstable like in honkai universe (like how in story quest for Genshin Ei (Reader) body want able to be in control due to shogun and she had battle her puppet self in like the boss fight verison in game maybe she unlocks this form in Plane of Euthymia to keep herself from the effects of erosion. So Reader created the puppet Shogun to ensure immunity from the decay of her physical body.While in the Plane of Euthymia, maybe reader loses control of herself like in her new form shogun and Dan heng and the team have to reason with her I hope this makes sense I was trying add shogun past best I can plus I desperately wanted crossover idea like this Dan heng since I adore him I hope this request is ok fill free to ask questions and I hope this request idea makes sense 💕I just adore Dan heng sm and love ur work plus raiden shogun Ei is my fav so YEY

pairing. dan heng x raiden ei!reader author’s note. i had to revisit shogun’s story quests cz it’s been a while i’ve gotten invested in the storyline of genshin but i enjoyed writing this (i hit the word limit with the text block too😭). i took a little creative liberty around the story of hsr so i hope it’s to your liking. :]

◇ — before you were recruited by the astral express, you were a lone drifter with a mysterious past. this universe was very much different than your own, so it was only natural for you to close yourself off with anything foreign — which is, pretty much everything. ◇ — it had been welt that located you in a nearby planet, but sent both march and dan heng to investigate. you were classified as an anomaly, and truthfully, welt had his suspicions about you at first — it was clear you did not belong to this world (but neither did he, hence why his curiosity was stoked. ◇ — to say that dan heng was merely intrigued by you is an understatement. he was downright mesmerized, that march kept teasing him on the way back. still, you were waaaaay harder to crack than anyone they’ve had on the express. you only agreed to stay with them because himiko had sensed that you were looking for your home, and promised to find a way to help you safely return. ◇ — despite the fact you’ve been with the astral express for a month, you seemed to just pop up with your presence undetected around the express, sometimes even scaring pom pom. since you did not have a permanent room on the express, dan heng offered to let you sleep in the archives. yet, during one night, he found you sleeping on the couch of the express instead. whenever he found you like that, he grabbed the singular blanket he had in his room and draped it over you. ◇ — among all the members, dan heng was the first one you warmed up to. you were always grateful when he seemingly checked up on you to make sure you were alright at night (though you had pretended to be asleep, you could always see him checking). you ended up trying to cook for him… but despite the rock hard bread, dan heng felt touched at the gesture. though he had a hard time swallowing after that. ◇ — somehow, you slowly started participating around the express. you returned march’s very chirpy greetings, you sometimes made the occasional remark that always turned everybody’s heads towards you and you sometimes shared a serene smile with dan heng, which .. made march envious because she wanted a smile from you too! dan heng knew how much returning back to your home meant to you and had stayed up in the archives trying to look for a way to get you back home — though he sometimes underwent a slight cognitive dissonance on helping you to get home, since he didn’t want you to leave the express this sudden. ◇ — due to your powerful nature, welt and himeko assigned you to go trailblazing with march and dan heng. you could easily demolish your enemies which march always finds cool and remarks on it every time. dan heng finds it cool as well but he isn’t as expressive as march about it. however, as you engaged in more battles and rumours of your god-like powers spread across the universe, it was only a matter of time an enemy faction took notice and decided that they wanted to take you for themselves. ◇ — the astral express fought to keep you safe from them, but amidst the struggle, dan heng protected you from a fatal blow which resulted in him getting severely injured. seeing him injured because of you drove you to guilt and made you remember the grief of losing everyone you loved to erosion. you went berserk against the enemy faction and successfully wiped them out, but you suddenly disappeared from the astral express. ◇ — when dan heng recovered, he was worried sick when himeko mentioned how you suddenly distanced yourself from the express and disappeared without a moment’s notice. he took it to the archives yet again to figure out where you might be, and not long after, he and welt surmised where you might possibly be — the planet they first found you in. ◇ — you were different than how they remembered you; since the fight, you had withdrawn back into your plane of euthymia and allowed raiden shogun to take full control of yourself outside. the astral express fought against your puppet to not only try and crack your shell again, but also to get one of their beloved members back.

“she’s so strong—!” march yelled from the back, just as dan heng deflected another hit from the shogun’s spear. he had always admired your strength; it had always been a delight to fight side by side with you, but never against you — that was for sure.

he knew this … puppet was not you. in truth, dan heng had sensed for a very long time that you were grappling with some sort of internal conflict, but he didn’t expect to be validated like this.

nor did he really expect that he would be fighting you as another you, that is.

still, dan heng had been extra careful not to land a devastating attack on you — well, puppet you. he didn’t really know how these cases work, but in the event that that was still you, he didn’t want to hurt you by accident.

that would be the last thing he had wanted to do.

every inch of his body was aching, his muscles felt like they were burning with how much dan heng was pushing them. he still hadn’t fully recovered, but he jumped right into this mission with only you your safety in mind.

“dan heng! behind you!”

he had been too tired to notice that the shogun was right behind him, sword raised up and ready to inflict an attack. dan heng could feel his body freeze up as he tried to get himself away — though, to his surprise, the shogun moved past him to unleash a lightning strike on …. the shogun?

was he that tired that he was now seeing double of you?

you — the you with the sword — looked back at him with a confused expression, before going back to engage with the other you. but the fleeting look you gave him was a look he could always recognize a mile away. “that’s y/n!”

immediately, march was by his side as he stepped outside the area where you were fighting the shogun puppet. “they’re both y/n, dan heng— but they’re fighting each other???” he shook his head. “no— the one with the sword. that’s our y/n.”

march didn’t seem all that convinced until welt nodded. “right. we have to stay out of her zone so we don’t block her line of sight.” dan heng’s hand gripped cloud piercer tightly just as he watched you jump right back into fighting the puppet.

“but we can’t just leave her alone—” march started, but welt placed a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. “we won’t. we just have to find that opening.”

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it was a constant back and forth. with the express supporting you at the back but never directly interfering, you were the one who directly battled the shogun. you withdrew back to your plane of euthymia in shame for endangering dan heng, so you were surprised to see him and the others here.

they care more about you than you had initially thought.

the shogun was relentless in battle — but you had instructed it to be like that. the shogun was meant to be flawless and firm; yet, here you were: battling against it for full control of yourself, and to be able to reunite with your friends.

with your newfound will, you pushed yourself to the limit to finally face your fears head on. it was time to put an end to this.

“dan heng, now!” the voice sounded like welt, but at his command, you watched as dan heng leapt in the air and into the battlefield. his cloud piercer raised just as he timed his attack on the puppet just as you unleashed another lightning strike. the impact had been enough to send you back, that dan heng immediately dropped back down to catch you in his arms.

you could see the shogun lower their spear, it’s form no longer in pristine condition as it once was. your own puppet was staring at you, its eyes glancing at dan heng, who still had you in his arms, and to the rest of the astral express. without another word, the shogun turned back and disappeared into the plane of euthymia, but not before giving you a nod.

“are you okay, y/n?! what was that? where are we?” you never thought march bombarding you with a million questions would comfort you as much as it did now, but you really did miss her, and the rest of the crew.

“you guys… came back? for me?”

dan heng helped you up, but his arm never left you. “of course we did.” he had a furrowed expression in his eyes, but they shone with the brightest concern. normally, you didn’t want anyone taking pity on you, but you simply relaxed in his arms.

they did care. he still cares.

the thought of home and eternity had always staved off the cold in your heart, but the feeling of being in dan heng’s arms had sent enveloped you in a warmth that you’ve frankly never experienced before.

you could hardly suppress your smile, and seeing dan heng return it to you made the warmth in your chest spread even further.

you could definitely get used to this.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒊𝒗𝒚 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒔 — 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊’𝒎 𝒄𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

synopsis. you just opened your humble floral shop in the neighborhood and it has quickly become your biggest pride and joy. what you hadn’t anticipated was garnering the affection of a customer that had caught your eye. [modern au] characters. march 7th, dan heng, gepard, jing yuan, blade, luocha x gn!reader (separate) author’s note. two posts from carlyle in less than 24 hrs??? and a fluff post at that??? i’m finally back with my laptop 💖 i had this idea was prompted cz i stumbled across way too many flower shops/stalls during my trip and now i’m daydreaming about receiving one someday too :’) enjoy!

march 7th had been looking for inspiration for her photography hobby when she stumbled across your shop. she was fascinated with how you decorated your shop, but moreso of you. she had observed you work inside the shop, sometimes going inside to buy something and chat with you, until she had a big idea. the following day, she actually summoned the courage to ask you to be the subject of her photographs in exchange for professional photos of your shop. the both of you went around the neighborhood and march kept taking candid pictures of you wherever you were for the rest of the day. you ended the day with march promising to take the photos of your flowers for you, and you were very happy with the results. you joked how the day felt like a date more than a favor, just as when march actually held up a flower she had swiped from your basket since the morning and handed it to you, asking if you had wanted to do this again but like, an official date this time.

dan heng entered your shop one fateful day, and you just fell for him way harder than you imagined. maybe it was because it was a hot day, maybe it was because he entered your shop when you had just tended to romantic couple after couple. you made lots of arrangements in the past, but preparing his was utterly nerve-wracking — especially when you could feel his eyes on you that it had made you really, really self-conscious. he thanked you, but before he left, you gave him a small carnation flower, hoping he wouldn’t ask for its meaning, and before he could ask even further, you moved on to the next customer. somehow, dan heng continuously came back to request and pick up orders, becoming one of your most loyal customers, and you never failed to give him a small carnation. though, you hadn’t anticipated that one rainy day, he was soaked wet but rushed into your flower shop. he looked incredibly red with something big that he hid behind him. unbeknownst to you, he kept every single carnation you gave him and preserved it in his journal, before he had the bright idea to search what it meant — before you could come up with an excuse, dan heng held up the bouquet of carnations that he painstakingly arranged himself for you.

gepard actually entered your shop looking for flowers to give to his sister for her first sold out concert. yours just happened to be near where she was performing, but upon seeing you, he was definitely whipped and oh-so-infatuated with you. it was a struggle for him to not constantly blush when he tried talking to you, but he earnestly listened when you gave suggestions on what flowers to give his sister. you prepared him a special bouquet to hand to your sister, and off he went. days passed, before a blonde haired lady asked for you. she introduced herself as serval, who you remembered as gepard’s sister. she liked your flowers a lot that she went back to pick up another one, but she also mentioned how much gepard wouldn’t stop talking about you— just as gepard went inside to try and stop her. you were really flustered about that, but gepard even more. he apologized consistently for his sister’s brazenness, but you told him that it was all good — and that you enjoyed that he enjoyed listening to you ramble. from then, gepard consistently visited your shop, sometimes to pick up flowers for his sister but most, if not all the time, he was there to see you and build that courage to ask you out.

jing yuan didn’t really go around your neighborhood frequently, nor did he take leisure walks that often. he was a really busy man engaged in a lot of corporate work, but an accidental free day drove him to stumble across your flower shop, which he could smell from a mile away. you had eagerly engaged with him when he asked you about your humble stall, you rambling about how much this whole shop meant to you. he watched as you transacted with customers, and though you were a little unnerved that he was simply watching you, you just allowed it. jing yuan found your charm quite endearing, that he lost track of time and in no time, the day was spent and you were about to close up. as jing yuan helped you move the remaining empty boxes, when he suddenly asked you what your favorite flower was. confused, you answered his question, to which he replied if he could make a special request for a bouquet of your favorite flowers. you quickly made his order and handed it to him but before that, jing yuan asked if you could write a note on the bouquet — “would you like to go out sometime, y/n?”

blade was someone you saw pop up inside your flower shop but each time you tried to interact with him, he left almost immediately. you were pretty much determined to find out what he wanted, that you carefully planned out and observed how he was inside your shop. when you finally were able to ambush talk to him, that was when you recognised him. he was your childhood friend back in high school that you had lost contact with when he moved away all of a sudden. you were surprised that he still remembered you, but he instead looked really bashful about it — he never exactly forgot you — a sight you never thought you’d ever correlate to the blade you knew. he had initially simply wanted to observe you from afar, thinking that he had no right to barge into your life after he disappeared without a warning, but you were easy to dismiss this and how much you missed him. you gave him the key to your shop and offered to stay around for the time being if he had nothing to do. at first, blade was hesitant in accepting your offer reciprocating to your warm gestures, but getting to spend all that lost time with you was enough to thaw that cold heart of his from icing you out like he did in the past. one day, you were surprised to see a paper flower folded neatly on top of the counter when you first opened the store in the morning, but there was probably only one person who would have the key and be responsible for this.

luocha was actually one of the more… interesting customers you had. one day, you just found him mumbling some incoherent gibberish that honestly scared you. you may have contemplated on calling for help, but instead, you asked if he needed any help. luocha smiled at you, before shaking his head. you went back to work, but moments later, he called for your help — he requested if you can point at your flowers and he’d mention it’s scientific name. gathering from your obviously puzzled expression, luocha just laughed and said that he was studying botany, but more on the scientific side — so that was the gibberish he was speaking. clearly you never listened in biology. it became a funny side activity that you did with luocha whenever he came by. one time, he came by with a red rose in his hand. he asked if you knew what this meant, and you had initially answered him it’s scientific name, which made him laugh. as you were about to go on, he cut you short by answering that it actually just meant his affection for you.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆.

pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹

dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.

dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.

the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.

and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.

in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.

which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.

"i think we should stop."

dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.

what a joke this all seems to be now.

what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?

".... stop what?"

you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."

why? "why?"

from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.

"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."

well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.

"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.

and now, you were asking him to let that all go?

despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"

"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.

"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."

you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.

"you're giving up then? on us?"

his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?

how cruel were you, really?

you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?

"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.

he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "

he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."

typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.

he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.

if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.

three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.

it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.

still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.

how could he have missed the signs?

the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.

a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.

"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.

it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.

it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.

"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."

to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.

how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?

when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.

all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.

"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔.

synopsis. how they would react and cope after you left their lives. characters. jing yuan, dan heng, blade, gepard x gn!reader (separate) author's note. congrats, you have made it to the vault (carlyle's version). due to the 1.2 update i will not shut up about hsr and speak now tv. sorry if this was short, the writer's block is still kinda there. lmk if u want any other character!

jing yuan would be a bit more dignified about losing you. after all, after everything he has witnessed in his long, long life, he knew that it would only be inevitable that he would lose you, too. but for the amount of loss that he has experienced, it did not make it any easier for him to cope. your presence always made everything just a tad bit bearable and he missed that sorely. on the outside, jing yuan would make sure that he would seem fine, greeting everyone warmly and nodding to their consolations, but the moment the public's eyes are off him, he'd be devoid of any emotion. you had always likened jing yuan to the sun, he'd remember, before you went on a tangent about his eyes again, but the true sun in his life was you. and you were gone.

dan heng would immediately blame himself. no matter the circumstance, he'd chalk it up to the karma of being with someone like him. it was apparent how much happier you made him when you were together — the astral express would always comment how he seemed to glow around you despite the neutral expression he always wore — that everything just turned dead when you were gone. at least, that's how it was like for him. no more of indulging in the silly romantic antics that you'd drag him in — oh, how he'd give anything for one last adventure with you. dan heng would spend most of his time locked in the archives after this, his mind awake and going over every tender memory you shared with him. his most favorite one was when you sung to him; now, it'd be the only voice haunting him before he fell into the deepest slumber.

blade would not believe it first. you made a promise to him that you would stay with him, no matter how long it takes. you promised that to him, and he does not take the promise of forever lightly. when the undeniable is presented to him, blade would lose control over the overflowing emotion in him. he's in despair, he's seething in anger, he's breaking down in labored cries, even kafka does not want to be around him when he'd be experiencing all these at once. he'd curse his immortality again over and over, wishing that the universe would finally grant him his wish to die, because all he wants now is to be reunited in your arms, your hand gently stroking his hair and your voice whispering to him that you were there and you were fine. he would swear to never love again, not like how he loved you.

gepard would break down at the news. rightfully, it was unbecoming of the captain to react in such a public manner, but he did not care. you had always made sure he was taking care of himself, that he'd just condemn himself for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. he'd work thrice as hard and sink himself deeper into his duties afterwards. as you were no longer there to chastise him for overworking himself to the bone, gepard would be prone to collapsing every time he pushed himself too hard. even when serval would call him out on this self destructive behavior, he wouldn't listen. some nights, he'd swear that he, delirious and sleep deprived, sees you standing right next to him, a frown on your face as he stayed up all night to finish the documents. "don't look at me like that" he'd say, but how he would wish for you to say something to reprimand and snap him out of it.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

CD 001: 月亮代表我的心 —THE MOON REPRESENTS MY HEART

when someone asks childe how much he loves you, he remembers the very day he met you—the day he fell for you. he remembers that he is on the way home from a difficult mission, a large gash on his side from the battle impeding his movements, the blood loss blurring his vision, hastily driving him to the brink of collapse. still he pushes on, until he hears a fuzzy voice speaking to him, hoisting him up on their body as they rushed home to tend to his aching wounds, each touch gentle enough to console him through the harsh sting of the alcohol on his open cuts.

childe admits that he is a man with a heart full of love to give, evident in the way he takes his time picking souvenirs for his siblings back at home, helping the little old lady carry her basket of vegetables back to her doorstep and giving more than extra tips to for the stall owner to continue their business...but this...this is different.

and it feels nice.

when someone asks childe how much he loves you, he remembers how he fumbled attempting to woo you. the anonymous flowers he'd send would always end up in the bin outside, letters from a 'friend of his' would be discarded and never read as he paces back and forth in his bedchamber, struggling to find a way to have you look at them—at him.

as his mind plagues him with thoughts of what to do next, he couldn't bear to look you in the eye when he asks you why you would throw the gifts away. were you unsatisfied? were you looking for something for more expensive?

his heart stutters when he feels his face cradled by your hand, his eyes boring into yours as you frown as you state simply, "because it isn't yours." he could swear his his heart soars at that.

how could he be such a fool not to notice?

when someone asks childe how much he loves you, he remembers that he would always turn to them with a cheeky grin, prepared to ramble compliments holding nothing but fond affection for you. each praise he states matter-of-factly leaves you preening over his adoring words and you fluster, attempting to stop him from spewing more of those fluttering words.

he looks at you like you are the worth the heavens and the stars, the only thing that matters to him—to his heart—he cannot lie to himself because he knows everything he says is true, resolute.

and he finds himself falling for you all over again.

but when you ask him how much he loves you, he finds himself stammering, flustered at the sudden question. his mind blanks and he is drawn to a pause. he couldn't tell you all the things he loves about you—its too much, too much for his heart to bear—and it might be too much for yours too. he shyly turns to meet your gaze and he wavers.

he can feel his fearful heart quiver, too scared to take that next leap, too scared to take that next step in fear of everything falling apart. he snaps out of his trance when he feels your warm hand cover his, gently rubbing soothing circles into his skin to calm him down. that's when he decides to muster up his courage, leaning closer to kiss you softly.

"this much." he says, breathlessly.

when childe asks himself how much he loves you, he cannot lie to himself—not when he can see the stars in your eyes as you swoon over the lopsided ceramic jar he attempted to make for your birthday. not when he can see the little lines forming on your forehead when you furrow your brows in concentration, ultimately giving up and asking him for help. not when he can see the tears of joy in your eyes as you sob out a 'yes' when he kneels down on one knee, asking for your hand in marriage.

each gentle touch pierces his heart unabashedly, reminding him of how much you love him—of how much your love will never change, will never waver.

though the moon can wax and wane, it will still need its sun to shine, to exist in the vast emptiness of the night sky.

so when childe asks himself how much he loves you, he turns to the moon and smiles. truly, the moon represents his heart.

[kuzusushi]

CD 001: 月亮代表我的心 —THE MOON REPRESENTS MY HEART

when someone asks childe how much he loves you, he remembers the very day he met you—the day he fell for you. he remembers that he is on the way home from a difficult mission, a large gash on his side from the battle impeding his movements, the blood loss blurring his vision, hastily driving him to the brink of collapse. still he pushes on, until he hears a fuzzy voice speaking to him, hoisting him up on their body as they rushed home to tend to his aching wounds, each touch gentle enough to console him through the harsh sting of the alcohol on his open cuts.

childe admits that he is a man with a heart full of love to give, evident in the way he takes his time picking souvenirs for his siblings back at home, helping the little old lady carry her basket of vegetables back to her doorstep and giving more than extra tips to for the stall owner to continue their business...but this...this is different.

and it feels nice.

when someone asks childe how much he loves you, he remembers how he fumbled attempting to woo you. the anonymous flowers he'd send would always end up in the bin outside, letters from a 'friend of his' would be discarded and never read as he paces back and forth in his bedchamber, struggling to find a way to have you look at them—at him.

as his mind plagues him with thoughts of what to do next, he couldn't bear to look you in the eye when he asks you why you would throw the gifts away. were you unsatisfied? were you looking for something for more expensive?

his heart stutters when he feels his face cradled by your hand, his eyes boring into yours as you frown as you state simply, "because it isn't yours." he could swear his his heart soars at that.

how could he be such a fool not to notice?

when someone asks childe how much he loves you, he remembers that he would always turn to them with a cheeky grin, prepared to ramble compliments holding nothing but fond affection for you. each praise he states matter-of-factly leaves you preening over his adoring words and you fluster, attempting to stop him from spewing more of those fluttering words.

he looks at you like you are the worth the heavens and the stars, the only thing that matters to him—to his heart—he cannot lie to himself because he knows everything he says is true, resolute.

and he finds himself falling for you all over again.

but when you ask him how much he loves you, he finds himself stammering, flustered at the sudden question. his mind blanks and he is drawn to a pause. he couldn't tell you all the things he loves about you—its too much, too much for his heart to bear—and it might be too much for yours too. he shyly turns to meet your gaze and he wavers.

he can feel his fearful heart quiver, too scared to take that next leap, too scared to take that next step in fear of everything falling apart. he snaps out of his trance when he feels your warm hand cover his, gently rubbing soothing circles into his skin to calm him down. that's when he decides to muster up his courage, leaning closer to kiss you softly.

"this much." he says, breathlessly.

when childe asks himself how much he loves you, he cannot lie to himself—not when he can see the stars in your eyes as you swoon over the lopsided ceramic jar he attempted to make for your birthday. not when he can see the little lines forming on your forehead when you furrow your brows in concentration, ultimately giving up and asking him for help. not when he can see the tears of joy in your eyes as you sob out a 'yes' when he kneels down on one knee, asking for your hand in marriage.

each gentle touch pierces his heart unabashedly, reminding him of how much you love him—of how much your love will never change, will never waver.

though the moon can wax and wane, it will still need its sun to shine, to exist in the vast emptiness of the night sky.

so when childe asks himself how much he loves you, he turns to the moon and smiles. truly, the moon represents his heart.

[kuzusushi]

author’s note: thank you so much for 30 followers! seeing people enjoy my work brings me so  much happiness. to celebrate, i will be writing fics based on old chinese romance songs i grew up with. updates may not be immediate, but i can assure you i will complete it. another side note, i cannot assure all the fics will be completely fluff as some songs i grew up with are bittersweet, so do look out for those:) other than that, thank you guys and i hope you continue to support me and my works in the future!

OLD CHINESE ROMANCE SONGS I LOVE

CD 001: 月亮代表我的心 by teresa teng—(the moon represents my heart)

CD 002: 童話 by michael wong —-(fairytale)

CD 003: 你知道我在等你吗? by zhang hong liang—(do you know i have been waiting for you?)

CD 004: 愛上一個不回家的人 by sandy lam—-(loving someone who does not come home)

CD 005: 明明白白我的心 by jackie chan and faye wong—-(understand my heart*)

BONUS TRACK: 老鼠爱大米 by twins—-(the mouse loves rice)

*明明白白 makes use of repetition, iirc its to emphasize how someone knows another very well

[kuzusushi]

hello…. sorry for the matchup delays i’m going to speed through a lot of them after tomorrow 🫶 i’ve got a lot of the matches finished, i just need to do personalised writeups per request! for now, please have this textpost i made <\3

ask box is always open for random asks or if you need moron support <3 please talk to me about hsr LOL

[kuzusushi]

𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈?

pairing. dan heng x reader synopsis. you (try to) do dan heng’s eyeliner. it fails miserably but also succeeds wonderfully. author’s note. guess who decided to write instead of studying for their last final. also this was prompted because i remembered that i probably have to rely on my very poor eyeliner skills again when i cosplay stelle. sigh.

"are you sure i don't look like a clown yet?"

you rolled your eyes, trying to get your hand that was holding his eyeliner steady. your brows must have been furrowed as you tried so hard to concentrate that prompted that quip from dan heng, who was laying below you as you attempted to recreate his signature look.

which … you were failing in, by the way! you were no good with makeup, that you wondered how long your boyfriend had practiced to perfect his eyes every single time. “nope, nope. i got this, just relax.”

“sure, love. i’ll relax just as you gauge my eyes out with that eye pencil.” you scoffed, before holding his shoulder down in an attempt to steady yourself. you didn’t even know why dan heng asked you to do his eyeliner for him — given the fact that he could do it flawlessly, there was no reason to ask you, his partner who could barely draw a straight line with a ruler, to do it.

still, you were determined to finish it. you wanted dan heng to see that you could meet his expectations and put his eye makeup on him! but now, look where ambition and pure ego got you. “hey, that’s not supposed to go on the ey—”

“oh hush now, i’m the artist right now, m’kay?”

you couldn’t tell if dan heng let out a low chuckle or a groan, but nevertheless, you were now in the zone. you leaned in closer, with your line of vision now laser focused on his eyes. you hadn’t realized just how enchanting they were, but now that you were getting a dangerously up-close view of them, you were reminded of just why you fell in love with him in the first place.

well … ignoring the fact that there was a stray line of red eyeliner on his brow, but still. you could feel your cheeks starting to get flushed, when a sudden beeping noise came from your phone. you jumped and reached over for it, but dan heng seemed to have the same idea and went to sit up for easier accessibility …

your lips met as you collided against each other on accident, to which you yelped in surprise and backed away almost immediately. did you just …. oh, you could feel your entire body get heated all over and you opened your mouth to say something in return but it was cut off when you found yourself kissing him again. kisses with him never got old; it always sent you over the moon, like it was the very first night you shared your first kiss. you felt so floaty and light inside, as you found yourself melting in place.

moments after the both of you pulled away, you straightened your shirt and cleared your throat. the both of you were suddenly awfully quiet, as dan heng hadn’t spoken since that exchange you had. you had figured he had this all planned, but dan heng looked even bashful right now that a chuckle escaped you. he simply groaned, his cheeks now getting flushed. oh, you loved this man very much.

“you know if you wanted to kiss me so bad, you didn’t need to invite me over to do your eyeliner.”

“oh, shut up now.”

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[kuzusushi]

hiii may i request a matchup for genshin, haikyuu and tears of themis—preferably the male characters please! i usually go by kei hehe, hope we get to interact more often (read ur works, its so good!! keep it up<3)

for starters, my mbti is intj-t and my enneagram is 5w6 if it helps!

i'd say that i am a person of routine. i like to follow through a schedule or routine because i do think that really helps me structure my day. it does get to the point that i neglect my own health because i prioritize getting a task done for the day. i also hate changing plans last minute, so i feel guilty when i do that sometimes.

in terms of personality, i'd say i'm pretty introverted, so i really need someone else to approach me first. when i open up to someone, i try my best to help and support them as much as i can, even if they don't know. i'm not really one to show my affections blatantly like saying it out loud so i guess you can say my love languages are acts of service and quality time!!

in my spare time, i like to draw, write, read and play games. one thing i want to get into but unfortunately, have not succeeded in yet is cooking. god knows what happens when you give me a pan (i'd probably give myself food poisoning).

in a romantic partner, i like someone who brings me out of my zone all the while respecting my boundaries. i have a small social battery so i would like a partner who isn't so clingy. the major icks i have in a partner is someone who is overly selfless (i don't think i can live everyday constantly worrying about my partner) and someone who is overly emotional because sometimes it gets too overwhelming for me.

for date ideas, i'd like something that is either intellectually stimulating, like a date night where we solve mysteries on crime channels or something very laid back, like a picnic or something.

thank you and i hope u have a great day<3

hello kei! thank you aaaa 🥹 i'm so glad you like them (ur childe angst fic on my brain 24/7) hope you like ur matchups!

GENSHIN IMPACT ---- HEIZOU SHIKANOIN

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ heizou isn't the easiest person to impress — so kudos to you that you're able to attract his attention. as someone who has seen his fair share of intriguing dynamics that tend to get people, like clients of the tenryou commission, in sticky situation, he rarely gets invested in relationships and whatnot. you, however, were definitely testing this resolve of his. he definitely approaches you first, and though your first meeting was admittedly awkward, you both grew to mutually respect each other very much! sometimes, heizou would go to you with a case and ask for your input — even if he already got it all figured out, he honestly just wants an excuse to talk to you. as a partner, heizou remembers every single detail you tell him about yourself like its just abcs to him that he immediately knows what to get you. he's much more extroverted compared to you, so he definitely would inch you towards stepping out of your comfort zone. expect a lot of unorthodox date ideas from him, tbh. but heizou is also a very perceptive guy and knows when enough is enough for your comfort. when you mentioned how much you liked solving mysteries, he sometimes would bring you along on simple cases (as long as it was safe ones, he wouldn't want to put you through unnecessary danger). when he sees you staying past midnight to finish yet another task, he would offer to help you or just stay up to keep you company. for one of those times he goes the extra mile for you, heizou would organize a whole murder mystery party and invite some of your mutual friends for a fun time. he also constantly affirms how intelligent he finds you to be! thank goodness both of you haven't gotten the time to cook for each other but heizou usually brings you snacks like dango and milk tea.

HAIKYUU!! ---- TSUKISHIMA KEI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ tsukishima found you to be too quiet during your first meeting. he barely knew anything about you because you weren't exactly the type who'd volunteer personal information, but it was a pretty good change of pace compared to when he's around his karasuno teammates. tsukishima is notably quite antagonistic to almost everyone, but with you, it ends up becoming a banter of sorts, with both of you not really holding any ill towards the other. he admires your tenacity and your commitment to stick to a routine, which is one of the many things that contributed to his gradual affection towards you. yamaguchi though is probably the one who makes him realize this, lol. tsukki probably would be too dense to realize the crush. as a partner, tsukishima isn't very showy with his affection. he prefers not to display his relationship with you in public, as he prefers to keep things with you as more solemn and private. though tsukishima gradually opens to holding your hand in public — at first, he says that it's because he wants to make sure you don't get lost, but his teammates clearly see right through this excuse. he's the definition of grumpy that softens around the person he likes, as he lets you see his vulnerable and softer side. though you may end up bantering still, it's still more of in a teasing way rather than an antagonistic kind. tsukishima has some strong opinions and so do you, so the both of you respect each other's wishes very well and find a common ground or compromise around date ideas. he's not the surprise type of person, but date ideas from him are often meticulously planned, as he understands that you like you a semblance of a routine.

TEARS OF THEMIS ---- VYN RICHTER

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ vyn was ... well, he was a little complicated. for one, he places a lot of people at arm's length, so whenever he interacted with you, it's fairly obvious that there is an emotional barrier that prevented a true connection. vyn could easily read you like an open book, but it wasn't the same case for you until you actually persisted to knowing even more about him. the both of you engage in a lot of deep conversations which honestly contributed to vyn's growing affections for you, though he would deny this. funny that the psychiatrist man cannot comprehend when did his feelings become romantic, but it's probably due to his deep seated insecurity of you not liking or understanding him back. as a partner, vyn does not easily open up — but he definitely goes the extra mile to make sure your comfort is prioritized. though it takes a while for him to actually be vulnerable with you, he's a romantic when it came to making sure you feel loved. as someone who grew up seeking for affection but never receiving it, he doesn't want to put you through such. words of affirmation? he's got you covered there. maybe it was his training as a psychologist, but he knows the right things to say when you're feeling stressed and gives exceptional advice when you're struggling. he doesn't like seeing you frustrated or neglectful of your own health, so he definitely helps you in tasks when it's getting rather late. oh! and every birthday, he would bake you a cake and your favorite treats for the day. though he's attempted to teach you how to bake, it somehow fails every time so he just resolves to bake it for you himself.

[kuzusushi]

author’s note: thank you so much for 30 followers! seeing people enjoy my work brings me so  much happiness. to celebrate, i will be writing fics based on old chinese romance songs i grew up with. updates may not be immediate, but i can assure you i will complete it. another side note, i cannot assure all the fics will be completely fluff as some songs i grew up with are bittersweet, so do look out for those:) other than that, thank you guys and i hope you continue to support me and my works in the future!

OLD CHINESE ROMANCE SONGS I LOVE

CD 001: 月亮代表我的心 by teresa teng—(the moon represents my heart)

CD 002: 童話 by michael wong —-(fairytale)

CD 003: 你知道我在等你吗? by zhang hong liang—(do you know i have been waiting for you?)

CD 004: 愛上一個不回家的人 by sandy lam—-(loving someone who does not come home)

CD 005: 明明白白我的心 by jackie chan and faye wong—-(understand my heart*)

BONUS TRACK: 老鼠爱大米 by twins—-(the mouse loves rice)

*明明白白 makes use of repetition, iirc its to emphasize how someone knows another very well