kvexix

[kvexix]

wtfionas:

“So, someone left ice to melt on the floor… and now my sock is wet. –So, who wants to die?”

“Oh, Frick! Baby, I’m sorry!” “That was... probably me.”

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fckndallas:

“Galapagos turtles sleep for 16 hours a day. I could do with being a Galapagos turtle right now.”

“Do Galapagos turtles... leave their.... family for years at a time? And only come back after they’re family thinks they’re dead-- which is really mean and stuff?” “Huh?” “Because if so then you’re... definitely like a Galapagos turtle. A very mean one, to point out.”

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marleywr:

‘ it turns out if you spend your whole day off reading, your brain literally feels like mush after 5 straight hours. –ANYWAYS! how’s everyone elses’ week going? ’

"Oh my gosh, I haven’t read a good book in a while.” “Actually, I’ve never read a book, more like graphic novels and magazines.” “But still- haven’t read in a while.”

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“So today was one of the..... harder days of working at a retirement home.”

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khevans:

Does anyone want to come and potty train my toddler? He is starting to learn how to go to the bathroom like the cats. So, I need a little help here, because I have no idea what I’m doing.

Uhm, honestly I dunno if I’d be much help on that bub, sorry. Ask dad? Or did you like.. google it?

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fckndallas:

“Kar…a… I’m not… What? Am… am I missing something?”

“...We thought you were dead.” “You-you’ve been gone for almost--” “..Where have you been?” “Where the hell have you been?”

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qxpuckerman:

The sun is bad for your skin, anyways, sweetheart. Wear sunscreen. The sun will just make you look older faster or give you skin cancer. 

Oh. It will? I-I didn’t know that. 

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fiweston:

“When you start peeling can I peel the dead skin off your back?”

“Baby.....Ew?”

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clarissahummel:

“Question: did you try tanning outside or go to a bed? Because I recommend going to a bed because it’s a lot less dangerous than trying to use the sun without proper sunscreen. Also, don’t lay in a bed for more than ten minutes given that you’re super pale and you’ll just have to wait gradually until you become sun-kissed. And please, please, for the love of God, don’t get a spray tan — I had to get them all the time when I was a Cheerio and they were the worst.”

“I tried tanning outside. And I wasn’t even really actually trying, I was just outside at our pool, and I didn’t put sunscreen on and I was just kinda hoping I... wouldn’t burn.” “Really, tanning beds? But aren’t those like... bad?”

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thatotherpuckerbro:

“I think you need to just refrain from trying to tan.”

“I  knooowww.” “I just-- my girlfriend tans so well and i’m like so jealous and I just wanted to see if I could.”

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qxpuckerman:

If I see another child with a Lego up their nose, I’m going to go crazy.

I sincerely hope your week is going better than mine. 

Where are you where kids are sticking lego’s up their nose?

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khevans:

… I – I just lost my voice from sucking too much dick. I wish this was a joke.

Why--why are you telling us this? Ew.

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fiweston:

If I get called short one more time I’m stabbing someone in the shin … and that someone will most likely be Levi … or Luca.

Awe... my little shorty.

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fckndallas:

“I can’t believe I forgot how much I fucking hate Lima.”

“...Dallas.” “...You’re not..-”

[kvexix]

“So I tried tanning and I..- I don’t.” “I just... I just freaking burn.” “Ow.”

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fiweston:

lopezlevi: 

shut up, Fiona!

No! I want to know where you thought the shin was.

Be nice, Fiona.

[kvexix]